You Saved Me : An Emison Fanfic
by LinaDanielle
Summary: I don't really have a summary for this...except this line:"If I could do it all again..." [There is so much room for Emison to be filled with angst and pain and drama, and this encompasses that and the tragedy they face.]
1. If I Could Do It All Again

_**AN: so I know I've been gone for a long time, but I've had all these emotions and so much stress floating around I had to express it. Other than the crying and working out and music and writing, part of that was writing this. And yeah, I know I'm starting these stories and am taking forever to update regularly like I promised a long time ago. But I'm human, and sometimes we make promises we can't keep, so for that I'm sorry. College is tough. Period. Cut me some slack for one more month? I love you all.**_

_**Anyways, I have no clue if this will be a continuation, or a one time thing that I'll end up deleting. It'll depend on you guys.**_

_**I still have ISIKYW and #OITNE to update and I will, it's just those take me more time. Oh, and since you all love my smut, I'll finish the massage prompt. You just love that stuff don't you? Ah, I don't blame It was never planned to add another chapter to the dance lesson story, it was meant to end that way, sorry for the disappointment to some of you waiting for that.**_

_**So without blabbing any further, here goes nothing.**_

You Saved Me:

_(If I Could Do It All Again)_

Two shots fired. Two bodies slumped on the ground. One blood curdling scream and no way to undo what was done. Alison stood motionless.

Her legs like lead. Her heart like a stone. Her breathing getting harder.

One voice, _her voice, _strained through the deafening silence that followed, "go. Go."

Ali had no time to reach over and touch her, she had no time to hold her in her lap and cradle her head, she only had time to hide her body someplace safe and to do as she was told and go.

x x x

Ali ran through the bushes and thickets of trees for what seemed like eternity for as fast as she could. Each step she took seemed like it took longer, like she was getting slower, but she needed to get to the road…and fast. She ignored the pain shooting through her arm and the cramp she was developing from half jumping and running over the low shrubs. Her ankles, arms and face were all being whipped by the branches and thorns. Any area of her skin left uncovered was now being covered with red slashes and welts. The cold air began to subside and now turned to ignite like flames across her skin.

She ignored the pain and focused on running. Just running. Her heart beat heavily in her chest, making her lungs burn and her blood thump loudly in her ears.

_Run, Alison, run and get help. She needs you._

Alison looked back and forth, making sure no one was following her and keep running. Her hair matted to the sweat on her face, her dress covered in blood, but only some of it was hers. She fell on her hands and knees, stabbing them with thistles, breaking small branches and twigs along the way. And for a second she wished that she could give up and lay there. Let herself fall into eternal sleep and return to the Earth like these leaves would. Like the dirt. Like every living thing that has ever walked the earth. But that second is over and Alison forces herself to get up. She ignores every muscle fiber in her body that is screaming for her to stop and she keeps going. The sun in going down and she's running out of time.

This isn't about her anymore, this is about who she has to save. Who she wants to save. Who she IS going to save.

x x x

The sun is starting to set and Ali is exhausted, battered, and a few more steps from collapsing. But the voice is Ali's head again. It's _her _voice. "Go, go."

Alison grunts and by the sheer force of her memories, her body urges forward. Save her Alison. You can't let her down again.

Ali hears the faint sound of tries on pavement and by miracle, a new surge of energy washes over her until she makes the final steps forward and lurches onto Highway 5. She stumbles as her feet find solid ground and in a matter of seconds a truck comes to a screeching halt a mere inches from her weakened body.

A burly man and short robust woman emerge from either side of the truck and approach Ali, who was her back to the couple, her hands on her knees, gasping for any air that will come to her.

"What in the name of God, were you doing out here in the middle of the goddamn-"

"Robert! Shut up! Oh my god, look."

The shorter no-named woman walked slowly beside her husband and pointed to Alison's legs, covered in dirt and mud and blood. No shoes, no trace of looking like she meant to run out to the middle of that road.

"Jesus, what the hell? Listen, are you all right?" The man had a country twang in his voice and Ali momentarily forget where she was, the exhaustion and stress overwhelmed her and she barely had enough energy to turn around before her body starting to slump towards the ground.

Surprisingly, the man made it to Alison's side before she fell to the ground. "Woah there, I gotcha. Angie, call 9-1-1 right now."

Ali groaned and her head slumped into the man's belly who had sat on the floor in the midst of catching Alison and cradling her head. The woman, Angie, has on the phone and Ali was struggling to listen, and to get a word out.

"What is that darlin'? Don't you worry, help is on the way."

'Yes, hello, I'm just north of the Oregon-Washington state border and my husband and I found a girl here in the middle of the road. Yes, she's conscious, but I don't know for how long. She looks pretty bad. No, she hasn't said anything we can understand yet. Okay, please hurry.'

Ali was only partially relieved once she heard help was coming. But she couldn't let the ambulance take her, not without getting to _her _first. Alison fought the blackness clouding her vision, and tried her best to feign off the warm consuming her body and calming her hear. Ali used what was left of her energy to raise her hand and point in the direction she had come.

"Ang, what do you think she's trying to say?"

"Sweetheart, what is it? The ambulance is coming okay?"

Ali groaned and opened her mouth to speak.

The woman's face was in front of hers then, trying to listen harder, "what is it? Can you tell me your name?"

"Al-i-son." Each syllable was spoken between painful breaths.

"Alison? Alright Alison, where did you come from? Is something out there?"

Ali dropped her hand and nodded.

"Someone trying to hurt you?"

Ali was losing her grip on reality, but she knew enough to only say someone who needed help was out there. So she shook her head.

Ali raised her arm to reach for the locket around her neck and pulled at it from under her blouse. The woman carefully leaned forward and opened it.

"Oh my. Is this, is she back there?"

Ali nodded.

"Oh my god, Robert, I think these are the girls from the news. Look."

"No, all the way out here? Well where's the other one?"

"I think that what she's trying to tell us. She was pointing that way." The lady stood and walked near the edge of the road and called out, "hello! Hello, if you can hear me, we won't hurt you, help is on the way!"

"Dammit Angela, you think if they both escaped, only one would make it to the road. That poor girl is probably hurt out there. This one has probably been running for hours tryin to find help. Her, gimme ma jacket. Them damn police won't know the woods like I do."

"No, what are you gonna do, the killer could be out there. Stay here and let the authorities handle it, they're on their way."

"Would you look around? The sun is setting and the nearest town isn't for miles away. This poor girl came from god knows where and the her friend could be out there unconscious or worse, and I'm gonna find her before nightfall. If I ain't back by the time them damn ambulance come, send a search party."

The woman knew there was no arguing and handled her husband the shotgun that was in the toolbox on the truck.

"Be careful."

"I will be. You know if it was Dani, I would do the same."

Angie merely nodded and watched as her husband disappeared into the trees.

Alison was still fighting to stay awake, staying breathing. The world became quiet and her cold body shook until her body became numb from it. Then the pain in her arm radiated through her until that's all she had become, pain.

She slipped in and out of consciousness. Angie trying desperately to keep Ali talking or nodding, but when the words did manage to come out, audible and recognizable, the woman could make out a mixture of three words: "Emily. Save. Her."

Then the world blacked out and Alison's mind slipped away from it.

x x x

The loud whipping of wind overhead jostled Alison from her slumber. She sat up too fast and no memory of what just happened or where she was.

"It's okay. They're here. The ambulance is here. You're going to be okay."

Then, a heavy spotlight was shone right on Alison. It was so bright it was blinding. As the pain returned to her body, so did the memories of the last 24 hours.

"Emily." Alison croaked, her throat was dry, each syllable like scraping sandpaper together.

Angie pointed off into the distance were the big burly man, what was his name, was helping the EMT's lower someone onto a stretcher. More EMT's from more ambulances hoped out the back of swung open doors and rushed to Alison. The world was a blare of sirens, or blinding lights, flashing red, blue and white. The world around her was filled with new reporters trying to pass the police's outstretched arms used as a barrier, it was the loud helicopter overheard, the pulls against her body to lay in the stretcher. The world around her was in total chaos.

She fought of the attempts of EMTs and police and used every fiber of her being to cross the road to where Emily was: unconscious and bleeding and peaceful. The world _around_ Alison was a chaotic fucking mess, but her everything, _her_ world, lie peaceful.

She choked back tears and for a moment everything fell silent. The people trying to rush them to the hospital stopped and backed away for a moment.

Alison climbed in the back of the ambulance and reached the side of the gurney and with a shaky hand brushed the hair from Emily's face. Her chest sobbed she sucked in a tight breath at the side of the red gash on the side of her face. She looked down at Emily's hand. What was once clasped tightly now fell slack above her gunshot wound. Ali leaned down and placed her hand feather-lightly over Emily's. She leaned in towards her face until her lips ghosted over Emily's skin and she moved to her ear.

Tears ran like hot rivers down either side of her face and she struggled to keep her voice even, "Emily. Em, I should be lying here, not you. You-you weren't supposed to save me."

Alison dropped her head lightly against Emily's forehead and let her tears wash over their faces.

It seemed like another eternity passed until Alison felt skin, another hand cover hers and a voice in her ear was heard, _Emily's_ voice, "Ali, if I could do it all again…I would. I lo-"

But the EKG reading on the machine near the front of the ambulance let out one long beep and then flatlined. Ali's eyes stayed glued to the line until the little waves disappeared. There was shouting and the back of the truck was filled with more people. Alison's body was being physically pulled away from Emily's. She reached for Em's other hand but all she did was knock her clenched fist open until a bracelet fell. Ali barely had time to snatch it away before the doors closed and her sight of Em was cut off.

Suddenly her world came crashing into the world around her and before she could comprehend what was happening, arms were thrown around her waist, lifting her from the truck into one of her own. Alison snapped into reality and with all her strength started flailing and kicking and screaming, "NO! NO! EMILY! EMILY! I LOVE YOU! EMILY!"

Voices were talking at her but all she could here was "hospital, they're rushing her to the ER. They're going to everything they can to save her."

Alison was just tears now and she yelled to drive faster until she couldn't hear her voice anymore, she was just breathing the words.

"Give her a dose of ketamine and hook her up to the-"

"a dose of what?"

"Alison, look we need to examine you as best we can before we get to the hospital, your shoulder is bleeding out and we need to pack it before you pass out."

Alison was starting to protest until the drug was administered and she immediately felt the effects.

This _is _what dying must feel like. Her vision was blurring and the outside world was fading. All she could focus on was the memories she had with Emily and memories she still was going to have, because Emily was going to live. She wasn't supposed to save Alison. But she did, and now Ali had to make sure Emily was going to be saved.

Ali lay back with the bracelet adorned with the Eiffel Tower, matching her necklace, clutched in her hand. The same three words flooded her mouth: "Emily. Save. Her."

Then the world slipped away slowly, like sleep. Like falling downwards through honey. Like the soft strokes of brushing one's own hair. All slow and peaceful. Ali succumbed to each feel and closed her eyes, the strength to fight leaving her own body.

"Ali, if I could do it all again…I would." It was the last real thing Ali could remember.

And the last thing she could think was "Em, if I could do it all again, I would, but things would be so different."

_**The End?**_

_**I have no words to say for this except the question eating at me: To continue or not to continue?  
Tell me what you think? Comments, reviews…anything  
and thanks for reading, I look forward to your responses.**_

_**Lina**_


	2. Come Back To Me

**AN: so for those of you who reviewed, you really liked this so far, so I'm happy to report that I will be continuing this story for as long as you would all want to read it. The genre will be switching from action to angst, drama and etc. so it's different from most of my other stories, which I hope you all will love just as much. I have a lot planned for where I want to take this, and I'm so excited to share. My goal is to leave you all wanting more and guessing where all the little pieces I give will fall…if you feel something, let me know…as an amateur writer, that's all I want: feel what I feel, come into the world I write up and imagine in my head.**

**With that being said, I hope you enjoy this! **

Chapter 2: Come Back To Me

Alison's POV

"_Ali, what are you saying?"_

_I fidgeted with my hands, and I never fidget. I'm never nervous. I'm Alison DiLaurentis, people called me the Queen B. Girls would give anything to have the confidence I have..._

_Or so I thought I had. _

_But the truth is, the truth that I've discovered for myself, is that I don't want to be that girl anymore._

_I don't want to lie and pretend, I don't want to hurt or be hurt anymore. I have to tell the truth…_

_But not all of it, just the part that I can bare to tell, the part that I'm 100% sure about._

"_Ali?" It was Emily again. I couldn't even meet her eyes, yet I could feel them. I could always feel them. Even when we were younger, I could always tell when she was looking at me. I thought it was the same way everyone looked me: with envy, jealousy, anything close to those. Yet again, I was wrong, or rather, blind._

_Deep down I knew what her looks meant, deep down I knew how she felt, I knew she was different, special. Yet, being "Queen B," I couldn't accept that, I didn't. And that nearly cost me everything._

"_Ali, you're making me nervous, please answer me."_

_Without looking up, I laughed lightly. "I-I'm sorry Em. And I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at myself." I had to explain that because I remember the way I would laugh at her before, for wanting to kiss me, and I could see the pain I inflicted. Yet, like a true friend, like someone who truly loved me, she could only see the good._

"_Why are you laughing at yourself?" Her voice was so soft, so gentle, I didn't deserve it. But she deserved to hear the truth, the part that of it I was ready to share, the part I wanted her to hear and hopefully believe._

"_I-I-Em, you know I'm, that I'm not good with emotions. Years of acting the way I did, I couldn't distinguish myself from who I always thought I had to be, who my parents, my mom said I was. And I'm laughing…at myself, because I'm, I'm nervous."_

_I looked up then and met her eyes. Warm and inviting, not cold and hard like mine. She scrunched her eyebrows the way she does when she's worried or thinking, or angry. The dimple above them formed and I smiled. Of all the things I have been through, of all the things I have done and witnessed, the one pure thing to happen to me was Emily. And now that Shana was dead, and they all thought -A was gone, I realized that Emily was all the home I would have to come back to. She was all the home I wanted._

"_You? Nervous? Ali what could you possibly be nervous about?" I could hear the disbelief in her voice and I know part of that was from all the hurt. I know it wouldn't be easy to erase years of cruelty, deceit and lies, but I had to try._

_I sighed lightly and felt the smile slip from my lips, but I dare not let it slip from my eyes. I may look in the mirror and see cold there, but I know they're not always like that to Emily. She sees them and I know she sees the beauty in them, and the potential for goodness I possess. She knows I can be a better person, and I just want to prove her right._

_I would never have known that someone could truly love someone so much had I not met her._

_I looked at her, leaning against the side of her window seat, her hair in perfect waves and there was just enough light from the night seeping in that it illuminated the side of her face, outlining her cheekbones, her lips._

_She could tell I was fighting something and scooted even further into the wall, patting the cushion beside her. I knew what she was saying and I swallowed hard, walking over and sitting down, ignoring her gaze for as long as I could._

"_Ali it's late, if you have something to say, you should probably say it now, I don't think my mom wants anyone over tonight, this week has been kind of crazy."_

"_She doesn't want anyone over, or she doesn't want me here?"_

_Em opened her mouth and shut it._

"_No, Em, I'm sorry, that's not why I'm here. I just I don't know how to say this to you."_

"_Say what Ali, you've never had a problem with saying exactly what you felt before."_

_And that wasn't the sweet tone Emily usually had, and I know what she was referring to. It hurt, like hot shards of glass shredding the very fibers in my chest that made up my heart, but I wouldn't retaliate with a snarky comment, that wasn't who I wanted to be. "Okay, I deserved that."_

_She just nodded and stared at her bed._

"_Emily?"_

_She wouldn't budge and when I tilted my head, I could see the glossiness spread in her eyes._

"_Em, if you're going to believe me, if I'm going to say this, I want you to look at me. Look at me so you can see that I'm telling you the truth."_

"_I- I can't look at you Ali."_

_I was ready to plead by now, "just look in my eyes Em, and if you see that I'm lying, I will never bug you, or call you again. I'll leave Rosewood and you'll never have to worry about me."_

_She snapped her head towards me, "YOU THINK THAT'S WHAT I WANT?"_

_I was in shock, I couldn't move. "God! For so long Ali, you have been controlling me and my life. RUINING everything. So for once, you are not going to dictate what happens. Right now, I do."_

_Something about her yelling like this, but still sitting so close to me, caused something in me to ignite, "Okay then, tell me what you want!"_

_Em stood and balled her fists, I knew she would never hurt me, but I never seen her so upset. Her face was red and tear stricken and all I could do was sit there._

_She brought her hands up to her chest and then threw them down at her sides, "THE TRUTH ALISON! HOW ABOUT THE TRUTH FOR A CHANGE?" She sat down next to me, put her hands on her knees and dropped and her head. Her voice was a soft whisper that I strained my ear trying to hear, "No more, I've had enough. No more lies Ali, just-just tell me the truth for once." She sounded just as broken as I felt._

"_That's why I'm here Emily, and I'm not leaving until I tell you what I've wanted to tell you for years. And now that –A is gone, Shana, is gone, I can say the truth without anyone trying to use it against please just look at me so you know it's not a lie. Just look at me."_

_Em sighed. Once. _

_Took a deep breath. Twice. _

_And it took her three seconds to lift her head and look at me. But not where I wanted._

_I shook my head and reached for her chin, cupping it softly in my hand, "my eyes," and I lifted her chin until brown met blue, like the waves meet the shore._

_She held my gaze and I let my hand fall slowly from her face into my lap. I was glad she hadn't flinched at the contact, but I knew this was my one chance to get this right._

"_Em, I don't know how to-"_

"_Start at the beginning."  
And so I did._

_x x x_

"…_and I should have never kept this a secret for so long, but coming back, and seeing how much everything has changed, how much you have changed made me realize that you, all of you were never the ones who needed me, I was the one who needed you. And I still need you now. As a matter of fact, Emily, I WANT you."_

_It felt like I had been talking for hours, and maybe I was, but there was I lot I had to say and it all came flooding out as soon as I opened my mouth. I tried to gauge Em's reaction as best as I could but for the first time I couldn't read her, it was too difficult to decipher the look in her eye while spilling my heart out to her. I was so nervous and so scared but I couldn't stop. It was such a relief to let her know exactly how I felt. But I finished and felt out of breath as I finally looked at her and really looked this time. Looked at all the details in her face I could only try to mimic in my dreams when I was away._

"_Ali, I- I don't know what to say."_

_And that wasn't want I wanted, but it was better than I deserved. It still hurt, but I would live. _

_I nodded and then shook my head, "I don't know what I expected you to say, so you don't have to say anything, I just had to tell you. You deserve to know the truth, and what you do with it is up to you, I just, I couldn't hold it in anymore."_

_I stood up to leave but she stopped me, her hand wrapping firmly around my wrist. I looked at our hands, touching and then down her arm until our eyes met again._

"_Why?"_

"_What?"_

"_You heard me Ali, why?"_

"_Why what Em?"_

"_Why Ali! Why, after all this time did you want to tell me this. We've known each other for years, you've played with me for years, laughed at me for the way I felt about you, so why, why after all this time do you feel the need to tell me the truth? I want to believe you, I do, but tell me why you waited. Why are you telling me now? Because since I'm the "loyal one," I'd be least likely to turn you away right?"_

"_No, Em, it's not about that."_

"_Then what is it."_

_Should I tell her now? That's what I wanted to do right? Right? _

"_Em, I-"_

"_Say it Ali."_

"_What?"_

"_Just say it, if it's the truth, say it."_

_She couldn't have known, could she? How?_

"_Emily, Em, I- I," I stammered, words stumbled over each other, but before I knew it, she stood and faced me, put her hand against my chin and raised it until I met her brown orbs._

"_Right here Ali, my eyes."_

_And I couldn't help but smile at the light mocking, but I could tell she meant it. And the way her eyes softened and her mouth curled into a smile, the feel of her skin on mine, it felt right…and they slipped._

"_I love you."_

_My mouth closed shut and my eyes widened, mirroring Em's. I sighed and nodded, I couldn't be upset, why would I expect her to say it back? I put my head down when Em's hand fell from my face and to her side and I turned to leave._

_I was barely able to take a half step forward, when my wrist was grabbed, tighter this time and my arm was yanked back, pulling my body back until I was spun around and my body collided with Emily's._

"_Uh-"_

"_I love you too."_

"_What? Em after all I've done? I –"_

_Ali just shutup for a second, I love you, and that couldn't be any closer to the truth."_

_I was overwhelmed with emotion, my heart picked up its pace and I was finding it harder and harder to breathe. Never in my life did I ever experience a moment like this, where I was so happy and nervous and relieved and scared and all at once._

"_Are you sure?"_

_Em laughed and I realized how I must've sounded._

"_Yes, Ali, I'm sure, I've always loved you. Who you were then never stopped me, and there's nothing you can do now that will stop me."_

"_But Em, I- I- what about the girls, and your parents, I know they don't really like me and I don't think the girls will be happy with you and I, well whatever this is and we don't have to label it of you don't want, but if you do then I guess-"_

_But I was cut off. Emily grabbed my face, and we locked eyes, both leaning in closer and closer until her breath tickled my nose and I was sure she could hear the pounding in my chest._

"_Shut up and kiss me."_

"_Deal."_

_And the moment our lips collided…_

No One's POV

"Get the doctor in here now, her heat rate is spiking, she might be going through shock. Also tell him she's going to need new meds for her arm when she comes to."

Alison could hear faint beeping, gradually getting louder until it was waking her up. She tried to open her eyes, but her whole face felt like it was on fire. Ali tried to move her body, only to find it incredibly sore. She lie still, remembering to breathe…but that was it, that was all she could remember. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale.

Then a voice to her right could be heard, "what happened?"

"Nothing severe doc, just a dramatic rise in heart rate and I believe she's waking up now."

"Okay, give me the prints from all her scans, I left them downstairs, also bring the antibiotics for the arm and pain meds for everything else."

Ali tried to open her mouth, or sit up, but all that came from her mouth was a low groan. Then as she started to regain feeling in her body, she realized she was hooked to up to tiny tubes and needles…she wiggled her toes and recognized that she also had a cast on her right leg, with several stitches running along the other. She raised her arm to help her sit up, only to find a shot of pain radiate from her right shoulder. She had no recollection of where she was, or what happened, as a matter of fact; she hardly remembered anything other than, her dream…or was it a memory. Who was with her in that dream?

"Dr. Pearson, she's waking up."

"Oh good, okay have the nurses on standby, I can take it from here."

Ali knew she should have been panicking, but she realized that would do no good. She was obviously hurt and in a hospital.

"Hello there, can you open your eyes?" The voice, Dr. Pearson's voice could be heard and Ali forced her eyelids to open.

"Good, that's good. Listen, I don't want you to move too fast alright? Do you want to sit up?"

Ali merely nodded, and with the help of the Dr. she was able to get up. Her Dr. was a man, maybe mid to late 30s, tall and handsome, but Ali knew she had never seen him before.

"My name is Dr. Pearson, and you were involved in an accident. Before I go on, I need to ask you a few questions okay?"

Alison nodded and stared at the man's face.

He looked up then at the door and nodded. When he did so, it was a sign to let more strangers into the room. Only this time Ali recognized by what they were wearing, that they weren't doctors.

"These are officers from the police department and their superior from the FBI. They're here to get the story of what happened to you and…well let's just start."

But why had the he not finished his thought, Ali wondered, what else was he going to say.

Ali looked at the two officers and the FBI agent with no name yet. Three more strange men surrounding her this small of a room, she had no memory and what scared her the most was the fact that she wasn't freaking out.

"Okay, can you tell me your full name?"

Ali looked away from the officers, who stood furthest away from her and into the eyes of her doctor. They were brown and warm, and reminded her of something, or was it someone.

"Did you hear me, do you know your full name?"

Ali nodded, "Alison Lauren DiLaurentis." It came so easy, she didn't have to think, maybe she would remember if she just started talking out loud.

"Good, good, now Alison, tell me, were you born?"

Ali swallowed and it hit her, "June 23, 1995."

"Yes, that's great Alison, who are your parents?"

Ali bit her lip, her parents? "Ken and Jessica."

"Alright so you seem to know the basics, can you tell me where you were born?"

"Rosewood. Pennsylvania."

"Okay Alison, now here's the harder question, can you tell me the last thing you remember?"

Ali opened her mouth to speak, but shut it. She closed her eyes and thought. She could remember growing up and going to school, she remembered high school, but some parts of her life were missing, someone was missing, it was blurry, the edges of her memories were fuzzy, she was forgetting something, but she knew it wasn't just a thing, it was a person…people in her life were blurry away and before she could open her eyes, she felt her cheeks getting wet, she was crying.

"Alison, no Alison, it's okay sweetie, you have been through a tremendously stressful situation and upon us finding you, you had hit your head pretty hard. If you can't remember right now, that's okay, you have a minor concussion, and it may have caused some memory loss."

"Memory loss? Minor concussion? What happened?"

But Dr. Pearson couldn't respond, instead, the FBI agent stepped forward into the light and stood at the foot of her bed, "that's why we're here Alison, we need to hear from you what happened 2 days ago."

"Two days?"

"Yes," Pearson answered, "you have been asleep for two days."

Ali shook her head; she couldn't have been sleeping for two days. Where were her parents? Where in the world was this hospital, and what had happened to her that she need FBI to question her?

Ali shook her head and turned to the side, to look out the window, but the light coming in caught on something near the table beside her bed. She winced from the bright glare and refocused her attention.

There, sitting on the table in a clear plastic bag, were two gold pieces of jewelry.

Ali looked quizzically at them and to her doctor with the familiar brown eyes, "may I?"

Dr. Pearson nodded, "you had them with you when you were brought in, and you practically fought the technicians who were running the CT scans and x-rays on you when you had to take them off."

Ali shook her head, not remembering that particular memory but nevertheless, she reached across the table with her good arm and picked up the bag. She opened it and very carefully she pulled out the long necklace. She sat the rest in her lap and looked at the piece of jewelry, something about holding it felt right, she knew that this was something that belonged. She turned it over in her hands until she stopped at the charm hanging from it. She immediately recognized it as the Eiffel Tower and-

"_You and me in sweet Paris? How does that sound?" _

"_How long are we going away for?"_

"_How about forever?" _

Ali opened her eyes and gasped as if she had been drowning and just broke the surface of the water to breathe, "EMILY!"

The doctor stood up and scooted back, pointing to one of the police officers, "go outside and tell the lady at the desk that I need Karen to bring in some sedatives just in case."

"I REMEMBER, I REMEMBER!"

"Alison, okay calm down, what do you remember?"

"EVERYTHING! –A isn't dead, and we ran but they found us."

"Who, Alison?" The FBI agent asked.

"I- I, can't, I need Emily. WHERE IS SHE? WHERE IS SHE?" Alison's voice rose and she made quick movements to get out of the bed, but her leg hurt and her shoulder was screaming. She felt like her muscles were on fire.

"Alison, you need to calm down okay?"

Ali stopped once she managed to push away the doc and stand up, despite how badly her body needed to stay down.

Ali smiled wide at the realization that Emily was the one in her dream…well memory. And she thought as far back as she could and nothing was fuzzy anymore. Em was there and the colors in her mind were more exuberant than ever. Ali thought about everything…but that was the problem: all the memories came flooding back at once…including what had happened two days ago.

She remembers Em being hurt, of her jumping in front of bullets to save her, and of Emily tackling –A, she remembers Emily forcing her to leave and get help, of running and running, the pain in her shoulder was worse, but she couldn't, wouldn't stop her legs, she remembers being found by that nice couple.

But worst of all, worse than the blaring sirens, blinding lights, news reporters and the helicopter, she remembers, holding on to Emily's hand, and feeling the warmth leave her body, and the sound of her heart flat lining.

Alison looked up, "No, NO! NO. Tell me. Tell me it's not true. Doctor tell me, Emily is okay, she's alright. She didn't…No it should've been me, it should've been me, it's all my fault."

"Alison calm down, what are you talking about?"

"EMILY! SHE DIED! SHE DIED FOR ME!"

Dr. Pearson shook his head and lightly rested his hand on her shoulders, "Alison," and when Ali looked up, she realized he had the same warm in his brown eyes as Emily, and she couldn't look at them.

Ali shook her head and started to cry convulsively, sobbing, shaking, tears burning her skin, and for once she wish it were true, that her skin was being set on fire where her tears fell…anything to take away from the pain in her heart.

"Alison, Emily Fields isn't dead."

But Ali was so consumed by the hurt and pain, she couldn't hear him.

"The doctor's in the ER were able to resuscitate her but she hasn't regained consciousness, she's been in a coma since she got here. She lost a lot of blood and has a few broken ribs, and as it stands she's barely breathing on her own."

Ali's mind raced in a million different directions as the words he spoke slowly came into place in her mind. She was trying to make sense of everything but she was missing a few pieces.

"She's alive?! Well I have to talk to her, and tell her I'm okay. You have to call her parents and our friends, they'll be worried sick about us and tell them where we are. Tell them, wait, are they here? They have to be here already."

"Alison, Alison! That's not all."

"What?"

"That's not all."

"What do you mean? Just call them, tell them that we're safe and that we're alive and in- in, that we're here."

"I think you should sit down."

"No why? Take me to see Emily and give me a phone to call everyone."

"No one will answer."

"What, why would you say that? Of course they will, that's our family."

"No, Alison, even if you called, you wouldn't be able to get a hold of them."

"We called every one of your contacts once we figured yours and Emily's ID and we told them the condition of your health and what we think happened and where you were. You're back in Oregon by the way, and no sooner than we hung up, your family and friends all said that they were going to catch the next flight and be here as soon as possible."

"See! I told you! Are they here now?"

Dr. Pearson's eyes dropped to the floor and he himself, felt like he should sit down, but he didn't.

"Alison, there- there was an accident."

Ali laughed nervously, this couldn't be happening, none of this was happening, it was all a nightmare that she had to wake up from.

"Yeah, you told me, I was in an accident, I know." Ali's tone didn't match the quiver in her voice, nor the shaking in her hands, or the tightness in her chest.

"No, Alison, there was an accident with the airline your families were on."

"Are they ok?"

Alison, a severe storm swept through West Virginia and reached Pennsylvania during their take off. The pilots couldn't do anything about it."

"No." Alison wasn't accepting it. She couldn't.

"Alison, their plane was barely 500 ft in the air and climbing when it crashed. The pilots thought if they made it high enough, quick enough, they could break through and the calm, but-"

"No, you're lying. YOU'RE LYING!" By now, tears were in steady streams down her face, her voice was unstable and the heavy feeling in her chest was suffocating her. "It's not true. It's not. They're all on their way right now, when I call them, any one of them, they're going to answer and say when they'll be here."

"No, Alison, I'm sorry, but they won't. There were no survivors from that flight. You're family was on that flight Alison, I'm sorry."

Ali swayed back and forth and it felt as though she might faint. Pearson caught the back of her elbows to steady her but as soon as she stopped moving, Ali looked up, into the eyes so similar to Emily's her Emily's and she snapped.

"LIAR!" Ali brought her hands up, ignoring the pain in her shoulder and the pulling of her skin until the stitches ripped and clenched her fists, beating against Pearson's broad chest. He stood there and turned his head, letting the small young girl pound against him, her pounding getter softer and slower, her shouts quieting down until her fists thumped one last time and she brought her forehead to the middle of his chest. Dr. Pearson shooed the officers away and they left, standing just outside the door.

"It's not true, it's not true. They're supposed to be here. With Emily. They're her family, she needs them. She needs them more than she needs me."

Ali was crying, sobbing, each word coming out between shaking and painful breaths.

She cried until her eyes were swollen, crying their names into the doctor's chest, "Hanna…Aria…Spencer…she needs them. Her mom and dad, she's their world. Em can't live without her dad. She can't. I'm the one who should've taken those bullets, I should dead, I should be dead."

Nothing was audible to Alison over the sound of her own crying. Every thump of her heart hurt more and more until the pain was numbing.

"You are all that that girl has left. If, no, when she pulls through, she'd going to need to by her side Alison. You can't give up on her."

Ali shook her head, "she's never needed me, I was the one who needed her. She needs her family, she's going to need them more than me."

"That's not true. If she did what you said, and has saved you, then that means she needed you then and she still needs you now."

Ali sat against the bed and the world blurred away from her, tears clouding her vision until she couldn't even produce them anymore, just the sobs and chest pain.

She couldn't hear when the nurse came in, and she didn't notice when she injected pain med into the IV, but soon Ali was overtaken by grief and leaned into the bed, closing her eyes yet again, feeling lonely than ever before.

x x x x

When Alison opened her eyes, it was almost pitch black except for the TV that was on. She slowly sat up, wincing as she felt more stitches in her shoulder and her foot was throbbing in its cast. She remembered waking up and finding out the death of her friends and family, but her eyes were dried out. She could only feel the pain in her chest. Like someone had their hand wrapped around her heart, squeezing it tight, making it harder to breathe. The weight of her heart was heavier than anything she's ever held and it sunk like lead to the pit of her stomach. She wouldn't cry anymore, she couldn't.

She sat up and looked for water, finding some on the table beside her. She drank it and peeled the sticky note off from the side.

_**If you wake up before morning,  
Emily is in the ICU for now, Rm 13.  
She needs you.  
-Dr. P**_

Alison slowly threw her legs over the side of the bed and forced herself to stand, again putting almost all of her weight on her good leg, when she fell, she had managed to get stabbed by –A in the right shoulder, break her right ankle, get stitches in her left foot and of course she had the minor concussion. Still no amount of the those injuries combined or intensified amounted to the pain sitting inside.

Ali managed to hobble to the edge of the bed, bring the IV bag with her, and sit herself in the wheelchair that she assumed Dr. Pearson had left for her.

There was another sticky note on the arm rest:

_**P.S. Down the hall to your right, through the double doors, make a left and her room is on the left.**_

Ali crumpled the note and began pushing the wheels to Emily's room. It was harder than she expected, she mainly used her left arm and her muscles were beginning to burn.

She looked up and could see that she was barely half way down the first hall. She threw her head back and started to cry again, this time her tear ducts recovered enough to let them fall.

"Well, you'll never win any of the races in this hall if you act like that."

Ali brought her head up and looked around. The hallway was dimly lit, but she could make out the outline of another girl, leaning casually against one of the counters.

"Who are you?"

The girl stepped forward, into the light and smiled. Ali was shocked at the girls resemblance to herself, except this girl was thinner, taller and had a slightly bigger nose.

"The name is CeCe Drake, aka Wheelchair Racing Queen."

"CeCe, is that short for something?"

"Nope."

"Okay." And Alison resumed her struggle to Emily.

"What's your name?"

"I'm trying to get somewhere."

"That's an odd name." Said the blonde girl with blue eyes. She stepped in front of Ali and put her hand on her hip.

"Move please."

"Tell me your name, and I'll take you to wherever you're trying to escape from, although the elevator is in the other direction."

Ugh, Ali thought, this girl is pissing me off, but the pain in Ali's shoulder was bugging her more, so she sighed, "Alison. Okay? Now can you push me down the hall?"

"Alison? Hmmm, I like it."

"Great, now your turn."

CeCe just nodded and got behind Alison's chair, "where to?"

"ICU room 13."

Before Ali could give the strange blonde girl directions, CeCe was taking her through the double doors, making the turn and then stopping just in front of Room 13.

"Bye Ali."

"Don't call me that."

"Sorry…Alison, do you need me to take you back?"

"No, I'll be fine, leave me alone."

Ali looked over her shoulder to the other girl and made it clear with her eyes that she was not playing around.

The girl left and when Ali was sure she was gone, she sighed deeply and paced her hand on the door handle.

Ali pushed the door open and wheeled herself inside, stopping just in front of a drawn curtain. She was afraid of what she would see. She was seen the way her face was cut and red and blistering as she passed by the mirror in her room and it had looked bad. But she also knew that of the two, Emily had had it far worse. Ali swallowed hard and as she pushed the curtain to the side, the tears began their descent and their burning trail over her face yet again.

The curtain was drawn back enough so Ali could wheel herself in and her heart dropped even further.

There, laying perfectly still and covered in bandages over her arms and leg and stomach, was her Emily.

Ali covered her mouth with her hand and let out the tears she didn't know she was holding. Her world was just feet away, broken and hurt, quiet and so close to lifelessness. If Ali thought she experienced pain before, she was wrong.

I did this to you, she thought silently to Emily.

She wheeled herself closer until her knees were against the side of the bed and stopped. Sitting still and just staring. Silently crying, silently hurting.

Ali reached out her hand and slowly, cautiously reached for Emily's face. Ali felt as though one wrong move and Em would be gone for good, as if she could disappear forever. Ali let her palm hold Emily's cheek and she dared not squeeze it, for fear that Emily was too far fragile.

Ali bit her quivering lip in an attempt to keep it still and keep from crying louder. She bit down hard until she thought she broke the skin.

"Em," she croaked, "I'm so sorry." Emily's cheek wasn't cold like Ali remembered her hand being, but it just didn't emit the same warmth as before.

Ali put her head down on the bed and sobbed until she couldn't, and lay there still until her breathing became normal.

"Em, you know, I heard that people in coma's can sometimes still hear when people talk to them. I hope that's true. I hope that it is."

Ali waited and realized Em wasn't just sleeping, she wouldn't be woken up of Ali merely kissed her lips, or shook her shoulder lightly. Ali waited as if waiting for Em to answer and the watergates opened and again.

"Em," so broken, so fragile, "I'm sorry, you shouldn't be laying there, I should be. You've risked everything for me and this is what you get, I'm so sorry. But you can't leave me. Not you too. You're all that I have left Emily, do you hear me? You're all I have left. So don't you dare leave me too."

Ali brought her hand down from stroking Emily' hair and brought it to hold her hand, "you're in there Emily, I knew you are, and I want you to know I'm not giving up on you. I won't, but…"

And Ali sat and squeezed Em's hand as hard as she would dare, "But, I wouldn't blame you. I wouldn't."

Emily lay unresponsive and Ali could no longer focus on the finer details as her vision clouded with the memory of what happened to their friends and parents, "Em, it's okay, I wouldn't be mad if you decided to go, to leave me. I would still love you, I still love you know, but if you don't want to fight it anymore, that's okay too. When you wake up-" Ali choked on the words she had to say…if not for Emily, than for herself.

"When you wake up Em, there won't be a family to wake up to, and it's my fault. It's all my fault. You would wake up to me and I'm not enough, I never have been and I'm so sorry for making us both believe that I was. So-s-so, you can go Emily, be with them. You don't have to keep them waiting. I don't deserve to keep you anyways."

Ali dropped her head and sobbed into the bed at what she was saying. "You don't need my permission, but if you wanted it, you have it. You have my permission to leave, the world will never be the same without you, but it didn't love you like I do."

Ali unclenched her other fist and looked down in her hand. She reached for Emily's and wrapped her bracelet around her wrist, "maybe not in Paris, but if you leave, and if you wait for me again, we could still spend forever together." Ali closed the clasp and dropped Em's hand to the bed.

Who am I kidding? Ali thought to herself, I couldn't live without her.

"Em, you know that old saying? It goes like, if you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they're yours; if they don't they never were. Well this is it, right here and right now. I let you go as soon as –A got to you. So now it's up to you Em, go or come back. Go or come back!"

Ali started yelling softly at Emily, who looked so peaceful, unknowing to the inner turmoil that was slowly eating away her Alison.

Ali pounded her fists to her legs, ignoring to the pain it reignited and cried hard. "Em, Em, I'm sorry."

Wake up, wake up, and come back to me please.

Ali opened her eyes, imagining a smile on Em's face, imagining the twinkle in her brown eyes. Ali held Em's hand in both of her and her voice was gentle again.

"When I woke up on that highway, and seen them carry you into the back of that ambulance, I had no idea the condition I was in. I couldn't feel anything but the universe pulling me towards you. I could feel some pain seeping in but that wasn't what hurt the most. You want to know what did though?"

Ali waited again, as if Emily would nod and she continued, "There are times now and again, when I think I can't handle it anymore, no more of the physical pain, but that's not what gets me, you want to know what hurt the most, I'll tell you, what hurt the most, was being so close, yet watching you slip away, and having so much to say. I watched the light fade from your eyes, I felt the way the warmth left your body, I hurt your heart stop Emily. What hurt the most was knowing that, even if temporarily, you died. From protecting me, you died holding my hand, and I couldn't do anything about it.

"But you still have me, and if you want to stay and wake up, I will be here, and I want you to come back to me Em, I'm too selfish to give you up now.

"Come back," Ali pulled lightly against her arm, "come back, come back to me. If this were a movie you'd be awake by now, come back to me Em, because I need you. If you're in there, if you're somewhere, or if you're moving on, I will wait for you, just know I want you back, I want to see your eyes open and feel you holding me again.

Ali wiped her face and used all the strength she had to stand on her good leg. She first leaned down and placed her head over Emily's chest, it was the one thing that would never change, the way Em's heart beat would always be familiar to Ali. Ali lifted her head further and slowly brushed her lips against Emily's in a ghost of a kiss, "Emily, you're all the home I have left, and I'm so sorry that yours was taken away, but I promise that if you stay, I will be your home. And I will never leave you."

Ali eyelids were heavy, her eyes burned, her throat hurt from crying and her body felt exhausted, she was falling asleep in her chair, but she didn't care, she fell asleep anyways with Em's hand in hers and the last thing she managed to get out of her lips was a silent plead of "come back to me Em."

Ali was already asleep or maybe she thought she imagined it, but she would never know for sure if Em really moved her thumb ever so lightly across the back of her hand, or if it was all in her head.

xxxxxxxxx

_**AN: Please, I beg of you, tell me what you thought? Leave your reviews and comments for me and hopefully I will be back soon with the next chapter. Again, this is so different from what I've written before so I'm not sure what else to say.**_

_**Lina**_


	3. You Know What They Say About Hope

You Saved Me – You Know What They Say About Hope

"_Em, it's the only choice I have, you guys have all done so much, and I can't risk letting –A get any closer to you…not if I have a say in it."_

_Emily looked down and fought the tearing welling in her eyes, "And me, Ali? What about my say? You can't just make these decisions and not expect me to be upset! I'm not letting you leave me, you know that."_

_Ali shook her head and dared not to meet the girl in front of her, she dare not look into the brown orbs that had captured her heart over and over, but she did. She looked up and it broke her heart when she saw that Emily, her Emily, her mermaid was trying so hard to fight back the tears in her eyes._

_Emily always wore her heart on her sleeve so it pained Ali when she saw that she was trying so hard to hold her emotions back._

"_Em," Ali had started but then stopped._

_She thought back to just a few weeks ago when she had made things right with Emily, or so she thought. She had just gotten Emily back and now she was making plans of leaving. –A wasn't gone, Shana was dead, but she wasn't –A, the texts started again and this bitch was crazier and more psychopathic than before._

"_I can't lose you. Not again." Emily finally lifted her head and met Alison's eyes._

_Ali's jaw clenched and she tried to ignore that fact that her heart was cramping in her chest and if the beating in her ears wasn't so loud, she could've sworn that she heard it cracking._

_Alison closed what little distance they had between them and picked Emily's chin up in her hand, and in a bare whisper, she breathed, "you won't."_

_Emily couldn't anything about the tears spilling onto her cheeks now, she was overwhelmed with emotion and she couldn't stop. "Then let me come with you. I know you're hiding something Ali, I can see it in your eyes."_

_Ali couldn't deny that, they had a stronger connection than anyone else ever would with someone and they could always tell, just from looking into each others' eyes, what the truth was. It was hard for Ali to let go of her hard exterior, to drop the act and let the façade fade, but she had, and now Em had the key into her mind through her eyes._

"_It's only to protect, the less you know, the better it is."_

_Em was offended now, she knew Ali always won, but this was something she would fight for to win herself, "but that's not how any of this works! You told me you wanted me…you said you wanted this," Em gestured between them, "and you're doing it all wrong, we said no more lies."_

_Alison had no problem letting her emotions surface either, "You think this shit is easy, Emily?! I'm doing it protect you, -A almost took you from me once, and I'm not going to let them ever have that chance again. I'm sorry for doing things wrong, but there's no handbook on how this is 'supposed' to work. No one has written a book on how to deal with a psychotic bitch that blackmails and hunts people down, especially when they're the people I love! I know this is 'wrong,' to not tell you everything, but right now, doing this alone, is the only thing that feels right."_

"_Alone." It wasn't a question in Emily's voice, just a restatement._

"_Em," Ali had started up again but stopped for fear of saying anything that might upset the brunette further._

"_Ali, I just…why can't I come with you? How do you expect me to keep doing what I'm doing here, when I won't know where you are or if you're safe?"_

_Ali swallowed hard, realizing how much worry she would be putting Emily through for however long she would stay away._

"_I'll check in with you periodically Em, I'm not going to fall of the face of the Earth."_

"_Define periodically! Once a week, once a month, what?"_

"_I don't know yet, Em, I don't."_

_Em nodded and dropped her head along with her voice, "and-and what if that's not good enough?"_

_Ali didn't want to think of Emily giving her an ultimatum, but the truth was that Ali was going to do this whether she liked it or not._

"_Then, then- you can move on, Em," Ali's voice was strained and she sounded tired, defeated._

_Emily couldn't believe her ears, after everything, everything they had gone through and made progress towards, "so, that's it! You're just going to quit?"_

"_Emily, I don't know what more I can say."_

"_You don't have to say anything Ali, just listen!"_

"_To what?! To what Em, you think I want to do this? No, I have to. I care about you too much to let anything ever happen again."_

"_You still don't get it."_

"_Than just tell me."_

"_I shouldn't have to Ali! I love you and I don't care if –A wants to kill me, I'm not letting you go alone. You care about me so much but I love you, so what happens if –A kills you? Did you ever think how you'd be protecting me if you're dead…really dead this time? How am I supposed to move on from that if you leave and never come back? We can't come this far only to take this many steps back."_

_That sudden realization hit Ali like a truck hitting a bug on the highway. It crushed everything that was holding her together and she couldn't take it anymore._

_Do it Ali, say it. It's just part of the plan, so say it. Em is waiting, -A is watching, so do it. Ali thought repeatedly in her head and Emily stood there, waiting._

_C'mon Ali, say it, I need to hear it, -A needs to hear it. One final blow._

_Ali swallowed and finally locked eyes with Emily._

"_Then it was a mistake to ever love me."_

_Emily swallowed, she thought she could handle the blunt brutality of the words, but real emotion surfaced and she broke down, in front of Ali. She stood tall still, never letting go of Ali's eyes and braced herself for more._

"_Then it was I mistake that I ever loved you," Ali continued and let her vision be obscured with tears of her own._

"_You don't mean that, Ali, you're just scared."_

_Ali shook her head and bit her lip to suppress a sob, and when she finally released it, "No Em, you were wrong, for trusting me. I used you to protect me, I knew –A was still here and I needed to make sure someone would watch my back, and you did. But now I have to handle things alone, without you. I mistook my love for you because I was scared, and not that I know I can take this bitch alone, I'm not scared…and…"_

_Get ready Em, this is it._

_Just say it, and get it over with Ali._

"…_and…now that means there's no use in pretending…" but Ali couldn't finish, she had to, but she couldn't, not if she didn't mean it._

"_No use in pretending what Ali?" Emily was so broken, Ali could barely breathe. _

_Emily had always been the strongest, this was her idea, Ali thought, I have to honor her wishes._

"_Answer me!" the sudden outburst scared Ali and forced her to blurt out the final blow._

"_Then there's no reason for me to pretend to love you anymore." Ali said all in one breath, she had to believe it herself if the plan would work._

"_So you go from caring so much to just pretending, that's it?"_

_Emily was in full-on tears now and the raw emotion was adding to the empty pit growing in Ali's stomach._

"_Yes, just like that. You should have let me leave when I still gave you the chance, save yourself the heart break."_

"_So if you're not going to find –A to end things, then what? Then what's your plan."_

"_You know I have to get what I want Em, I always win, and right now, my best chances of winning this 'fucked up game' as you once called, is to have a better team."_

"_Better team so you can win." Emily stated, "better than you're actual friends and family."_

"_Yes."_

"_And what team is that? Enlighten me."_

_Ali swallowed one last time and took a deep breath, "The –A Team."_

_The broken expression of hurt and betrayal on Emily's face was the last thing she seen before she fled Rosewood._

x-x-x-x

Ali woke up gasping for air, the memories she was having now invading and haunting her in her dreams. It seemed like her own subconscious wouldn't even let her have any peace. Not only did she feel alone, but she felt her own mind was trying to drown her. Suffocating and drowning her in the past.

Not only that, but the pain coming from every piece of her, physically, mentally, emotionally, hurt her so deep, it was an overall numbing feeling. Ali sighed, opening her eyes and her body to nothing but pain. Like she couldn't pinpoint what hurt more. The pain was just all consuming, swallowing her and any hope that things would get any better.

She had no clue what time it was, but judging at how dark everything still was, she had time to sneak back to her room before any of the doctors or nurses found her. She had fallen asleep in Emily's room, holding her hand and now as she woke, she squeezed Em's hand tighter and watched her face.

Ali focused on the steady rise and fall of Emily's chest and sat back in her chair, thinking to herself, thinking to Emily, _your heart will never change, but please come back to me._

Ali lifted Emily's unresponsive hand to her lips and kissed the top, setting it back down across her stomach, her bracelet still clasped around her wrist.

With more effort than it should have taken, Ali managed to get to the door on her own, the numbness of pain helping her ignore the one shooting through her arm. Before she wheeled herself out completely, she turned and faced Emily, lying there, perfect, much like she would imagine Sleeping Beauty or Snow White, only this time it was her mermaid.

x-x-x-x

"I see you got the note I left?" Dr. Pearson walked in as Ali was struggling to lift herself from the wheelchair and onto the bed.

"Uh, yeah I did, thank you."

"Here let me help," he said as he effortlessly lifted Ali the rest of the way onto the hospital bed.

"Thanks."

"Just doing my job."

"And last night?"

"Just being human."

Ali looked up and had the courage to meet her doctor's eyes. She had no clue when she could see the ones that belonged to the only person she's ever loved, but Ali took comfort nonetheless in appreciating his.

"Well, thank God you are human." Ali laughed nervously.

Dr. Pearson returned the laugh and then sat at the foot of the bed. "Ali, I'm glad I caught you at this time, I know it's early but I had some news and I'm not sure when I should tell you, so I thought immediately would be best."

Ali shifted in her seat and swallowed hard. 'News' he had said, and her mind shot off in a million different directions.

"News? You know in the movies, there's always the good news and the bad news, is that the case here?" Ali was blunt with her words. After so much grief and loss, she felt nothing could get worse unless of course-

"Emily? This isn't about her, right?"

Dr. Pearson's eyes shot up, "No dear, no. She's stable for now, I have other news. Whether it's good or bad, well I'd say both, but ultimately that's for you to decide."

Ali sighed a breath of relief. Emily was okay, that meant she would be too.

"Okay Doc, let me have it."

"I admire your bravery Alison, especially after everything."

Ali had no clue why he couldn't say what he needed to, wasn't he used to giving bad news by now? To patients and their parents.

"Thanks, but I can't wait any longer here, either you tell me or let me rest please."

"Yes, of course, well then. As I told you yesterday, about the accident with the airline-"

Ali swallowed and it felt like someone was twisting a knife in her chest.

"-well police from Rosewood had found that everyone, your family and friends, had boarded that flight to come and see you, and that's what I had told you, believing it was true-"

Alison didn't want to make any assumptions, but her heart starting beating more forcefully in her veins, it was hard to breath.

"Well, that was not entirely true."

Alison held on tightly to what she had heard, what she had _accepted_ yesterday, but the hope that, no, that they could be, her friends were not…

"Well, what makes what I said untrue Alison, is that _your _parents weren't actually on that flight."

Ali sat up, her body still, waiting for more, _hoping_ there was more, but her doctor stopped talking, presumably to let her process.

"And that's…"

"Well that's not it. They didn't board that flight, and the officers overseeing your case here found out why from the Rosewood PD."

"You're either a shitty doctor for making me wait, or whatever you need to say is worse than anything I heard yesterday, Cut the crap please, you're killing me."

"I'm sorry, Alison, and you're right, I just don't know how to tell you that, you're parents weren't on that flight to see you because they never planned on coming."

Period.

"Oh."

"And there's more."

Ali nodded, her throat too die to speak.

"We called your parents as well but they didn't answer. We called several times and when we finally did reach them, I'm afraid that they said, they said-"

"That they want nothing more to do with me." It wasn't a question, Ali was just finishing what she heard before.

Dr. Pearson nodded and he felt the urge to rest his hand on Ali's ankle, something to comfort her, but he quickly withdrew, sensing that this girl just needed some time alone, but not more than she needed the sleeping brunette that was down the hall and two turns away. 

"Is that it?" Ali sounded hurt, but not as much as the doctor would expect.

He remained silent and Ali looked up, "listen, I've been through a lot of shit, I'm no saint and my parents know that, something happened that made them extremely upset with me, and maybe they'll never forgive me, but as of a few months ago, my dad disowned me. After-after my mom died, which I'm sure no one ever disclosed with you, well, things were different and I guess, what happened before was the final straw. I'm not a child anymore, legally considered an adult, so please stop looking at me like that, you're not my father."

Dr. Pearson nodded, "I may not be your father, but I am your doctor and I care for my patients as if they were my own, and I can't understand what parent would- would not come to their child if they were in need. Alison, I care what happens to you, and Miss Emily Fields, and if not me, then my staff are here to help."

"I appreciate that, but I'm sure that is out of your job description, so it won't be necessary." Ali put up her walls again, no one was around to care about whether or not she was her true self, so she figured she could be as cold as she wanted until the only person to melt her heart woke up.

"Understood, I won't pressure you, but there is a question about you staying in our facilities, we would normally have this conversation with the families, but…well, as you know, hospitals do their best to help all who walk through its doors, but…well…"

Ali understood, "you need me to pay correct? I know these services aren't free, it's the fucked up society we live in to charge someone to live and be saved, they don't do it in other countries but we sure do here."

"Nothing seems to get past you, now does it?"

Ali had no answer because something had indeed gotten past her, the fact that Emily was going to come to her rescue and now she was here.

"Listen, I have the money okay? I've been saving up and my grandma died but left practically everything she had to me…another reason my dad hates me…so I'll pay for however long I need to be here."

Dr. Pearson nodded, and then stood. "Also, I don't know about Miss Fields, but we have no records of any other family members, do you know someone we can contact in order to-"

"I know how this shit works, and you will not be discharging her, not until she wakes up, understood? I will be paying for both our stays and treatments."

He nodded and didn't challenge the fierceness in her eyes, but he had to be truthful, "We can release in a few days, and your insurance covers mostly everything, but you have to understand that Emily's…condition wil-"

"Will be extremely expensive? Yes, I know. And I'm telling you that I will spend every dime and nickel and goddamn penny on that girl until I have nothing but the inside of my pockets, and even then I will find a way."

The doctor nodded, secretly curious to find out about the happenings of his patient and her silent friend.

"I'll go then."

Ali nodded and settled into her bed once more

"Do you need any pain meds? I can have Amanda, or any one of the other nurses give you some?"

"No thanks," Ali said. 'Not for this one,' she added to herself.

x-x-x-x

Alison fell asleep for a few hours, waking up when she heard someone entering the room, in was a small older nurse, wheeling in a cart of hospital food from the kitchen.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," the lady in purple scrubs apologized.

"No worries, I was getting up anyways," Ali lied.

The nurse set food down and explained what was there and quickly left the room, but not before apologizing again.

Ali sighed once lifting the cover of the tray, it was jell-o, oatmeal and some soggy looking apple slices.

She closed the tray and pushed the cart away from her slightly. Alison reached for the remote and opted for looking for a distraction through the TV.

She flicked through the channels, stopping when she didn't find anything of particular interest on. There was a brief commercial for a dinner somewhere nearby, and Ali groaned for some real food. She couldn't even remember the last time she had actually eaten.

Just as Ali decided to settle for some oatmeal, the TV cut to the local news station:

_**Reporter 1 : And back to the story of the week it seems, teenagers Alison DiLaurentis and Emily Fields were finally found about 3 days ago. After missing for what their friends had said as weeks, a couple driving on highway 5 almost hit Alison with their car on that highway around sundown Friday night. Officers have yet to release more detailed information on their disappearance and escape from their captor and more surprisingly whether they have caught them.**_

_**Reporter 2: Yes, such a crazy story that actually started on the other side of the country, right?**_

_**Reporter 1: That is correct; these teens are originally from a small town in Pennsylvania called Rosewood. And according to the Rosewood PD, these girls have been haunted by a mysterious and extremely dangerous character. Now Rosewood didn't release much more, but apparently, they never took the girls seriously after the whole deal with the Queen of the pack, Miss DiLaurentis herself.**_

_**Reporter 2: Yeah, and I'm sure that would take just a-whole-nother show to explain the tragedy of that story as well.**_

_**Reporter 1: You're probably right, but so much heartbreak and drama and all from such a small town.**_

_**Reporter 2: Well, not so small now that it has reached national news.**_

Alison was becoming increasingly worried at this point, national news? When the hell did that happen? She couldn't look any more at the pictures they flashed of her and Emily nor could she look at the videos taken from the night they were sped off to the hospital. Panic bubbled in her chest as she realized that she didn't know whether or not the police or even the man who had gone and found Emily had also found –A. The panic started to make her palms sweat and she hope to god that –A didn't know where they were. Please, she prayed, don't say where we are.

_**Reporter 1: You got me there, but this is such a compelling as well as frightening story, it should be in everyone's homes, and I don't mean to scare, but these things are real and they happen, watching cartoons can't shield the public forever.**_

The second reporter looked at his colleague as the dark realization hit and he nodded.

_**Reporter 2: And that's not all, in more recent news on this case, the police have also released and discovered that a plane holding their families the night of their escape had crashed. The airline released that the flight from PA to CA had a late take off and was barely in the air when the storm hit, causing the plane to go down. It was initially said that no survivors were found but this just in today, of the 256 members on board, 7 of those bodies were not found. Officials are unable to identifying let alone release whose bodies were not found, but this story keeps taking drastic after drastic hits, I can cannot even begin to fathom what heartache these two must be feeling at this point.**_

_**Reporter 1: one can only imagine.**_

Alison's head was reeling, why didn't Dr. Pearson tell her this! 7 unfound bodies, that meant there was a chance that her friends and Emily's family were-

No Alison, do not get your hopes up, you will not…CAN not.

Alison sighed and felt the tightness in her chest return. The news shot to a live video of somewhere near Oregon, she couldn't read the fuzzy letters but she instantly recognized the names of the couple on screen belonging to the people that had saved hers, and Emily's, lives.

_**Field Reporter:**_ _**Hey guys, I'm here with Robert and Angela, who have requested not to have their faces shown or their full names revealed do to the nature of this case. Now tell us, how did you find Alison? And her friend, Emily Fields?**_

The voices were also altered, but Ali could remember the sound booming of the man's actual voice and the real concern in the woman's.

_**Robert: Well just like ya' man at the station said, we was just taking a drive back from our trip when outta nowheres we see this young woman run out to the middle of our lane and drops to the ground. Now I easily could've ran her over but being the careful driver I am, I was able to stop in time. But stopping in time didn't seem to do much help at first, that poor girl was so beat up and tattered, why, we were scared for her life. We had no idea who she was, but we knew we had to help.**_

_**Field Reporter: I see, and such courage of you Robert, do go and take your shotgun into the woods and bring back Emily Fields, tell us about that.**_

_**Robert: Well, it was simple really, Alison had managed to let us know someone was still out there, and she needed help. Someone to help her would have to know the woods like I do. Now, we called the police, not the rangers so I knew no one would find that girl, not in a time that would manner, so I did what my instincts and skills told me too: I back tracked Alison's trail and found that poor girl and she so bad, I didn't know if she would make it, she was unconscious and bleeding out bad, two gunshot wounds to the abdomen. It wasn't looking good. But I packed her wounds with dirt like we did in the Marines and I carried her to safety.**_

_**Field Reporter: Such bravery and from a retired veteran. I'm sure we would all like to thank you for your services then and now.**_

_**Robert: Thank you, I'm just glad we were able to help and get those girls to safety. I could tell even if Alison had only said but 3-4 words that she cared deeply for uh, Miss Emily, no denying that.**_

_**Field Reporter: Well, for the viewers at home, would you mind explaining?**_

_**Angela: Why yes, I have no idea their exact relationship, and I may be overstepping my boundaries, I apology to the brave soul, Alison you beautiful young woman you, you keep fighting dear, we'll get 'em.**_

Ali held back a tear for this amazing couple that went well out of their way to save them.

_**Angela: But like I was saying, that girl loved little Miss Emily more than I have ever seen someone love someone else. It was so, so, well now, I can't even find the words, and Lord knows I love my words! I just, it was amazing, after Bob left, I stayed with Alison, watching her and I knew she had to be in so much pain, so much pain, but she only said something like, hmm let me recall, 'save her' and 'Emily.' I kept asking her other things but it was like she was only focused on one thing…one person, that Emily Fields right there, who I assume had taken those bullets. And I might be right because I know as Ali seen Bob carrying Emily towards us, why that poor girl knocked out. She literally forced herslf to stay awake to make sure that her friend was safe. She ran through hell and ignored the pain just so she could have peace in her friend's safety. I don't know what anyone else thinks, but that is something strong there, and my heart goes out to them, so much.**_

_**Field Reporter: Wow, so touching, thank you both for sharing these stories and again we would like to thank you for your support.**_

_**Angela: Oh my gosh, speaking of support, I know our time is up, because Mr. Camera Man here is waving us off, but I am a teacher…at a school and some of my friends and I started a donation website to help these poor girls with the medical expenses, I'm sure they'd appreciate it, and I just want to see them well and walking so we can hand them a big check, the number is 1-800-555-ALID and you can go online to you can't forget that , so please help them out people.**_

_**Field Reporter: Alright, you heard that folks, call or visit the website, thank you again Robert and Angela…back to you guys at the station.**_

Alison was in tears now, everything was so overwhelming, she just wanted someone to hold her and tell her that it was all going to be okay. But it didn't feel like anything was going to and it hurt so bad. Ali was ready to turn the TV off when she heard one the reporters and it caught her attention

_**Reporter 2: …but he brushed away the cameras, repeatedly stated 'no comment' and would not come to the door at all.**_

_**Reporter 1: So sad that the own victim's Father is unwillingly to help.**_

Ali's chest tightened more and she willed herself not to cry, her father didn't care, so why should she?

_**Reporter 2: On the brighter side, it seems like the boyfriends of the two victims' friends were very open on speaking to us and vowed to visit Alison and Emily once released from questioning by the Rosewood Police Department and Federal Bureau of Investigation. Caleb Rivers, boyfriend of friend Hanna Marin said this last night: **_

Ali watched as the quotes from the reporter's questions to Caleb through the phone appeared on eth screen:

"_**We [Caleb Rivers, Toby Cavanaugh and Ezra Fitz] care deeply for Emily and we will do anything to help her get better. We know Ali is hurting too and we want to make sure the girls stay safe."**_

Alison cried harder, the constant stream coming down full force now, she was upset with herself that she hadn't even thought about her three friend's families, let alone their boyfriends, who must all be grieving right now.

Ali couldn't lift her eyes to watch anymore so she listened. Who she heard next was surprising, it was Veronica Hastings:

"_**We all know, us families and these boys, that this mysterious –A character has been tormenting our girls, and although they only let us know fairly recently, we couldn't have- we could never fathom that things would lead to this. But we have always acted as one big family, but now it is our job to put aside past differences and get the justice that these girls…that our daughters deserve."**_

_**Reporter 1: Such strong words from such broken families…well that's all the time we have for this story, but we'll be back this evening. Tune in at 6 for your evening news.**_

The news cut to a commercial of a "new" cars and Ali nearly exploded, she chucked the remote at the wall, not finding enough satisfaction in the way it crashed loudly and broke into pieces, so she sat up as far as should could and flung the tray of food over, kicking over the entire cart shortly after. She shouted and screamed and pounded her fists into the mattress beside her legs, stirring up her own storm.

"Woah, Alison, Alison calm down." Dr. Pearson came rushing in with the same officers from the other day following close behind, only to stop at the doorway, accessing that damage.

Ali was still thrashing her body, her chest periodically convulsing as powerful sobs ripped through her.

Dr. Pearson appeared at her side and thwarted away the nurse who was ready to give her medication to calm down. She turned around and made quick work to clean up the mess.

"Alison, I don't want to have to give you more medication, but I do need you to calm down, please calm down." He dared step closer and reach for her shoulder, but she quickly slapped it away, "Why didn't you tell me? Why?!"

"Why what?" The man with soft brown eyes became confused.

"That they didn't find all the bodies! I know you knew, you were going to tell me this morning but you stopped, I deserved to know and you didn't tell me!"

The doctor regained his composure and watched as Alison calmed down. He leaned to the side and seen that she had ripped her stitches…again, and he sighed heavily.

"I didn't know if you were ready to hear that, after I just told you about your father, I wasn't sure…"

"That I could handle it? Well, that's not your call to make."

Dr. Pearson had never had such a stubborn patient so he raised his voice quite a few decibels, "and why are you angry? You should be somewhat okay with that, why aren't you okay?"

Alison couldn't explain everything. "Because I excepted that they were gone, I accepted that, and now…"

"And now? And now there is hope for them, for you that maybe they didn't board that plane either. The officials there are recounting for many tickets were collected and who exactly was on board, you shouls be hopeful that your friends are out there somewhere, hopefully safe and coming home soon, like you and Emily will."

"But you don't know that for sure." Alison cut in, her voice dry.

"And you don't know that they're really gone, but why can't you just hope they aren't?"

Alison looked down at her hands, still shaking from her outburst and sighed heavily.

"You know, Spencer used to say something about hope," Ali addressed, even though the doctor had no idea who Spencer was.

Ali smiled and let a single tear slip, "She said, and I quote: Well you know what they say about hope."

Dr. Pearson couldn't decide whether or not that was a question or a statement so he simply shook his head.

Ali looked at him in the eye before continuing and he could sense the pain behind her blue orbs, "it breeds eternal misery."

Ali's gaze dropped and she leaned against the bed, clearly tired and feeling drained. She looked blankly out the window of the view of pavement and the tops of trees and remained silent.

Dr. Pearson had no clue what to do next so he stood the tray up and rolled it to the side walking out of the room, but not before turning to the girl and saying, "let me leave you with a new quote on hope: Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness."

Ali lay unresponsive, still staring blanking out the window.

"I'm not sure about you Alison, but I know that deep down you believe in hope. I know you hope Emily will wake up, and I hope that too."

Ali was too exhausted to yell anymore, she didn't want to argue further. I didn't need to hope that Em would wake up, she knew that she would. She would have to, Ali had no other reason to stay if Emily wouldn't and that was final.

"Just…" Ali began, "can you send someone in to come stitch me up…again?"

Dr. Pearson looked disappointed, but nodded, "sure thing." And he left without another word.

Alison waited until the door shut softly behind her doctor before she truly left it all go. Crying silently and painfully into her own hands….deep down….deep down, no matter how hard she battled as it fought to come up to the surface, Ali knew deep down that she was hoping for her friends to be alive.

_**AN: I honestly cannot stop wanting to write this, I'm half done with some other chapters for ISIKYW and #OITNE but I just cannot finish. It's thrilling to approach my story from this angle and I've been loving all your feedback, it excites me and fuels me to keep going. But in all honesty I want to hear from you and know what **__**you**__** are hoping will happen next. I know many of you have questions…ask them and I'll try to answer them within the chapters…also I don't know if you've noticed but I haven't named the next chapter for you at the end of every one, idk but I don't want them to give anything away? What do you think?...about anything, not just that lol**_

_**Acknowledgements to Reviewers:**_

_**Leon7272: I wasn't sure I wanted to share this yet, quite frankly I didn't know if I had it in me, so thank you  
Guests: I can't address you all individually but thank you for your feedback, I don't just take what you say lightly, they all mean a lot.**_

_**Well, I'll be back when I can…until next update, **_

_**Lina**_


	4. Rm 13

_***AN: So this chapter is untitled and really short because well, it was a last minute upload and it's just a filler, it's also a mini stepping stone for what happens in the next chapter, which I also hope to be writing soon. **_

_**Your reviews have been great, special thanks to my 'regulars': InLoveWithEmison and Drea82581…also to everyone else who left a review about this story, my others and my "unique style of writing" I love you all…**_

_**Please keep reviewing and leaving your thoughts…also your questions, I will (try to) answer all of them within the story, so don't think I'm ignoring you if you don't get the answers right away!**_

_**And again, I forgot to mention that the next and final chapter for You're So Tense, Let Me Help will be coming soon, sorry to all my Emison SMUT lovin readers/fans, I haven't forgotten about you. Also ISIKYW Ch 37 is almost done, as is the next Ch. for #OITNE…patience and apologies,**_

_**Lina**_

You Saved Me

"Dr. Pearson, we understand you're concerned with her health, but she's had a few days to recover already and we're ready to ask her some questions."

"We don't know that she's ready though, she just possibly lost all her friends, who I'm assuming is her best friend and girlfriend is in a coma, and her only family left is not even willing to come and see her, so excuse me for telling you as her doctor, that she is not ready. She's been through a hell of a lot of stress and has a minor concussion; she doesn't need any more stress brought on by you hounding her with questions of what happened."

Alison stirred from her sleep, not aware of what time of day it was. Again.

She heard the voices of her doctor, and who she assumed was the agent from the FBI, and stared to get up. She remembered getting the new stitches and tried as best as she could to not use her arm. Her head was foggy, presumably from the pain meds, but she was glad that she at least slept without too vivid of a nightmare.

Ali turned her head to the door and could just make out the outline of her doctor's head. The voices were muffled, lowered so she could no longer hear clearly. She wasn't sure how much she wanted to share, how much she could afford to share, but she knew that she would have to sooner or later.

"FINE! One more day, but then I'm going in and I'm going to get answers," the shorter FBI agent left and Ali could see Dr. Pearson turn around, catching her eyes before opening the door.

"Hello, Alison, I'm sorry if we woke you." He proceeded to walk in, settling in the seat next to her bed.

"That's okay, I was kind of up anyways."

"Okay, that's good, how are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess."

Ali lifted her eyes to meet the older man's and she could tell that he wasn't a normal doctor, he wasn't in it for the money…he was right, he genuinely cared for his patients…but Ali knew she would never tell him that.

He nodded and sat back against the chair, crossing his arms over his stomach before saying gently, "define 'okay.'"

Ali's eyes opened a little wider and her stomach did a turn. The doctor noticed her sudden change and sat up as well, "something wrong?"

Ali shook her head and sighed, something she been doing a lot lately, "no, it's just-," and she had to talk a deep breath before continuing, "it's just that Em…she could always tell when I wasn't telling her the truth, she would sometimes come over or call me, just to check in and ask how I was." Alison dared to look at her doctor this time, he was nodded and his eyes showed no sign of judgment, so it felt 'okay,' natural even, to keep going. "And I would tell her okay sometimes, thinking she would just accept that, but of course she never did, instead she always told me what you did just now, 'define okay.'"

Ali stopped and smiled weakly, her hand absently reaching up to hold her locket in her hand.

Dr. Pearson nodded, "Sounds like a smart girl, I can't wait to meet her."

Alison felt her heart skip a beat, she couldn't keep thinking about Emily laying in that room, waiting to wake up.

"You think nothing gets past me? Hah, you haven't seen anything. I swear Em could tell my just looking at me how my whole day went; she used to say to me that I could hide it everywhere else but in my eyes."

Alison was remembering vividly the times that she had with Em where they would banter and play argue and just sit and talk, embracing the little moments, drinking in each other's company.

"And my eyes always betrayed me, she knows me better than anyone, even myself." Alison's voice went from a high and happy tone, to subtly quieting down and ending in a softened almost whisper.

"Well, it's sound like she's a great friend."

Alison shook her head. "No, she's the best, there isn't I time that I needed her that she wasn't there for me, no matter what it was, Emily was there, she is the best best friend there could ever be….and the best girlfriend. I don't deserve her."

It hurt like hell for Pearson to watch this young girl he was becoming so fond of to repeatedly beat herself up over all of this mess.

"Alison, you can't think like that, from what I can tell, you love her and she loves you, and you may not think that you deserve her, but think about what she deserves. If…no, when Emily wakes up, because she will, she deserves to have someone close to her be there for her, not strangers in white coats, poking and prodding. If she loves you as much as you know she does, then she deserves you back."

Alison didn't know why, but in her mind she found herself agreeing to everything he was saying. Em _will _wake up, and Em _will_ need someone to be there, Ali couldn't break another promise and not be there for her, not ever again.

Silence fell between them and for once it wasn't awkward. Ali lifted her head and watched silently as the fuzzy commercials played on the older TV.

"You must not like me much Alison, but I'm only trying to ease your pain, physically….and what I can see going on in your mind. Emily was right, your eyes betray you, but that's not always a bad thing."

Alison looked up, surprised when her doctor was looking right at her, so quickly looked away.

"What," he looked shocked, "am I _that _ugly," he joked, smiling when Ali laughed a little.

"No, it's not that," and Ali knew what it was, but she didn't want to say it.

"See, you hate me!" Dr. Pearson pretended to pout and Ali had an image flash through her head as if he was a doctor for small children and Alison was but a small girl, giggling in her hands as she watched her crazy doctor man do something silly.

Ali shook her head, but never looked up.

"Then, why don't you ever want to look at me, or talk to me? I know you don't know me, but, and this is pretty cliché, you can trust me. I'm not here to hurt you or write a story, hell, I can't even tell a good story, my sole purpose as your doctor is to make you feel better, and that," he paused to fix his coat, "is why I wear this."

Alison nodded and found herself wanting to thank the man for all he was done and is continuing to do…but she knew the rule about showing compassion towards someone…it never ended well for them. However, Ali could see that he was genuinely trying, so she forced herself to tell him something, so he wouldn't beat himself up. She just wished that it wasn't a big risk

"I, I do. I trust you…for the most part, and I do appreciate what you told the officer earlier, and for everything you did before that, but I just can't look at you well because…it's your eyes."

Dr. Pearson scrunched his eyebrow and Ali's heart jumped at the sight of a similar dimple forming above them.

"My…eyes?"

Ali nodded, playing with her thumbs in her lap, "they remind me of hers, Emily's…they're the same warm brown color, no offense, but hers are prettier."

He laughed lightly and nodded his head, "none taken."

"And when I look at yours, I miss hers and the way she would look at me, like she was really seeing me, not anyone else but the real me and I-I…its hurts too much because I can't even look at her right now! I can't hold her and tell her that everything is going to be okay, because it doesn't feel like it is, and I can't lie to her, I can't." Alison's voice was raised and it quivered with emotion.

"I can't," she softened again, like all the other times she had been hit with emotion this hard, "I can't go in there and talk to her like it's going to be okay, not when I don't know that for sure. I can't stay away either, I just…I don't know what to do anymore…it would be easier if…" Ali was hit again that even the people who could comfort her, the only other 3 people that ever gave a damn about what happened to her were…

"If your friends were here?"

Ali nodded and this time she let herself be seen crying. "I took them for granted; I should've told them that I cared, made sure that they knew, but it's too late, they didn't even know that I loved them that much. Hanna, Aria, Spencer, they all deserved to know, they've done so much…"

"And they still are."

"What?"

"They are still helping you."

"How, you seen the news, the crash, they're…"

"Look at yourself Alison. You think that you're a changed person? Well why? I think it's because of Emily and those girls…part of you are, and how strong you are, I can see comes from your bond with them, don't forget that."

Alison sat, absorbing his words and finally lifted her eyes to look at him. She studied his face, slight stubble and light bags under his eyes. She then wondered how much sleep he got, if he had kids and a wife to go home to…Ali looked down at his hand and could see he had a wedding ring on, she smiled and wiped her face.

"You're right, doc. You're right."

He opened his mouth to speak when something in his pocket went off, "uh," he lifted his eyes and they were worried.

Alison couldn't think of why he looked at her like that, "hey is everything alright?"

Just as she spoke, a team of scrubs rushed past her door and down the hall. The hall outside to fill with chaos and disruption and Alison looked past Dr. Pearson in confusion.

"Um, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to go Alison. Please, stay here." And without another word, Dr. Pearson got up, rushed to the door and jogged out to the counter just outside her room.

He had left Alison's door open in his haste to leave and Ali strained her ears to hear him, "send and ICU unit to room 13 now. I need a team on standby in operation and make sure all medication is sent to her room now."

Alison listened and sat in her seat, replaying his words…and something just didn't sit right with her.

It took only a few more seconds for her heart to momentarily stop and fall to her stomach and figure out where the nurses and her doctor were going….

Down the hall to her right, through the double doors, make a left and then another left.

They were going to Room 13.

That was Emily's room….


	5. And?

_***AN: I hope I'm not losing any of you with the story line, I promise the pieces will start to fall into place, but for the sake of my vision, it will take time. I have no clue how long I want this story to go, but hopefully the pace will pick up soon.**_

_**I love your reviews and the questions you've asked WILL be answered…keep the reviews coming!**_

"_And?"_

The realization of what was happening hit Alison full force and it felt like the air was knocked from her lungs.

_He said Rm 13, Rm 13…that was Emily's room!_

Alison sat up in the bed, her heart pounding so forcefully in her chest she winced from just taking a breath. She knew that she wouldn't have enough strength to stand, but her Emily was in trouble and she needed to go to her.

Ali managed to stand, placing most of her weight on her good foot, ignoring the pain from her casted one. She hobbled to her door and opened it wide, gripping with all her might to the door frame.

"Miss, DiLaurentis, what are you doing? You should be in the wheelchair, the doctor has orders-"

"Fuck the doctor's orders!" Alison pushed past the young nurse who was trying to get Alison back into her room and practically ran down the hall to her right, went through the double doors, banked a left and another and…

Firm arms wrapped around her waist before she could push the door open.

"LET ME GO! LET ME GO!"

There were grunts from behind her as Ali was lifted from the floor, her feet kicking at anything it could make contact with.

"Oh shit, she's strong."

Alison beat her hands down at the arms holding her a vice, trying desperately not to get dragged further from Emily than she already was.

Once she was in the open, back through the double doors, the arms loosened from behind her, as if she was about to be let go.

In her ear she could hear a voice, "calm down Ali. Calm down."

_Ali? _No one in this hospital except Emily knew her nickname.

Alison stopped cold and turned her head around to look at who had had their arms around her.

"Caleb?"

Caleb smiled weakly and set Alison down on the ground, careful not to let her press any weight on her bad leg. Once Ali was set down, she looked around and seen Toby pushing a wheelchair towards her and Ezra with his arms crossed, talking to a nurse at the desk, trying to calm her down.

Ali's eyes flooded and she grabbed Caleb's shoulders, bringing him into a hug. She pulled away quickly when all Caleb could say was "uuuh."

Ali nodded at Toby and let him help her into the chair. She fixed the messy strands from her face and looked up at the tanned boy, "I-I'm sorry, I just- it's good to see someone...you know, from home."

Caleb nodded and Ali wanted to look away from the now three men standing in front of her, but she couldn't. Neither one of them met her gaze, but Ali zeroed in on their faces, taking in the bags, the way their posture was, the wrinkled clothes, the mussed hair…they looked just as about tired as she felt.

Caleb ran his hands through his hair and finally looked at Ali, "yeah, no, I get it, I'm sorry, I know this is uh all hard-"

"No, please, don't say you're sorry, I should be the one apologizing, if I had never gotten the girls so involved in my life-"

"Alison, stop." It was the first time Ali heard Ezra speak in a long time and she found herself closing her mouth.

"Alison, no one is blaming you for what happened," he got choked up and both Toby and Caleb gripped his shoulders, "to the girls. No one is apologizing for that. It was a bad call made by the airlines and a freak storm."

He spoke very matter of factly and Ali had a hard time thinking of anything else to say.

After the initial shock of the three of them being there wore off, she had a difficult time concentrating on anything but Emily.

"Oh my god, Em." She brought her hands down and tried to spin the wheels, but the boys grabbed out and stopped her, "Ali, you can't."

"What do you mean I can't? Get the fuck off, I need to see if Emily is okay."

Alison shot her best death glare in their direction but they had all seen it enough to know that now, they were just empty threats.

"The doctors are going to do what they can, you can't do anything to help right now."

Those words sharpened themselves and found a way to Alison's chest, burying themselves in her heart. It was true, no matter what was happening in that room, Ali wouldn't be able to do anything. That was her problem, that was what got Emily and her friends and now their boyfriends into this whole mess: Alison couldn't protect Emily. She had tried and this is where it had gotten her, and everyone that mattered to her.

Alison choked back and sob and the three boys had trouble internally decided what they should do. They exchanged silent glances at one another and the blonde, who had her head in her hands before Caleb sighed and stepped forward, kneeling down so he was closer to eye level with the blonde.

He took a deep breath and struggled with decided what to do. He finally decided to just talk to her. He placed his hand awkwardly on her knee, "Alison, we didn't mean to say anything to hurt you, it's just that, you know, even if they let you in there…you don't know what Em…how she…" he trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

Alison nodded, "I know, it's okay."

"It's not Ali, it's not, with everything that was happening, you shouldn't have gone at it alone."

"What was I supposed to do? The girls," she took a deep breath, "they did so much for me, and now," Ali shook her head at the pain, "and now, I'll never be able to thank them."

Toby swallowed and his blue eyes fought tears of their own, he couldn't look at Ali and he could only remember the fight he had with Spencer about dropping everything again to get on that flight, he was ridden with guilt but he knew Spencer wouldn't want him to beat himself up so hard.

"Alison," the former cop said, "you want to know what Spencer said about you before she left?"

Ali looked up, not surprised that the crack in his voice mirrored the brokenness in his eyes.

Alison couldn't answer.

"I was upset that she was going to drop everything and run to you guys again, after everything that had happened, after we all thought that it was over. You lied again and now she and Hanna and Aria were all willing to come to your side again."

Alison didn't know when Toby was going to get to the part with Spencer already, but she remained silent. She knew that there would be a lot of hurt to get through before she could talk to them normally, with less emotion.

"We argued for a while but she said to me, that you deserve to know that someone loves you, not just Emily, but her too. Spencer said it, and I know Hanna and Aria felt the same way. They loved you Ali, they would be here right now instead of us, helping you…and Emily, you have to know that."

Alison let more tears roll down her face.

"Is this way you came? Just to tell me how great my friends were? I know that! Did you come just to make me feel bad about having the greatest friends ever, and then losing them! If you did, save your breath, I fucking know that!"

Alison turned her head to the side and reached for the sides of the wheelchair, "now let me go, so I can see my girlfriend."

This time, no one stopped Alison as she turned the chair around and made an effort towards the double doors. She had barely wheeled the chair a few feet before a very distraught man came from those doors, stopping right in front of the blonde.

"Dr. Pearson, what is it, tell me, is Emily okay?"

Alison looked up into his eyes, imagining just this once that they were hers, "tell me that Emily is ok."

He took a deep breath and nodded, letting Alison let out the biggest breath she didn't know she was holding.

"Can I see her? Is she still sleeping? Please, say something!"

Dr. Pearson looked up, acknowledging the three men standing before him.

"It's okay, they're uh, friends, they'd want to know about Emily too, please, don't keep me waiting."

"Ok Alison, Emily is okay, she going to be okay, she was experiencing some increased levels of brain activity that alerted the monitors and then she went into shock, almost causing severe brain hemorrhaging, but we were able to keep her stable."

Alison nodded hurriedly, "you said she was going to be fine, then why do I feel like there's a 'but' coming."

"Not a but Alison, an 'and'."

"And? And what? And what! I deserve to know." Alison was growing impatient, the pulse in her veins quickening until her chest was heaving greatly and she couldn't even hear her own voice.

Dr. Pearson looked uneasy and for the first time, Alison seen him play with his fingers in front of himself.

"You're scaring me doc. Tell me what it is." Alison braced herself for the worst, maybe he was lying to her.

Dr. Pearson dropped his hands and met storming blue eyes, "Alison, Emily is awake."

_**Suuuuuper short I know, but my finals are fast approaching, I need to stay focused, and this is where I thought I could leave it….please let me know what you think about this story: the loves? The hates? And comment what you want to see happen next.**_

_**Be back when I can, follow and/or favorite me or my stories to stay updated.**_

_**xoxo, Lina**_


	6. Unkiss Me

_***AN: Is it bad that I'm in love with my own story? Haha I just can't stop writing this, I'm slacking so bad on my 2 other full length stories as well as my smut ones everyone is still waiting for, but there's a thrill in writing something new….I just can't shake it. I'm excited for those of you who are still into this story, and are waiting for what is to happen next…so here it is, enjoy and tell me what you think.**_

_Unkiss Me_

"Alison, Emily is awake."

Alison felt as if her lungs froze and getting air into them was impossible.

She sat frozen in shock, Emily was okay, better than ok…she was awake!

Dr. Pearson stood frozen as well as the others, waiting for Ali to do or say anything.

And when she finally did manage a sharp intake of air, she used it to start pushing her chair towards Emily.

"I have to see her, and tell her that I'm okay." Ali rolled until she hit Dr. Pearson's legs, confused that he hadn't moved out of the way.

"What are you doing, if she's up, she has to be wondering where I am, did you tell her that I'm okay, and someone has to let her know about the crash, please, move I-"

"Alison," he said sternly, bending down to grab hold of the armrests on the chair.

Alison was now breathing heavily. "Don't talk to me like that, you said there wasn't that there wasn't a 'but'. You can't tell me there is one now, no, you can't."

Ali was in tears and didn't care that Caleb and the others would see her like this. They waiting patiently for the doctor to speak, just as worried about Emily.

"I'm sorry, I just, I didn't know how to tell you this, but you can't see her right now."

"Why not? Why? I'm her girlfriend, she deserves to know that I'm okay, she needs to know that no matter what, she has me. I have to be the one to tell her about the others, about her parents…" Ali was in tears, shouting now at the doctor.

Dr. Pearson stood there and shook his head lightly, it broke his heart watching this young blonde go through so much and have to be told another heart breaking thing.

"Please just move and let me see her, she has to be wondering where I am, if I'm ok-"

"She's not."

Alison stopped. Why would he say that? She felt like she was being stabbed again, "Wha- why would you say that? You don't know what you're talking about."

Alison wiped her tears on the back of her hand and tried to move, but her doctor was much stronger, "Emily didn't ask for you Alison, and she won't."

Another stab, and this time the knife was twisted too.

"Alison, Emily is awake, yes, but she woke up…" he took a deep breath, "she woke up with no memory. Of anything, she didn't even know who she was Alison."

"What?" Alison slumped in her chair. "How is that even possible," her voice was barely above a whisper before she raised it again, "you said she was okay! You told me she was okay! You lied to me! You lied!"

"No, I didn't, I told you Emily was going to be okay, and she is, she will heal on time, no major organs were ruptured, her wounds are clean and stitched up, the breaks in her ribs were clean, she'll have a full recovery sooner than we expected, that is the truth Alison."

"How is that a full recovery is she doesn't even know who the hell she is?! Or who I am? How can she possibly be okay when she doesn't know that she has a family that is all dead! Answer me now doc!"

"I-I don't know. I have a team that specializes in these kinds of things, but I'm not sure what they'll be able to recover. It depends on Emily, I can't guarantee that she'll remember anything at all-"

"Let me see her."

"Alison, I'm not so sure that that's such a good idea. Emily 'freaked out' for lack of better word, when she woke up, I'm not sure you going in there trying to press all this on her would help her at all, you might actually scare her and the shock of everything happening is not what she needs right now."

Alison would've been able to understand her doctor, but all she heard, all that she _felt _was that she would scare her Emily and Emily didn't need her right now. That hurt more than the cut on her shoulder, more than the broken bones, that broke her heart in more ways than any physical pain could hurt her.

Her voice was low and calm when she spoke, "I won't tell her anything, just let me talk to her, as if I was just her friend."

Dr. Pearson could see the pain in Alison's expression, she had tried to hide it but she looked so fragile, her eyes did betray her true emotion, he couldn't resist, and he knew this would be a risk, for Emily's sake, but Alison deserved to at least see Emily, and if Emily was up, Alison would need to see her eyes, just once.

"Okay, but only for a while, if she's awake…not sleeping, I mean…you can introduce yourself as a friend, we told her that someone shot at her car and she was hit and it caused an accident. We said that there was another person with her, you, but we didn't say anything else, she was in pain and we gave her some pretty heavy meds, so she might be asleep."

"And if she's not?"

"I'm trusting you'll know what is best Alison, I'm going out on a limb for you, if you…if you."

"I won't mess up. I promise."

"Okay, because if you do, I'm not sure when you'll be able to see her again, if at all."

Alison nodded, "just push me to her door will you?"

Dr. Pearson nodded, "And your friends?"

"Uh, we'll wait out here," Ezra answered and the three of them moved to sit in the chairs along the wall.

Dr. Pearson got behind Ali and pushed her gently towards Rm 13.

Alison was gripping the arm rests so tightly, her knuckles turned white.

"Alison, you should relax," Dr. Pearson nodded towards her hands and she ungripped them, sighing deeply.

He stopped just in front of the door, "all be back in 10-15 minutes to take you back to your room, and I assume that you and your friends have some things to talk about as well."

Alison nodded, "yeah, okay." But she wasn't really hearing him, she just nodded and reached for the handle.

_You can do this, Ali. You can do this._

Ali pushed the door open and took a deep breath, there she was. Her eyes closed, but she wasn't hooked up to any other machines like before, just an IV now.

Emily was sleeping on her back, her arms crossed over her stomach, her chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm.

Ali maneuvered her wheelchair as best as she could towards Emily's bed, stopping when her knees were finally against the sheets.

She stopped and just sat, staring, she didn't know what to do, maybe it was better this way, that Emily was sleeping, that way Ali wouldn't have to see Em's eyes look at her and not recognize her. Ali thought that she wouldn't be able to bear having Emily, her Emily look at her like she was a stranger, not after everything.

Ali reached up to grab Em's hand, but stopped when she realized that if Em woke up to Ali's touch, she would just freak her out. Ali let a tear slip, now that she had thought she had gotten Em back, the universe laughed in her face and took Em away from her again.

Just when Ali thought that the torture was over, there just had to be more, and she knew that she deserved it, but why did Em? What did Em do?

Ali shook her head, hating that she was responsible for taking away all of Em's happiness: her early years in high school because of –A, her parents and friends and now it was her fault that Em was in a coma, only to wake up with no memory at all.

Ali tried to find a silver lining, a bright side, like Emily would do but she couldn't, not one that she was happy with. But Ali knew she would have to put her selfish ways aside, there was a small silver lining, maybe since Em didn't have any memory, she wouldn't feel the pain of losing everyone that was her family, maybe Ali could leave her and –A would leave her alone. Maybe Alison could disappear from her life once and for all and Em could learn to start over.

Ali cried as quietly as she could, wiping the back of her hand across her cheek.

She watched Em, watched her face, wondering if this would be the last time that she would ever get to watch Emily sleep.

Ali sat in her chair.

"You know Em," she whispered, "I asked you to come back to me, I said that if you were really meant to be mine, that I could let you go and you would come back to me. Well I let you go, I said I would be okay, but I lied…and then you did come back…just-just not to me. Funny how things work out isn't it?"

Ali looked up, sighing that Em was asleep and wouldn't be able to answer back, so she kept talking.

"I want to be selfless and say that this might be for the best…that this is better somehow, but I don't know if I can. What do I have to live for if I can't live a life with you? If I can't touch you, hold you, kiss you…If I can't call you my girlfriend?" Again, Emily just laid there, peacefully sleeping.

"Em, when this was all over, I was going to ask you to marry me. Yeah crazy huh, me, finally settling down, finally doing something right. Well as hard as it may have seemed for everyone to believe, I was. I had it all planned out, I was going to ask you next month, on our anniversary, July 2. I wanted to take you home and ask you at our spot, or maybe keep driving through California and ask you ask Disneyland, I wanted it to be perfect…and it would've been, but….And I would've let you decide when you wanted the wedding, I know you love the fall so I thought something late October would be okay, not too close to Halloween though, even though it's your favorite holiday, besides Christmas I guess. Hanna was going to be our maid of honor, and Spencer and Aria would've been in it too. I would've waited at the altar for you, and I would've loved to watch your dad give you away to me…"

Alison cried harder, struggling to stay quiet.

"I'm sorry Em, I just can't unfeel everything for you, I can't and I won't, but that's not going to make this easy for me, I don't want to forget, and I don't want to move on, there's nothing more that I want than you. For you to open your eyes and look at me like you always do, like you actually see me."

Alison reached for Em's hand and drew it away again, "Dammit! I can't even touch you right now. I just want to hold your fucking hand and I can't even do that!" Ali raised her voice, but not enough to wake Emily up.

"You want to know what the worst thing about this is? It's what I wish if you never get your memory back. I don't know if I'll be good enough for you, or if you'll still see in me whatever it is that you see in me now…or did. I don't want to lose you that way. I wish I was confident enough to say that I could make you fall in love with me again, but when you wake up, I don't know much of the Emily that loved me will still be there. And I want to fight for Em, I _will _fight for you, for as long as I can, but there might come a point," Ali trailed off, looking up to make sure Emily wasn't really listening. She pulled the color of her pale blue hospital gown up to her face and wiped her cheeks.

"So," she continued, "the worst thing is that I wish," and she couldn't believe she was going to say this, that she was going to break her own heart and rip open wounds she had tried so hard to heal, "I wish I could unfall in love with you, that we were always just friends, so I wouldn't hurt like this. I know its selfish, but that would be the only way for me to get over this. Maybe we have a chance to get back what we had, but I don't want to push you, this is your chance to start over."

Ali was letting the tears fall in a slow and steady stream down her face, falling to absorb into the thin cloth over her legs, I wish to unfeel everything you've ever made me feel, I wish I could untouch you, that you could untouch me the way that you have," Ali's voice was cracking, along with her spirit, but with no one listening to her, she didn't care, "I want to unheard all you've ever told me, I can't keep living only trying to remember what it sounded like to hear you say you love me, I can't wish to see you in my dreams…I'm just not strong like you."

"I wish," Ali shook her head, knowing she was lying to herself, trying to figure out her coping mechanism, "I was I could undo all of this….and most of all, I just want you to," a violent sob broke through her chest, "unkiss me."

She had to place her forehead against the bed, the sheets, soaking in the moisture from her face.

"No one will kiss me like you Em, and I can't even imagine my lips on anyone else's but yours, I won't be able to love anyone else, so…s-so I just wish you would unkiss me. Untake my heart, so maybe I wouldn't hurt this much. It hurts Em, to have you, but not _have _you, it hurts."

Ali managed to control her breathing, looking up at the clock, noticing that Dr. Pearson would be in to get her any moment now.

Ali sighed and looked at Em one final time, "I'll get them Em, the person who did this, I know now, I didn't want to believe it but I know now. "

With that, Ali wiped the last of the tears still lingering in her eyes away and started to make her way to the door.

She made it to the door and paused, deciding not to look back at the brunette who unknowing still had possession of her heart.

Ali placed her hand on the handle but before turning it, her heart stopped at the small sound of Emily's voice calling out to her, "wait."

Ali stopped and swallowed, not sure if she had imagined it or not.

But there it was again, soft and whispered, but still undeniably Emily's voice, "please, wait."

Alison wanted to pretend not to hear her and keep going but she forced herself to turn around.

She wheeled her way back to Em, never looking up further than the floor.

"Y-you're the other person right? The one that was in the accident with me?" Emily was waiting for the blonde she had no memory of to look at her.

Ali forced herself to keep it together and talk calmly, "yeah, yeah I was with you, when um, when you were hurt."

Emily nodded but Ali just looked off to the side, not ready to face the brown eyes she was yearning to see for days.

"The doctor, Peterso-"

"Pearson," Ali said quickly, hoping not to offend Emily, and instantly regretting if she did.

"Oh yeah, sorry-"

"No, I'm sorry I didn't mean-" Ali started to ramble, and although she didn't know what was causing it, Emily found herself reaching for Ali's hand in her lap, leaning over her bed and calming the blonde down.

The instant their hands met, each girl could feel the pull they had on one another, the undeniable electricity and Alison was the only one who knew why.

She looked at their hands, Emily's tanned skin over hers, and then up into the eyes she had been dying to see, yet the love and yearning she expected to see reflected in them just weren't there.

Em cleared her throat and withdrew her hands, "s-sorry," she stammered, "you were just rambling before and I-I, it was the only thing that felt right." Emily quickly withdrew her hand and looked into Ali's blue eyes, the initial shock finally withering away.

Ali couldn't look away, couldn't tear her gaze away…she didn't want to look away thinking that it was the last time she would see Emily again, before she had to settle the score.

But Emily had said it felt right, and Ali's heart skipped a beat, hope seeping in the seams at her heart and then her mind telling her how dangerous hope could be.

"It-its okay. It's okay." Ali said it more to herself than for Emily's sake, but it wasn't okay, neither one of them should be apologizing for touching each other's hand…all the steps they had take forward with finally having a relationship together and this had wiped the slate entirely clean.

Ali opened her mouth the same time Em did and both girls laughed gently.

"You first," Emily suggested.

"No it's okay, what were you going to say?"

Em played with her thumbs and Ali knew it was because she was having a hard time thinking of what to say.

"Listen Em, I know this is all going to be a lot to take in, and I want to tell you everything I know, but it's late and I think we both should get some rest."

Emily nodded, upset that she hadn't just asked what she wanted. Instead she commented, "I like that."

"What?" Ali was confused.

"Dr…Dr. Pearson, he said my name was Emily, Emily Fields, and I had a-a friend here, but that was all, nothing more, nothing less. And just now, you called me Em…I like that."

Ali stopped and just looked at Emily. The brunette returned the look but it pained Alison knowing that Emily viewed her as a stranger.

"Oh, well yeah, we-um, we're close, I call you Em all the time, but I don't have to if that makes you uncomfortable."

"No, no, I really like it, you shouldn't have to constantly be thinking of what to call me."

As Em shook her head a strand of hair fell in front of her face and Alison desperately wanted to reach out and brush it back, but Emily noticed Alison looking so she tucked the loose strand behind her ear and cleared her throat.

"Yeah," Ali said, "I should probably get going."

Ali made a move to get out of there but Em stopped her. "Wait, you're coming back right?"

Ali wanted to tell Em 'always.'

"Yeah, I'm not too far, just ask the doctor for me, and I'll be over."

Emily smiled a genuine smile. Ali was glad that that was another thing that would never change.

"Good because I have so many questions, and I think you're the only one who can help me out."

Ali just nodded.

Em gave a small side smile and still played with her thumbs. "You visited me before didn't you?"

Ali stopped moving her arms and looked up, "Wh-what makes you say that?"

Em bit the inside of her cheek and took a deep breath before meeting the blue eyes.

"Crazy as it seems, I- I think I heard you."

"What? I just thought that was a myth."

Emily shrugged, "I-I don't know, but when I was 'sleeping,'" she air quoted with her fingers, "I swear I could hear someone, talking to me…and I couldn't make out the words, but just the sound of the voice, her voice was soothing and it was familiar somehow, and I felt like I wanted to go to it…"

Alison was amazed and Emily mistook it as pure horror or disbelief.

"But I was in a coma, so I mean, it's probably all in my head, I just thought that just a while ago, while I was sleeping, I thought I could hear her again, and when I woke up, I just thought maybe it was you?"

Ali didn't know how to answer, "I-I-I mean, a lot of nurses have been in here, checking on you and making sure you were okay, so I-I-"

"Yeah, know it's fine, I was just- yeah no forget I said anything."

Alison wouldn't forget though, she let herself think for a moment that it was her who woke Emily from her coma, like a magic first kiss wakes a princess from her cursed slumber, but this was no fairy tale, Ali reminded herself.

"It's okay. I did come and visit you."

"Oh." Emily sat up, happier than she let on, unsure of what was drawing her so forcefully towards the blonde.

"Yeah."

"Okay, well I don't want to keep you here, you um-you can go."

"Yeah, okay."

Ali moved again turning around fully this time before Emily stopped her again, "unless you don't want to go?"

Great, Ali thought, she's not making this any easier for me.

"I'd love to, but I um, actually have to talk to Dr. Pearson about something."

"Yeah, no of course, I'm sorry."

Ali turned around as she reached the door, "please, stop apologizing."

"Sorry."

Ali raised a brow and Em laughed nervously.

"Sorry, again, oh god, okay I'm not sorry, there. How was that?"

"Terrible."

"Hey."

"But we'll work on it," Ali added.

Emily smiled and leaned against her bed, "sounds good."

Ali nodded and opened the door.

"Wait!"

Ali stopped dropped her hand from the handle and laughed, "yes?"

"Um, what-what do I call you?"

Ali was hit with memories of their pet names and all the lovey dovey things they would say and call each other.

"Ali, you call me Ali."

Emily smiled, "I like that too."

Ali smiled, "goodnight Em."

"Goodnight Ali."

Alison smiled, closed the door and pushed herself down the hall, waiting until she was out of Em's hearing range before she started weeping softly.

Em had looked at her but didn't see her.

Em had talked to her but not about them.

Em smiled like she was really happy and Alison was dreading the moment she would have to explain almost everything to her. About her life, her friends, her family, she wasn't even sure she would mention at all that they had been more than friends.

And worst of all, Em didn't even know her name.

Alison's tears were replaced with anger and rage. She roughly wiped the tears from her face and loudly wheeled herself through the double doors, chest heaving, white knuckled fists at her side and her mind hell-bent on getting the bitch that started it all.

"Alison," Caleb called out shocked to see her demeanor so aggressive.

Ali wheeled over to them, "get Dr. Pearson and tell him to get the FBI, I'm ready to talk and end this shit once and for all."

x-x-x-x-x

_***AN:I really want to switch majors into English/Education, part of the reason is my fierce love of writing and being around people and kids and reading and blah blah blah…writing FanFiction for you all is also fueling that idea…but eh, idk.**_

_**Anyways, hope you liked this chapter? I can't believe I wrote it up this fast, I surprised myself. Don't hate me, but I have a grand master plan, a new approach to Emison, you won't see it coming (I promise, I think?) I was considering holding off on posting it, but I couldn't, so tell me what you think, I live and breathe for the reviews lol. Be back when I can of course,**_

_**Lina xoxo**_


	7. One Day

_***AN: suuuuper quick and suuuuper short upload, all the result of a random hour of downtime. I originally wanted to title this "Say It Again"….but tell me if you thought this one better? Or not?  
Also in response to your reviews (btw I really loved the last chapter's reviews, keep them coming please!)**_

_**Drea82581: love and hate the emotions at the same time? I don't know whether I should thank you for sharing that, or if I should apologize to you, but "raw and heartbreaking" is how I felt when writing and I'm happy you feel it too. Goal: check.**_

_**ayokris013: aww thank you so much, I feel like I write my way into my own little world and you have no idea how happy that makes me that I was able to spread of that into your life**_

_**mcmeli: this may sound so bad, but it has been on my list of things to achieve when writing this, to be able to cause someone to feel so much that they cry…if I've done that for you…wow. Thank you.**_

_**I love all of you for supporting me, and please keep telling me what you think! Review to save a life (aka my life) lol.**_

_**Lina**_

_One Day_

"_Ali," Em was whining, tugging on Ali's arm in hopes of getting her back in bed._

"_No Em, c'mon, it's 11:30am on a Saturday, we should be out doing something. Going somewhere, out shopping or watching a cheesy chick flick."_

_Em grunted and threw herself back into the sheets, face down, mumbling._

"_Em," Ali almost scolded, "stop being a baby will you? I had a whole day planned for us and now look, half the day is gone."_

_Em flipped her hair from her face, "is not."_

"_Is too."_

"_Ugh, why can't we stay in bed and see how many episodes we can watch on Netflix and order pizza, make-out, eat ice cream from the tub-"_

"_What did you just say?"_

"_What," Em asked incredulously, "we always eat from the tub on sleepovers."_

"_No, before that."_

_It took a few seconds before Ali could see the warm tint growing across Emily's cheeks._

"_Em, you know you don't ever have to plan when we make-out?" Ali crawled back onto the bed, crawling over Em until her knees were on either side of her girlfriend's knees._

_Emily squirmed and smiled devilishly, something she had mimicked from Ali these past few months._

_Ali kept leaning forward, forcing Emily to scoot further into the bed, until her only option was to lie on her back and hold her breath and Ali kept inching closer, closer, until their noses were practically touching and Em could feel Ali's breath on her lips._

_Ali smirked and waited, torturing Em and smiling as the brunette beneath her squirmed._

_Finally, when Em was beginning to arch her back into Ali's body, Ali leaned down and connected their lips, brief but purposeful, taking what little air was in Em's lungs away, leaving her breathless, panting for more._

_Ali pulled away; just enough so Em could feel her smile against her lips, which was soon returned._

_Ali rolled over and began to laugh._

_Em leaned up on one elbow to face her, "What? What's so funny?"_

"_Nothing's funny, I'm laughing because I'm happy, what? I can't be happy?"_

"_Yes you can, and you deserve nothing more, you deserve every ounce of happiness this life and any other life could possibly offer."_

_Ali shook her head. She had no idea how Emily always had the right words to say…so quick with them at that, she didn't even have to try. Ali's smiled widened and turned her body to face her mermaid, "I love you."_

_Em smiled knowingly and moved to kiss Ali again. When they both stopped for air, Ali said softly, "your turn."_

_Em smirked and leaned down to kiss Ali's cheek, moving to her ear. "First, say it again."_

_Ali felt her insides and flip, she would say those three little words to Emily Fields until hell froze over or the sun stop shining, whichever came last._

"_I love you."_

_Em nestled her face in the crook of Alison's neck, making a path of kisses from the base of her neck to her jaw to her ear and back again, "Ali, I love you too. Always…now, say it to me again."_

_Ali looked into those warm brown eyes and was immediately under their spell again, she would cross the earth to see Em smile like that, to look at her the way she was right now._

"_Emily, I love you."_

"_Again," Emily kissed the pulse point on Ali's neck, making the blonde tremble._

"_Always," Ali reminded Emily, "I love you."_

"_Again," Em whispered, thinking to herself that she would never ever get tired of hearing Ali say that to her and being able to say it back._

"_I love you," Ali said it softer, matching Em's voice._

"_Say it again."_

"Hello-Ms. DiLaurentis?"

"What? I-I'm sorry." Ali blinked and shook her head, trying to shake the memory had flooded her mind in a matter of seconds, triggered by three little words.

"Did you hear me at all? You spaced out for a few minutes?" The FBI agent, introduced as Detective Swan and his counterparts, TweedleDee and TweedleDum…something like that.

"No, I didn't hear you, sorry."

"I asked you to say it again. For the records?" Swan pointed his finger at a recorder sitting on a table between them. Ali looked at this detective, trying to sum him up, she had her fair share of detectives from Rosewood, she found herself hoping that Swan wouldn't turn out to be another Wilden or Holbrook or Tanner. She just wanted this detective to actually give a damn about his job and work with, not against, Ali so they could find this monster.

"Look," Ali stated, "what you want me to tell you now is no different from what the Rosewood PD have on their files. I'm not here to relive the past 5 years of my life, I said I would talk and I was under the impression that you had done your homework and read up on whatever Rosewood could send you ahead of time. I also assume, you were assigned this case for a reason, but I'm seeing what that reason is so far."

Swan swallowed and nodded his head, "okay boys, no trying to pull any fast ones on this one."

"Excuse me?" Ali sat up in the chair she was seated in and looked the man in his dark eyes, waiting.

"It's just, you're sharper than most Ms. DiLaurentis," Swan looked up and seen Ali, waiting still, "but usually when we pull people in for questioning, no matter what the situation is, they tend to want to beat around the bush, I'm not getting that from you though, and that's a good thing, it'll make my job easier."

Ali relaxed and leaned back in the chair.

"Okay then so what's next?"

"Well, since there's no need for us to relive the past 5 years of your life, let's start with the last day you were in Rosewood.

A lump caught in Ali's throat. That was the last time Ali saw Em before Em found her near the Cali-Oregon border. It was step 1 in Ali's plan that had gone terribly wrong since.

_Keep it cool, Alison._

Alison closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.

Detective James Swan noted this and shifted in his seat.

"Listen, I don't know how much you heard the other day, when I was yelling to speak with you, but I agreed to let your doctor keep you under close eye for another day, and if you need more time-"

"No, I wanted to talk you last night but I had to wait till now, I came to you remember? And I'm tired of waiting."

Swan raised his brow and nodded, "okay, fair enough."

Ali took one more deep breath and crossed her hands in her lap.

"So it was March, the year after senior year when the messages started coming back…that's when I came up with a plan…"

x-x-x-x-x

"Dr. Pearson?"

"Yes, Emily?"

"The girl, Ali- I mean Alison…"

"Yes, what about her?"

"She was here last night." Em paused and looked in her lap, playing with the bracelet around her wrist. It was strange but she knew, she had a feeling that it was important, that it meant…it should mean something to her.

Dr. Pearson turned his attention away from Emily's monitors and sat in a chair near the brunette's bed, undoubtedly hearing the worry and questions in her voice even before she could say them.

Emily watched him sit and face her, waiting. She sucked in a breath, gathering the courage to ask, but with an exhale, she lost that courage and sighed instead.

"What is it Emily? Did you two talk?"

Em nodded, "Yeah, but that's not what I wanted to ask."

Pearson crossed his fingers over his knee and waited, he didn't want to push anything.

Em instead kept playing with her bracelet, liking how the charms dangled and tickled her skin. There were just three charms: a heart, a snow globe and the Eiffel Tower. Emily's favorite instantly became the Eiffel Tower.

"This, this is in Paris right?"

Dr. Pearson nodded.

Em smiled softly, "do you know, do you know if, if I've ever been?"

"No, I don't believe you have."

"Oh. I want to go someday and see it in person." Em held her wrist up and showed her doctor what she was talking about.

"That sounds like a great idea."

And before Emily knew why, she found herself asking, "do you think Ali will come with me?"

The moment she asked, Em's cheeks turned red and she stammered with trying to cover her tracks.

Dr. Pearson chuckled, "it's okay Emily, you know, I'm sure she would, but you should ask her yourself one day."

Emily smiled embarrassedly, "yeah, sure."

_One day, _she thought, _that holds so much promise._

"Well, your vitals are good Emily, brain activity is normal and your breaks seem to be healing just fine. I just came in to do a routine check and see how you were doing."

"Thank you, I may not remember any other doctor's I had in the past, but I'm sure you're the best one I'll ever have."

Dr. Pearson waved his hands, "oh stop it, you're being too kind."

"I'm just being honest."

"And never stop being just that."

Emily smiled and tried to think of something to say back.

"Well then, I'll leave you in peace, if there's anything you need, you know what to do."

Emily nodded, "yup, press the red 'nurse' button."

"You got it, I'll be back in a few hours."

"Okay."

Emily grabbed the remote from the side table and nestled her body deeper into the bed.

Dr. Pearson was just about to walk from the door when Emily called out, "wait, Dr. Pearson?"

"Yes?"

Emily swallowed hard and held one hand hard in the other, "Ali…you um, said that she was my best friend."

"Is that a question or a statement?"

Emily laughed nervously, "um, nevermind, it was an observation I guess."

Dr. Pearson raised a brow, almost knowing what Emily might be trying to get at and he smiled hopefully. The whole situation broke his heart and if he wished one thing from this, it was that somehow Em would find her way back to the broken blonde just down the hall to the right, right again, through the double doors on the left and sitting in room 27, waiting for her girlfriend, waiting and hoping too.

"Okay Emily, see you in a few hours." And with that, he left.

Em sat against the bed and shook her head, "smooth, real smooth."

She sat and continued to play with the charms on her bracelet.

But she wanted to ask Pearson if there was more, if her and Ali…no, they couldn't. Could they?

Emily shook the thoughts from her head, but she couldn't shake the way she had felt when the blonde was in her room, when their skin met, the sound of her voice, and Emily could definitely not shake the way Ali's eyes looked at her…no, deeper, looked _into _her: waiting, expecting, searching for something.

And somehow, in that moment, Emily knew she wanted to give Ali what she was searching for. Even if that meant drowning in those deep blue eyes, so turbulent, so captivating….so much like what she imagined she would want to feel in someone's eyes: home.

_One day, _Em hoped, _one day._


	8. I Can't Shake You

_**Woooohoo, I'm out of school, you know what that means! More frequent updates! (hopefully). I'm really excited! Anyways here's this...enjoy **___

_I Can't Shake You_

Em sat in her bed, unaware of the time, only aware of the faint buzz coming from the muted TV, whose screen was the only light illuminating the small hospital room. She had tried to sleep but when she closed her eyes, she felt two more on her. But not just any two eyes, this pair was so foreign yet somehow the most familiar thing she could remember.

They were blue and sometimes stormy or calm; they were captivating and intimidating, and Emily couldn't get them out of her mind…

She couldn't get Alison's eyes out of her head.

And Emily couldn't decide if that was a good thing.

x-x-x-x-x

Alison spent 3 hours in a room, sitting on a cold metal and hard chair, talking and talking, painfully reliving the events of the past three months. She went into as much detail as she could, leaving out the part where she figured who –A could possibly be. But something to her felt off, she herself was forgetting something, forgetting someone and she knew it was important.

But her time was up and the police were caught up with most of her story:

"_I met with whoever –A sent to pick me up from the airport and I was driven someplace far, I must've been in the car for 2 hours. Then they ted my hands behind my back and blindfolded me. I tried to stay awake, but I assume once I got drowsy whatever they covered my head with had some chloroform in it."_

"_And then?"_

"_And then I woke up in a room, it was smaller than my own, but it was almost an exact replica."_

"_Do you know who could've done this?"_

_Ali bit her lip and seriously considered revealing some craziness that she based on a hunch._

"_No."_

"_And then what?"_

"_I was locked into that room for a few days, there was a bathroom and when I woke up, there was always food."_

"_And you didn't freak out? What about what you told your girlfriend, don't you think she'd have been worried?"_

"_There was nothing I could do to contact Emily, but if –A really wanted me dead, I guess they would have killed me at the first chance they got."_

"_So you're defending this –A character?"_

"_No!"_

"_Then? Explain."_

"_Look, if –A wanted me dead so bad, I wouldn't be here right now."_

"_And what if that's not what they want?"_

"_What?" Alison was slightly confused and Detective Swan's questions were starting to rub her the wrong way. "Now it's your turn, please, explain."_

_Alison huffed, sat back in the chair and crossed her arms as gently as she could careful not to tear her stitches…again._

"_Miss DiLaurentis, I'm just doing my job here. But what exactly did you tell your girlfriend, Miss Emily Fields, was it?"_

_Was…damn, that hurt._

_Alison sighed, "I promised her to be back in a matter of days, maybe a week."_

"_And you didn't tell her where you were going?"_

"_No, but she knew what I was planning on doing and she knew why I didn't tell her."_

"_Then, please explain to me how she did. And so soon."_

_Ali bit her inside lip, she didn't want to sell anyone out, but she knew he's never get in trouble anyways._

"_Emily asked our friend," Alison paused, choking up a bit, "asked our friend's boyfriend, Caleb Rivers to hack my phone. From there he gained access to my GPS and found the last place I was before I got to –A's lair."_

"_Hmm, I see, and she didn't think to alert the authorities, she went alone?"_

"_She's also a good liar, we all are, we had to be once the threats came in."_

"_Even with each other?"_

"_If we thought it was going to protect the ones we love, then yes?"_

"_Hmm, seems…"_

"_You have no right to judge, ask the next question."_

"_Okay then, so after the help of Mr. Rivers, where did that lead her?"_

"_To some run down gas station in the middle of Oregon, it was somewhere near the highway and the California border."_

"_And how did she presume her look for you? What was happening in the 'house'?"_

_Alison made a hard line with her mouth._

"_Emily is smart, her dad has served in the military for years, and she's fearless. She asked around and soon enough she found out that there were some old abandoned hike trails nearby. She assumed that I couldn't have been driven any further and searched on foot in the of a god damned forest to find me. I don't how she did, but she did, I now I'm the one okay and she's sitting in that god damn bed without a fucking clue of who she is! Can I answer anything else?"_

_Ali was heated, livid with anger and frustration, and it pissed her off more when she sensed how calm Swan had remained._

_He put his pen down and interlaced his fingers in front of him, on the table, leaning forward, "yes, you can."_

_Alison shook her head, you fucking asshole._

"_I want to know about Emily Fields and any possible relations between her and –A."_

_Alison was ready to lunge for his throat._

"_What are you insinuating?"_

"_What are you guessing?"_

_Alison narrowed her eyes and tensed her jaw, waiting._

_Finally Detective Swan gave in, "you said that if –A wanted you dead, you wouldn't be here. Then why did they wait to torture you until Miss Fields found you? Why was it so easy for her to find you? Perhaps she was given clues by –A?"_

"_Please help me connect the dots to the fucked up picture you are trying so hard to draw."_

_Swan laughed and nodded, "perhaps –A's motive was never to kill you."_

_Alison sat and before opening her mouth, she just thought._

"_-A has been torturing us for years." But Ali said it more for herself than for the detectives to hear, "that was the plan, to return the favor."_

"_What was that?"_

_Alison's head snapped up, "nothing."_

"_Alison, the whole time you were kidnapped you had been, treated…how would I say this, decently, correct?"_

"_Yes, I was never harmed."_

"_And you where presumably left alone?"_

"_Yes."_

"_When did things change?"_

_Oh shit._

"_Alison, please answer the question._

_Shit again, "when Emily found me."_

"_Yes, when Emily Fields 'found' you. And you and Emily had been very intimate, correct?"_

_Had…this jerk. "Correct again."_

"_And you cared for her?"_

"_Care," Ali corrected, "very much, yes."_

"_So then what happened when Emily arrived?"_

_Alison gulped, "it was morning and my door was slightly ajar, no breakfast. I heard shouting…it was Emily, I couldn't believe it and I had been silent for so many days that I almost couldn't find my voice. But somehow I did and I called to her, there must have been stairs, because I heard her stomping up them, two at a time, I managed to walk to the doorframe just as she reached the top and we ran to each other. I thought somehow –A had left and Em had found me."_

"_Sounds too good to be true."_

_It was. "Well that's what happened, and when Em comes to, she'll tell you the same."_

_Swan merely nodded and flipped to a blank note page, "next?"_

"_Then I pulled away from her to ask how she found me, but we heard more footsteps, from the room down the hall."_

_Alison squeezed her eyes, reliving the scene and the terror that accompanied it, in her head._

"_The look of fear yet bravery in her eyes…she hushed me and said we have to get out of here. So we made a break for the stairs, but none of the doors would open. The steps above neared but never sped up, they knew. They knew we were trapped, and they knew we knew it too."_

_Alison had to stop. Swan kept asking her something but her heart was racing and still she was bothered by something other than what had happened in that house._

"_Miss DiLaurentis, stay focused, we need to know what happened."_

_Alison gulped, "they found us, we were in the living room, trying to break the windows but nothing was working. I screamed and we threw things, anything near us, but nothing worked."_

"_Did you get a look at who it was?"_

"_No, the description is always the same, all black clothing: hoodie, gloves, boots…and a mask. But I could tell it was a man, taller than Em, thin, slight muscular build, if that, but he was strong."_

"_He? So you know the gender?"_

"_I-I don't know, I told you how they were built, I'm assuming it was a man."_

"_How were you taken?"_

_Alison cringed at this. "Emily stood in front of me, protective, and I could feel her rage coming off her skin, she shouted for them not to touch me."_

_Detective Swan sensed a change in her voice and set his pen down, leaning back to listen more tentatively._

"_I had my hands on her arms, they were outstretched like a cross, shielding me. –A lounged and Em charged. I was frozen at first but then I ran towards them on the floor, crashed into the table and I started to kick –A. He somehow got on top of her and…"_

_Ali choked back sobs and didn't realize she was crying until she looked at the small puddle on the table._

"_I got behind him and wrapped my arms around his neck, but it was no use. One blow and Em was knocked unconscious, I thought…." Ali took a deep breath, "I thought she was dead."_

_When Ali paused and stared ahead, into nothing, Swan let her, let her calm down before pushing again._

"_Alison, what did…he do next?"_

"_I was thrown off of him and when I was trying to get up, a pair of hands, these ones slender and long, grabbed my shoulders and held me down…and…." _

"_And what?"_

"_I don't remember, but when I woke up, I was tied to a chair, gagged and sitting in a dark basement, it had to be underground because it smelled cold, and wet and there were no windows._

"_Where was Miss Fields."_

_This is where Ali experienced heart break like no other._

"_When the lights came on, I seen her, she was standing, but barely, supported by the thick roped that held her arms over her head. She had a gag in her mouth and I could see her chest, barely moving up and down."_

"_Where was your captor?"_

"_I don't know, when I opened my eyes, it was just me and Em."_

"_And was she conscious?"_

_Alison winced, cringing at the memories, flooding her now faster than before._

"_No."_

"_No?"_

"_Did I stutter? No! She was not! Emily was beaten and tied up, bleeding and barely breathing, her eye was swollen shut and her head hung limp from her neck, happy?"_

"_I'm only trying to get more on the person doing this, if we can target the motive, we have a better chance of narrowing any suspects."_

"_Why don't you just send some Rangers and some of your men into the forest near where I was found and find that damn house, it can't just disappear! Go there and find some damn clues instead of questioning me like I'm guilty."_

"_We have. We've sent several teams out there to look for a house, a cabin, some kind of building that would house you, but there's nothing…."_

_Alison's heart dropped._

"_Did you see any actual windows in that 'house' did you see sunlight?_

_Alison thought back to the few days spent in the room, and realized there wasn't, somehow she didn't notice that her 'window' was just a wall with curtains in front of it. "No, I guess I didn't."_

"_And you didn't find that strange?"_

"_At the time? No, I just didn't want to die."_

"_Hmm." Swan made a face and Alison temporarily lost it._

"_If you're trying to accuse me of something, say it so I can correct you. I'm not guilty of anything here. That's what all you cops do though right, when a lead runs dry and you don't think you're gonna catch the bad guy? You'll just twist the story and find someone to make guilty." Ali was practically yelling but Swan sat calm, cool and collected, trained perfectly to handle such outbursts._

"_I don't think you're guilty."_

"_But?"_

_Swan sighed, "but I think you know more than you're telling."_

"_And why would you think that?"_

"_Not sure yet."_

"_Well when you have a clue, please let me know."_

_There was a silence that fell and Alison thought they were finished._

"_Is there more?"_

_Swan looked at the two officers who had remained silent and still in the corners of the room behind him and they nodded._

"_Yes, so after seeing Miss Fields, what did you do?"_

_Alison readjusted her body in the seat and sighed again, she hated picturing Em that way and just to retell it to a stranger who may or may not help her get closer who did this._

"_I tried yelling for her, but like I said I was gagged. I tried moving from my seat, but that wasn't happening either. We were no more than 10 feet apart so I just tried to make as much noise as I could, to wake her up, I just needed to see-"_

"_See what?"_

"_Her eyes, I just wanted to see them open, and looking at me."_

"_Then what?"_

"_I got tired, my jaw hurt and I could feel the burns I was giving myself around my wrists and ankles, so I stopped and I started crying." Ali hated to admit that she was brought to tears, but in the spur of telling the story, it had just come out._

"_I see, and during this time did you evaluate your own well-being?"_

"_I'm sorry? Are you deaf, I just told you! I was tied up and gagged and-"_

"_Okay, let me rephrase, upon looking at the injuries that Miss Fields had sustained, were there any injuries similar to that that you had also sustained?"_

_Ali paused and sucked in a harsh breath, she hadn't really thought of that, so in a whisper she realized, "no."_

"_I didn't hear you."_

"_NO. I wasn't harmed."_

"_I see, and do you have any idea why?"_

_She was starting to, but had no assurance that she could disclose what she was thinking with Detective Swan._

"_No."_

"_So to make a short summary; you were lead on by –A and you thought you could join their team, but you devised a plan to double cross this –A character and it backfired. You were 'kidnapped' and held hostage where no harm came your way. Then after days of being gone, your girlfriend magically finds you and upon escaping, you both are taken to what presumably is a basement, but when you wake Emily Fields is the only one physically hurt."_

"_That sounds more like an accusation than an observation detective."_

"_And this sounds more like a set up than a kidnap."_

"_So there it is! You think I'm in on this or something?"_

"_I find it strange that you were taken and were hardly injured and Emily was taken, tied, and beaten almost to the point of death."_

_Alison wanted to act like that didn't hurt but it did._

"_You don't think I know that! I KNOW THAT! I watched the life leave her eyes in the back of a god damned ambulance. She was dead! She flat lined and I went unconscious believing that she was dead! I know how badly she was hurt and I don't know why I wasn't. If I could go back, i would trade places with her in a heartbeat."_

_Swan nodded, "Alison what I'm trying to get at is if you had any past relationships with someone that would want to hurt Emily?"_

_Ali was confused._

"_Like a old friend, boyfriend, girlfri-"_

"_No, god no. The only guy I used to be like that with is dead. And there's never been anyone else. Emily couldn't make enemies if she tried. Everyone loves her."_

_Swan decided to change the angle._

"_And you?"_

"_Me? Yeah, I made plenty of enemies, people always wanted to be me or be with me, but I hated it, and I've changed, and I don't know who couldv-"_

"_No, that's not what I meant."_

"_Then wha-"_

"_You said everyone loves Emily. Everyone. But do you?"_

_Is this asshole kidding me? "Of course I love her, and I've been. Wait, who is this helping you build this case?"_

"_So you really love her?"_

"_More than life itself."_

"_And you'd do anything for her?"_

"_Anything under the sky."_

"_And let's say if she was hurt."_

"_I would do anything to make her feel better."_

"_And if everyone loves her, someone who would want to hurt her would actually-"_

_Alison caught on, cutting him off "being trying to hurt me." Her voice was low and soft._

"_You've got thick skin Miss DiLaurentis, and this tough as nails attitude about you. And if you love Emily Fields as much as you say, then it seems the one way to hurt you is to hurt the one person you love."_

_Alison sat in silence, the asshole had a point._

"_We can be done for the day, but tomorrow, I want to ask about how you two escaped okay?"_

_Alison nodded and Detective Swan stood, "you're free to go now, but until tomorrow, please consider thinking about who would want to exact their revenge on you this way."_

_Alison nodded again and was soon left in the room alone._

_She sat there for another 20 minutes, piecing together the little clues she had, she knew that whoever did this….it was personal._

x-x-x-x

Ali lies there in her bed unaware of the person slowly rolling her wheelchair to her door. It was late and she was getting tired, but there was a small knock on the door before she croaked, "uh, come in."

Alison was more surprised when she seen who it was.

"Em, wha-what are you doing here? How did you get out of bed?"

Em grimaced at the look of pure worry reflected in Alison's eyes.

"Dr. Pearson helped me into the chair and wheeled me up until your door." And then more embarrassedly, "I've been outside your door for like 15 minutes."

Alison smiled, noting the nerves in Emily's voice, "Why?"

"I was contemplating going back."

Ouch. "Oh okay…," and with more confidence, "buuut, you didn't."

"No," Em smiled, "I guess not."

"Well, you're here now and didn't leave yet, so come here." Ali motioned her hand and Emily slowed wheeled herself with one arm to the side of Ali's bed.

"You got it?" Ali asked once Em had stopped right beside her.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

But Alison looked at Em a little more closely, the casts on her arm and leg, the dissolving stitches on her forehead, she looked lower and could even see the slight bulge where her bandage for her ribs were. Alison winced, noticeably shuddering.

"I should be asking you, are you alright Ali?" Em voice was full of that familiar concern and Alison grimaced, some things would never change.

"Yeah, I'm just-"

"Just what?"

Alison looked up, or down rather at Em whose eyes were bright and wide, awaiting an answer.

So Ali mustered up the best one she could, "I'm just sorry that all of this happened."

Em nodded. She looked down and crossed her fingers in lap, "oh," she said flatly, "I see."

"Em," Ali started, her tone knowing and warning.

"Yeah?"

"I'm happy you came to see me, but why…I mean why did you come here?"

Em chewed the inside of her lip before answering, "I couldn't sleep." At least it was partly true.

"Are you in pain, I mean I know you are, but if its unbearable to the point where you can't sleep, then Dr. Pearson can prescribe something stronger," Alison leaned over to the side, "I can call-"

"Ali," Em reciprocated the same stern tone and placed her hand above Alison's. Ali stopped dead in her tracks and turned her body back around. She tried not to make a big deal of their contact, but she betrayed herself by looking down, with a look close to horror on her face.

Emily quickly looked at their hands and drew it away, "I uh- sorry, you were rambling- and I- I didn't mean-"

_Great Ali, look what you did. _Alison quickly reached down and grabbed Em's hand back in hers, sighing briefly at how perfect they fit together, "hey, Em, now you're rambling, it's okay, you can grab my hand, I was just…I was surprised."

Em looked at their hands clasped around each others, resting on the bed near Alison's thigh and nervously laughed, "yeah, uh me too."

Ali crooked her head to the side, "you were?"

Em used her other casted arm, to reach behind her head, her fingers reaching to scratch behind her head, "yeah," she lowered her arm and avoided making eye contact, "I don't know what it is about you, but you make me kind of…"

_Oh no_, Ali thought.

She waited…

It seemed like hours passed within the mere seconds of silence that fell between the two girls.

Em sighed, "nervous."

Ali released a breath she didn't know she was holding, "nervous?"

"Uh, yeah, I never know how I'm supposed to act around you."

"And is that good or bad?"

"I'm not sure, but when I am, you'll be the second person to know?"

"Second?"

Em laughed, "well yeah, I have to be the one to know it first, right?"

Ali joined in on the light laughter, "yeah…well just be yourself."

Suddenly Em's laughter stopped and she withdrew her hand. Ali opened her eyes and seen the discomfort in Em's eyes, and she opened her mouth so say something, but the words wouldn't come out.

"How? I don't know what that even means. I don't know who I am."

Alison felt the shards of her heart slowly cracking again, at the same seams she worked so hard in mending back together, her voice was low and soft when she spoke, "Em, I'm-"

"Sorry, yeah I know. But why can't I remember? Do you know how hard it is for me? I sit in that room all day, wondering who I am, what I like, who my family is, if I was a good person, and I come up with nothing! Just emptiness and blurred out faces, mumbled voices and weird dreams."

Alison sat back, every word cutting her deeper than any knife ever could. This was her fault.

"No, Em, I don't know."

"Exactly! No one knows how this feels, but I do! And that's the only thing I know! I can't even remember anything about myself, other than I have a name and you're my friend and apparently we almost died together." Emily was close to tears when she finished and Ali was speechless.

"Em-"

"What!" Ali winced but took a deep breath, this was just Emily trying to find out who she is, her Em is still in there, she just needs help remembering.

"You deserve to know the truth."

"About what?"

Ali sighed, she had no clue if Em was ready to hear all of this, if Ali was really ready to tell her about them, and –A and Em's family and their friends, but the longer Ali waited, the more it would hurt Em if she found out later, and by someone other than her.

"Everything, Em, there is a lot you don't know, I know that, you know that, and I'm the closest thing you have at finding answers. And there are some things that even Dr. Pearson kept a secret to protect you, but memory or not, I know you're strong and you can handle all of this.

Em looked baffled and she opened and shut her mouth, trying to figure out something to say.

"Em?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll only tell you what you want to know, nothing more, nothing less, and whatever you don't ask, I'll be sure to fill in the blanks later. But only if you're ready?"

Em took a deep breath. Then another. And another.

"We don't have to talk about this now, I want to make sure that you're 100%-"

"I'm ready." Em cut her off.

Ali stopped, "You are?"

"Yes."

"Okay then-"

"But first, I have to say something."

Ali shifted in her seat, a little nervous, "okay, say it."

Em swallowed and made sure to look Ali in the eye, "I have to say this before I learn everything, and you don't have to respond, or say anything back, I just- I just think you should know, no, I want you to know this."

Ali was a little scared, but she said patiently, waiting.

"Ali, I don't know who we were before this, or how our relationship was, or what kind of friends we were to each other, but when I go to bed and when I close my eyes, all I see is you, and I- I- honestly it scares the shit out of me. I lay there all day thinking about what you're doing, and if you're ok, and I have these dreams, sometimes they're so vivid, that I think they're real, or that they're memories." Em paused to see that she hadn't scared Alison away yet.

"Ali, I can't shake you. I don't even know that I want to, you're the only thing that actually feels familiar, and I can't- I just can't shake you okay? So whatever you're going to say and tell me, whatever I need to know, I can handle it, I think…I'm ready. And I don't know how I'll react to it all, so I just, I needed to tell you."

Alison sat. She looked into the warm eyes that had never changed. She stared. And sat. And Emily waited. Em didn't expect anything, but the silence was making her itch.

"Ali? You can um, you can start now."

Ali snapped from her daze and smiled, "do you think you can sit up here, with me?"

Em's eyes widened in shock before she started to move, "yeah, but I'll need some help."

Ali reached her arm out, "I think I can lend this one."

Em laughed and soon enough…well, within a minute she was laying next to Ali in the small hospital bed. Their arms were flush up against each other, but Ali made sure their legs were far apart.

_Don't push it Ali, this is close enough._

But Em was obviously oblivious to the effect she had on Ali. She slid her body as close as she could to Alison and scooted her body down, just enough so that her head rested on Ali's shoulder.

Ali smiled because that was always how she had laid on Em.

She dared to wrap her arm around Em's shoulders, so it wasn't awkwardly smashed between their bodies.

"Is this okay?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not hurting you am I?" Ali stopped, cursing herself for the poor choice of words.

"No, I'd tell you if you were."

"I don't doubt that, you have before." Alison whispered to herself.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Okay, so…I don't- I don't know where to begin."

Em tilted her head back to face Alison, "how about the beginning?"

Ali thought about which beginning to start with. She slid her body lower too, so that they were almost lying on their backs, but as she did she caught a wiff of something foreign on Emily. Foreign on Em, but somehow familiar to Ali.

She had smelled it before. She knew that scent somehow.

"Em, are you, are you wearing perfume?"

Em sat up a little straighter, Ali wasn't able to hide the concern in her voice.

"Uh yeah, it's new. Someone gave it to me in the hall today. It was during your questioning with those detectives, one of the nurses took me to the cafeteria because I wanted some chocolate and this girl was there, said she thought she knew me. Why? Is everything alright?"

Ali inhaled the scent again. Lavender. Why she know that smell?

_Oh shit, _then it hit her;Ali remembered what it was that she was missing, what her brain had forgotten, WHO her brain had left out of the equation the whole time.

While –A was standing across from her, beating Emily into unconsciousness yet again, there had been hands, retying the gag around her mouth, slender hands, and that familiar scent of Lavender, she had a friend who always wore it. She smelled it that first night she went to see Emily. And it scared her shitless that she was smelling it again.

But Ali had to make sure.

"Em, did this girl give you her name?"

Em shifted to face Ali, "Ali you're scaring me."

"Just tell me if she gave you a name!"

Em stuttered, "uh yeah she did, she said that it was um, it was something short, sounded like a nickname-"

"Think harder!"

"'C' it started with a 'C', oh I know now Ali, of course, she said her name was-"

"CeCe Drake, that bitch."

x-x-x-x

Em stopped, "yeah, how did you know?"

Ali cut her off, "we can't do this right now Em, I think you should stay here too, don't leave okay, don't go back to your room?"

Ali made moves to get up, but was stopped when Em firmly grabbed her wrist, "wait Ali, first tell me what's going on. Who is CeCe? You know her? I do know her? I mean am I supposed to?"

Ali was sitting, her feet hanging off the bed and she sighed, turning to face Em, "yeah, I can't believe I didn't recognize that scent sooner or her face a few nights ago, I guess my concussion had a few more memory issues than I thought…" Em looked confused so Ali gave her a few more details, "Yeah, we knew her, but I haven't seen her in forever, I thought she left town, turns out, she's been closer to me than I thought."

"Where are you going?"

"To get Dr. Pearson and Detective Swan."

"What about me?"

"Caleb and the others are staying at a motel a few minutes away, I'll call them and have them stay nearby okay?"

Em simply nodded but she was more confused than when she first came in those doors.

Ali grabbed the crutches and hobbled as fast as she could out of the doors, if CeCe was helping –A all along, Ali was definitely going to make that bitch pay.

x-x-x-x

_**AN: It was so hard to stop writing…I was originally going to end the chapter sooner but, I couldn't. Anyways please let me know what you thought of this chapter. I'd love the feedback and I have so much more to give you all.**_

_**OTHER: I put up the third chapter of the Massage Prompt/Story, but it was terrible, and I know many were disappointed, so I'm taking it down and in some free 'free time' lol, I'll write up a better ending.**_

_**The next upload will be for #OITNE and then ISIKYW, so be on the lookout!**_

_**Oh and please, please leave me your reviews, they add fuel to the flame!**_

_**xoxo, Lina**_


	9. It Was the Lavender

_Chapter 9 – It Was the Lavender_

"_I don't get it," Ali asked, "why is it so important?"_

"_Ali, Ali, Ali. See, that's why we need to be good friends, so I can teach you everything I know."_

_Ali scoffed, "like what, I've snuck into parties on my own, I know how to flirt with guys and I can fake like I'm drinking, how is-"_

_Ali's older friend cut her off, "listen, sweetie, that's great, but if you truly want to fit in with us, you have to really become one of us, you listen to everything I say, and do what I tell you, that's how it was to be if you don't want to get caught."_

"_But, I have my own friends too, they-"_

"_When you're here, they don't matter!"_

_The sudden outburst made Ali cringe but she so badly wanted to know what it felt like to hang out with a bunch of college kids that she found herself agreeing, agreeing shamefully._

"_Okay, then, good, I'm glad you understand, things could've gotten quite ugly."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_That's nothing you need to be concerned with. Here, put this on, if you smell like a woman, men will treat you like a woman, not a girl, especially a freshman….in high school."_

_Ali was handed a small clear bottle of perfume._

"_What scent is it?"_

_The older girl turned around, a smile that Ali found somewhat discomforting on her face, "it's lavender, my favorite."_

_Ali nodded, "thanks CeCe."_

x-x-x-x

"Tell us again how you know the exact person that helped kidnap and hold you captive?"

Ali clenched and unclenched her fists visibly atop the same table she sat at earlier.

"I told you 3 times, how many more before you remember?"

Detective Swan nodded in understanding. "I'm sorry Alison, but you do realize I got called her at 3 in the morning, and you drop this big of a news on us based on, on some stupid perfume?"

Ali squeezed her hands so tight her nails threatened to break the skin of her palms.

"Yes, no one else I know wears that and Emily even said that she-"

"Yes," Swan cut her off, "Emily, the girl who remembers literally nothing before the accident. I'm sorry but I don't think she's that reliable of a source."

"What? Are you serious, what kind of bullshit is that? Em wouldn't just make that up."

"I'm well aware, but we've checked the security footage and the sign-in, no CeCe Drake."

"Well look again, you guys don't understand how –A does all of this."

"I thought Drake was –A?"

Ali brushed her hands through her hair in frustration.

"No, I said CeCe was helping –A, she was the one tying me up again. I know it was her."

"Based on…" he trailed, mocking Ali.

"It was the lavender. It was that fucking smell okay?" Alison was close to shouting, "I was friends with CeCe for a long time, she helped me fit in, she taught me things and took me places."

"But?"

"But, I guess she got in trouble one night for bringing me with her, I got her kicked out of college and because of that, her parents also cut her off." 

Swan nodded, scribbling more notes in his book, "So you think that because of that-"

"There's your fucking motive. CeCe knew a lot about me, she knew who I was and that I didn't get threatened easily, she helped build the person I was- cold, hard, a total bitch like her, controlling and overall not a good friend, I know a lot about her too, and when people cross her, she gets revenge. So when I say I know it was CeCe Drake, it was her."

The finality in her voice, didn't push anymore questions from the detective, he only sat soaking in the possibility that Ali was right.

"Alison, if we name CeCe now, you better be damn sure."

Ali nodded, "I am."

"Ok, you're free to go, but we still need to hear how you and Fields managed to get out of there and end up here, alright?"

Ali sighed, "you know where to find me." With that Ali walked out and went quickly to find Em and the boys.

"Alright," Swan said to the two officers behind him, "call it in, CeCe Drake is our prime suspect, I want to know everything about her and I want her face everywhere, every station and news network in the area, I don't care if we have to plaster her in stores, we find her and bring her in. Go!"

The two nameless officers, scrambled from the door and Swan sat, still thinking at the table, muttering to himself, "what aren't you telling me DiLaurentis?"

x-x-x-x

"So what does it all mean?" Caleb leaned forward in his chair, Ezra and Toby next to him, all facing Ali who sat at the edge of her bed.

"I'm still trying to figure that part out, I have the pieces, I know I'm missing some, I'm just trying to see how they fit." Alison squeezed the back of her neck with her hands and sighed heavily.

"Hey," it was Toby, "how is she?"

Ali knew instantly who he was talking about. She shook her head.

"She doesn't know how someone we used to know could be a threat and why I acted the way I did. She's pretty confused and Pearson didn't want her to be too worked up so they put her back in her room, but they increased the security, she just doesn't know it."

"So I take it you haven't told her the truth?" Ezra asked very cautiously.

"No."

"Ali you know that the longer you wait, the harder it will be for her to trust you."

Alison knew Toby had a point, him being the first of the men in front of her to be Emily's friend.

"I know, I know. But I don't need Em's trust right now, I need her safe, and the less she knows…for now…the better."

Caleb shook his head, "you know that's not true, if –A or CeCe find a way here, they can tell her whatever and she could believe them. Are you even sure she trusts you?"

Ali took that like salt in a wound, "I-I think so."

"Then tell her," Toby's words were final.

"I tried, don't you at least think I tried!? She was here, I was ready, she was ready and I wanted to tell all of it, but I didn't know how, and then I could smell the fucking lavender on her, I couldn't."

"And now, what is stopping you now? She didn't even know who we were; we lied and said we undercover agents sent to watch her. She doesn't even know about," Caleb stopped swallowing hard, cringing internally and out at the thought and loss of Hanna.

Toby squeezed his shoulder and Ali could see the massive waves of pain and sadness reflected in the three pairs of eyes in front of her.

"The girls," Ezra managed, "you told her about her parents, but not the girls." It wasn't a question.

Ali too felt the sharp pang of guilt bubble in her stomach and choked back a sob, her next breaths coming out chopping and uneven, "how? How could I?"

Her voice cracked but she didn't care, "how could I look at the one person I love and tell her everyone that mattered to us, to her, they were all dead, that they died in a plane crash on their ways to see us, who were only here because of me? How could I say that to her, I don't even accept that they're gone, because I can't, I won't let them go, I won't."

Ali was in full tears now, "Emily doesn't even know the truth about her parents death, she knows they died, but not that they died the night we were found, she doesn't know they died coming to hold her and be here for her. I can't break her heart again. Don't ask me to."

Her voice was a whisper, distant and more noticeable, broken.

Caleb stood and blinked the mist from his eye, "Alison, I love Hanna, and she love the two of you, she deserves to be remembered and she deserves to be talked about in a good way, especially to Em, they were best friends, you all were, so sooner rather than later you need to do that, tell Emily the truth, or I will. She deserves to know."

Alison lifted her head, not wanting to fight with Caleb but also knowing he was serious. She nodded and squeezed her hands together.

"I'll tell Emily, as soon as I find out who –A is, I don't want her to sit there and be worried, when I tell her everything, it will be when we're both safe and –A is gone, for good."

"As great as that sounds, how are you planning that?" Toby questioned harshly.

"I didn't tell the cops everything I know. There's some things I need to find out, but I can't do it alone."

Ezra looked at Caleb and Toby warily, "So what are you saying?"

Alison swallowed, thinking of Aria, of Spencer, of Hanna, of Emily sitting in her hospital room, feeling alone and anything but herself. Alison's pride didn't matter and there was no one else she could truly trust but the three in front of her now, "I need your help."

Caleb half smiled, half smirked, "and we thought you'd never ask."

Alison laughed nervously, confused.

"We came to see you, but more importantly we came to find the son of a bitch that started all this and end it. You're not going in alone on this one Ali. You're not, and we're all coming back out of this together."

"Okay then."

"So, where do we start?"

Ali smiled and felt more tears flee from her eyes, not for the words that she had heard, not for the fact that she finally felt comfort again, but because as much as she wanted to believe it was true, it wasn't, the simple fact was, they were not _all _coming back out of this.

Even if some bodies from the plane were not found, Ali couldn't allow the hope to creep in again, the let down would literally crush her.

Hope sucked that way. Yet again, Spencer Hastings had to be right.

x-x-x-x

_Two Weeks Later_

"Really Ali, how many grandmas do you have?"

"Just one, and I told you, she left me everything, I forgot that included this." Ali walked over and kicked her shoe against the giant tire of the sixteen wheeler.

"Yeah," Caleb scoffed, "and if we thought we were being discreet before, wait until we roll around in this."

Alison groaned, "listen, I've been out of the hospital for four days. That's three in a shitty motel with you three no offense. Besides that, I think it'd be better to have our own mobile office."

A groan was heard, "and you expect us all to live in that in the time being?"

"Look, it needs a little TLC but it's free…other than gas and food, and that will already be saving you guys a bunch. If not, you can go back home and-"

"Home?" It was Caleb again, "Ali there's not much a home left for me, there wasn't one until Hanna, and now-" he paused, sucking in a breath, "Hanna was my home, so I'm staying, in that crap RV or in a hotel, behind a dumpster, I don't care, but there is no home anymore, not until I at least help you find who did this." His voice went from angry, to sad, to sincere and distant and Alison wished she was more sensitive and said the right things.

After Pearson cleared her release from the hospital, Alison had no clue what to do, she stayed with the boys when they offered but she couldn't do that for too long. She had money from her grandma, loads of it, but she knew she should spend wisely.

Most of that money, unknown to anyone but Ali, Dr. Pearson and the hospital was paying for Emily's medical bills. Years of family money going to the one person she would've spent in on anyways. Of course Ali wished it was for a house, a car and maybe a wedding, but that wasn't a picture in photo album…not yet.

"Earth to Ali," Ezra waved his hand in front of her face, "did you hear me?"

"What? I'm sorry, I spaced."

"Yeah, I noticed. I asked where we're going to park this, and if it even runs."

Alison realized that although she just picked up the keys, she had no clue what this thing was like on the inside.

"Uh, I was actually hoping you guys would help with that…specifically Toby?"

Ali turned on her heels to face Toby who grinned, "yeah, alright, I'll take a look."

x-x-x-x

_Four Hours Later_

"Shit, how am I supposed to drive this?" Ezra sat behind the wheel, a cross between struggle and panic across his face.

"Ezra, the hospital is just down the highway, and then it's two turns, you can do this."

"I hate you all for this, if we crash and die-" he stopped, knowing the weight of those words were too heavy for anyone in that RV to carry.

He quickly tried to apologize, stopped immediately by everyone. No one brought it up, but somewhere inside them all, a silver lining was laced in their bones; hope resonated deep within their souls; the familiar faces and laughter haunted them in dreams and memories; but no one said anything.

Ali dreamt every night that –A would be gone, Em would get her memory back and she would have her friends again. Ali wished for a day that none of this happened, that she never started any of this. But she knew, she knew wishing on stars was only worth something in movies, and this was no movie, it wasn't worth it. Those stars people wish on are dead anyways, everyone is too late, all that time wasted.

And time wasn't a luxury Alison DiLaurentis had. It wasn't something she wasted. She didn't however tell Emily the whole truth yet, she only knew that she had other friends. Ali couldn't share more, she couldn't say that Hanna and the others were- she just couldn't and the boys hadn't said a word either. It ate away everyday that Ali sat and visited Em, she could see the questions racing behind her warm brown eyes, the questions she physically couldn't even ask and it fueled Ali, it fueled her to keep going, when there were so many times she thought of giving up.

x-x-x-x

"_Ali?"_

"_Yeah Em?"_

"_Tell me something about myself again?" Em didn't pick her gaze up from her hands and Ali sighed, knowing there was no way she could say no, she couldn't find an excuse to leave so she sat in silence, thinking, finally taking a deep breath to ask, "like what?"_

_Em chewed the bottom of her lip, "was I a good friend?"_

_Alison swallowed, thankful that Em still hadn't lifted her eyes to look at her._

"_Em," Ali didn't know how to reveal anything, so she comprised a little, "we were a group of friends actually."_

_Emily lifted her eyes, shock and nerves obvious, "others? Are we still close, do they know we're okay or- oh no, were they in the accident? I-"_

"_Shh, Em , please, it's okay," Alison lied through her teeth but she didn't know who she was lying for…or to? Her, or Em._

"_Em," she tried again, "we had friends, but they went away for a while, and I don't know for how long."_

"_Oh," Emily sat back in her hospital chair, scratching around the stitches on her forehead, "are we still close? Like do they care that we-"_

"_They care for us very much, they are like family, only right now, we can't get a hold of them okay?"_

_Emily looked confused but she nodded nonetheless, "okay, well tell me about them."_

_Ali sucked in a breath, not knowing whether she could do it. So she found an excuse, "I have to leave soon, and it would take a very long time to describe them, and it wouldn't be right for me to rush, can I tell you anything else?"_

_Em took her turn, sucking in a breath and nodding, "do you have a picture?"_

_Reaching behind her, Ali pulled a battered cell phone from her pocket , "I don't exactly remember how I managed to…hold on to this, but the cops found my phone a few days after the…accident we had."_

_Thankfully Caleb had checked it after he arrived and said it was clear, no way was –A spying through it._

_Alison opened her photo album and scrolled through the pictures, realizing if she let Emily scroll through them all, she'd ask questions about the photos of her and Ali._

_Alison panicked and couldn't back down now, she already told Em she would show her._

"_Ali, what's wrong?"_

_Everything._

"_Nothing, it's just-"_

"_The pictures?"_

_What? How did she know that-_

"_I mean," Emily clarified, "do you still have them? I don't know maybe your phone was messed up?"_

_Ali sighed out of relief and cleared her throat, just don't let her scroll. "Um, this," she stated while handing Em the phone, "was the best one I had."_

_Ali let the phone go and prayed that Em wouldn't keep scrolling, knowing that they would both be in a world of trouble…well more, if she did._

_Em scrunched her eyebrows in confusion and upon squinting her eyes, she gasped and dropped the phone to the bed, "I know them!" She exclaimed excitedly and very nervously, "I- I-I've seen them."_

_The readings from Em's monitor started picking up and Ali could see the fear and excitement raising her heart rate, and at this stage in her recovery, Ali knew that wasn't healthy for Em._

"_Em calm down-"_

"_Ali, I've seen them-"_

"_But how Em, they're-"_

"_In my dreams, it's blurry and the sounds are muffled but the people are always the same, I close my eyes and they're always the same…and j-jus-just now, when I-I-I- sss-squ-squinted-"_

_Em stopped, not knowing why she was stuttering so bad, "wha-wh-what, is go-go-gooooing on?"_

_Alison was shaking; she didn't know why Em couldn't speak but she knew it wasn't a good sign._

"_Em calm down, slow your breathing."_

_Emily's chest started heaving rapidly, the air being ripped from her chest as if it was being sucked straight from a vacuum. She waved her hands in front of her mouth, trying to fan air in somehow and Ali jumped from her seat, hitting the red emergency button and running into the hall, "help! Somebody please! Help!"_

_Within seconds, nurses and nearby doctors rushed in and Ali struggled to find her way back into the room._

_Em was now shaking uncontrollably and her eyes were rolled far back into her head._

_There was a doctor standing over her, barking orders to nurses and waving his hand, he rolled Emily on to her side and while Ali stood, her back against the wall, she had to again, feel her world slip away from her, watch as the control left Em's body, as the light left her eyes in unconsciousness and sweet sound of her voice fall back into the recesses of her throat._

_Ali watched Emily have her first seizure._

_x-x-x-x_

_After hours of waiting and crying and yelling at everyone who wouldn't tell her anything, Dr. Pearson finally left the room they were holding Emily in and went to find Alison, who was sitting nervously in the nearest hallway._

_He had barely stepped through the doors completely when Alison came rushing to him, "where is she, is she alright? When I can I see her?" Her mouth moved a mile a minute but it was nothing compared to the deafening sound of her heart beating rapidly in her ears, making her chest ache with every breath._

_Dr. Pearson pinched the bridge of his nose, "Alison I have good and bad news, and since you're clearly panicking, I can you that Emily is okay, she is stable now."_

"_Now? Well what happened earlier, I mean she was fine, we both were and then out of nowhere-"_

"_Not exactly nowhere." Dr. P interrupted and Alison met his eyes, confused._

"_I don't think in my profession I'm allowed to disclose information to anyone unless I have the patient's consent, or they're underage, but seeing as you are Emily's only loved one, I have to let you know that although she has been going through recovery, she's experienced a setback of sorts due to the condition of her head injury."_

_Alison felt the outside world fade away, falling into white noise and she fought to hang on to Dr. Pearson's voice._

"_Can we, can I- I need to sit."_

_Dr. Pearson simply nodded before walking her to a seating area a little way down the hall._

"_Alison, I would like to tell you what happened but if you need-"_

"_No, I need to know, what's-"she didn't want to say wrong, because Emily was fine, he had said so, "what is it?" she finished._

_Upon a deep breath, Pearson began to talk, "as you know Emily suffered heavily from a TBI or traumatic brain injury, so severe that she was forced into a coma. It's a medical miracle that she woke up so soon let alone could speak again, the memory loss wasn't too shocking after reviewing the CT and MRI scans of her brain._

"_However she did sustain scarring on her brain and as a result she may have developed a form of epilepsy, some of the symptoms she has shown, but we are not certain that is what she has."_

_Alison stared into his eyes, silent, and he took that as his cue to continue._

"_Alison, epilepsy in this case, if Emily is diagnosed, would be caused by her brain injury and can be triggered by a factor of things, the most common being sporadic flashing of lights, noises, and in reflex epilepsy, it can be things like reading or looking at something, do you understand?"_

_Ali nodded, her mouth frozen shut. Pearson sighed._

"_Okay, also if Emily went into epileptic shock, she could and did experience a seizure, something very common in her situation."_

"_How?" it was the first time Ali found her voice, but not the last, "how did this happen? She was supposed to be leaving with me next week, how did this happen?" Ali wasn't mad, or upset, at least not judging from her voice. She was just…scared._

"_I-we're not entirely sure, the complications a person can have are unpredictable after such an accident, that's why we ran so many tests-"_

"_But they didn't work, if they did you should've found this out sooner." Anger bubbled now in her throat._

"_Tests can only do and predict so much, but not everything, the brain is tricky. Areas of the brain that are important for some type of seizures, for example partial seizures, are the same areas of the brain involved in emotions and responding to stress. Stress can cause problems with sleeping which is also a seizure trigger. These are connected in a cycle-"_

"_Yeah a pretty fucked up one."_

_Dr. Pearson dropped his head, "I know you're upset and some of this may not make sense, and it's going to be hard-"_

"_Hard? I know hard, hard were the tests in high school, hard was coming back from the dead, I know hard, but this, this is wrong." The anger subsided and Ali was facing tears again, "Emily doesn't deserve this, she didn't deserve any of it, and I never deserved her, if I had just left and stayed gone all those years ago, none of this would have happened, this is all-"_

"_Don't you say it Alison, this is not your fault okay. There is a monster out there set on hurting you and Emily but you are stronger than whoever that is, you both are and none of this is your fault."_

_Ali shook her head, "it's all my fault, everything is. I know that, and nothing you say can change that."_

_Dr. Pearson realized his defeat and didn't push on._

"_Dr, what happens now? Now that Em might have epilepsy or some other brain injury related condition, what's going to happen to her?"_

"_Alison, these seizures may or may not go away. The first one she had was pretty severe-"_

"_How severe?"_

"_She is having trouble with her speech, and she may also have problems reading and writing again, they're all common symptoms of a seizure. I've prescribed medications to help, but there's no telling what her triggers are or what she really has. I have to wait until the medication has been in her system long enough to see if they're working."_

"_But she can get better right? The reading and writing? It'll come back, and her speech, she started stuttering before, but that will go away right? Right?"_

_Dr. Pearson seen pure fear and horror in the girl's eyes and he wanted to give her more, something to hold on to, something positive, but he couldn't, not without lying, "Alison, it may come and go, the best we can do for her is give her therapy and keep monitoring her medications."_

_Ali couldn't believe that such a person, that Emily, would have to endure all the pain and hardship, it wasn't fair, it should be her. Ali should be the one in pain, Ali should've almost died, she would give anything trade places._

"_Speaking of monitoring, Emily's heart rate sped up right before her attack, and you were with her, can you tell me what happened?"_

_Ali sucked in a breath, blaming herself further for the state she unintentionally put Emily in by showing her that picture. "Em wanted to see a picture of our friends, I told her we were a close group of five, but I didn't say that they were d- that they were in an accident too, I told her they were away, and she just wanted to see what they looked like. I barely handed her the phone when she squinted. She said when she did, she recognized them that way, from her dreams, she dropped my phone and panicked and I didn't know why? How could a picture of us cause what happened?"_

"_It may not have been the picture alone. If Emily claims to have seen them, then maybe she has been having dreams, or memories in her sleep, I don't know if you knew but Emily has hardly been getting any sleep…that can also serve as-"_

"_A trigger?"_

_Pearson looked sadly into Ali's eyes and nodded, "She is going through a lot, I know you know that, if the memories are somehow coming to her in dreams, she could have night terrors and cause another attack. She doesn't remember anyone or anything really about what happened, so I wouldn't bring up the picture again, but from her perspective, it would be a lot to handle seeing something or someone you think you remember when the only thing you know is that you don't remember anything. I don't know how else I was to say that…but did that make sense?"_

_Silent seconds ticked past and Ali nodded._

_That was the story of her life, when things get good, when she thinks she can have a shot at happiness, the universe rips it away and makes her watch._

"_I, I think I'm going to go now, I'll be back tomorrow."_

_Ali couldn't handle anymore, she couldn't look into Emily's eyes, without hating herself, without wanting to put herself in Emily's shoes._

x-x-x-x

Alison was snapped from her thoughts when Ezra brought the RV to a stop at the west corner of the parking lot at the hospital.

"We can camp here for the night, the hospital and local authorities granted clearance," Ezra stated as he put the trailer in park and cut the engine.

"Ali," Toby asked, "what now?"

Alison stood and walked toward her 'room' to get her bag full of everything she knew about –A. She threw it on the small table near the window and sat down, "now, we start carrying out the plan."

The was a clear cut seriousness and each one of the men in front of her nodded in understanding, it was time for –A to pay.

_****AN: I would love to hear from you all, drop a comment and tell me what you think? In the next chapter, you will all know what Ali knows and start to see the plan her and the guys develop. Also they visit an old "friend" for help…I wonder who?**_


	10. Bits and Pieces

_**AN: I'm apologizing in advance for any spelling or grammatical errors as well as typos, so other than that, I hope you enjoy!**_

_**Also, this chapter is one of many flashbacks that are all sequential; I hope no one gets confused. Each section is a different flashback that gives small hints at what Ali knows.**_

_Chapter 10 – Bits and Pieces_

"_Now we start carrying out the plan." Alison had said with great confidence and finality in her voice. She chucked her bag on the table and took everything she had out._

"_I think I know who –A is."_

_I heavy ball was dropped in the middle of the court and none of the guys were quite ready to pick it up. None initially eager enough to say anything._

"_How long? How long have you known?"_

"_Just recently, with the lavender thing and knowing it was CeCe and with my parents connection to Radley and everything that happened with Jason…it's a long shot, but I think I know who is actually behind all this."_

"_Well," Ezra started, sitting and placing his hands on the table, "let's hear it, we've got all night."_

"_It's a long shot, but when I was a kid I found this picture, it was a family photo except there was a one plus to my family of four."_

_Caleb exchanged looks between Toby and Ezra and squinted his eyes._

"_Ali," he paused, treading careful waters, "are you saying…"_

"_Yeah," Ali confirmed, "I am."_

"_But-"_

"_It all started to come together after Jason was found innocent, I didn't want to believe it at first, and for the first time in a long time I actually wished I could talk to my mother about my family."_

"_Alright, so tell us."_

_x-x-x-x_

"_Dad I swear it was Jason, why else would I say he was –A?"_

"_Alison you don't understand what you just did."_

_Ali paced back in forth in her room, her dad standing near the doorway, red in the face and angry._

"_Then make me understand! If that wasn't Jason that I seen then who was it? It's not like he has a twin!"_

_Ken looked up and scoffed, "yeah sure, a twin."_

_Alison rolled her eyes, angry more than scared now, "then what is it, I know what I saw and he looked a hell of a lot like Jason."_

"_But it wasn't! Was it? And now your brother had spent weeks in jail for you and your stupid friends."_

"_But he's out now, so what's the problem, I apologized to him before he left, and the police know it wasn't him, that he's innocent-"_

"_Now they do, but that's still on his record, he's tainted now because of you."_

"_No dad, I think this family is tainted because of you." Ali grabbed her bag, her keys and pushed passed her father._

"_And where to do you think you're going?"_

"_What does it matter to you? Go check on Jason and make sure he's okay."_

_Ali grabbed her keys and drove to the house where the only person she could handle seeing right now lived, she drove to Emily's._

_x-x-x-x_

"_What are we going to do?"_

_Spencer looked between the girls, "I don't know, but whoever this psychopath is, needs to be found and stopped."_

"_How are we supposed to do that? Alison hasn't been at home in weeks since Jason was released and now that Jason is innocent, that opens up the list of suspects again." Aria cut in._

_Spencer shrugged, "I know, but we need to do something."_

_Hanna looked between the two girls and sighed, "when is Em coming?"_

_Spencer shrugged, "her and Ali might've had to sneak back into Ali's house for more clothes."_

_The blonde shook her head, "I can't believe Mr. D cut her off and is acting like that, it's not like Jason was an angel before all of this happened anyway."_

_Aria nodded, "not to mention he had the means and motive to be –A."_

_Spencer nodded, "I'm just surprised Mrs. Fields is okay with all of this."_

"_Yeah well, we might've escaped that dollhouse but I'm not sure Em has all her strings cut from that woman." Hanna laughed nervously._

_Aria shook her head, "yeah but that's just how they are with her, we know that."_

"_Yeah," Hanna agreed._

"_Oh, I hear knocking, that's probably them." Spencer stood from her bed and went downstairs to let Em and Ali in and fill them in on everything they had accomplished which was nothing. Again, -A was already ahead of them and had them sitting back at square one._

'_Heys' were exchanged between the five friends before Ali and Em sat very seriously in front of Aria, Hanna and Spencer._

"_Guys," Ali started, "I have an idea."_

_x-x-x-x_

"_Ali, we just lied to them about the whole plan to catch -A."_

"_Well, this was the only way to keep them safe, what other choice did we have, do you honestly think they would let me go if we had told them the truth?"_

_Em shook her head, "no," she whispered._

"_Exactly, look Em the less people that know the whole truth, the better."_

"_Do I know the whole truth?"_

_Ali stopped walking towards Em's bed and paused. The hesitation was all the answer Emily needed._

"_Dammit, Ali, how am I supposed to lie to the girls when I myself am being lied to!"_

_Ali bit her lower lip before answering, "you just have to trust me."_

"_How? Ali you said no more secrets, I want to be with you, I don't care about –A or our parents, but you're making it hard for me to stand here and go along with everything you say when I have to keep asking myself what to believe and what not to."_

_Ali walked closer to Em, so close that her breath could be felt on Em's cheek. She leaned forward and brushed her lips across Em's so lightly it could barely be felt, "believe this then: I love you."_

"_But-"_

"_But what?"_

'_That's not enough,' Em wanted to say but didn't, "nothing, I love you too."_

_x-x-x-x_

"So wait, how did you just figure all this because of the lavender-CeCe thing?"

Ali took a deep breath, "CeCe was in Radley too, before Mona and after I met her and we got close she always looked at Jason weirdly. She would ask, 'do you wonder what it would be like to have a twin?' I never thought anything of it, I thought maybe she was talking about us, since we were so close and kind of resembled each other, but now I know for sure she was talking about Jason. Whoever this brother of mine is, CeCe knew him. And if Radley just got shut down, and he's been there since we were kids, there's a big chance that he was the one who 'stole the game' from Mona and he escaped a while ago with CeCe's help to get back at me."

"But why now, and why not your parents, you and Jason still had nothing to do with where he got sent."

"Think Caleb, we were just put into a dollhouse, whatever fucked up kind of person this is is obviously pissed that his childhood was stolen."

Caleb shook his head, "and Hanna? Aria, Spencer, Emily? They got punished, they weren't the one who stole his life! I didn't see Jason in that dollhouse."

"I don't know Caleb! I don't, hurting them was another way of hurting me, and if I could take it back I would, I don't know how else to fix this okay? I don't know! And this is the only thing I know, and I also know I can't do it alone. I miss them too, I love them too, but this is all I can do right now to try and get answers."

Ali was in tears and Caleb's face was streaked with a matching wetness.

Toby and Ezra sat back absorbing it all.

"Ali," Ezra said, "we're with you, we're going to catch this sonofabitch and Em is going to get better."

Caleb reluctantly agreed and Toby nodded, together agreeing that the reign of –A, whoever he may be would soon be coming to an end, the ultimate end.

Ali sighed, relieved to have finally told the whole truth to someone, to three someone's whom she trusted, her only regret being not telling the girls or Emily. But she was here now, she told the guys all the pieces she put together in her head to figure out one thing she was certain of: she had another brother, Jason had a twin, that brother, that twin was –A.

_A few days later… _

"So we're really going to do this? How do you expect us to find her?" Caleb was talking with his hands in nervousness and slight anxiety, addressing Alison and her plan.

"She hasn't left Rosewood, that's a given, she was just there before I left and I know she's caught wind of what happened to all of us, but I don't think she'd just leave."

Caleb was shaking his head, "so you think it's a good idea to just go back to Rosewood and_ hope_ she's there?"

Alison realized how ridiculous that sounded but she could only nod, "it's worth a shot."

Caleb looked around the RV at Ezra and Toby who had little to say in the matter.

"Guys seriously? This is crazy isn't it?"

It was silent for a few seconds.

"I mean Ali has a point, we have to try Caleb, and we need answers." Toby was the first to speak up.

"God," Caleb's hands went in the air by his head, "this is crazy. Okay so what, we go to Rosewood and if, _if _she's there, did you think about how she'll give us the answers we need? We're not exactly on her list of friends."

Ali nodded, "I know that, and that's why I need you to come with me Caleb."

Caleb looked up, clearly confused, "what do you mean?"

"If she won't help us, maybe she'll help Hanna, they were friends and I don't believe she'd throw that away that easily just because of me, do you?"

Caleb shook his head. He knew he was defeated, he knew he was going to go and follow Ali's plan.

"Okay then, let's go talk to Mona."

Caleb nodded, and turned to Ezra and Toby before he took off in the cab, "hey you two."

"Yeah?"

"Em is my friend too, and she was Hanna's best friend, so you better take of her."

Ezra nodded, "we will."

"Hey, you're forgetting we went to the dance together, she was my friend before any of you were, I'd take a bullet for her."

"Well let's hope you won't have to, Tobes."

"See ya Caleb, get some answers so we kick ass."

"You got it officer." He hugged Toby for good measure and punched him playfully in the chest before turning to Ali, "Ali you ready?"

"Alright, yeah, I- I just have to talk to Em one more time before we go."

Caleb nodded, "tell her the truth, even if she's sleeping or if she won't remember of be able to say anything, tell her. At least that you love her, she deserves to hear it one way or another."

"I don't have time to just sit and relive our whole-"

"We have 4 hours to board that plane, it takes 30 minutes to drive there, I'll take this cab and you take another-"

"I'll meet you at the airport then." Ali cut him off and exchanged glances.

"I'll meet you at the airport then," he repeated.

x-x-x-x

Ten minutes later Ali was sitting in Em's hospital room, the brunette facing away from Ali, her chest falling steadily.

"Em, I have something to tell you, it might take a while, but I only have a few hours."

And Ali covered as much as she could in three and a half hours, revealing everything to a sleeping Emily….

Or so Ali thought she was asleep the whole time.

_**Dun dun dun…was Em really sleeping? Will she remember anything? Think it was dream? Hmmm, we'll see…**_

_**Again, I hope this chapter wasn't too confusing, in my head this plays out like a movie and I just hope I can somehow capture a shred of that in words and put it front of you…anyways please comment and leave your reviews.**_

_**I made a 'big reveal' and if some of you saw this coming I can assure you I have some more twists up my sleeves.**_

_**If I took you by surprise, aha, gotcha!**_

_**Love, Lina**_

_**(PS follow me on Wattpad LinaDanielle13) **_


	11. I Promise

_Chapter 11: I Promise_

Ten minutes later Ali was sitting in Em's hospital room, the brunette facing away from Ali, her chest falling steadily.

"Em, I have something to tell you, it might take a while, but I only have a few hours."

And Ali covered as much as she could in three and a half hours, revealing everything to a sleeping Emily….

Or so Ali thought she was asleep the whole time.

"_Em, I have something to tell you, it might take a while, but I only have a few hours."_

_Ali watched Emily closer for any movement or indication that she was awake, but Em's steady breathing and stillness convinced Ali that she was fast asleep._

"_Bare with me here, Em."_

_Ali sighed and took one last glance at the door, thinking that it wasn't too late to just leave now and save herself from reliving the heart ache that had made a home in her heart. But Caleb's words echoed throughout her and if not for Em, then Ali new she would have to say this for herself._

_In a shaky breath, Ali adjusted herself in the chair and looking at the long locks of Em's brown hair, she spoke softly, "I don't even really know where to begin Em, it seems like a lifetime ago and yesterday all at the same time."_

_She waited, as if for a response, but she knew none would come._

"_Well I guess I can start that summer, the summer before school started, I uh- I disappeared. And you didn't know, no one did. I'm sorry, I never apologized, and I think maybe if I told someone none of this would've happened, maybe things would be different- actually I know they would. But all that has happened made me realize how much I need you; otherwise I might not have had the courage to lo-"_

_Not yet, Ali told herself, just get through it as much as you can first._

"_I left because I was scared of something, of someone. If you could remember how I was before you'd laugh because I used to act like I wasn't afraid of anything, but the truth? I was scared of a lot, I was always in edge because I knew someone was after me, I knew they knew some of the darkest things about me and I couldn't risk getting exposed. This person, they would leave notes and messages, all signed by –A. I thought it was a joke at first but then they started to get scarier and more personal and- and- I had to run._

"_The way I left made it seem like I was kidnapped or something, I didn't want it to be like that. And I also couldn't stand to be away for so long, I would sneak out and see you girls sometimes, but mostly you. I'm sorry for the way I broke you then, I knew how much you cared for me and I was most upset at myself for leaving you like that, I wish I would've took you with me._

"_But it was my problem, well it was until one day it wasn't. A year later when you all came back for school, they found a body in my old house and they thought it was me. I had to watch you break again in front of me, while I saved myself, my 'death' was the easiest excuse I held on to, to stay away. But –A wasn't fooled, and he came after you, all of you, and that was my fault."_

_Ali looked up and noticed Em was starting to stir, normal for her sleeping patterns but still, Ali didn't really want Em to be awake, her seizure left her speech impaired, her memory even more muddled and Ali knew she couldn't bare the sight, nor ever come up with the words to explain why Emily was suffering so much for reasons she wouldn't understand at first._

"_Em," Alison's voice wavered and she dropped it even lower, her head bowing, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I can't- I can't do this without you, you're stronger than me, than anyone I know. I n-need, you, I need your strength for this Em." Alison's head dropped against the bed, by Em's side and when the sobs came and shook her, her chest heaved and she didn't fight them._

_It could've been minutes or an hour but Ali lifted her head and found that Em was shaking in her sleep, whimpering softly. Ali wanted to shake her awake but realized Em was probably just having a nightmare, 'night terrors' as Dr. Pearson called them._

"_No, no, please!" Em silently screamed and Ali jumped to the bed, beside Em and held her close._

"_Shhh, shhh, Em, Em it's okay, it's not real." But it was wasn't it, it was all real at one point, but Ali kept on._

"_Em, Em, it's a nightmare, shhh, I've got you." Ali wasn't so sure that she did have Em, even in her arms there was a distance beyond the physical realm of reality that separated them and it seemed whenever the gap was about to be bridged, they were pulled apart again, forced to run in place, even if that place was still in each other's arms._

_Ali found herself crying as Em calmed down and sleep overtook her again. Maybe the pieces of her heart couldn't break anymore but damn they could still shatter._

"_You don't deserve this Em, you don't, you're good, too good for me and you always have been, and if I make it back…I know who did this, I know now and he'll pay. He will."_

_Ali sat and stared at the clock, she still had 2 hours to kill._

"_I don't want to relive the bad, I think I'll just talk about you, and your parents and….and….and us."_

"_You have a great mom and dad Em, they loved- they love you so much. You're more like your dad than your mom would like to admit but you're also more like your mom than you would like to admit. It's funny actually to watch you all together, even funnier when me and the girls were there. God, and Hanna…"_

_Ali's voice picked up the pieces of the past and they came together atop Em's head where Ali's chin rested, her arm around Em's shoulders, holding her into her chest._

_The two hours passed, Ali softly retelling the many stories she had to share from when they were younger and things were simple._

_Ali's phone buzzed when she was almost out of stories to tell._

_**Caleb: hey, I hope you and Em are okay, also don't forget, the plane leaves in an hour**_

_**Alison: yeah, we're okay, she's been sleeping this whole time, I'll get ready soon**_

_**Caleb: okay good, I called the cab service and sent one to the hospital to get you in abt 20 minutes**_

_**Alison: thanks, see you soon**_

_**Caleb: yeah, don't be late**_

_**Caleb: don't forget to tell Em what matters either ;)**_

_Ali set her phone back on the side table and smiled, it was unlike Caleb to show such affection towards her but he loved Hanna and Em was Hanna's best friend, he was probably just doing this for Em she thought._

_But was this what was best? Even if Em could understand and remember that would only make leaving that much harder…for them both._

_Ali disentangled their bodies and knelt against the bed, softly taking Em's hand in her own. She was eye level with Em and she gaze one long time at the eyelids, hiding the chocolate orbs. She sucked in every fine detail of her face, the small scar on her cheekbone, the small scratches that littered her otherwise unblemished skin._

"_Em, there's one more thing I have to tell you, I wouldn't be able to live without saying this to you, even if you're sleeping…because there's a chance I might not come back from all of this, and I have to leave your side, but I have to do so knowing that I was honest with you." Ali squeezed Em's hand a little harder and placed her forehead over them both, speaking into the sheets._

"_Em, I – I love you. And not as just a friend, I love you more than that, and before all of this you said you loved me too. And we, we were together, as a couple, you and me. And I can't imagine living without you I love you so much, but this is close to it. Living while watching you like this, this is what I deserve for being so cruel to you before, for being such a bad person. But none of this is your fault. I love you and you loved me and because you loved me, you're sitting in this bed."_

_Ali kept her eyes to their hands when she lifted her head, unaware that Emily had just woken and was staring at the crying girl in front of her, tears in her eyes for not really knowing why Ali looked so broken and was in so many tears._

"_Em I love you and I want that to be enough. I want it to fix things."_

_Em was tempted to brush her hand through Ali's locks and tell her things would be okay, whatever it was. But she dropped her jaw and…nothing._

_Nothing would surface. Em set her jaw and closed her eyes, tears of her own hiding behind her eyelids._

_Ali stood almost abruptly, still unaware that Em was conscious and lifted their hands, "when we were young and I made these promises with you, promises to keep secrets, you used to make me do something, and I thought it was so stu- so silly. But now, now I think that it'll be the only thing from giving up and giving –A what he wants."_

_Ali maneuvered their hands so that only their pinkies were hooked around one another's._

"_This isn't much compared to what I wanted to do for you….but I think you can make the exception."_

_Ali squeezed their pinkies gently, "Em, I promise, I will do all I can to stop this once and for all, even if that means that I….," she couldn't say it again, "Em I promise every moment that I'm away, that I will be thinking of you, I promise that no matter where I go or what happens, I promise I love you, and I always will."_

_She dropped their pinkies and leaned forward, kissing Em's forehead and turning around. Prolonging her time with the brunette would make things more painful._

_Alison slipped from the room, silent, unheard and untouched, just like the tears that poured from Emily's closed eyes._

x-x-x-x

"Ali, you ready?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

"How'd you end up telling the cops and doctors about this?"

Ali sighed and let her shoulders slump into the seat of the grounded plane, "I have to check in with Swan every few hours, he wants updates but can't do much for use while we're here, it's out of his jurisdiction and if we need some 'reinforcement,' we'd need to tell local authorities, even though I can tell he wants this case bad, we're pretty much on our own our here.

"So nothing new then?" Caleb laughed and Ali relaxed a little more.

"Yeah."

"And Em?"

Ali stiffened, "she's in good hands, I know Toby cares for her and the doctors seem to be genuine, especially Pearson, I know he had her best interest in mind. I also called my attorney, if something should happen to me-"

"Hey, don't talk like that."

"I'm only being realistic, -A isn't taking dolls anymore." Ali thinking regrettedly about her friends and Em's parents.

"Hey, they still haven't found all the bodies, there's still a chance that-"

"If I die Caleb, I left all my money to Em, so the hospital should be able to take care of her and she'll have enough to get on her feet, I already asked Toby, he'll take care of her. Ezra too."

Caleb knew fighting was useless so he put his earphones in, "I'd try to get some rest, I doubt we'll get any while we're in Rosewood."

Ali stared out the window and relaxed as the crew and passengers got ready for the plane to take off.

Alison looked up at the moon that was beginning to rise and closed her eyes, thinking of Em and remembering something she had read before, thinking it was perfect for this.

'_I find comfort, no matter how little, knowing that you and I are under the same sky. That the light of the sun in my eye is the same light that warms your skin, that the moonlight I find comfort in is the same light watching over you as you sleep. It brings me closer to you. It keeps us connected.'_

"Goodnight, Em."


	12. An Old Friend

_Chapter 12: An Old Friend_

_Hours later and Ali and Caleb found themselves outside of Mona's house, eventually convincing Mona to let them in._

"Mona, I don't think either one of us would be here if I didn't really need your help."

Ali tried desperately to get Mona to tell her anything she knew.

"Look Ali, I want to help, but like I said, I was under a lot of medication when I was in Radley, I don't even know what I can say was real and what was a-"

"Bullshit!" Caleb had been quiet while the awkward interaction between Ali and Mona commenced. He stood back and felt the tension between the two grow until he couldn't take it anymore. They talked in circles and Caleb had enough.

"Mona," he grumbled in a low voice, "that is bullshit and you know it."

"What?" Mona gasped and was shocked at the sudden outburst.

"Look, you were once Hanna's friend and I know you seriously can't stand there and say you don't know anything about Alison's alleged other brother and not say anything."

Mona shook her head, "look I told the cops-"

"We're not the cops Mona!" Caleb walked closer to the short brunette and looked her square in the eye. "Do you know? Do you know about the plane crash! Do you dammit!"

Mona's eyes watered and she shook her head subtly, looking at the floor.

"Then help us, please," Ali pleaded softly, "if not us, then help Hanna, she didn't deserve- please Mona, you're our last hope at finding who did this to us, you're included in this too you know, just help me understand if the lies about my childhood were actually real, if there's an even bigger secret about my family. I'm- I'm begging."

Mona managed a smirk, "wow the great Alison DiLaurentis begging loser Mona for help, this moment should be put in the books for the whole-"

Ali didn't hear much, she lunged forward and went for Mona's shoulder, successfully wrapping her fingers around them before Caleb could stop her and pinned Mona to the nearest wall.

"Fuck you Mona, I apologized, I know what I did, but I'm not that person anymore, I wouldn't be here if I was still the old me."

"Still, I don't see why you care, you weren't even-"

"Why I care! You don't know a god damn thing do you?! You have no fucking clue!"

Mona was genuinely confused when an expression crossed Ali's face, an expression she had yet to see: fear.

Alison dropped her hands but there was still barely an inch separately her body from Mona's.

"I went to find –A myself Mona, that's why I left. –A made me an offer and I thought I was a step ahead for once, I was going to do what he wanted and catch the sonofabitch. But I had to lie to the girls, even Em about everything I was going to do, I made Emily promise to not follow me, to give me some time. That time came and gone and –A knew something was up, I was kept in a hole in the ground and I thought I was going to die in there, I faked a break up with Em to keep her safe but when I didn't call when I was supposed to she knew-"

"Why are you-"

"Shutup and listen!"

Ali continued without wasting another second, the grit in her voice making her words come from someplace dark, "Em came, I don't know how, but she found me, she tracked me down and she was stupid because she didn't tell anyone, I think she thought it would be okay, that –A wouldn't be there, because he usually never is, only the smoke and mirrors, that's how close we get.

"Em came and when –A caught her too, things changed, -A never hurt me, but when –A came, he hurt me in places no one sees."

Ali started to cry red and angry tears and it sent a cold shiver down Mona's spine, she was scared, she wasn't sure she could relive anything –A had done, not so soon, not this early.

"I sat, silenced in a basement while, watching-," Ali's voice cracking, she sobbed and bit her lip.

"Ali, you don't-"

"No Caleb, she wants to know why I care, I will fucking tell her!"

"I sat there watching as –A beat the only person I thought would ever love me, the one person I want to give myself to. I watched, unable to do anything, paralyzed by fear and because I was tied to a chair, just feet away. I could hear the sound, her ribs broke. I could smell the fresh blood the spilled from her cuts. The whimpers of pain, I hear them now. She looked me in the eyes, pleading. I wanted it to stop. Em didn't do anything wrong, she never did.

"It was my punishment, to watch and not be able to help her. I might as well been the one hitting her repeatedly. She was tied, her hands above her head until she couldn't stand anymore, I watched her head loll off to the side, I thought she had died in front of my eyes.

"Do you know where Emily is now? Do you?"

Both girls were in tears, the words rattling Mona's bones to her very core. She shook her head.

"We escaped, Em did most of it, and told me to run, she took bullets for me you know?" Ali nodded her head, tears glossy her eyes and trailing down her cheeks, her chin still held high, fighting the growing urge to crumble to the floor.

"She laid in the dirt and told me to run, to go and get help. It was the hardest fuckest thing to run from her, leave her like that when the last image I remembered when I did was her limp bleeding body laying in the dirt, blood choking her, words lost in her throat.

"And now she's in a hospital bed, no family, no friends, no memory, fighting for her fucking life, and I can't pretend that none of it is my fault! Because it is! I know that! I looked into her lost eyes, I felt the warmth leave her body once, she died in the back of an ambulance and for what? Because she was stupid enough to love me."

Mona wasn't sure what to say, she had her jaw clenched, swallowing the words Ali spit into her face. The images flashing like pictures through her mind. Mona knew Em was the least guilty and the thought that Ali had to sit and watch her be tortured…

Ali sighed and dropped her head, lifting it in time to meet her eyes, "that's why I fucking care. Other than the girls, Emily is the only family I have left. No blood is thicker than what we five had. So help me or sit here and do nothing."

Ali turned from the Mona, dragged her hand across her cheeks and made way towards the door.

Just as her hand gripped the handle, "Alison, wait." Mona croaked, her voice raspy from the silent tears she shed.

"I'll help. For Emily, and the others, and- and for Hanna."

Ali dropped her head, shut the door and turned around.

Mona smiled weakly at Caleb who simply shook his head, he was too overwhelmed thing about his girlfriend to show any sign of emotion, clearing his throat he asked, "should I take notes?"

"That depends," Mona offered, "where do you want to begin?"

"Radley. You said that someone stole the game from you there, I need to know all you know about who that might be."

"I have an idea but I can't put a name to his face."

"His? You're sure?"

"Yeah."

"Well I might have the name for the face. I think –A is my brother."

Mona shook her head, "yeah, you've said that before and I don't think that helped you the first ti-"

"Not Jason, Mona. Another brother, Jason's twin."

"Jason had a twin?"

"Has. And yes, I think so. I think my parents sent him to Radley when we were little, and kept it hidden from us, and I think he came back to teach us all a lesson for leaving him there."

Mona was reeling, the image of the person she was in Radley with, who she would sometimes play chess in silence with, who would watch her from across the room…then the resemblance hit her, she couldn't deny that he and Jason had a remarkable resemblance, she couldn't ignore the baby blues and perfect blonde hair, nor could she the bone structure."

Ali nodded, understanding that Mona was piecing together the idea of him and the actual being.

Ali slipped her hand into her pocket and pulled an old battered photo from an album she found in the attic, the picture had been folded and she never realized, not until she had the dreams that turned out to be memories and the false accusations against Jason.

"This," Ali pointed to the hidden half of the photo to another little boy, "this is Charles DiLaurentis…," and after a while she added, "this is –A."

Mona's jaw dropped and in a moment she was speechless. It was a minute before she found her voice, "I know him, I know him."

Ali sighed and a strange mixture of fear and relief watched over her.

"Ali, I seen him in Radley, but he looked different, somehow and and he told me-"

All the words Mona wanted to say were bubbling to the surface at once and then she went silent, "I don't get it though-"

"Get what Mona?"

Mona scrunched her eyebrows and massaged her temples, "I thought he was made up at first, I only seen him a few times, he would find me in the places I hid and I thought only I knew about. And then a week before I was let out, he was gone, he escaped."

"The same way you have before?"

"No, no, unless he already knew of a way out."

"Mona, if you really had the game stolen from you in Radley, then this, this is –A, this is Charles and-"

"He knows everything, because I told him, I thought he was a figment of my imagination, I don't know how he could sneak around publicly in front of everyone and not be-" But Mona stopped, "Eddie, it was Eddie who helped him."

"What do you mean?"

"Eddie, the man Spencer talked to, who left the drawing at Ezra's, when I was with Charles, it was always somewhere in a room I wasn't scheduled to be in, and Eddie was the one supervising, he had to have been in on it."

Ali's head was reeling, she felt so close yet far away.

"What else Mona, what else could Charles want? What is he after now?"

Mona shook her head, "he…Charles told me a story once. About his family."

Ali gulped, this is what her parents didn't want her to know, she nodded for Mona to keep going.

"He told me, when he was really little, he and his brother were close. He said they had a little sister that they liked to take care of, but one day she wasn't doing what he wanted. And he didn't like that. His brother wouldn't help him so he said he would spend more time with his sister, she became his favorite. And once he made her cry….," Mona took a deep breath, trying to shake the fact that she had been face to face with the sociopath.

"What else Mona, I have to find him."

"He-he said something about hurting his sister, but it was an accident, his parents didn't understand him and they kept the sister from him. He said he had to watch them give her everything and soon he hated her, he wanted to hurt her on purpose then and- and"

"He did, didn't he?" Ali rubbed her arm and sat on the bed looking at Caleb who moved to sit beside her, gently placing a hand on her shoulder.

Mona smiled weakly and continued, "that's when his parents took him to Radley, they called it his big playhouse, that he would have fun there. He said his mom was the only one who cared, she brought him cake once and he spent the day with his brother and sister, he wasn't mad then because he thought he was going home, but he didn't and they didn't visit again.

"He told me he faked his death at 16 because he found a way out. That's why I'm confused, if he knew a way out, why did he say? And that's all I know, I swear."

"How much did you tell him?"

Mona looked guiltily into eyes much like the monster's she confided in, "I-I, I didn't use our names-"

"How much!"

"Everything! I told him everything, how I was bullied and I wanted revenge and I spent years patiently waiting and planning and-"

"Dammit Mona, you were that desperate for a friend?!"

Mona stood, "I didn't do this Alison! You can't come in here and turn this on me, I told you all I know!"

Caleb spoke up then, "Ali, Mona is right, Charles is the only bad guy right now."

Alison took a deep breath, "well we have his motive, he wanted to take away everything I had, because I did that to him right, I was a fucking baby and he wants revenge."

"That's how the game is played."

Alison stood and threw her hands on either side of her body, "Mona, you think this is still a game? Games are played for fun, Charles is out for blood, haven't you noticed that! My mom is dead, my dad and Jason have disowned me, Emily doesn't have any parents, I don't even know if she is going to make it," Ali threw her phone on the bed, near Caleb, "and the girls, Spencer, Aria, Hanna, they're…they're-"

Mona was in tears for Hanna, knowing that she should've been a better friend for her.

"Hey," Mona spoke softly, "they didn't find all the bodies on that plane Ali, I know that, so they could still be-"

But she was cut off, Ali's phone buzzing off near Caleb. He picked it up and his jaw dropped, he stood looked at the message displayed and quickly brought his hand to his mouth, dropping the phone and stumbling backwards into Mona's dresser, crashing into the wall, sliding down to the floor and letting his tears spill over.

Ali rushed to his side, the phone forgotten, not noticing Mona grab her phone and gasp, crying tears of her own, "A-ali, Alison, th-they, they're…"

Mona sat on the bed, eyes glazed over and Ali snatched the phone from her hands, her eyes falling on the picture and message attached.

_**Unknown: what good are dolls if I can't play with them? They're still breathing, but for how long?**_

Caleb was shaking violently, his hair matted to his forehead where sweat had formed, Mona in shock as the gears in her head turned.

Ali scrolled and her eyes fell on the picture, and there, lying on a floor similar to where she remembered she and Emily were held were five bodies: tied with hands behind their back, sitting against a wall and blindfolded, the body that she recognized as Hanna's holding up a newspaper with the day's date on it.

"They're alive." Alison's voice was dead, the shock making her lightheaded, the air in her lungs getting trapped and she slumped to the ground light slipping from around her until it was gone altogether.

_**AN: hey I hope you're happy about the quick upload, I surprised myself…thoughts on the chapter? Sorry for the cliffhanger, let me know please, I live for your feedback…and I was thinking I want to have a regular upload day? Maybe? Idk…yay or nay?  
Also some of you have been leaving suggestions for prompts for stories I should write…if you have one that you'd like me to look at and maybe bring to life, don't be shy, I welcome it!**_

_**Lina**_


	13. Fall Together

_Chapter 13 – Fall Together_

_**Sorry for my little hiatus, I had college business to sort out…but my laptop is 100% fixed, school is in order and updates for all my emison stories are on their way.**_

"_They're alive." Alison's voice was dead, the shock making her lightheaded, the air in her lungs getting trapped and she slumped to the ground light slipping from around her until it was gone altogether._

Hours later and the initial shock subsided into a controlled frenzy. Ali woke up feeling like she could empty her stomach into a bin until she was nothing but a convulsing heap. It wouldn't have worked though; she couldn't even remember the last time she ate. Her head was pounding from her mini blackout but she was atop Mona's bed, assuming her and Caleb helped her up.

Caleb was quiet; he sat in the corner of the room, next to the open window, trying to breathe in as much air as he possibly could. The pain in his chest, the soreness, was still there but his mind stayed in Hanna and how he was supposed to find her, how he could save her.

Mona was the calmest of them all, the gears in her head spinning, trying to fit all the pieces she had into a cohesive puzzle.

"Ali," Mona's voice was quieted, not even knowing what hour into the night it was, she fought her sleep and asked, "what are we going to do?"

Alison almost didn't even hear the other girl, her head slowly lifting, the blue eyes abandoned their sparkle, "what," she croaked.

Mona swallowed, knowing that she had the least to lose, Hanna hadn't really talked to her much since the dollhouse, and that was months ago.

"What's the plan, I mean, you have to have something up your sleeve…right?"

Ali stood from the edge of the bed, walking slowly towards Mona, she fought the urge to yell, to let the swarm of emotions overtake her and instead spoke evenly and low, a tone that Mona feared more than the tone she had expected, "I-I, I don't know, I don't know, I have no fucking clue!" Her voice rose steadily until she was fighting tears again, "I don't know, I don't know," spilling from her lips like she was breathing them, "I don't know." It was a final plea for help, but help from who, no one had a clue.

Caleb lifted his head from where it sat on top of his knees and cleared his throat, "we-we have to find out where they were- where they were last." His voice hoarse and broken, his skin dawned a red tint and the light reflected in the trails of drying tears on his face.

Mona got up from her desk and walked towards her closet, holding a black case the size of a small suitcase in her hands when she returned. She placed it on her desk and walked over to Caleb, "I have an idea, but I need your help." Mona was almost sure that what she had in mind she could do on her own, but for Caleb's sake… "please, Caleb."

Caleb met her eyes, jaw set and nodded, there was no more time to wait and sit and cry, Hanna was out there, -A was putting her through only god knows what and he was going to find her.

Ali stood beside Mona and watched as she pulled a thick black laptop with plastic protective casing around it and start it up.

"This," Mona started, "will help us track where the girls and Emily's parents were last. I can hack into virtually anything and track them through credit card usage, security cameras, I can pinpoint their location from the history on their phones GPS and if we can't follow a trail straight back to –A then at least we can find where they were last before they were taken."

Ali sat on the edge of the bed, behind Mona and made it her job to think of places –A would take them. She left the tech side of things to Caleb and Mona.

"What are you going to need?"

"Um I can find out all of their personal info by filtering through these databases and phone numbers, but Ali, if you can think of anything that can narrow the search let us know."

Ali closed her eyes, it was racking her brain how fast everything had happened. But questions started to bubble up and break the surface.

"I was gone for 4 days until Em came for me; she found me two days later. We had been there for weeks, 3 I think, and the night we finally escaped, we were brought to the hospital, it took a while but when I woke up two days later, my doctor said my family was already contacted, that means, Em's parents and the girls were on their way that same night we were found."

"The flight probably wasn't scheduled to leave until the morning, or a few hours from the time that they all booked the flight," Caleb added.

"That means they had to be taken sometime between arriving at the airport and take off. They were not pulled from that crash, we seen it Caleb, no way –A stole them from a crash."

"But they had to be counted as already boarding the plane. When the news came on, it said that the bodies of all passengers were found, except for, except for 7 bodies."

"Seven?" Mona thought aloud.

"But if it was just the girls and Em's parents, that's five, what accounts for the other two?"

Ali swallowed, "it was –A and CeCe, they must've bought tickets for the same flight to get into the same terminal as them."

"Wait, that doesn't make sense, I thought –A and CeCe were with you when you escaped, how could they have planned a kidnapping and fly cross country fast enough?"

Ali roughly ran her hands through her hair, "I don't know! I'm only saying what I think! I know CeCe is involved, I know Jason had to have had a twin, I was too young to remember but they are our –A's."

Mona nodded, turning to type away at the keys of her laptop, "guys, I think I got it, I can hack into the airport's database and find a list of everyone that was supposed to be on that plane, and I bet we'll see some familiar names."

"-A, well Charles, since he has a fucking name now, has to be too smart for that, CeCe wouldn't have used her real name either, so there has to be something we're missing. Mona, you need to use that brain of yours and recall anything you remember from Radley."

"I'm trying, I am, but Alison, why was CeCe admitted, I mean you said you met her after the fact but why was she there in the first place?"

Ali shook her head, " I have no idea, she never told me, she said it was a misunderstanding that finally got taken care of, I never really asked either, she never gave me a reason to."

"I'm going to work on finding any records from Radley, although from that long ago…they might be documented at the office they have in town. Caleb use this laptop and see if you can pull up the names of passengers that were supposed to be boarding that plane and look for security footage from the airport, if Charles sent minions to kidnap them then their face has to have shown up somewhere."

Ali nodded, "and since we're assuming that they were taken from here, Rosewood, I'm not sure that Charles could've taken them far, right? That many people, they had to have fought back somehow, especially Em's dad."

"Not necessarily, when the girls and I were taken to the dollhouse we were drugged, sedated and put to sleep, if Charles or his help got close enough, they could've drugged the girls and Em's parents."

"But how do you take 5 people without them knowing they were being kidnapped or without anyone seeing you do it?" Alison's head was beginning to throb harder, painfully against her skull it felt like, it was almost drowning her thoughts out in pain.

"We're missing something," Caleb sounded both agitated and nervous, "what are we missing?"

A silence fell picked up by Ali, "let's say Charles knew that the girls were boarding a plane the same night we were taken to the hospital, or whenever the hospital let them know we were found, how did he get them here? CeCe was there the day we escaped, I remember, so it couldn't have been her either."

"What are you saying?" Mona could see the gears in Ali's head grinding together to pull out any sense of what happened.

"I'm saying Charles isn't alone, he has CeCe and I'm willing to bet he has a team in Rosewood to help do his dirty work while we were in California."

"Okay, but why drag you out across the country, why pull you over there and let Emily follow you. If he is so comfortable here and has the team, as you say, and resources, what makes California so special?" Caleb was looking to Alison for answers, answers that she didn't know that she had.

"Shh, let me think." Ali closed her eyes and leaned her head back, "when I was in Charles' second 'dollhouse' if you will, I remember seeing these magazines in the room I was in."

"Okay, what of? Don't tell me he wanted to keep you up to date with all the celebrity gossip of the outside world?"

Ali sent Mona a chilly glare and huffed, "No Mona, I wasn't ready US Weekly and Seventeen Magazine, I just remember them because everything in that room was just like mine here, except for the pictures of the three of us, like he wanted to be a part of the family again, he put himself in all of the pictures of me and Jason and my parents that I remember. And then I noticed the magazines on my desk, I never read magazines."

"What were they of?"

Ali was trying hard to remember but it seemed the slight memory loss was kicking in and the images in her head were muddled and blurry, fuzzy, so much so it felt like her head was shaking. She closed her eyes and envisioned herself back in that room, the mimic of hers, she was standing, turning in a circle, over and over again, Ali could barely get a glimpse of her desk, and the flashback moved faster, she was spinning now but in the spot where her desk should be, she saw glimpses of blue and…

"Wait, I- I – think it was a beach magazine, like one of those travel destinations, I don't know why but I know Charles came to visit me, when he thought I was sleeping, I thought I was dreaming at first, and I was home and it was just my dad, so I didn't move or say anything, except my dad never did that, I sat up but I felt weak, he turned slightly, like he knew I was awake-"

Her voice trailed and Mona and Caleb waited for more.

"He was mumbling something to himself, a-and he was putting another frame on my desk, I don't even remember the picture, I never seen it before, it was of us, Jason and I and Charles was holding me in his lap. We were at a beach…I think, or a sandbox, I couldn't tell, I just wanted to get out of there."

Mona nodded, "it's okay Ali, we'll have our answers soon."

Ali nodded, "I'm ready for this game to end."

x-x-x-x

Ali, Mona and Caleb took turns sleeping for short periods of time, running on coffee and leftover cookies that Mrs. Vanderwaal left behind before going to work the next morning.

It had been 6 hours since Ali and Caleb got to Mona's house and only one since they started to hack away on the computers. It wasn't long until Caleb pulled the airport records.

"Guys, I have the list of names of everyone who was supposed to be on that plane, how am I supposed to know if one of them is one of -A – Charles' – minions?"

Mona spun in her chair, "just see if any familiar names pop up, if not check the data bases pulled from any other flights that had terminals near the girls', they could've bought a ticket knowing how close the two terminals were together and got them there. Then check all the ATMs in Rosewood and the airport and see if any of them used a credit card. Once you finish, find video feeds from the airport."

Caleb nodded, knowing the work ahead would be tedious, but if there was any chance of seeing Hanna again, he would do it for every airport in the country if he had too. "Hey, you don't think Charles caused the plane to go down do you?"

Ali and Mona stared quietly at one another before turning to Caleb. Ali was the one to speak, "I used to think all of this was random, or it was because I was a bitch to so many people, but nothing Charles does is without purpose or meaning. Plus, the news said a storm hit, I'm going to assume that was in Charles' favor, but he definitely couldn't have planned that."

Caleb nodded, "okay, but I think we should still run by the office and ask to see if they ran full diagnostics, if Charles murdered those people everyone needs to know it was no accident."

Ali found it strange, she wanted to defend Charles, that he couldn't have possibly killed that many innocent people for a cover up, but she kept that to herself, saying only, "that would fix anything Caleb, whether it was an accident or Charles, it wouldn't fix-"

But her voice trailed and her mind brought her back to that room she had been in for weeks-

"_I have to fix it, they'll see, I have to fix it and they'll see it was an accident."_

_Ali rolled slightly in her bed, she could hear a voice coming from the other side of the room._

_Convinced it was a dream she willed her eyes to shut, until she heard it again._

"_I'll fix it and then they'll see, they have to take me back."_

_Ali's brows scrunched in confusion, was that Jason? Her dad? What was he doing in her room. Ali flitted her eyes to the window and when she realized they were boarded up, she remembered exactly where she was. She tried to sit up but her body felt weak and her muscles fell limp under her skin. She watched as the figure turned around, and walked towards her, her eyes getting heavier, fighting to stay open, straining to make out the face._

"_Shh, it's okay Ali, you're safe here, I won't hurt you, they were lying. Shhh."_

_Ali thought it all a terrible dream within another nightmare until she woke in a cold sweat, locked inside a replica of her room, trapped and alone._

"That's it," she burst, "the beach, Charles has some sort of memory there, he has too have one that's why we were in California, I think he wanted to take me to a beach there-"

"Whoa, slow down, you're not making any sense, what beaches, what memories?"

"I don't know yet Caleb, I don't even know if what I saw was me actually remembering a memory or another fragment of a dream, give me a phone I need to call Dr. Pearson."

No more questions were asked and Mona handed Ali a land line.

"Hello, Dr. Pearson, yes, I'm fine, thank you, no not about Em this time. Yes, I know I just called last night, but this is a question about me."

"Alright Ali, what is it?"

"Okay, so I know you all said I had a minor concussion that resulted in temporary memory loss, you also said some of my memories would come back later, some would return and I wouldn't even know that they were gone.."

"Yes that's all very true."

"Okay well, what if I had one, like a flashback or memory, how would I know if it was a dream or if it was real?"

"Well, that's hard to say, I can't map out what was and wasn't in your head as dreams or memories prior to the accident. You were under extreme stress which may also have comprised the way you stored information during your captivity, what you were going through your brain could have registered as memories or locked away as nightmares. It's a defense our bodies sometimes go through to protect us. This is as much as psychology as it is neurology….so my answer is I wouldn't know how you would know. For this I have to forget med school and say just go with your gut. You got to know what is real or not, feel it Alison."

Ali was quiet as she waited.

"How is Emily doing? Is she okay with Toby and Ezra being there?"

"She's just as fine as she was the last time you called, Officer Toby and Mr. Fitz as I call them are taking care of her, she was hesitant at first to let them in but she knows they're friends and that they knew the girls very well, they didn't say how well though."

_Oh god_, "did they tell her anything, I mean you know about the accident?" Alison and Caleb were so into starting their search they didn't bother to call Toby and Ezra, realizing since they didn't call her, that they didn't receive the text she did.

"No they didn't, they went with your wishes and told Em that they were away and couldn't get on a plane here yet, they also remembered to briefly mention that Em's parents died in a car crash. She, she cried for a bit again, and asked for some time alone, then she asked for you, but…Toby and Ezra, are with her now."

Alison was silent, her heart numbly beating in her chest, it was a feeling that was becoming all too normal for her now, and she knew it should've hurt and made her want to sit down and catch her breath but it just ached into a dull feeling and she kept going about her business as if she wasn't being crushed from the inside out again.

"Alison? Are you still there?"

Ali snapped from her reverie, her grip on the phone tightening again, "y-yeah, yeah, I'm fine." But she wasn't fine, she was across the country, away from Emily and she felt like she was fighting the clock.

"Um, Doc, can you get Ezra and Toby to the phone, and away from Emily, I have something to tell them."

"Is everything alright Ali?"

Ali shook her head but soon realized Dr. Pearson wasn't there to see her, "I um, I'm not sure yet. The girls and Em's parents are alive."

Ali breathed it and the weight on her chest was lifted only to be settled down harder when Dr. P cleared his throat, speechless, to get Toby and Ezra. How was she supposed to tell them and convince them to stay calm and stay there with Em and not tell her anything.

Her time to think was cut short when Ezra cut through the silence, "Ali, okay you're on speaker and Toby is here."

Ali opened her mouth several times before words stumbled out forcefully, "where are you both?"

"At the hospital, just outside Em's room, why?"

"Can you both find somewhere to sit down."

Ezra and Toby turned heads to share a questioning look, and by the silence Ali received, she could 'see' them, "please, just find somewhere to sit."

"Okay," Toby agreed and lead Ezra a little down the pale blue hall to sit in chairs in front of another room.

"Alright, we're sitting, Ali, what is it?"

Alison found herself heading to a place where she could sit, opting for Mona's bathroom, where she locked the door, closed the lid to the toilet and sat down, trying to find the right order of words to say.

"Ali, you still there?"

Ali nodded, and cursed herself again, "yeah, I'm here."

"Okay, well, we don't want Em to worry, I was just telling her how we met actually, it's funny watching her try to remember."

Toby sounded calm and Ali hated that she had to hurt more people around her with this news. I pained her to remember that Emily didn't have her memory back but a faint smile crept at the corners of her mouth, imagining the small dimple Em would have on her face if she was concentrating too hard on trying to remember something.

"That's good Toby, I hope you can make her laugh soon, it's been too long, i have to try harder each time to remember how that sounds."

"Well, I could be close but I won't know until you tell us what's up?"

"Yeah," Ezra added, "you're making me nervous, what, did you find out something about A?"

Alison felt the bubbles in her chest rise, constricting her airway, her breathing was ragged and her bottom lip trembled slightly between her teeth, "not –A, not yet, C-Caleb and Mona are trying to find out how…"

"How what? They're trying to find out how what? And what do you mean not yet about –A, then what did you find?" A slight panic washed through Toby's demeanor and Ali dropped her head into her hands, placing the phone on the counter beside her and turning the speaker on.

"Alison, if you found anything…you have to tell us."

"I know," Ali choked, "I'm trying."

"Okay, well, try to say something that is less ambiguous. You're making us sweat over here."

Toby agreed, "Ali, breathe, relax, you can say it."

_x-x-x-x_

"_Why do you lock up like this Ali?"_

"_Like what?" Ali looked at Emily confused. They were sitting on Em's bed, the movie they were watching had just ended and Ali stopped Em from getting up to take it out._

"_Like this, this, you know what I mean, you start to say something and then you stop and act like it's not a big deal, but that's all it is, an act. I know and you know I know that it is a big deal. If it wasn't, you wouldn't be having such a hard time saying something to me."_

"_Em, you're being delusional, I do not lock up." Ali faked a laugh and met the warm brown eyes she begged to keep on her forever._

_Em sighed, reached her hand up to rest against Ali's cheek and brushed her thumb across the smooth skin, "Ali, I'm not leaving, you convinced me you've changed and sooner or later everyone will see that too, if they don't, because I know that's what you think, then that's their loss."_

_Ali leaned further into Emily's touch and thanked whoever was watching over them in that moment that the forces bigger than she could ever fathom brought them two together._

"_Em, you know I used to paint right?" Ali asked and it seemed random to Emily, but this was Ali's way of getting to the point of what she was trying to say._

"_Yeah, of course I know, you used to visit your grandma and paint with her you used to do it all the time, I don't know why you stopped though, you never told me."_

_Ali thought that maybe one day she would tell Emily why she stopped, after she found a reason for herself to believe._

"_Okay," she ignored Em's last statement, "and I used to think I was good, I painted my grandmother too, it was good she said. And she laughed at all the colors and shades of colors I had smeared over my clothes and my hands."_

_Em dropped her hand and laid back into the bed, sitting up to bring Ali under her arm and into her chest, Ali's arm draped over Em's lap._

_Em ran her hands through Ali's hair and Alison closed her eyes, taking a deep breath to continue, "well I liked painting people, and I wanted to paint everyone I ever loved and give them a portrait."_

"_That's beautiful Ali, and you should have, they would've loved them, and I'm sure if I was on that list, I would love it too."_

_Ali's heart skipped a beat, "that's the thing Em, a few years ago, I realized I missed painting, and or course I wanted to paint you. I tried…"_

"_Well, where's the masterpiece then?"_

_Ali shook her head._

"_Ali, breathe, relax, you can say it."_

"_I-_

_x-x-x-x_

"-A sent me a text."

"What?!" "When?!" "What did it say?!"

Ali didn't know she had been crying until she looked down at her legs and seen the patch of darker material where the tears had dropped.

"Ali! What did it say?!"

_x-x-x-x_

"_I-I couldn't do it, I hated the way it kept coming out."_

"_Oh, well that's okay, but why?"_

_Ali sat up and faced Em, giving herself some distance, the physical contact with Emily sent her nerves in a frenzy, "no matter what colors I mixed and blended and made up anywhere, it just wasn't good enough. I realized there was no color like the color of the blush you get on your cheeks when you're embarrassed, no brown could match that of your eyes, there are too many golden flecks and I couldn't make a color beautiful enough to color an Emily fit to put on such a blank canvas. My blank canvas was already my heart and our lives painted you on it, I couldn't recreate a masterpiece that I already knew existed."_

_Ali looked up again and Em had the biggest smile on her face._

"_Ali, you and you're words, you could've drawn a stick figure and it still would've made my fridge, the highest artistic honor of all time."_

"_No not even my words either Em, I love you in words and colors that don't exist, and they never will. There will never be words good enough to tell you I love you."_

_Emily reached both hands to cup Ali's face yet again and brought her forehead to Alison's, "you may not think so, but you're doing a hell of good job using the words we already have."_

"_Em-"_

"_Shhh, it's okay, Ali, I love you too, happy anniversary."_

_x-x-x-x_

"It had a picture…"

"Of?!" Toby and Ezra were getting restless.

And Ali sucked in a breath to say with an unsteady voice, "it was of the girls…and Em's parents, he has them, and-and they're alive," she sobbed out, "they're alive and Charles has them all, alive."

Even though Toby and Ezra were sitting, they felt as if the floor was pulled out from under them.

Ali felt her heart sink yet again, how much could she endure.

Emily sat waiting for her new…well, old friends return and after a few hours, her smile fell to a sad weaker smile that she only faked when a nurse would come in to administer her medications. She waited for Ali to call her and her heart sank when no one walked in with a phone in their hand for her.

All the pieces to the puzzle that Caleb and Mona were finding were finally coming together….

So the ball was dropped and everything else seemed to have fallen, everyone was falling, but they were all falling together, pieces of a puzzle, pieces of each one of their broken hearts, falling together, somewhat painfully, back, into their places.

_*****If you're still with me here, I love you. This is my favorite story at the moment and I would never forget about it. Sorry my updates have been dryer than CA (a joke bc we're in a drought over here) but I have about 70% of my life together and I'm back. Regular updates every Saturday and irregular ones will probably pop up on any given day in addition to the weekly one.**_

_**I'm sooooo excited for the next upcoming chapters, please leave me a comment/review telling me your thoughts?! I really miss the reviews, the writer in me is getting desperate lol. And some of you make me laugh, demanding I write faster, come back and hurry TF up! ;D**_

_**Stay tuned and follow me to stay up to date with my…updates…nice that those words work like that.**_

_**Hahaha, Lina**_


	14. Ripple Effect

_*****AN: so I am writing and posting for FanFiction and Wattpad (linadanielle13 for both) and I'd like to say thank all of you for reading and leaving your thoughts, and yes I realize I cannot please everyone and I'm sorry if you once liked this story but are no longer a fan…sad to see you go. And for those fans who are still with me, thank you!**_

**Emily's POV**

I know something is wrong. And it's not that fact that my speech is difficult right now or the clock on the TV is about five minutes fast…I just know, I can feel like- like- okay, maybe I don't know but something is wrong. Something is missing. Not just my memory, or the spoon for my pudding, not just Alison, something is- is just not right. It's almost palpable, like it's in the air around me.

It doesn't help much that my mind is free since Ezra and Toby left after Dr. P came in to get them. He had a weird face about him, he looked uneasy, and I opened my mouth to call to him but remembered how long it took to ask him for some more water earlier – I'm still thirsty – so it was pointless to try to get something out of him that wasn't meant to be shared with me anyways. Any time I tried to say something meaningful, it ended in a series of coughs and grunts. Like a chain reaction to one simple gesture people did everyday all the time, a whole ripple effect of chaos started, and all I wanted to say was 'water.'

The boys have been gone for a few hours and I feel an unease wash over me, I barely 'met' them, yet I can tell that they loved my friends, Spencer and Aria, but I feel guilty that I can't remember meeting Toby for the first time or the help Ezra offered me when he was still a teacher at…Rosewood High? Yeah, that was the high school we all went to.

I'm frustrated that I'm bed ridden, that I can't form a coherent sentence without stumbling over my words, frustrated that my brain is trying to search through my head and find memories for me to remember, things I should know. My mind is crowded with guesses of who I am, who my parents were, why I can't feel like I miss them even though I know I should, who my friends are, was I closer to one of them than the others, what did I like to do when I had free time? I couldn't make something up and give in to a false dream, and hope that I could come up with something that would suddenly pop out as the truth and I could hold on to. I was interviewing myself and no matter where my mind searched, it had no answers. So the only thing I could hold on to right now were Alison's words before she left:

"_Em, I – I love you. And not as just a friend, I love you more than that, and before all of this you said you loved me too. And we, we were together, as a couple, you and me. And I can't imagine living without you I love you so much, but this is close to it. Living while watching you like this, this is what I deserve for being so cruel to you before, for being such a bad person. But none of this is your fault. I love you and you loved me and because you loved me, you're sitting in this bed."_

I should've 'woken' up and stopped her, I should've asked her more questions: who was –A, what happened before I woke up? I should've asked her to stay with me, but I didn't, I thought that maybe that was easiest, but sitting here, alive but the furthest from living my life, whatever that is or was, is harder, I know that for sure.

I just wish, the pounding in my head would stop, I wish Alison told me more, I wish I knew where she was, I wish she would just call…not that I would know what to say, I just want to know she's okay.

I didn't realize it before but now our matching jewelry made sense: her locket, which she said had our picture in it and the mini Eiffel Tower charm and my matching bracelet. I can't believe the time that I had it I hadn't even seen it, I didn't closely at any part of it, I just knew it was there and I was content with it.

It actually made me smile though; Ali managed to tell me the story of how we got them, _the truth,_ she said. Apparently I was so impatient and couldn't wait until our anniversary and when I gave her hers to open, she got up, ran upstairs and came back with a similar box, claiming that she _had _to give me mine too. The way she said we opened them together and laughed, I wished I remembered getting the gift and opening mine…I wished I had had the courage to look at her earlier and see her face. But I pretended to sleep and smiled to myself.

The bracelet feels warm against my skin, odd for gold jewelry, but as I pay attention to the 'A+E' engraved in tiny lettering on the heart charm, I tell myself it's the even smaller quote bordering the edges on the other side that makes me warm.

"_I could have all the time in the world, but all it would take to fall in love with you is one day."_

'One day.' So it seemed to be our thing.

**No One's POV**

So Emily adjusted the bracelet on her wrist and rubbed at her pinky that Alison had wrapped hers around, whispering to herself, and secretly to Ali who was miles and miles away, "okay…one day. Don't break our promise."

x-x-x-x

**Alison's POV**

It took everything in me to not break down again, not over the phone after I told Ezra and Toby what I had found out, and I know it took everything they had left to not come here in the next few hours. It was silent at first, until Toby asked if I was sure, I could hear the tears in his voice, and the tremble in Ezra's when he asked if there was more…I didn't tell them what -A – Charles – had written after that. It was a relatively short phone call, each claiming they needed time to themselves which I understood.

There was a certain peace, as terrible as it is to admit, when I accepted that they were all gone, once I believed it, I didn't have to worry about their safety, I knew they found peace somewhere else, but knowing that they were alive, alive but held captive was worse. I knew air was in their lungs, that their hearts were beating, but that they were probably being tortured, hurt, played with, and that was worse: to know that somewhere they were wishing for someone to save them, for the pain to stop. Yeah, that was worse than knowing that in their death, nothing could hurt them again.

"Ali, I think we got something," Caleb's voice was hoarse; he sounded as tired as I felt, but his voice was what broke my train of thought that was leading me down a very dark tunnel.

I sat up from the toilet and slipped my phone into my back pocket, "I'll be right out."

I heard the shuffle of his feet back to the room and I wiped at my face as best as I could before walking and meeting him and Mona in her room.

"Alison, I think Caleb might've found how they were taken."

"Okay, that's great, let's see it then."

"That's not it." Caleb turned around and typed at the keyboard furiously, "Charles wasn't alone, I found out who helped him take the girls and Em's parents."

I looked at Mona curiously before she pointed to the computer Caleb was at. Nodding, I walked up behind Caleb and watched him pull up a paused screenshot of a security tape from the airport.

The screen was zoomed in on a dark figure, wearing a black hoodie, from the frame I could tell it was a man. Caleb zoomed in again and I could see that the figure was holding out a passport in his hand, I couldn't make out the pseudonym but I easily recognized the face.

"Wren?!"

x-x-x-x

**No One's POV**

"Ms. DiLaurentis, you do realize that what you're suggesting sounds a bit crazy right? Dr. Kingston has been in London for 3 years now, I don't see any reason he would have to be back let alone be helping –A take your family and friends, it just doesn't make sense." Detective Swan's voice could be heard through the groaning in Alison's head.

"Yes, I do realize how crazy it sounds, but I know what I saw and who I saw and I'm telling you it was him. Would it be so crazy for you law enforcement men open more than your logical eyes and ears and just open you damn mind?!"

"Ms. DiLaurentis, I understand how stressful this all must be, but as I told you before, the department does not condone, nor does it support you and your friends' actions. We want to help and we are doing everything we can to catch this –A but we can't help you if-"

"If we're out of state, I get it. You know what then maybe I'll stay here, you haven't done much for me there anyways besides make 'crazy' assumptions and implications about my involvement and then sit on your ass in the hospital's break room and play around with your little watch dogs, that follow you. If you can't help me fine, tell your boss to drop the case because it'll be out of California and Oregon's hands soon.

"You know I can't do that, we are the ones who filed the report, and most of the times in these special cases, we follow them-"

"Follow them? Follow them! You didn't follow this case Detective Swan," she spat, "I'm 1900 miles across the country and the only following you did was following the nurse's ass from her front desk and the hallway."

He cleared his throat, "you called me, remember, and I'm telling you plain and simple, there's nothing I or we as a department here can do for you if the evidence is not right in front of us, I don't even have the proper clearance to accompany you across the states and help Rosewood PD with this. Right now you'll just have to wait or find a way to get us to find all the evidence you have."

Alison shook her head, despite the fact that he couldn't see her. Alison would stay in Rosewood, after all, she hated why she was dragged all the way to California, she wanted to forget it and move on but now she had a completely different reason to go back.

"So there's nothing you can do about this? We're sending the pictures right now, but because we don't have the badge it doesn't count?" Her voice was softer and much quieter.

The detective was silent for a moment too long and Alison sighed, "listen, I know it's out of your 'jurisdiction' to give a damn when I'm way over here, doing what I'm doing, and it doesn't look like you'll be coming here anytime soon, but if you can just call Rosewood's PD and let them know that I have intel here that can help I'm sure they'd be more than willing to go over what we have and give us what we need without us having to break any rules."

"Break any rules? I'm sorry but you and your friends seem to already have broken a few privacy rules and when the airline finds out, I'm sure-"

"Fuck that airline; their stupid security didn't see that Wren's passport was a fake so they can be just as much to blame here."

"Alison, no one is blaming anyone for the disappearance of your friends and family."

"They're not disappeared, they're with –A and you know that and no one is doing anything to bring them back." Alison started to pace back and forth as the other end went quiet and before hanging up she said calmly into the phone, "I read your file Swan, I know how badly you wanted this case, you want to catch our –A to clear your name of the innocent man you sent to jail already. Well, if you don't help me, you can go back to the office as the local joke I know everyone in your profession sees you as. What a shame to your father's name that you just can't close a case."

And she hung up.

The amount of pressure she felt building in her forehead was enough to make her want to scream. She balled her fists and swung them towards her sides, clenching her teeth in sheer frustration. Meanwhile, Caleb and Mona were pounding away at the keys of their computers, looking at any facial recognition software that would place Wren in Rosewood.

Ali wracked her brain for how she could get the Police Department to listen to her. Everyone there only knew her as the infamous Alison DiLaurentis, high school Queen B who faked her own death, kidnapping, and who has caused more drama and scandal in her 19 years of living than all the years that Rosewood has ever seen. Her name and her word were useless, and as much as Rosewood wanted the reign of –A to end, anyone who ever got involved with Alison…well, they usually had fatal consequences.

Fatal or just plain bad. Even her own brother was tarnished by her. The year after high school, when the girls all thought –A somehow disappeared, Ali was contacted again. She never told anyone. She spent months tracking him down and when she came face to face, believed in all her heart that –A was none other than her brother Jason. Now anything she tells the police about –A now is put aside to "let the police do their job."

She also knew using Caleb or Mona wasn't very reliable either. Mona was their –A before and she faked her own death, confusing the police and costing them more time and money than she would ever get billed for. Caleb Rivers on the other hand, had his own record following him. And although some companies have shown him interest in his programming skills, the police here only seen him as a menace and cyber-criminal.

She didn't know why it hadn't come up sooner but that left her with one other choice.

Alison grabbed her phone and hesitantly looked for the one resource that would have to stick their neck out for this. She shook her head and pressed the phone to her ear, not sure if someone would answer, thinking maybe she should've-

"Hello, Alison?"

"Um, Toby, I think we need you to put on that badge again."

x-x-x-x

"Alison, I can't release her, not yet anyway, you need to be her to sign the papers for her transfer."

Alison struggled to keep her fingernails from breaking the skin of her palms.

"Dr. Pearson, why can't Toby or Ezra just sign them? The three of them can fly here together and she can stay at the hospital in Oakwood, it's a 20 minute drive from here and I know the care there is top notch."

Dr. Pearson wanted for Ali to have her way, he really did, but right now Ali was listed as Emily's only emergency contact and although Emily was 19, a legal adult and capable of signing herself out of the hospital's care, she wasn't in the right frame of mind and as this hospital's company policy would permit, doctor's were not allowed to release patients in such conditions, that's just not the kind of care facility they ran.

"It's not just the papers, Emily isn't quite yet cleared to travel."

Alison's heart dropped, "how soon can you make that possible, what does she need to do?"

"Alison she can't control what happens to her body and when, the soonest I can release her is in 6 days, no sooner."

x-x-x-x

Alison called Toby and filled him in on what Caleb and Mona discovered and however biased it may have been seen to his superiors, he would come back home on the next flight and resume his position and help them get the help they needed. Toby would need to fly to Rosewood as soon as he could and even though Ali hated the idea of leaving Emily alone, so did Ezra, The Brew was falling apart, he hired a few more employees and put his best barista in charge but without the proper management for a week…he needed to go in soon. He was being hammered with complaints and phone calls and distressed emails about filling orders from the suppliers and he couldn't lose his business too. It was the only thing he knew would keep his mind preoccupied.

That left Emily in that hospital without anyone who really knew her. Alison couldn't leave now, she knew too many pieces about Charles to not be present for every second that something was uncovered. On the flipside, the only reason her brain functioned enough to process stress, and the only reason she had air in her lungs filling her with life was sitting hundreds of miles away.

So Alison had no other choice. It was an easy one to make but in all honesty she didn't want to see Em until she got rid of her brother, Charles, -A, whatever, knowing for sure Emily was out of harm's way and they could finally be together. She missed Emily and having her nearby, she was only hesitant to have the brunette so close to her because Charles would be watching her every move and if Emily was where she was, Charles was sure to have at least one set of eyes on her too.

Decisions, pieces, choices and consequences.

Alison's life now was hanging from the threads of these. Every one she faced had a ripple effect, stretching farther than she could see at that moment.

x-x-x-x

Alison had to wait another day to fly back to California and sign the patient release forms. It was the soonest flight she could book and board since the planes at the airport had all been grounded since the accident. But she was boarded sooner than she thought and waited all the hours on the plane, to see the brown eyes she missed like crazy, the ones she craved now more than ever.

Soon the flight was over and as Alison stepped off the final steps she planted her foot straight into a small puddle and she watched as the one little step caused rings to grow until the edges were reached. A small ripple effect, like the one she would be facing from coming back for Emily.

_**AN: so I leave a lot of the chunks of chapters open-ended…you are all smart, some things are implied and I don't feel the need to explain every minute of every hour of every day that happens in this story. I don't leave too much to the imagination I hope, and I really hope you all can follow, if anything is confusing you, let me know! I'd love to clear it up any way that I can, also I know you have questions (i.e. what's gonna happen next? Where are you taking this? What's Charles' motive? Why is/was CeCE and Wren helping him?) but I'll answer those in the updates, no give-a-ways here. **_

_**Well, I hope you enjoyed, let me know what you thought! Any ideas? I love to hear your guesses about what I'll do next.**_

_**Lina**_


	15. It's for the Best

_**AN: So I'm changing what I told you all before about the updates coming **__**every**__** Saturday, from now on please just expect an **__**update at some time on the WEEKENDs**__** (with the exception of this past weekend). Reason being, my mom I do a lot of catering for parties and most of those parties fall on Saturday and I've been busier with work, so yeah, anyways, here is the update you missed this past weekend. Anyways, I'm real sorry to leave you without something, so here's chapter 15, I hope you like it. -Lina**_

x-x-x-x

**Emily's POV**

I was absentmindedly playing with the bracelet around my wrist when Dr. Pearson came in.

"Hello Emily."

"H-hey." I lifted my hand an attempt at a wave and dropped it back to play with the piece of jewelry around my wrist.

"How are you feeling?" The man sat down in the chair beside my bed and I shrugged.

"Is it the speech?"

I nodded. After the seizure I had, I had resorted to using fewer and fewer words, I was too frustrated to say anything else, part of the reason I pretended to be asleep when Ali came in.

And Ali, she was a whole other puzzle piece that I had been thinking about lately.

"Well you know," the Dr. stopped me from getting lost in my thoughts again, "there are speech therapists that can help with the difficulties that you're going to have with your speech."

I just nodded and met his eyes. He seemed to care deeply and he had a furrow between his brows. The way he looked at me, I felt like a loss puppy that he picked up off the road, part of that I know being true.

"I understand you don't want to talk right now, that's fine, but there are a few things I want to talk to you about alright?"

I nodded again and he smiled, "here," he said lightly, handing me his clipboard, "let's save your neck from anymore strain than it's already been through, you can write on this in case you want to 'talk'. Deal?"

I nodded, but quickly held out my hand to stop him from doing anything else. I grabbed the clipboard and the pen and quickly wrote the word deal with a smiley face. When I showed him, he laughed and I returned a smile.

"Okay, so Alison called me..."

I stopped smiling so widely and wrote to him: and?

"And you're going home in a few days."

I should've felt excited but as the days went on and I kept playing in my head what Ali had told me that night, I wasn't so sure that's what I wanted to do.

So I scribbled again: why?

"She didn't say much but I don't think Ali or your friends plan on staying here any longer, your homes are back in Rosewood and I think she would much rather have you close and near your own home, than here with strangers."

I shook my head to acknowledge he wasn't a stranger and he smiled, "why thank you, I care for all my patients, but I was especially looking forward to seeing you fully recovered and under my supervision."

I patted my chest to tell him so did I. I don't know what home was supposed to feel like or what Ali expected from me once I was there but here I felt welcome and cared for. How different would Rosewood be?

I grabbed a hold of the pen again: when?

"Well hopefully in a few days, you're not exactly cleared to travel, so I want to keep you here at least two more days. Ali should be here tomorrow. But there are a lot of papers to fill out and I need you to sign a waiver that says it is okay for you to leave with Ali and that she remains financially responsible for your care. Also, I'm faxing your records and anything you might need care wise to the hospital in your home town, so when you get there, if you need anything, they'll know exactly what it is. But other than that, after you leave here, you'll be good to stay at home and work on being you again okay?"

I nodded and grabbed the pen but fumbled it in my hands and dropped it to the ground; I tried to lean forward and grab it from the floor and groaned when I felt pain in my back.

"Shit."

"Well, no problems with that one." Dr. Pearson laughed and handed the pen back to me.

"Sorry."

"See, you can talk Emily, only when you get frustrated or exhausted it triggers certain things. You just have to stay positive."

"I will." I surprised myself when I didn't hear any struggle. "I'm just- scared."

"I know, not knowing when it'll come or when it will go, I understand, but the good thing is that from what I've seen, this won't be permanent, you can overcome it. Like I said, stay positive okay?"

I nodded, "okay."

"Alright, well, I just wanted to let you know what was going on, I'll leave you to it. Alison should be here in no time."

I nodded and said a quick goodbye, settling back in to my thinking when he finally left.

My thoughts instantly returned Alison.

What was I going to do? Days have gone by and she hasn't contacted me, now she wants me home. In a few hours, I was willing to bet she would've maybe liked to just leave me here until I was recovered. But she told me she loved me. I can't unhear that, I can't unknow it. If I was awake and she told me the same thing, I'm not sure I would be able to say it back. After all, how could I?

However, her confession explained the feelings I had around her. But...I don't think...I can't possibly be ready to love someone else...I don't even know who I really am. And I know Ali cares for me, I can see that in her eyes, but I also see her eyes searching in mine for someone. Someone that I'm not, at least not right now.

So, I can't be who she wants me to be right now, and I can't keep pretending to be asleep when she needs to talk. But I know before I can jump into things, I just need to be who I am without Ali first. I played with the bracelet and thought of the way it felt when our skin met. No denying there was something, but I can't say I feel something that I don't understand yet. I can't be more than a friend to her if we're not friends first.

I think it'd be best if we started over.

And I need the rest of the truth about Charles, did he have anything to do with our friends...my parents? Ali would've told me right?...what else don't I know?

I took the bracelet off and slipped it into the sweater next to me.

Despite what I really wanted and want I knew Ali wanted, this had to be done.

**No One's POV**

The day came when Emily was finally released to travel back home. All of her prescriptions were filled by Dr. Pearson and ordered for the next pick up at the nearest pharmacy in Rosewood.

Alison had stayed as far away from Emily as she could. She was afraid that if she looked too long at the brunette she would be asking Emily if she remembered or heard anything from the last night they were together. Part of her wanted Emily to have heard everything and another part, the part dominating her now, was hoping Emily was really fast asleep, unaware of the truths Ali had unveiled.

It's not like Alison regret telling Emily everything, she was just unsure how Em was supposed to take it all, and Ali didn't know how Em would react to the fact that Ali had been lying. And Ali definitely couldn't bear to imagine how she was supposed to explain what she knew about the girls and Emily's parents. Em was already in a questionable state of physical health, so she couldn't risk jeopardizing Em's peace of mind too.

So Alison skirted just around Emily's room, mostly using Dr. Pearson and Emily's nurses as her messengers, letting Em know she was being transferred, to go "home," that Ali was just busy taking care of the paperwork to actually come in and explain herself.

And it would've been really convincing, Emily would've succumbed to the white lie, but as it was, Emily was awake the last night Ali had visited her, she heard everything. She heard the way Ali lit up at the old memories of them together, of their friends. It felt longer than it was, and Ali didn't even know all that she had revealed, but Emily knew two things for certain: one, Ali loved her and Emily knew deep down somewhere and sometime ago, she had once loved Ali back, that somehow that would never really go away and two, there was a monster, -A, Ali's brother she had whispered, that was out to hurt Ali, he did this to them and he was ruthless.

Emily thought about this and before Ali came in her room to help her downstairs to the cab, she realized she was certain of a third thing: -A was going to get what was coming to him soon.

x-x-x-x

"So, how was the fl-fl-fli, how was the trip to come get me?" Emily asked very timidly from the window seat. Ali had managed to get the two seats in the very back where there were only two seats in a row. She leaned forward, lifting her resting head from the seat and met Emily's eyes for the first time since. She wanted to comment on Em's speech but decided against it. It was better than before, but Dr. Pearson, said it may come and go.

"It was fine." There wasn't much openness in the way she answered, and Emily cringed internally.

"Oh, s-so you don't mind flying?" Em was honestly just trying to make small talk to break the awkward silence, she didn't know what it was that was making the air around them so tense, but she was trying everything to make it go away. She didn't know why she was stumbling over her words now, when she was fine talking to Ezra and Toby.

"No, I don't." And this time Emily shrunk back visibly.

Ali sighed in frustration at herself and turned her body to face Emily more.

"Em, look, I'm sorry that I'm not in the mood to talk much, I'm just still a little tired from flying up here and everything with the paperwork for you was just really-"

"I-I-in-inconvenient?" Em said what she had been feeling since Ali left so many nights ago. Everything that had happened was because Emily loved Ali, and Em was only in this position with Alison because she didn't listen…because she loved Alison. Deep down, Emily was feeling just at fault as Alison has been since the beginning.

Ali stared, mouth slightly agape in shock…and then she felt guilty. She knew what Em was insinuating, "what? No! Emily, you aren't an inconvenience to me at all. All I was going to say was that the papers were so long and boring and tedious and I just couldn't wait to just take you home."

Emily's brows furrowed and Ali seen the uncertainty in those chocolate orbs.

"You sure?"

"Yes, Emily, you're my best friend, to say the least," she added a little more quietly.

"Best friend?"

Ali gulped, "yes, of course, you've always been there for me Em; you've always been my best friend."

"And that's it?" That was it, she said it. The stutter was momentarily absent.

Ali looked frantically between Em's eyes, her brain trying to decide what to say. It was never hard around Emily; it was always easy to say whatever she wanted to and with her, so why now was her throat so dry?

"I guess so." Emily turned her head towards the window and slid as far down as she could before it was uncomfortable. Now Ali was going to deny that they had anything more between them, maybe that means Ali wanted to start over as friends first too.

"Em-"

"It's okay Ali, I'm sorry. I-I don't kn-know what I was thi-thinking." C'mon Em, she told herself, this is not what I'm supposed to be doing.

"No Em, I just- it's-"

"It's fine, I'm tired, just wake me when we land."

There was a coldness and hardness to Emily's tone, it cut Ali like a double-edged sword. Yet the blonde had no idea it was just a small precursor to what was to come. Emily was purposely being this way to make it easier later.

Ali wanted to say that they were more, confirm it, but what would that mean if Charles found out? What would happen next? Charles and CeCe already found Emily before and Em would need to see a doctor as soon as they landed and Wren was a doctor too...it was just too dangerous. Right? Ali was protecting them both this way. Even if she was hurting Emily, it was better than the pain they would both feel if Charles got them again.

Ali held on to that, that she was doing what was best. But doubt came into her mind too. Why couldn't she just stroke Emily's hair, why couldn't she interlock their fingers, for once in weeks, why couldn't Ali grant herself the permission to taste Emily's lips again? What if Emily never got her memory back and Ali couldn't make her fall in love with her again?

What-if's that Ali couldn't afford to think about. She looked at the back of Emily's head and desperately fought with her inner turmoil, opting for headphones and distracting her mind with the movie that was playing.

Now it seemed the girls had switched places, Emily not wanting to rush things and Ali wanting to skip to the part where she could call Emily hers again, but things were too complicated for that right now.

x-x-x-x

Hours and only a few spoken words later and the girls were pulling up to the Fields' house.

"So this is Rosewood?"

Emily slowly got out of the cab with Ali's assistance and Ali nodded, "mhmm, 'home.'"

"Yeah, 'home.'" Emily's voice was distant and Ali helped Emily into her house.

"You have a key?" Emily asked as she made her way carefully up the front porch steps.

"Um, yeah, you gave it to me last year after we graduated." Ali answered awkwardly.

"Oh, did I give the others one too? You know since we were all best friends?" Emily asked smartly, still wanting to see what Ali wanted from her now that they were home.

"Um," Ali started, fixing the collar of her sweater, "no, just me."

"Hmm, why?"

Ali's face was starting to heat up; she almost liked it more when Em was ignoring her.

"Well, I mean, you gave me one, because..." Ali struggled. How? The queen of lies and she couldn't make one up now on the fly. Maybe she should change the subject? After all, she couldn't hear Emily stuttering anymore, maybe that was cause for celebration. But one look to the right and she knew she was in trouble. "You gave me one because I always came over anyways, and sometimes at some ungodly hours, so to make everyone's life easier, you just decided I could have my own, you know, save you the trip to the door." Hopefully, Em would buy it.

Emily smiled to herself and laughed in Ali's face, "Ali, I know it seems like I'm barely like meeting you again and we've only had a few conversations over these past few weeks, but why am I getting this feeling in my gut that-,"

"What?" Please don't say you know I'm lying, Ali wished hard.

"That you're-," Em paused and her body swayed from side to side, "um, I think I need to sit down." She held the frame of the doorway to balance herself as Ali moved swiftly.

The blonde hurriedly opened the door and shoved their bags in, ushering the Em to the nearest couch.

"Here, you might need to lie down." Ali helped Em into the nearest couch of the living room and surrounded her with pillows and took a step back.

Em groaned and held her head, opening her eyes to laugh, "don't look at me like that."

Ali tilted her head to the side, "like what?"

"Like that." Em weakly lifted her hand and pointed to Ali's now confused face.

"Em-"

"Look, it's been weeks, and I'm still here, please don't treat me like I'm made of glass."

Ali swallowed and simply nodded.

"Do you want some water? I should call Dr. Pearson and see if you receiving in home care was the best decision or if you should be checked in to-"

"Please don't. I don't want to be in a hospital again, it was always too cold and-," Emily trailed off, watching as Ali paced and reached for her phone in her pocket.

But upon hearing the tone in Em's voice, Ali stopped in her tracks and moved to sit on the couch with the brunette, a stack of pillows separating them.

"It's ok then, I won't. But you should take your medication now that we're on the ground."

"I don't mind the meds, just please-please d-do-don't-,"

"Don't what?"

Emily sighed and looked at her hands in her lap, "don't push me away again?"

Ali sat dumbly next to Emily and willed Emily to meet her eyes, "push you away?"

Em nodded, her gaze still fixed in her lap.

"Em what makes you think I would push you away?" Ali yearned to physically comfort Emily, hug their bodies together until the doubt fizzled away, but she held back, they both weren't ready for that...were they?

Emily swallowed and slowly picked her head up, eyes looking everywhere but into Alison's. She settled for looking at the ground near Ali's feet, "because," she shrugged, "you've been doing it ever since that first night we talked. When I first woke up," brown eyes met blue and Alison's heart fractured when she seen the amount of hurt in front of her.

"Em, I was never pushing you away. I was just, just scared."

"Of me?"

Ali never considered that but now that she was asked, "yes...and no."

"But why? You know me, right? But I don't know me yet, so what makes that part scary?"

Ali swallowed, she felt tears welling at the corners of her eyes. She remained silent until she felt warm familiar hands a top her own.

"This only works if we talk to each other."

Ali bit on her lower lip and nodded, "I was scared because," she voice faltered slightly and she paused to steady herself, "because, after I heard you lost some of your memory, I didn't want that to mean...that I lost you completely. And I was scared of having feelings that you wouldn't return."

Emily nodded, understanding that Ali must've had a hard time seeing Emily, but not the whole Emily, just the shell. Em seen and remembered the looks Ali would give, like she was expecting someone else to be inside of Em, for one day the memories to come back and everything go back to normal.

"Em," Ali continued, "I wasn't trying to push you away, I just wanted to keep my distance as best as I could. I knew if I was too close, I could hurt you." Ali spoke generally: if she was close to Em again, Charles would take advantage of that, and if Ali tried to tell Em everything, Emily might crack. It seemed like a lose-lose.

"So," Em began, "you think staying away from me," Em retreated, drawing back her hands into her lap, "you think that didn't hurt?"

Alison heard the crack in her voice and she wanted to scream, to yell, to ask what the hell she was supposed to do to fix this, ask how she was supposed to get Emily back...at least what to do to stop hurting the only person she had ever truly loved.

Instead she got lost in her own head and snapped back to reality when Em spoke quieter.

"Does this have to do with Charles?"

Ali's heart dropped like lead into her stomach. "Where did you hear that name?"

Em shrugged again, "you."

"Me? But I never-," and then she paused, remembering the night she confessed everything to Emily, their past, -A, their relationship, leaving out only the real whereabouts of the girls and her parents.

Realization hit and Emily nodded.

"Yeah, I was awake."

Ali was nervous, Emily knew about them, she knew how Ali felt, she knew how she had felt about Ali, and she knew why all of this happened to them.

"And you heard-," half of Ali hoped Em would say she only heard the part about Charles, the other half wished she only heard about their relationship, and she knew no part of her was ready to handle it if Em had heard-

"Everything," Emily answered and smiled weakly, "Ali, why, why couldn't you have told me sooner?"

"How? I woke up and that the last thing I remembered was watching and hearing and fuck! Believing you were dead!," The tears came now but she didn't care, "I just wanted to see you so bad, I wanted to make sure you were still here, I couldn't have imagined going on without you, but when they told me, you didn't have your memory, I felt like someone came in and erased me from you. So what was the point of me going back to you? You wouldn't know me," she wanted to add 'you wouldn't have known that I loved you and you loved me back,' but she couldn't, not right now.

"Em, I was scared, and I hated myself for doing this to you. I wanted to leave, I wasn't worth having you again, but I couldn't just leave you, I never would've done that."

"Why not?"

"Why? You, you needed me."

"That's it?" Em asked flatly, and both girls knew what she wanted to hear.

"No, I-I-,"

"I needed you! I still need you!"

"So why didn't you tell me the truth...about everything, instead you had me think all I was feeling about you was all in my head Alison!"

"What was I supposed to do?!"

"Just talk to me! You keep saying-,"

Ali felt the emotions rise and she shouted, "I went in your room and you weren't, you weren't you," she started but stopped as soon as she seen the words slap Em as hard as it would've felt with a hand.

"Not like that Emily," Ali knew her losing her memory wasn't her fault and she just yelled as if it was. Her tone softened and she spoke quieter, "I just mean, I didn't know how to tell you, and I was still hoping it would all just come back to you, and I couldn't, I just couldn't tell you and scare you, you didn't even know who I was, I was just - I just thought that by not telling you and trying to do this on my own that I could give you a fresh start, something better than what you had before."

"But what if one day I do want what I had before?"

Ali stopped, her mouth slightly agape. No, Em surely wasn't talking about-

"What if I want what _we_ had? You know, not now, but eventually. I know you're an important part of my life, so I don't see how I can get better without you."

Ali moved to speak, but was too slow-

"But I don't think I can jump back into being with you like that right now," Em added, "I need time first."

Ali swallowed and her hands started to tremble.

"Em, you know that-,"

"Ali, it's ok, you want to stop Charles- even though I can't do much right now, so do I- I may not understand everything, I've been trying to piece it all together, b-but-," she struggled to find where she was going with this and stopped.

Ali leaned forward and placed her shaking hand over Emily's, "Em, I want what we had back too, more than anything, I know, it's not the right time because Charles is out there, and right now, I just want you safe and sound."

"Yeah, I know. It's just I know I have these feelings about you, like I'm supposed to know you more, and from what you said about us being in lo- about us together, I know I'm supposed to have more feelings about you and I want to act on them, but I can't be who you want, I don't know that I can lo- I think, I just-,"

"Shh, not today Em. It's okay, that was then, and this is now, and sitting here with you now, I know...I know that you may never," Alison's heart officially broke as she said this, "you may never learn to feel that way about me like you used to," Alison refrained from saying the L word and it pained her more than anything Charles could've done to her. Her voice was shaking harder than she wished.

"I know, it's a lot of pressure, I know I told you about us and now you feel like that's how you have to feel, but that's not true, I can't keep expecting the old you to come back, I know that...," Ali wiped away at her tears, "I may have lost the old Emily," that loved me back, Ali forced herself to think it and felt the pangs in her chest sharpen, "but you're still you and I have you now, and I just want to have my best friend back."

The whole time, Emily's heart was beating so loud in her ears that she strained to hang on to every word Alison spoke. It hurt that it sounded like the blonde was giving up on her...well the 'old' her. But Ali continued to talk and promised to stop looking for the old Emily, and that if it was meant to happen, things would be the way they were before. Emily sighed and felt a strange sense of relief wash over her, all this time she was forcing herself to think she had to be someone else than who she was now for Alison.

She forced herself to think that she still could feel the way Ali said that they felt about one another, but the feelings weren't there. All she could feel was that she was drawn to Ali, that she had to have the blonde in her life, as what she wasn't sure.

"So..." Em said awkwardly.

Ali's tears dried and she ignored the fact that she was hurting herself to protect Emily. She told herself it was wrong to expect to Emily to wake up one day and remember how madly in love she was with Ali. She told herself to stop wanting to kiss Emily and instead forced herself to accept that she would have to settle for being Em's friend first.

She would have to start over.

She would have to win Em back like she did before.

She can't force things on Emily, even if right now the brunette said she felt the same way she did before, Ali knew it would be a lie. Something that never changed about Em was her need to make others happy.

But Ali knew as soon as she acted on it, it would be like taking advantage of her.

Her heart ached and she knew Em was waiting for an answer.

"So I guess, we should start over."

Em smiled, she was happy to officially re-meet Alison, and learn to be friends again and maybe one day...

"It's probably what's best."

Ali fought the urge to break down, but she seen the smile on Emily's face that she only ever pictured in her head for the past few weeks, and knew it was worth it. Emily said it afterall, this was what was best, to restart and stop trying to bring back what was lost.

Ali would have to find a way to make new memories. She would remind Em slowly of who she was, and who they were, and maybe if they were really meant to be...of their life together. Hopefully, she would do it better and get her girl back in the end.

The lump in Ali's throat made it hard to breathe but she nodded, "yeah, you're right, it is what's best. I don't know what I was thinking-,"

"Don't do that, it's not your fault. I get it, we had a whole life before this, and you remember it, I wish I did, but I don't, and if our feelings are going to genuine and real, it's needs to happen naturally."

"Yeah, I know."

"And maybe it'll be easier once we don't have to worry about looking over our shoulders every minute?"

Ali nodded again, too empty to say anything right now.

"So...," Em said again, "how about I'll forget everything you said about us and you can fill me in on how we're going to find Charles and stop him."

Ali nodded, "it's for the best." But she didn't mean to say it out loud; it was more for her to hear than a response to Emily.

"Ali?"

"Yeah?"

"I think you should hold on to this."

Ali looked up and saw as Em reached into her jacket and pull a small gold bracelet from her pocket.

Ali held her hand out and when she realized what it was, it immediately felt ice cold and heavy in her hand.

That was the last blow, she couldn't handle anything else. It hurt her chest each time her heart beat and she went numb. She looked down dumbly and was surprised when she didn't cry.

Em reached across and closed her hand into a fist around Ali's so that Ali closed her hand over the bracelet she had given her on their anniversary. Her necklace around her neck seemed to feel heavy and cold on her chest and she felt like her neck would break if she kept it on.

Emily couldn't tell that Ali was hurting so she pushed on, "maybe one day, you can give it back to me?"

Ali wished she could hold on to that hope but she knew what they said about hope.

But she almost laughed at the phrase that Em used...the same one they used all the time.

"Yeah, maybe...one day," she said it without conviction, without emotion.

This was for the best. But only one of them truly believed that.

The other one was completely broken.

x-x-x-x

Ali sat alone at the corner of a counter, her head leaning against the wall beside her. She gulped the brown drink down and shook her head, it burned, but it was bearable. Slamming the little glass down she waved at the older man across the counter.

"Bring me another one!" She shouted and a fit of hiccups bubbled in her chest, almost throwing her from her stool.

The man came over and tilted his head, "I think you've had enough miss."

Ali shook her head and in a clumsy scramble pulled the fake ID from her purse, "but look," she pointed at the little care, "I'm-I'm twennnnnyone," she slurred almost incoherently, laughing when she hiccupped again.

"I get that, but it's late and I think you should go home."

Ali made a grumpy face and mocked the man in front of her, "Hi, I'm Mr. Grumpylumps and I say you can't drink anymore." She waggled her finger and shook her head.

"Miss, I'm gonna call you a cab, do you know where you live?"

Ali shrugged, "doesn't matter, she doesn't love me."

The man sighed and dropped the phone back in it's place.

"You having lady problems?"

"Yup," Ali sighed dramatically.

The man slid Ali one more drink, the last one he would serve her, over and leaned into the counter. "Last one, then you should really go home."

"Can't. Emily is my home, shhh-she doesn't want me." Ali poked her chest, not knowing how hard she did until she winced, "that hurt."

"Okay, then can I call you a friend to get you?"

"Can't, they're gone." Ali frowned and looked confused, "I don't know where they are."

The man was sympathetic but he was losing patience, it was 1 in the morning and there were only two more people in the bar.

"Can't go home, now it's my turn."

The man put the phone down after checking Ali's ID for an address and calling a cab service and decided to keep the young blonde company until it arrived.

"Your turn? For what?"

"Shhh," Ali looked around and crouched her head down, "lemme tell you."

The man shrugged and thought what the hell, "alright."

"Now, I have to be the one love her when she doesn't love me back." Ali crinkled her nose like she smelled something foul, probably her own breath bouncing off the man in front of her.

"I'm sorry dear, love is like that."

Ali shook her head and looked forlornly at the empty shot glass, "love hurts," Ali rubbed her chest and in the little hiccups that shook her body, she let a silent tear fall, "it shouldn't," Ali looked up, looking for a response.

"Well, if it didn't, we wouldn't feel it so much and know that there was something better."

Ali pouted, "I want the old Em back, at least she loved me then."

"Listen kid, I don't know what this is all is, if it's real or you're just really drunk, but let me tell you something."

Ali leaned forward excitedly and awaited the man's secret.

"Is she worth fighting for?"

Ali held her fist up.

"No, not like that."

Ali dropped her hand, "oh."

The bartender poked gently at a spot above Ali's heart.

"You want me to fight myself?"

"No, with this."

The man grabbed Ali's hand and placed it above her chest.

"Oh," Ali smiled and starting knocking on her chest in time with her heart beats, "I have to love fight for, with this."

"Yeah, that's right."

Ali burped and stuck her tongue out in disgust, "you're smart for an old man."

The man scoffed and let the comment slide, "and you're-"

"Finally going home." Another man, came in the bar and stood beside Alison holding his arm out to prevent the drunken blonde from falling back.

"Who are you?"

"You can cancel that cab."

"Wait, you can't just take her." The bartender looked at the two people and he made a connection of who they were based on their looks.

"Yes I can, after all, I'm her brother."

x-x-x-x

_**AN: don't hate me, the "break up" was necessary and you won't see why until further along the road. Stick around and there's a 99.999% chance I won't disappoint you. (I hope) Oh and what do ya say, a cliffhanger...dun dun dun. Leave your comments, I'm sure I'll be getting a bunch...**_

_**Lina**_


	16. It Was a Gift

_**AN: Here's this weekend's update! Hope you like it!**_

x-x-x-x

**No One's POV**

Ali woke up and groaned heavily, her head was hurting and there was the light of a thousand suns shining in her face...well just one to be more exact, but when you're hung-over...one, one hundred, one thousand, it was all the same.

She looked around and realized she was back at Emily's place, sleeping on the couch. She looked around and remembered she had helped Em into bed around 9:30 and went driving around town after that to clear her mind.

It was hard to hear that your girlfriend wanted to start over. It was harder to see how much pressure Emily had on her to be the Emily she was, and even harder to agree at just being friends. So after she helped Emily upstairs into her own bed, and the brunette was fast asleep, she snuck out. She couldn't be in the same house as Em right now and pretend she was going to be okay. She didn't know if she would be.

Alison rolled over and sat up, holding her head in her hands and looking around for her keys. The last thing she remembered was going to a bar just outside of town, but how did she get back here? It was blurry, but the only thing she could remember was talking to the bartender and then...that was it.

A slight fear washed over her and she got up slowly, calling as loud as she could despite her rough throat, "Em! Emily!"

She got to her feet and upon the first few steps forwards, a bright yellow card on the kitchen counter caught her attention. It made her nervous and in the pit of her stomach, she dreaded where her mind wandered. Beside the card also sat her keys and wallet.

Alison thought back to the night before and decided she didn't make it home alone. Her throat was dry but she gathered the courage to open the card:

_Ali,_

_It was nice seeing you again sis, but next time, let's go easy on the liquor, it'd be terrifying to see you going home with a stranger. Oh wait, you've already done that haven't you?_

_I'm afraid she wouldn't remember me, so tell that doll, Emily, I said hello._

_ See you soon,_

_ Your brother_

Alison's blood ran cold and she knew exactly what brother had written this. She knew now that he had also found her and took her home, to Emily's house. Ali had let him in while Emily was here and she was defenseless. Alison wouldn't have even been able to do anything she was so drunk.

Ali's heart pounded loudly in her chest yet it felt like she was holding her breath. She dropped the card and ran to the foot of the stairs, holding the baluster for support. She tried Emily's name but nothing happened, so she took the steps towards Emily's room in record speed.

Finally, when her lungs felt like they were on fire, she reached the second floor and she gasped, finding her breath...and her voice.

"Emily!" She ran to the brunette's door and sighed in relief to see the girl sitting up in her bed, awake and seemingly unharmed.

Ali didn't see the look Em's face or black burner phone in her hand as she ran to embrace her.

She could only make it to the bed when Emily held her hand out and stopped Alison from coming any closer.

"Stop, s-stop right there." Emily's voice waivered and she hoped she wouldn't start stuttering.

Ali stopped, a different chill running through her body.

"Em," Ali started, stopping when she seen the girl had tears on her face, and something small clutched in her hand.

Ali scooted her body further away from the girl and stared over the brunette, she didn't seem harmed, thank god, but that didn't mean Charles left without doing something or worse saying something to Emily, especially since she would've have known who he was...not to mention he could pass for her slightly less evil brother, Jason.

"Em, what's going on? Are you ok?" Ali was scared and she didn't bother masking it in her voice.

"No, n-no, I'm not f-f-fi- I'm not okay!" Emily still didn't meet her eyes and Ali grew worried. What was on that tape?

"Emily what's on that phone?" Ali asked cautiously.

It was the first time Em lifted her head and her gaze and Ali almost wished she hadn't been so eager to look in her eyes. In those usually warm chocolate orbs was a glint of anger and hurt and confusion.

Ali swallowed and made a move to grab the phone from Emily's hands.

"Don't touch me Alison!"

That stung more than she wished and Ali retreated, "Em, please just tell me what's wrong? I don't know what I did wrong."

"You lied to me." Emily glared and got out of her bed, standing opposite to where Ali was still seated.

Em twirled the phone in her hands and laughed, "I thought I could trust you Ali, about everything you said to me, but I guess I can't."

"Em-,"

"Save it."

Emily looked at the small phone in her hand again and tossed it to Ali, "here watch it, even though nothing you see will come as a surprise to you."

Emily walked away from Alison and into her bathroom, slamming the door shut. She sucked in a breath and pressed her back against the floor, sliding down until her knees were in her chest. There she put her head down and sobbed quietly, holding her knees close and wishing for the pain to stop everywhere.

Ali stared ahead at the door that was closed; just one of the now many barriers that separated her from Emily.

The blonde slowly reached for the phone, turning it over and preparing to turn it on, she didn't even see how tightly Emily was holding on to it. There was a lot of things Ali didn't notice when she first barged through the door. She didn't notice the dark circles under Emily's eyes, nor the tissues on the floor, she didn't see the tear stained cheeks, and Ali definitely didn't see this coming.

The video played automatically and the video started dark and fuzzy, focusing when a light was turned on:

"_Hello Emily, I know you don't know me, you have never even seen me, but I've seen you. Oh yes, and I've watched you and your friends. For years actually, I'm the one that has been making your lives hell. Yes, after I stole the game from that petty girl, you dolls were mine to do as I please, and oh did it please me so, to make you all suffer."_

Ali's pace quickened and she shuddered at Charles' voice, it was thick yet smooth, dripping with too much confidence and something quite sinister. She felt cold air run down her back and knew there was no escaping that chill in her spine. The video continued, it was still focused on a dark grayish wall, and Charles' voice cut the silence again:

"_It's a shame really you hit your head so hard you lost your memory. That means you've forgotten all the fun I've had with you and your friends. Even Ali. She's my favorite to play with you know, I especially liked finding her and bringing her out of hiding. It was a good thing she loves you so much, or else I might have never found her at all. Thank you, you brought her to me you see? She was running from me, but when I hurt you, or even one of your friends, she comes running. She owes me for what she did, and I'm going to make her pay."_

"_I should've taken you right now, but what good is that, I'd much rather watch and let you break each other's hearts. I know that's what will happen because you see Emily, Alison has been lying to you this whole time."_

Ali looked to the door of the bathroom and wanted to bust it down and explain herself, she should've done it from day one, then Charles wouldn't be the one telling Emily the truth.

"_She's been lying about the little accident you had, and even where your friends and parents are. Why? I don't even know the answer to that. Emily, the truth is your friends are with me, and so are your very much ALIVE parents. Shocker I know. The accident you had is from running away from me, where she left you in the woods to die, that's why you have it worse, she ran for help and left you, thank god someone came back just in case there was someone else._

"_And she said your friends were out of town? Maybe they are but she doesn't know for sure, because they'll all with me. Alison told you your parents died a long time ago, she even had everyone else lie for her, put Emily, oh sweet Emily, your mom and dad are here too, and they miss you so much._

"_Ask her Emily, why would she lie to you? She might say oh, I don't know, let me think."_

_Charles was silent for a moment, speaking again in his best imitation of his sister's voice:_

"_Em, I did it to protect you, because I love you. I lied because I don't know what might happen to them, it just seemed best to let you believe this until something was actually final, blah blah blah. It's all crap Emily because that's what Ali does, she lies and she ruins people, just like she ruined me. Besides, if she loved you so much, she wouldn't have had any secrets, you're not fragile Em, if you were, you'd be dead._

"_Well, I have to go, but before I do, there are some people hear that would like to say hi."_

Ali was crying. How could Charles possibly know what to say to hurt her like this, and Emily. Alison could identify the look on her face earlier as also portraying betrayal and disgust with her.

_ "Bring them in."_

_Charles' ordered someone, probably CeCe or Wren or whoever else was sick enough to help him and on the screen one by one, the girls and Emily's parents were thrown on the floor, sitting lined up against wall, with their hands tied with rope or wire ties behind their backs, twice the amount over Wayne's. _

Ali gasped and held her hand over her mouth, they looked beat and tired and worn down and Alison felt her insides crumble.

_They all had small cuts or gashes on their faces, shirts were dirtied and bloodied; hair was a mess, eyes wide with fear and alertness yet the dark circles indicated the extreme lack of sleep. And across their mouths was a tied bandana to prevent them from speaking._

_A slim hooded figure stopped in front of them, leaning down to pull the rags from each of their mouths._

It shocked Ali and scared her to her bones that none of them started screaming for help, none of them were fighting back. Ali couldn't imagine what Emily was thinking as she watched this, Alison couldn't even keep it together, she didn't want to, but she made the connection that whatever they've been going through, whatever Charles has been putting them through was traumatic enough that they knew it was best to keep quiet.

"_Go ahead people, just like we rehearsed. We have an audience; we don't want to upset her now do we? Look at the camera, c'mon."_

No one moved and Ali bit her lip, wincing when the accomplice, the hooded figure, lunged forward and hit Wayne across the head with what Alison would assume was a butt of a gun. Wayne groaned as he tumbled into his wife's lap and Pam started to cry silently, her body shaking.

"_Maybe it would help if I told you that your precious friend and daughter Emily will be watching this? I'm going to deliver it...in person. Ah, yes, let's try again."_

_All five of them got up and straightened themselves, Pam the one to start talking: _

"_Emily, oh sweetie if you do get this, we-we're okay, it's not as bad as it looks okay, but I hope you're safe, I hope you and Ali are telling the police what they need to know, let them do their jobs and find us, okay?"_

_Pam was crying and she nudged her knee to help Wayne get up, he managed barely, groaning loudly and coughing, spitting the blood from his mouth, he sounded tired and weak:_

"_Hey Emmy, how's my girl? We miss you kiddo, but we're gonna be home soon okay? I'm gonna take us on that family vacation we all wanted, don't worry about me okay, these bastards are gonna get what's coming to them soon."_

"_That's it," Charles interrupted, "take the parents to their rooms." There were protests from Pam and Wayne, shouting to Emily and telling her things will be okay, as they were dragged out of sight, pulled by their shoulders and not daring to fight the person who replaced the cloth back around their mouths._

_Charles himself got up and put the ragas back over Spencer and Aria's mouths, "go ahead Hanna; you can speak for all of you I'm sure."_

_Hanna narrowed her eyes and peered through her lashes at Charles, finding the camera relaxing her face a bit, "Hey Em, and Ali, I assume she's with you. Uh, listen," Hanna took a deep breath and tried to get as much out of her mouth as she could, "Em where somewhere with a lot of trees okay? We got snagged from the airport and CeCe and Wren are here and you have to start at Ra-,"_

_Hanna was cut off when a hand came at her mouth holding a different rag, and covered it. Hanna's body stopped flailing and her eyes became lidded, falling into a slumber._

_Ali swallowed hard and kept telling herself it was chloroform and she ignored the terrified looks and muffled screams from Spencer and Aria._

"_Well Em, that's all for now, have a chat with Ali, and I'm sure I'll be seeing you both again."_

The video stopped and Ali was faced with a cold sweating palm gripping the small phone in her hand so tight that her knuckles seemed they would stay that white forever. Her pulse was through the roof and she felt dirty and exposed that she was related to such a monster and had let him take her home to Emily's house and deliver this to her.

Ali dropped the phone back on the bed and walked timidly to the bathroom door. She knocked and didn't hear a sound on the other side.

"Em, I know you can hear me, please listen okay? I can explain."

"Yeah I can hear you fine Alison, but I don't want to anymore, I'm done listening to your lies. You've done nothing but lie to me about everything."

Ali could hear the hurt, feel the pain but she wasn't going to let Emily think want Charles had said was true.

"Em, I haven't lied about everything. Not everything, I haven't lied about us."

Ali knew it was a long shot, but she tried it anyway, "Charles is right though, I am going to say I lied to protect you, because I love you and that's exactly the truth okay?"

Emily was still silent and Alison figured she wouldn't say a word; it was Ali's last chance to talk and say things worth listening to, say the truth.

"Em I didn't leave you either, okay? We escaped and you were too hurt to run on your own, I cried to carry you but you wouldn't let me, you wouldn't. So I was going to stay but you didn't want Charles to find us. You made me go, you did. And I ran nonstop until I collapsed in the middle of the highway and the man who stopped for me, he found you too.

"I never left you Em, I was going to get help, I hide you under some light branches behind some bushes and Charles never found you. I watched you die in the ambulance Emily, I felt the life leave your body and all I could hear for the next couple of days was the sound of your heart stopping. I'd thought it would be silent but that long monotone beep was all I could think when I thought of you, I couldn't even remember your voice or your laugh, just that.

"So yes when I found out you were alive I was so happy, I just couldn't wait to hold you, but the doctors also told me you had no memory of your life. How was I supposed to explain to you everything with Charles and us and still expect you to be okay? How was I supposed to know how you'd react? You had nothing to remember and it was up to me to put all of these fucked up things in your head, all of that was supposed to be the first thing you relearn about yourself? No, I couldn't do it."

Ali placed her hands on the door and dropped to her knees, resting her head against the door, and this time she just let it all out, everything she was thinking and feeling and she talked to the door, she talked to Emily who was curled in the same position as before and she hoped that Emily would forgive her and realize Ali was never trying to hurt her.

"Emily I couldn't look you in the eyes and give you more pain than I've already caused and more than what you were already feeling. It was my chance to shield you from it and maybe if I got rid of –A we could start over. But I also found out that the plane our friends and your parents on crashed, they didn't find any survivors and even if there was a chance they were alive, I couldn't let you hold on to hope and be there to watch that hope be shattered.

"So yes I lied, I told you your parents died a long time ago, so I could spare you the heartache of losing them. I said our friends were on vacation because I just didn't know how to tell you all of this. I may be a terrible person but it was the only thing I could think of to protect you, not because I thought you were weak, but because I know I am.

"I don't think I could've looked you in the eye and expect anything but hate to be seen from you. I know it's not the person you are, but you didn't know me and you didn't know you. I lied to you because I thought I was going to protect you and figure it out on my own, but I also lied for me, because you are the only thing I have left and I just-I can't lose you."

Ali was in tears and she let the emotion be heard, "I wouldn't have lied because I love you so much, no, it's only because I love you so much that I couldn't break your heart over and over again. Even when I did find out they were all alive, what would you have me do then, let you believe that I could save them and bring them back? I don't think I can.

"But I'm not going to stop trying, because that's what you would do and that's what you all did when I was gone. I just – I want things to go back to the way they were Em. I miss you and I cant just be your friend, I don't want to start over, I will for you but that's not what I want. I don't want to scare you away but I can't stand to have you this close to me all the time and not be able to kiss and hold you and tell you I love you, do you understand how tortured I've been too?

"I was a bad person, but I want to stop paying for it already, I thought that my payback came the day I looked at you and you didn't recognize me. I paid it back when I thought you were dead. I'm doing being the bad guy okay? So I'm not going to stop until I find them all and stop Charles, even if that means I kill him myself.

"I love you Em, but I see that me being around you is only ever a bad thing. So I'm going to go, I'll be in town but I'm going to keep my distance, I'll ask Toby and Ezra to keep a look-out on you."

Ali wiped her tears and pushed off the door to stand, straightening her clothes and grabbing the phone from the bed and slipping into her pocket of last night's jeans.

She paused by the door of the bathroom, not hearing a sound, and sighed, "I only ever wanted the best for you Em, and now, I see that this is it."

Ali stared at the handle, hoping to see it move and when she didn't she walked towards the door, stopping on her way out to look back into Emily's room.

There were more things she didn't notice: Emily's old photo books were all out and some were open to random pages, random moments in Emily's life. The snow globe Ali gave her wasn't on its usual shelf; it was now by the bed. There were papers and notes all over Emily's desk from who knows when and it broke Ali's heart to think that Emily had been up since early this morning trying to figure out who she was.

On the other side of the door, Emily was holding in her tears for as long as she could, ready to break down as soon as she heard Ali leave for good. Alison had secrets kept from her and maybe Emily was harboring a secret of her own.

Alison finally took the unresponsiveness of Emily as a final push to leave and do her 'work' from a distance.

x-x-x-x

Ali took the burner phone and called Caleb from her cell, "hey, get Mona and meet me on Third and Crosby, we're going to Radley." Ali didn't give Caleb a chance to ask, but she knew he would do it anyways.

That was what Hanna was trying to say before they shut her up, she knew it. And if she wanted to get there before either one of Charles or his accomplices got there, she would have to go now.

Ali also picked up her phone and dialed Toby's cell, when she didn't get an answer she called the station, "Rosewood PD, Officer Jameson speaking, how can I help you?"

"Hello Officer Jameson, I'm looking for Officer Cavanaugh, is he in right now, it's urgent."

"Yes mam, he's just in the back office."

"Great would you mind getting him on the line for me please?"

"Sure thing, your name?"

"Um, tell him it's Emily Fields."

"Alright Miss Fields, just give me a moment."

Ali bounced her left leg and when she finally reached the cross-section of Third and Crosby, she pulled over and waited for Mona and Caleb to show up.

"E-Emily?"

"Toby thank God, no it's Alison."

"Ali? Why did you say it was Emily then? Is she alright?"

"Because I know what my name sounds like to all of you over there, like a joke, and the reason I'm calling is for Emily. Don't worry she's fine...well, she will be, it's just that Charles left her a little gift his morning and she shaken up, she can't afford to be around me and I think I should stay away for a while, do you think you can watch her and the house for a while?"

Toby was thinking and trying to process everything, "um yeah, I can switch shifts and put in a request, while I'm on duty but I need proof that she's in danger or something."

"Toby she is, Charles just told us, he'll see us soon, he was in her house dammit, Toby I need this, Emily needs this."

"What gift did he leave her exactly Ali?"

Ali didn't want to lie, but she didn't want to tell the truth either, "he left us a burner phone and there was a video on it, of her parents, he told her I was lying and I just can't face her right now, and I don't think she wants to see me either, please just make sure she's okay? Mona, Caleb and I are going to Radley, maybe we can find something on Charles or CeCe."

Toby didn't have time really to think about this, he sensed the rushed tone and urgency in Ali's voice, "okay, fine, I'll send my old partner over right now, he owes me a favor anyways and when I'm done here I'll bring her some food and take a night shift."

"Thank you so much Toby," Ali was about to hang up when he asked, "this video-,"

"I'm going to have Caleb and Mona pick at it and see if they can backwards map the signal and find a location."

"Okay, but Ali did it, was-,"

"Spencer was in it, she was fine Toby, she looked a little tired, but she was fine." There, Ali had told the truth, not bothering to spare Toby's feelings.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For telling me."

"Toby I-,"

"Talk to you later."

Ali hung up her end and rested her head back against the seat.

Her momentary rest was interrupted when Caleb knocked on her passenger window, "holy shit, Caleb, you scared the crap out of me."

"Where's Mona?"

Caleb opened the door and slid his body in the passenger seat, "sorry I didn't mean to scare you. Mona said don't go straight to Radley, go to the old warehouse on Park and drive behind it, she said they keep all the records older than 10 years over there. She's gonna go hack the system so when we get there, we can get in without hassling about outside, I assume she'll take down the security cameras too."

Ali nodded, "okay, let's go then."

Caleb buckled himself in and Ali took off towards the old building.

"So how was yesterday?" Caleb asked innocently and Ali tensed.

"I don't want to talk about it, but I think you should see this." Ali carefully reached behind her, to her purse and handed Caleb the phone, "press play."

Caleb turned the device over in his hand and laughed, "where'd you get this?"

"It was a gift from Charles, just press play."

Caleb was hesitant, but he opened the phone anyways, "Ali, there's nothing here."

"What?" Ali kept driving but she whipped her head to look at Caleb.

"There's nothing to watch."

Alison gripped the steering wheel harder and thought quickly, "but how, it's like a burner phone right, there's not like a real network or whatever to hack into it from and delete it right?"

"I don't, I don't know, this isn't like the ones I used to buy, maybe Charles had it so the video was a temp file and expired after a certain time."

"How is that even- you know what nevermind, can you trace it?"

"I'm not sure, I'd have to wait until I had all the equipment, or at least until we get to where we're going, Mona brought her laptop, if I can reverse the trans-,"

"English Caleb, was that a yes or a no."

"It's a maybe."

"Fuck it, it'll have to do."

"What did he say, Charles, what did he say in the video?"

Ali shrunk into the seat and put the car in park across the street, "it was meant to hurt me and Emily and it did."

Caleb didn't get to ask anything because Ali unlocked her door, and quickly got out walked across the street and over to the left side of the warehouse.

Caleb was soon by her side and he pulled his phone out, "Mona said use the west entrance."

They walked around back, found the proper door and pulled it open with ease, "thank god you made it."

Ali rolled her eyes, "I'm the one who said to come."

"Yeah, I know but I was getting nervous."

Ali shrugged it off and held her hand out to Caleb. He was confused at first but remembered what he was holding and handed it over.

"Charles left this for me and Emily, can you leave your laptop here so he can see if he can do whatever he does and trace the signal?"

Mona looked curiously over at the phone and shook her head, "it's not going to work. Those phones were used in the military years ago. It was for short-ish range in the field type situations. They were used by troops sending info back to whatever teams were following behind, like their back up, scouts used them basically, to see if it was okay to go ahead but if soldiers were captured or enemies got a hold of them, it wouldn't be useful to have them."

"Why not?"

"Whoever had the second phone could terminate the connection whenever they wanted and erase all files and any history of communication."

"So what we have is some outdated version of military gear?"

"Basically, but they're not burner phones."

Ali tried to wrap her head around everything and instead pulled at the base of her neck with her hands in a sorry excuse to ease her muscles.

"How can you even get one of these?"

"They're not used anymore, I don't know. If Charles or CeCe or even Wren knew someone in the military maybe they'd have access but I'm not sure."

"Wayne is in the army."

Mona stopped to think, "I don't know Ali."

"Can the signal be reactivated, if we have the scouter phone, cant Charles turn it on if he wants to send something again?"

"I'm not sure it works that way Caleb."

"Well this is –A who's known our every move even before we've made them."

Mona sighed, "look let me take it home and take it apart and see if I can find anything."

Ali just about handed it over but drew her hand back suddenly, "wait, how do you know so much about this?"

Mona rolled her eyes and snatched the phone anyways, "AP US History, we talked about wars and we had an assignment to find some technological advantage or disadvantage that any power or country in the world had. I choose our communications but I found some things about phones and walkies like this, that's how." She stated matter of factly and Ali scoffed.

"Fine, so where do they keep all the files?"

Mona walked confidently down the hall and motioned for the others to follow.

"I still don't like her," Ali muttered.

Caleb shrugged and nudged her shoulder, "until we save Spencer and the others, we need her brain."

"Whatever I guess I have to agree on that, I just don't like that she knows so much."

"Aw see, you sound like Spence already."

"Shutup."

They walked to a room at the end of the hall and Ali wasn't too surprised to find Mona already filing through the cabinets and stacks of papers.

"Ali, since Charles and Jason are twins, I'm assuming that Charles records would be here somewhere, this room has anything Radley related starting from 1990 to 2000."

"Okay but how is this time relevant."

Mona put the file she was filtering through down and looked at Ali, "well wouldn't Jason and Charles both be about 7 years older than you by the time you were born? If Jason and of course you, don't remember him, I'm assuming he was locked away here somewhere around that time, but mostly when you were a newborn to the time you were maybe 2, after that, Jason would be too old to have himself brainwashed like that."

Ali silently agreed with Mona's reasoning and headed towards a cabinet, yanking open the first rusted and dusty drawer and extracting as many files under 'D' as she could."

"Wait," Caleb stopped, "wouldn't Charles have come here first to get rid of any evidence?"

Mona stopped to think and looked around, "good point but I don't see why he would, unless he has a reason, Charles is too confident."

"But he erased the video."

"Look, I doubt anyone knows about this place. There a basement at Radley that still keeps records down there, if he wants to look he might start there."

"Yeah, start."

"Just look fast okay," Ali coaxed.

"You know Ali, your mom was on the board, is it possible that she always had Charles' record with her?"

"Why would she want to do that?"

"Well it seems like neither one of your parents wanted you, their own kids to know about him, so I doubt he was mentioned to anyone else. Your parents might have been...I don't know? Embarrassed?"

Ali took a second to think and shook her head, "then my mom wouldn't keep it at the house where her two snooping kids could possibly find it."

"Then we have to find something here."

Caleb walked over with another stack of files, "what about CeCe?"

"What about her?"

"She had to know Charles before she met you, so where else could they have met?"

Mona agreed, "yeah Ali, I thought I seen you in Radley remember? I had to have been her, she's the one I told everything too then, not Charles."

"Mona you said it was Charles."

"Well it wasn't, I think I know my girls from my boys."

"Ugh, I fucking hate this, but fine, look for Drake and DiLaurentis, something has got to be here."

They continued their search until Caleb shouted, "here, I've got it! I found CeCe's file. Her real name is Charlotte Drake. She was emitted to Radley Sanitarium in 1999 when she was just 11 years old and was released when she turned 21."

"What else does it say?"

Caleb walked over and the two girls flanked him, "says here her foster mother called 911 when she found CeCe in another room, threatening her biological son with a fake knife. Doctors brought her in and diagnosed her with personality disorder."

"Caleb, who was her doctor?"

His eyes scanned the yellowed papers and flipped through them rapidly, "um here, it says her presiding doctor was Dr. Lor and then later she was transferred to- Dr. Kingston, Wren Kingston."

"That son of a bitch."

Alison snatched the papers and looked through them herself, not knowing what she was hoping to find. "Maybe this was how CeCe and Charles got out, and maybe it was how they met."

Mona nodded, stopping her search to make the connections, "you know Ali, I wouldn't be surprised if Wren was hired specifically by your mom to keep an eye out on Charles, how he got connected to CeCe, I'm not sure, but if Charles and her became friends, I'm sure mommy dearest would make some arrangements to keep him happy."

"Okay good theory Mona, but Charles killed my mom, he killed his own mom, how do you explain that?"

"Think Ali, maybe Charles wanted out for good, wanted to join the family again, but mommy said no, so what to you do, kill her."

"He wouldn't just do that."

"Why are you defending him? How would you know what he would do or not do, he's a psychopathic killer Alison, think about what he did to all of us, think about Emily!"

Ali wanted to shout back but the sound of glass breaking could be heard and then the slamming of doors, including theirs, before a roar erupted.

"What the hell?" Ali rushed to open it and soon started slamming her shoulder into the side, "it's locked."

"Do you guys smell that?"

Caleb looked around and froze when he realized it was smoke.

"Cover your mouths with your shirt!" Mona yelled and couched low to the floor, smoke was billowing up from under the door and the room soon became cloudy, the air hot and heavy.

She followed the smoke and a quick gust of air that sucked the smoke from where it was floating caught her eye.

"Ali, Caleb, over there!"

Mona pointed to the top right corner of the room where a window was boarded up."

Coughing, Caleb pushed the small table to the wall and jumped on top of it.

"Caleb hurry."

"I'm trying, it won't budge." It was even harder for him to breathe, his mouth was uncovered and since heat rises, the smoke was the densest towards the ceiling.

He stood down and covered his mouth, peering through the gray fumes at the two girls, Ali tried the door again and retreated when her skin got slightly burned. She cursed herself for being so stupid and held her hand between her thighs. Yelling she asked, "what are we gonna do?"

The smoke was piling up and all three of them coughed, their lungs burning.

Mona looked around and finally an idea her. She ran to the nearest file and yanked the drawer open, trying to pull it all the way out. Caleb came to help and they successfully removed the drawer and dumped its contents. Mona threw the drawer down and crouched beside it, working on the sliding mechanism on the side of the drawer, it was the piece that fit them into the cabinet and held them in place. If she could somehow detach it, she could use it as a crow bar to get the board off from the window.

Caleb recognized what she was doing and yanked another drawer open, using all of his body weight while it was still attached to snap the piece off. The metal groaned before finally, he fell to the ground in a fit of coughs and ran to the window.

Mona was close behind, covering her mouth as best she could. Ali hoped on the table and started to help Caleb squeeze the bar under the board between the window.

What was becoming a dark room, lit up again when the flames burst from under the door in a loud hiss and immediately caught fire to all the dry paper and files they had just thrown on the floor.

"Hurry!" Mona panicked and Caleb and Ali used all they had to pry the board off. It groaned and flexed until the nails came free and it cracked loudly.

Caleb tried the window but it wouldn't budge. Mona stepped on the table beside them as the fire closed in on them.

"Move," Ali shouted. She took off her shirt and wrapped it around her fist, leaving her in a brown tank top. With her clothed hand cocked back she forced all her strength forward into breaking that glass. The heat helping it shatter but also flying towards their eyes.

The smoke rushed towards them and out of the window and their eyes watered from all of it. But the small window was open and they had to get out. Caleb kept his balance and squatted on the small table, cupping his hands as a step for Ali to use to hoist herself out.

Ali squeezed her body through the frame, sucking in fresh air at a rate that set her lungs on fire. The building was behind the warehouse on a slope so instead of falling to the ground, she was met with gravel and dead grass at the same level as the window.

Ali slowly got up and looked at the window. It was near impossible to see anything through the dark clouds of grey, nonetheless, Mona's head came into view and Ali stood to help pull her out. No sooner was Mona completely out of the window did Ali hear a shout come from Caleb and the crash of the small table falling to the floor.

"CALEB!"

_**x-x-x-x**_

_**AN: can you wait 7 whole days? Dun dun duuuuuun**_


	17. Everything Started at Radley

_**AN: no internet or cable for a week+, fml, but thanks for hanging in there everyone!**_

_**x-x-x-x**_

**No One's POV**

"CALEB!"

The heat from the fire made it sound like glass bombs were going off, the wooden beams supporting the ceiling groaned and Ali ran with wobbly legs straight into the dark clouds of smoke billowing from the unseen window and into the otherwise perfectly blue sky.

"Ali no!" Mona coughed from the floor, reaching her hand out to stop the blonde.

Alison's eyes burned, any vision lost to the blurry fuzziness from her tears coated eyes.

She reached forward until she was able to feel the wall, crouching low and letting her hands guide her towards the opening where the heat was close to unbearable.

"Caleb," she tried.

Ali found the window and stuck her hand in, "Caleb, grab my hand!"

She waited, not chancing her life to go back inside, "Caleb! Caleb, please!"

Alison was in pure panic now, one more call from risking it all to go in.

Her chest was heaving, pressed into the dirt and gravel and dead grass below her.

Then she felt small hands grab at her shoulders, but they were pulling her away from the building fire, away from Caleb.

"Ali, c'mon, get out of there!" Mona was pleading, using her body weight to try and pull Ali from inhaling any more smoke.

"No, let go Mona."

Alison's hand was still outstretched, "CALEB take my hand!"

"ALI, let's go!"

Alison was willing to let Mona pull her away until she felt a hand, grab hers and pull. Her eyes lit up and she grabbed at Mona's hand on her shoulder with her free hand, "Mona, help me, it's Caleb, help me!"

It took a moment for Alison's words to register before she got closer to the window and along with Alison's hand she found one of her own and pulled. The girls placed the bottoms of their feet against the outside of the window against the wall and straightened them, pulling the body from the window.

Straining every muscle they could while it was still so difficult to breathe, the girls pulled until Caleb's body slumped, his back against the ground, breathing low and labored.

Mona and Alison stood, grabbing Caleb's limp hands and dragging him to a clearing and collapsing next to him.

"Ali, is he-,"

"He's gonna be okay."

Alison propped herself on her elbow and pressed her ear to his chest, "he's still breathing, but barely."

Mona got up and coughed hard, they were dry coughs, each felt like she was swallowing strips of sandpaper, the friction down her throat with each breath to her lungs was painful.

"We've gotta," one more cough, "get," cough again, "him out of here."

Alison looked at the dark soot covering Caleb's face, the ashen clothes and took in the smell of the old burning building that drenched them.

"Then help me get him in my car, it's bigger." Ali reached her hand to Caleb's face and gently patted his cheek, "Caleb, wake up, get up, please, you have to get up."

Caleb's head lulled to the side and he barely uttered a low groan.

Ali tried again just before the sound of sirens was heard. The sound growing in octaves as it approached.

"Caleb, if you want to save Hanna, I suggest you get your ass up right now." Mona growled in a rough smoke inhaled voice.

Ali understood the urgency and hit Caleb's face a little harder, shaking him by the shoulders until he choked on the air forced into his lungs and started to groan.

"Caleb," Ali rushed, "get up, we have to go."

His eyes fluttered open, squinting at what he didn't know and protective tears spilled from the corners. But he was awake and he knew part of what was going on so he tried to get up, relying heavily on Ali and Mona to get him to his feet.

The sirens blared in the background and Alison moved quicker, Caleb's feet dragging more than he was able to take his own steps.

They reached the car in what seemed like forever and Mona helped Ali move Caleb into the backseat. He was coughing terribly and his breaths came out more like wheezes than smooth inhalations of clean air.

"Mona, hurry, get to your car, I got it from here." The girls shared a frenzied look before the short black haired girl took off across the street to her own car.

"Caleb," Ali grunted, "you better hold on." Alison slammed the door and got into the driver's seat, bringing the engine to life and stepping on the gas pedal, Mona close on her tail.

It seemed they were in the clear, no flashing lights in their rearview mirrors, no cops hot on their trail. Alison looked behind her at Caleb, who was in and out of consciousness, and she sighed, she didn't know how she would get through this without him. She couldn't imagine saving Hanna if he wasn't there.

Sighing, Alison let up on the gas and was about to tell Mona that they should head back home when her phone buzzed in her pocket.

Her mind told her it was Toby or Ezra checking in or telling her Emily was okay, but her eyes proved her wrong.

_Unknown: It's a shame little sis, I didn't mean to hurt you, but you need to stay out of my business. After all, you can only play with fire so long before you get burned._

Alison's jaw clenched and she threw her phone at the floor in front of the passenger seat. She gripped the steering wheel and pulled over hard, slamming her foot down on the brakes, almost causing Mona to rear-end her.

Letting out a blood curdling scream in fear, frustration and anger, Alison slammed the butt of her hands into the steering wheel repeatedly, letting the hot tears burn her more and leave behind streaks on her face.

Mona was quick to get out of her car, looking around on the quiet street they were on before running up to Alison's car, watching as the blonde violently shook from anger and abused her own hands against the wheel. Caleb sat up, startled and stayed quiet to let Ali let it all out.

The blonde ran her hands into her hair and she pulled at the roots, scraping her nails along her scalp until her arms felt weak, her hands falling slack into her lap where she bunched the material of her jeans in her hands so hard she thought she might actually tear them to shreds.

Her loud outburst took a dramatic turn into a silent implosion. The string within that have been straining to hold her together snapped again and she was felt to rest her head against the horn and cry. And just cry, no more words to yell or say. Nothing else to feel expect for the first time, hopeless. Hopeless and alone and scared and frustrated and ready to give up. Every step she took forward, something always dragged her back. The more she wanted, the more got taken away. The happier she realized she could be, the more tragedy and heartbreak came her way.

The pressure was too much and she felt like ever since she woke up in the hospital bed, there had been an anvil sitting on her chest. It was too hard to breathe and she just escaped from a fire for fucks sakes. She just wanted to forget everything, she wished none of it ever happened, she wished she could go back to the way it was.

Alison didn't know how long she was sitting there, but she knew she still didn't want to move when Caleb leaned forward and grabbed her shoulders gently. She didn't dare listen when Mona opened the door and told her to move over. She felt ready to give up, disappear and run from her problems, everyone would be better without her.

"Ali, move over, I'll drive us home."

Alison looked up, her eyes bloodshot, face swollen, and stared at Mona. She actually looked concerned, and what for? Alison made her life hell.

The ex queen bee, nodded, sobbed so her whole chest vibrated and climbed into the passenger, reaching down to grab her phone.

Mona ran to her car, drove it further up the street and into the brush along the road and locked it, she'd come back for it later.

When she got to the car, Caleb was sitting up, rubbing his chest and taking slow painful breaths.

Mona slid in and restarted the engine, not saying a word.

None of them said a word.

x-x-x-x

After they escaped the fire, Ali had driven them 15 minutes out of town until she pulled over. And when Mona took over, she drove them all the way back to Emily's house.

The car was parked, engine killed and still it was quiet. Alison turned the phone over and over in her hands and didn't even notice where they were until Mona cleared her throat.

"Um, Ali, what do you want to do now?"

Ali snapped like an overstretched rubber band and reality stung her when she looked up.

"Why did you take us here?"

Confused, Mona looked between the house and Alison and she struggled for words.

"We failed Mona, I failed...again, now I'll never know how Charles and CeCe and Wren are connected, I'm never going figure this out and I can't take it, don't you get that?! I'm tired of letting everyone down, and you take me here, the worst possible place I can be a failure at. What's wrong with you?!"

"Ali," it was Caleb, reaching from the back seat to squeeze her shoulder gently, "it's okay."

"How?! Please explain to me how Caleb? You nearly- I can't keep letting those around me get hurt, I should've done what I said and do this alone. I've got nothing, I ruined the one chance we had at piecing this shit together, we could've all died and it would've been for nothing, we didn't get anything from there."

"Alone? Alison, since when have you ever been alone in this? It started with you and the girls, and you got through it together, we were all in it...together, and we'll get through this and find Hanna and the others...together."

Alison couldn't believe they were doing any of this for her. They cared for Hanna, for Spencer, for Aria and for Emily's parents, not for her. But because she said she cared too, they were willing to be around her to get them all back.

"Alison," Mona called her attention and reached down between the seats and pulled an old battered and stuffed to the max manila folder out.

"What?"

"Caleb has CeCe's file and I...I have this."

Alison looked over at Mona hesitantly and stared at the folder in her hands, it couldn't have been, why would they keep his records, wouldn't her mom have kept them and burned them all?

"Is that-,"

"It's not the whole biography of one messed up Charles, but I think we might have enough in here."

Alison's eyes lit up at the shred of hope that sat printed over old yellowing pages, with dog-eared corners.

It was another chance, she had to take it.

"Alright, then we'll put together as much as we can."

"Alright," Caleb managed before his chest heaved and he coughed heavily.

Mona looked back at Caleb and looked him over, "are you okay?"

He nodded and shrugged, "my throat hurts like hell, but I'll be okay, I think I just want to shower up and get something to drink."

"You can do that I my place or I can take you back to-,"

"No," Ali interrupted, "I'm sure you can stay here, both of you. Mona, we'll go get your car in the morning, I'm sorry, about earli-,"

But Mona put her hand out, "Alison, it's okay, you don't have to apologize." She pulled the keys from the ignition and handed them over, "I wouldn't mind a sleepover."

Ali nodded, "yeah, I'm sure Emily will be thrilled." However, she didn't actually know how Em would feel. When she, along with Mona and Caleb, got out of the car, she saw an empty truck, silver mid-size and one police vehicle on the other side of the street.

The officer tilted his head and started the car, apparently her arrival signaled his departure.

The other two cars meant Toby and Ezra were here as well...almost the whole gang...almost, but not quite.

Alison felt heavy walking up the steps to Emily's door. Mona and Caleb were at her sides, waiting for her to knock.

The silence grew to be too much for Caleb and when his patience was about to be lost and he reached forward to knock, Alison stopped him at the wrist, "stop, it's alright, I have a key."

It was strange the way she pulled it out of her pocket and slipped it into the lock. Any other scenario, she would be rushing through the doors, but right now, she felt like a failure.

"Ali, I'll knock, it's okay, Emily loves you, you know, regardless of what happens next."

And she wanted to agree yet tell him Em doesn't love her the same but she simply nodded and took a step back.

It was after the second knock that the door was opened and Toby stood with a worried expression on his face. He grabbed Caleb at the shoulder and pulled him in, doing the same to Mona and Ali.

"Jesus, you guys are okay."

"Yeah just peachy, just a fire that we almost didn't escape, no worries."

Toby narrowed his eyes, " look like shit."

"Thanks, nice to see you too."

"Okay, Ali, I can't afford to be patient with you, the department has been breathing down my throat all day hounding me about you and these two."

Alison exchanged looks between the other two accused and faced Toby, "okay, what do you mean? We told you we were going to find out all that we could, Toby, that's where we've been."

"Yeah and did you just so happen to also be in the Radley Records behind Red's Warehouse?"

Alison didn't nod but she knew she didn't have to.

"Dammit, Ali, I can't do my job if you three are going to break the law."

"You're blaming us? Toby, I'm trying to find Spencer, I don't care about the fucking law, especially when those of you that are supposed to be withholding it are doing nothing to help me. You're precious department takes me as a joke and any 'detective' that is supposed to end this all and solve the big mystery has done nothing or is dead! I can't trust anyone in there, except you! So if you can't do you job, do it now and arrest me!"

Toby gritted his teeth, remembering that Emily was in the living room with Ezra, "Alison you know I'm not going to do that, but next time you break and enter, leave the building alone will you?"

"Toby are you blind or as stupid as that badge you wear? Charles set that fire, look at us, you think we purposefully did this? We almost died trying to get some stupid files on CeCe or Charles."

"And?"

"And Caleb almost died, he needs to get cleaned up."

"Ali."

"And we did find them okay? But barely, and if we didn't didn't get there before Charles, he wouldn't taken them and he would've been in charge again, at least this way we know where to start."

"Start with what?"

"How everyone is connected and why he started all of this."

"And where are you supposed to start? Birth?"

"Maybe, or maybe just Radley."

"Radley, I hate that damn place, if I never hear it again, it'll be too soon."

"Everything started at Radley, Toby, we're getting there, we have something now."

Toby sighed and the tension in his shoulders and neck moved down and away until he sighed, "she's in the living room, she hasn't talked much."

Ali looked up towards the living room and swallowed.

"She asked about you, she just wanted to know if you were safe."

Alison nodded and avoided addressing the new awkwardness that was her and Emily, "Mona ditched her car to drive us back, so she and Caleb are going to spend the night, if you want to go home, you can."

Toby shook his head, "do you want me to go?"

Shrugging, Ali answered, "you should go home, sleep in our own bed."

But Toby shook his head softly and lowered his head and voice, "not much of a bed when it's half empty."

Alison felt a pang of guilt, something she thought she's be accustomed to by now, "Toby, we can handle it here, I just meant if you wanted to be home and not here, it might get crowed."

"I know what you meant, it's okay, I'm not offended, but Emily is my friend, I want to stay. Besides, there's not much to go to, my home is 5'8" with long brown hair and a smart mouth, so I'm staying until I get her back."

Ali understood and simply touched Toby's arm before she walked past him and into the entryway, telling Mona and Caleb to give her a second.

Ezra made an excuse to get up from the couch when he seen Ali approach, that left Alison alone with Emily.

"Hey Em," Ali started awkwardly.

"You c-could've c-c-called you know, or texted one of us, we-we were worried si-sick." Emily didn't pull her eyes from the TV and Ali followed her line of sight to see some unrecognizable sitcom playing.

The young blonde sat down next to Emily and focused on just breathing, it was like she was always holding her breath.

"I'm sorry." It was all she could say and she knew it felt insufficient.

"S-st-sto-stop, just stop apologizing."

Ali's brows furrowed in confusion and she wished Emily would just look at her so she could get a sense of what the brunette meant.

"Emily, I don't know what you want me to say, I-,"

"That's j-just just the thing, I-I don't want you to say anything, I want you to s-stop apologizing, stop saying you're sorry like everything that happens i-is is your fault, like this is a-all on you, it's not, can't you see that?" Somewhere mid-confession, Emily had turned to face Alison, her eyes still bright but they seemed tired, and Ali knew somewhere in her's, her blue eyes were losing their light.

She hung her head low and looked to the rug on the floor, reminiscing on all the night she had slept their during sleepovers, she remembered the first sleepover that she laid there, thinking that she was really in love with her best friend, it wasn't a phase or experiment or something she was unsure of, it was the first real time she was confident.

It shocked her when she felt Em's hand cup her cheek and pull her face gently to face her, "Alison, I care about you, more than I can really understand," Ali didn't know it, she barely felt it at all but she was crying, again, something she did nearly every night so that she could somehow fall asleep, "and I don't want to watch you do this to yourself. We all want to find them and none of us are blaming you, so stop acting like- stop waiting- stop waiting for us to turn on you."

Alison bit her lip and pulled her face from Emily's gentle touch, she can't accept that Emily only wanted to be friends but let her touch her like they were more, she wouldn't be able to control herself.

The blonde contemplated what to say next, deep down, somewhere repressed inside her she knew that Emily was right, but that confirmation never surfaced.

And it was like Emily could still read her mind, because the brunette calmed her heart rate like Dr. Pearson said to and spoke evenly, "Ali, you don't have to say anything, just tell me right now that you will stop blaming yourself. Charles is the one doing this, being that he's only your biological brother and nothing else does not make him your responsibility, it doesn't mean it's your fault."

"How can you say that, whatever he's doing to hurt everyone else, he's doing to hurt me. He would have no choice but to hurt me only if I had just stayed away from everyone else."

"That's not going to happen, so promise me."

Ali was torn, how could she? But one look in those eyes and she knew she'd have to promise and keep that promise, "I promise."

Emily smiled and before Ali could stand and help Caleb and Mona get settled in in the guest room, Emily grabbed her wrist. Ali spun around and faced her, "yeah?"

Em looked nervous and her breath came out a little shaky, "She's going to come back to you one day."

Alison was genuinely confused, who was Emily talking abo-

"The version of me you need right now. The Emily you're waiting for."

Alison could break from what she just heard, "no, no, god no, Emily, I just want you, as you are right now, as my friend and I want you safe I don't nee-,"

"Yes, you do," Emily shook her head and smiled weakly, "and it's okay, I feel things too you know, when I think about you, I feel like if I do it long enough, I can feel these memories pulling at my conscious and I feel like I'm remembering things, not just seeing them in my head, but actually reliving them in my head. I'm not fighting it Ali, I want to remember who I was, how everything else was."

Emily let go of Ali's wrist and Ali held her hand, her other one subconsciously playing with Emily's bracelet that she had been given back. When Em noticed she smiled, but it looked more like a grimace. She wanted to apologize but saying sorry for not knowing who you are wasn't an apology, just filler words with no real weight.

"Why are you telling me this?"

Emily swallowed and met shattered blue eyes, "Because I want you to stop looking at me like you've lost me, I'm still here and I told you I'm willing to start over, as friends, you haven't lost me, not in all the way s you think you have."

Ali dipped her head and took a deep breath, "we're covered in soot and smell like smoke, I told Mona and Caleb they could stay here and wash up, I hope that's okay?"

"You know it is."

Alison nodded and left the room, seeking refuge in busying herself with helping Mona and Caleb.

x-x-x-x

It was already late night by the time Alison had a chance to shower and change into some of her clothes, she fought to urge to swap out her tank for one of Em's long, over-sized tees.

Mona and Caleb were drinking tea in the kitchen, no one bothering to open up Charles or CeCe's files again until Ali was ready. Toby had picked up pizza and they all ate, all except Ali, she was sick to her stomach. She sat alone in the back room, the office of sorts, staring at the two manila folders she had in front of her.

Truth be told, she was nervous, scared even, to see what was inside, she didn't want to know what dark twisted secrets were in them, what lies her parents had hidden from her. Jason moved to Philly after the arrest, her mom was murdered, and her dad was too busy with work to ever actually be home, so she had no one to ask, no one to yell at but herself.

It was 11:23pm and for once the cold and the darkness around her was comforting, it was too much to be in broad daylight where all her flaws could be exposed. In the dark, no one would she her breaking down, no one but-

There was a knock at the door and it was pushed open all the way.

"Hey."

It was Emily, she came in bearing a plate of cold pizza and a glass of water.

Ali sat up straight and fixed her shirt, "hey."

"You hungry?"

"No."

"Oh, well I brought you- you know what, I haven't seen you eat since we got here, you need to eat this." Emily sat opposite to Alison and pushed the food over to her, sliding the folders out of the way, pulling her hand back when she realized what they were, "have you...?"

"No, not yet."

"Why not?"

"For obvious reasons, I'm scared."

"And what's wrong with that?"

"What?"

"What is wrong with being scared? Having fear doesn't make you weak."

Alison scoffed, "no? Well it doesn't necessarily make me feel strong being afraid to read some papers."

Emily shrugged, "I was reading my journal from freshman year, I found it in a box under my bed and when I was talking about me accepting myself as I am, being gay, and I wrote something that I know fits here."

Alison was more intrigued about what freshman Emily wrote about and what present Emily thought about it.

"I wrote that it's what we do about our fears that determine whether or not we're a strong person. I thought liking girls made me weak because I was always scared of what everyone else would think but when I told my parents, apparently I felt free, I felt strong again, because I could be myself again," Emily paused hoping she remembered reading that right and reached to cover Ali's hand with her own, "it can only make you strong once you find out what is in those."

With that, she got up and walked back towards the door, ready to leave until Ali stood up abruptly and grabbed Emily roughly by the waist and pushed her against the door. Her breaths were labored and heavy and she had angry tears in her eyes.

"What I do with my fears?" She was practically growling.

Emily swallowed, not sure what Ali's intentions were.

Alison reached down and grabbed Emily's wrists pinning them at either side of her head, dipping her head at the crook of a helpless Emily's neck. She then stretched on her tiptoes and whispered in Em's ear, "I'm afraid of losing you."

But her words weren't soft and endearing; they were rough, desperate, and needy.

The closer she got the more Emily could smell the hard liquor on her tongue. She tightened her jaw and stood still, waiting for Alison's actions to run their course.

Ali pulled away, dropping Em's wrists and cupping her face softly, tilting it up and to the side, so she had full access to her neck.

"The fear of losing you makes me want to take you back right now, kiss the old you out of you until there's no choice but for you to remember the way my lips feel and remember the ways I made you feel before all this."

Emily swallowed the heat between them making her skin start to form sweat beads.

"You're intoxicating, I can't stay away, I can only drink it all away, but everywhere I look, I see you, I see us and I can't do anything but agree to be your friend again. So the fear of losing you if I push this makes me want to stay away, but the fear of not doing anything makes me want to kiss you right now."

Alison's body was pressed against Emily's and when she was done talking, she dropped her head to the door, moving away from Emily's body.

Her eyes were bloodshot red, and Emily was standing on weak knees, not sure what to do.

"So Emily, what do you think? That's my number one fear, spilt in two. Am I weak, or am I strong?"

Emily didn't meet the eyes boring into her skin, she bit her lip and started at the floor, waiting to leave the room and sit back on her couch, no Alison that close to her, making her body heat out of her control and her skin burn up.

"I'm ready to open these, can you send the others?" Ali asked like nothing had happened and Emily nodded and quickly exited the room, relaying the message to others without causing any suspicion about the flush in her cheeks or the jittering in her bones.

What the hell was that?

x-x-x-x

Emily had gone to bed soon after the incident with Ali. That left Mona, Caleb, and Toby to look through the files they saved from the fire and piece anything they knew with what they were learning.

"This is crazy Alison, how the hell were we supposed to see this coming?" Toby offered.

Ali shook her head, it was well past 2 am and the alcohol was wearing off, the discoveries of Charles and CeCe's past sobering her faster than normal.

"Okay woah, so who wants to explain this all to me? There's too much," Caleb rubbed his temples and sat down at a chair.

Mona and Ali exchanged looks, "you can finish."

Ali nodded and Mona started, "like we've been saying everything started at Radley, but we needed to know how Charles got there in the first place. That part is still sketching since Mrs. D was on the board, really anything we read here can be a lie, but I'm sure not everything is fabricated."

Caleb nodded and everyone waited again to hear a full story of all the pieces they uncovered.

"If we go chronologically here, Mr. D was the one to call Radley and 9-1-1 on Charles when he was about 7. Reports from the first response officer said Mr. D claimed Charles was found with Ali and all of her dolls in the bathroom. Mr. D said Charles was trying to drown his sister. Ali, you were barely 8 months old. Says here," Mona grabbed a sheet, "that you were unharmed and that your mom was willing to drop it and just let Charles see a child psychologist, about his fascination with the dolls and you as his little sister. However, you're dad wasn't having it and he got Charles sent to Radley, the children's wing that had just opened was ready to have their first patient."

Ali swallowed; she nodded and let Mona continue. Caleb's stomach was uneasy imagining a little boy hurting an innocent baby.

Mona cleared her throat and put the paper down, "from what we have here, Mrs. D came on the board soon after and her reasons were obvious, she wanted to watch out for her little boy. Charles' first psychologist was Dr. Lor, he oversaw all of his medications, treatments and social interactions. And it's not all butterfly splatters, as the years went on, Lor noted that Charles was getting worse, he started to develop schizophrenic tendencies, starting to say that his sister was out to get him. That her dolls were coming after him. He started to develop paranoia by the age 13 and became violent in his sessions.

"Medical records show that they almost more than doubled his medication and started to keep him isolated more. This made Mrs. D angry, I'm assuming she had Dr. Lor removed the next year when Charles turned 14. For two years, it doesn't say Charles had a doctor, but your mom," Mona faced Ali, "started to visit him more often and apparently she was sneaking in gifts."

"Security found her trying to sneak in dolls, much like the ones you had and once they found that out, nurses searched his room and found a collection of dolls that resembled you and the ones you had."

Ali shuddered when she seen what Mona was reaching for, "and these," Mona breathed, "are pictures of how they were found."

Alison already seen them earlier but they still sent a cold chill down her spine.

"Holy fuck." Caleb grimaced and squirmed uneasily in his chair, "I'm glad I didn't stay in here when you opened Charles past the first time."

Spread on the table were pictures of dolls, they were torn, ripped, stabbed through with sharpened pieces and shreds of pencils, eyes colored in black with markers, red markings emulating wounds littered them and on one blonde, blue-eyed doll there was a creepy smile painted on, a giant red A scrawled on the forehead. Other than the face painted, it was the doll that was treated the best, there was no other marks, it was all intact and even the hair seemed to be combed back. It was obvious who Charles imagined that one was.

"Why the dolls?" Toby asked, glad that he and Caleb left the girls a while earlier to piece this together on their own.

"It doesn't say explicitly but I think that Ali's mom thought that if Charles had the dolls and seen they weren't going after him that's he'd get better, that he would be okay to get out and come back home. I think what happened was that he realized that the dolls were nothing but that, nothing happened to them unless he made them do something. That established some sort of control in his head, those dolls gave birth to the Charles that started to come after us and treat us like his own."

Caleb shook his head, "this is so fucking sick. I'm so sorry Alison."

Ali shrugged, "bygones Caleb, don't worry about it."

Ali was quiet, it wasn't her fault, she didn't do anything to Charles, it was her dad, her mom, not her, she was a baby, and Charles came after her because she didn't behave the way he wanted, she wasn't the perfect doll, like he wanted.

Mona nodded sympathetically and continued, "If we compare when Charles was sent to Radley to when CeCe's foster mom filed the complaints and had CeCe removed from the home, that puts her also at age 7, she bounced around for a few years in more homes that actually accepted her but when she turned 10, she attempted to burn down the home she was living in and when police pulled her into custody, she denied it, and get this, she said Vivian made her do it."

"Vivian? You mean...?"

Ali moved her head in confirmation, "Vivian Darkbloom, the alias she let me use, the person she taught me to be when I didn't want to be found, was someone real to her, it was herself, she used me to get rid of Vivian. I really was the perfect doll, to them both."

Toby shook his head, "Ali, no, you didn't know."

"What does it matter, everything they've done was because of me."

"Okay," Caleb stopped them, "so Cece went to Radley when? And why?"

"When she was 10, doctors diagnosed her with mild personality disorder that started to progress and then get better over the years."

"Let me guess, she still had to be a patient at Radley, but when they released her when she was 21 her personality disorder got even better?"

"Precisely, I think Ali was right, she used you to get herself better."

Alison was indifferent about it all, there was nothing left to say, she simply let Mona explain all that she and her and uncovered.

"And what does CeCe have to do with Charles?"

"CeCe was the first girl checked into the children's wing at Radley and there weren't many kids there with her."

"But Charles was one of them?"

Mona nodded to Caleb, "in Charles case file, this when Dr. Lor went easier on his meds and watched closely to see if being around another kid his age would make things better. They did group sessions, with CeCe and Charles and their doctor allowed all the kids to have the same recreational time together and guess who became inseparable?"

The two young men knew exactly who it was.

"What happened next Mona, how did Ali and us how did we get involved?"

The short brunette sighed, "as soon as CeCe was released, that's when she became a part of your life right Ali? Around the time she was pretending to be in college?"

"Yeah, I trusted that bitch, she was like a sister to me, she taught me everything I ever needed to know about...being just like her." Alison shuddered from the thought.

"Ali I think CeCe was actually genuine in trying to become your friend in those years, she was basically the eyes and ears for Charles until her learned how to escape." Mona offered, "she might have never had any real intent on hurting you until she found a reason."

"Learned to escape, or was let out?" Toby inquired, "we still don't have their motive for torturing us and how Wren got involved."

"Yeah, I agree with Toby, none of this really explains why Charles decided to punish you or where he was hiding or how he managed to get his hands on all of the equipment and money for things. And we still have no idea how Wren fit into all of this. I hated that bastard from the start." Caleb sighed somewhat frustrated.

"Those are things we need to get inside Charles' head for."

"I'll pass Mona, no thanks, I just escaped the literal pits of hell, I don't need to go into another one."

"Actually there might be things at my house that can help explain the money and Wren."

"Things like what? I thought you said there was nothing there?"

"There wasn't anything there, because I didn't know what I was looking for. I do now, and I know where to look. My mom had to have kept some record of these things, I know it."

"Maybe that's why they killed her Ali, they wanted to cover their trail, or they wanted out for good and she wasn't ready."

"Yeah, maybe. I just hope they didn't get whatever it is we're looking for."

"It's late, Ali, I think we should just call it a night. We'll keep looking for clues tomorrow, and then we'll stop by your house, but right now I think it's safe to say we all need some sleep."

"I can't just go to sleep, I'll stay up."

"Ali, you can't do that."

"But I will if it means having someone ready in case he comes."

"I'll stay up with you," Toby confirmed and then turned to the others, "you guys mind doing shifts? I already told Mendes he could leave, so there won't be any more surveillance until the morning when I leave."

"Sounds fine, but Mona, can you take the first one after them?"

"Of course."

"Cool, well I'll take the short couch, Toby you can have the other one, Mona will be in the guest room."

"Ali?"

"Huh?"

"Are you sleeping in-,"

"No, there's a sleeping bag in Em's closet, I'll sneak in and sleep down here with all of you."

No one asked questions, they simply went to where they were going to sleep and made themselves as comfortable as they could.

"No you take that couch, I'll take the sleeping bag, I've slept in and on worse," Caleb joked, "it'll be like plush to me."

Alison smiled at what she took as an attempt to ease the tension and thanked Caleb before making her way silently up the stairs.

There were minutes that passed before Ali opened the door to Emily's room, sneaking into the closet and pulling the rolled bag from the bottom near the extra blankets which she took out too.

She was close to the door when she stopped cursed herself and walked towards Emily bed, stopping just beside it.

Ali just wanted to crawl in beside Emily and just sleep there; she didn't need the physicality of it, not in the way her body knew it sometimes craved; she just wanted to feel close to Em, to feel the weight of her body in the dip of the mattress, hear the even breathing, watch her eyes flutter and her chest rise and fall in tandem with those even breaths. Ali craved to distract herself with watching Emily sleep and hope to match that peace and fall asleep too.

She even reached her hand out to brush back a strand of Emily's hair and then stopped, she remembered what she had done earlier and she hated herself for it, she couldn't even read the expression Em had, but Ali knew she was in the wrong to do that.

She sat down atop the now unrolled sleeping bag and pulled the blankets over her shoulders, "hey Em," she whispered quietly, "here we are again." Ali laughed lightly and felt uneasy as she watched Em's back to see if she would stir, "I um, first I just want to apologize about earlier, you're sleeping now, so I guess it doesn't count and I still have to say it again, but I guess saying it now will make the second time around easier? Maybe not, but I was drunk and upset and I should have never done that, I'll make sure to make it up to you somehow, like I'll make you pancakes or waffles in the morning."

It was silent and Ali sighed. She looking up and the sight nearly took her breath away: there was a crack in the curtains and of course the natural light from outside shone perfectly on Emily's cheekbones, as if Ali needed more of a reason to want to break the just-friends things she agreed to.

Emily looked angelic, and Ali cursed herself for letting such darkness and pain enter her life, and at what cost? At the price of her love, something Emily was now rejecting.

Alison sighed and put her forehead against the mattress, "you want the truth Em, I want to tell you everything now, I won't spare your feelings or mine anymore, this is it, and I'm going to start from that first day we met when you moved here and we were young until now, I don't care how long it takes."

It was Emily's last chance to say something if she was awake, but she didn't, and Ali took this as not a good sign but not a bad one either, she just took it was it was.

"Okay, so I lived here my whole life and I always thought that-,"

Ali kept her voice low and soft and just above a whisper, she could barely hear herself but she sat and recalled everything she could...

On the other side of the door, Caleb could barely make out the soft humming of a voice, and he knew he wouldn't be needing any sleeping bags, so he went back down and settled into the couch.

"And at first you were so scared to come over, I knew you were and I thought it was annoying at first but then when I told you that-,"

Ali stayed like that, relaxing and smiling at the fond memories, her trip down memory lane of the early years helping her forget that the road would soon make a wrong turn and end them up where they were.

Emily lay there, holding in her laughs, her tears, forcing her body to lie as still as she could while recounted their progression and stages of their relationship over the years, she lie there, a stupid grin on her face and she could feel it, she was letting the memories, telling her brain it was okay to bring them back and remember, none came on her demand, but she felt this gravitational pull on her heart and towards the only person that had made her feel more in her short life than most people have ever died without feeling.

Emily knew it was happening...she was falling for Alison. Again, for the first time, for the second time, it didn't matter, she knew. And she wasn't going to fight it.

x-x-x-x

"Ali, Ali wake up."

Caleb was kneeled next to Alison and when he stirred her awake, she woke with a start.

"WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED!" she sat up and nearly knocked him out with her head.

"Woah, calm down, I'm just waking you up now."

Ali didn't look around and she assumed she was in the living room, she didn't pay attention the crack in the curtains that was now letting sunlight leak through, so she asked innocently, "oh, is it my turn to keep watch?"

Caleb dropped his head and chuckled under his breath, "no sunshine, it's morning now, 9am to be precise."

"What?" Ali then took this time to absorb her surroundings, "shit."

"What's wrong, kink in your neck?"

"No Caleb, dammit, why didn't you wake me up?"

"You were talking to her, I wasn't about to interrupt and when you fell asleep, you actually looked peaceful, I wasn't going to wake you up."

"Then who-,"

"Me and Toby spilt your hours, it's okay."

"Ugh, Caleb, Em's not even here, she probably woke up and and freaked out, where is she, is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine, she was actually better than fine, Toby didn't have to go in today, he called in a favor so him and Emily went for a run."

"A run?"

"Well a jog...pace passed walk? Who am I kidding, they went to walk around the park for a bit, they should be back in a few. I just thought you'd like one of us to wake you and not Emily."

"Ugh, thanks."

Ali got up and folded everything and put them back in their home at the bottom and back of Emily's closet.

She combed out her hair, and went downstairs to make coffee, no sooner than she took the first sip did Emily and Toby come in the house laughing and covered in very minimal amounts of sweat.

The pair walked into the kitchen for water and upon seeing Ali at the counter Emily smiled, "good morning Ali."

"Good morning Em," Ali returned awkwardly.

Toby winked at Emily and walked into the living room, the whole thing unseen by Ali.

Alison cleared her throat she was going to have to apologize for falling asleep in Em's room and for what happened earlier that night too.

"Emily, I-,"

Emily shook her head and walked a step closer to Ali, leaning over the counter and saying in a low voice, "apology accepted."

Ali's eyes widened in confusion and bewilderment, Emily walking away to shower upstairs before she stopped in the door way, "but oh, you can make the pancakes, and I think I seen some chocolate chips in the pantry, thanks."

And like that the brunette bounded up the stairs, leaving a very confused Alison in her wake.

Toby came back into the kitchen to return the water bottle to the fridge, laughing at the expression on Ali's face.

"I like chocolate chips too."

Ali snapped out of her state of immobility, "shut up Toby."

_**x-x-x-x**_

_**AN: ...like always, leave a comment, question, thought or review. I want to hear from you! And I'm sorry I missed last weekend, hopefully this makes up for that...stay tuned for updates for ISIKYW and OITNE coming out tomorrow and Monday.**_

_**Love, Lina**_


	18. Be Who You Need

_**AN: another month of exams and I've been getting A's... "the private college, you're going to is hard," they said hahaha c'mon, it's just Business and Engineering...lol, sorry for being like a month late on this update...but please, enjoy this chapter :) **_

Chapter 18: "...be who you need..."

x-x-x-x

**Alison's POV**

The rest of that morning went by smooth, the only awkwardness being on my part. How did Em know about the pancakes, what was that glint in her eyes? I spent the next few hours wondering what was going on in that beautiful mind of hers.

I was hopeful, but I didn't want to jinx it, plus if Em remembered something, she'd tell me...at least that's what I think.

Dr. Pearson said her memory loss wasn't as severe as it could have been and that over time Em would regain some things, what those things were was a mystery and when, an even bigger one. But if her behavior was any indication that she was regaining pieces of the past, I'd gladly make her favorite pancakes every day and at any time of day.

"Ali?" I turned to my side. It was Mona. The look in her eyes told me she had found something and I needed to talk to her in private.

I cleared my throat, set my cup down and left the kitchen unnoticed, the boys were doing a great job keeping Emily busy. Today was the first day I had seen her smile like she used to, wide and natural and genuinely happy. How she could seem happy when her friends and family were kidnapped and someone is watching us, I didn't know, but she seemed hopeful after last night. And I felt better telling her everything we knew. There were enough barriers between us already. Hopefully, those would all be gone soon.

The hope we had was more powerful than the fear we used to feel, but I know hope devastates more than fear does, it was dangerous to be this hopeful. At least we're expecting a disaster or worse when we're afraid. It's always harder to be let down when you're hopeful, that's how I had always seen it. The only one to make me believe otherwise was sitting across from me, the length of her neck exposed as she tilted her head back in laughter.

I didn't want to tear my eyes away from the sight but my feet carried me to follow behind Mona and we ended up back in the back room that we were all in last night.

"What is it?"

"I did what you told me to do." Mona reached behind her and pulled out a series of binder-clipped papers.

What I had told her to do, in secret last night, was to sneak back to my house after she picked up her car this morning.

The animosity between us dissipated into a mutual sort of friendship, hell we were almost oven roasted to a crisp 24 hours ago, so it was easier than I thought to give her the keys to my house. Of course, I don't know that we could ever be actual friends, but we were in this together and to be standing with her opposed to against her was more comforting than I would have expected. She is a part of Hanna's life and Hanna Mona's, so having her here makes it seem like Hanna is closer than she might be.

"Okay, so what is all of that?" I pointed to her hands.

Mona moved to the side of the table to spread out, in a specific, Mona-like order, the papers she had found.

"Okay, so we can tell the others after but I thought I would tell you first. This is kind of sick and twisted."

I swallowed, this was already so sick and twisted, I wasn't sure I could bear to know that there was more.

"First, where did you find everything?"

Mona looked up and me, surprised I changed the subject and she smirked, "you know your mom better than you thought; it was right where you said it would be."

I felt the corner of my mouth turn up in a sad half smile, she was gone, but I loved her, regardless of what Mona was about to tell me, she was- is still my mom.

"The damn bookcase, it was always clean, but she never dusted anything in that damn office of hers." I shrugged, knowing exactly where Mona should look.

"Yeah good call, I had trouble with the safe but it was nothing I couldn't handle," Mona blew her own horn and I couldn't help but scoff: at least I knew she hadn't really changed that much.

"So what was it you found? If you want to tell me before the others come looking for us, I suggest you tell me now."

Mona sighed, she looked as though she was about to give a speech. "Alright Ali, I don't know how much of this you'll like but I guess you have to here it all anyways, so here goes nothing."

I swallowed hard and took a seat at the table, watching as Mona started explaining what the papers meant as she threw them my way, each piece adding more to the ugly puzzle we were putting together.

"So when I found these I read them briefly before I came back here, I just have a rough scheme of things, but I think it's enough to give us where to start looking."

I nodded, waiting.

Mona took my silence as her cue and continued, "okay so the first thing I found interesting was when Cece came to Radley, she was young and was supposed to go through tests and a psyche eval, but apparently there was no gap between when she got there to when she and Charles started to see each other?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, CeCe didn't even go through all the same procedures as all the other child patients."

"And what does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, these are CeCe's original reports, I'm guessing your mom stole them and replaced them with fakes. I don't know how but she made the switch even before she got rid of Charles' original doctor. The doctors at the local hospital at the time said CeCe was too unstable to be around other kids her age; she could've lashed out at any time. Radley wouldn't compromise the safety of the other patients by letting her interact with the rest of the kids right away."

"Mona what does this have to do with my mom?"

"Well every patient that gets sent to Radley goes through the board; well their 'resume' of sorts does anyways. It's like applying to colleges; the board of Radley can deny patients or accept them. Ali, think about CeCe, what does she looks like."

I looked at the wall opposite to me and tried to draw the lines with the points Mona laid out.

Maybe I was too slow or my response wasn't expected because she continued, "CeCe was a young blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl, doctors called her impressionable to make up for her personality disorder. All of this, to your mom, made her the perfect stand in Ali for Charles."

I wanted to throw up, my mom actually sacrificed the well-being of someone else, just to please my brother. Dolls just weren't enough, she had to get him something better.

"Ali you were no more CeCe's doll than she was to herself and then to Charles. It was a cycle and it never had anything to do with you." Her voice was soft and in a way I felt she was telling me it wasn't my fault how evil I had been, but it was.

I let the words sink in and I wanted to feel relieved, I wished I did, but I didn't, I knew I didn't deserve it.

I couldn't meet Mona's eyes, she sighed, empathetic towards me and lowered her voice, "Ali, I can give you time if you want to look over them yourself."

"No, I'm fine," I shook my head and urged her to stay put, "plus you're better at reading this kind of stuff and telling me what it all means. Go on, I'm okay."

"Okay," Mona nodded and from the corners of my eye I could also see her smiling weakly at me. It was a new feeling, strange, to see the how people looked when they felt bad for me. It was a lot different than what I was used to in the past: the sneers, disgust, fear, envy sometimes.

"Well, um, what I also found was where your mom was getting the funds from. Apparently this company that goes by the name of The Carrissimi Foundation is a fake, made up by your mom. Hanna was right and I don't know how your mom did it, but investors have been depositing money into an offshore account and then it's extorted by your mother. They think it's getting donated for a scholarship foundation for college going kids when really it's her own private account for her and Charles."

"What do you mean off-shore? Isn't the foundation supposed to be local? She used to talk about it to my dad; she always had a meeting to go to for them every other week."

"I'm assuming those so-called meeting's were to see your broth- to see Charles," she corrected and shifted in her seat, she seemed as uncomfortable with calling Charles my brother as I did, "and the offshore account assured that she wouldn't have to pay the government or taxes on that money. That would also keep your dad in the dark about it; if it never popped up, why would he suspect your mom was doing anything to help Charles."

I dropped my head and rubbed the back of my neck, squeezing the muscles as tight as I could to relieve some of the pent up pressure.

"What else was there?" I really didn't want to know what else or how else my mom was involved with any of this any more than I already did, but I closed my eyes and imagined the picture Charles had sent me, the one of Emily's parents and Hanna and Aria and Spencer and I knew anything I had to uncover about my family, no matter how unsettling, was worth it.

"Ali, you sure, you look like you're about to-,"

"I'm fine," I interrupted her, "so go on."

"Aright."

"What else was there?"

"I have a flash drive here with saved emails and payment transactions from the Carrissimi group to one Wren Kingston...Dr. Wren Kingston. I plugged it in to your mom's desktop but I only got to read the first few emails. Why she kept them stored like this, I'm sure it was just to have leverage in case someone decided that they didn't like what she was doing...blackmail at its best."

I huffed, "Or its worst."

"What's interesting is that Wren did actually come from the UK, he moved to the US to further his studies in psychoanalysis and medicine. Radley actually seeked him out and it's not too much of a mystery why."

"You're saying my mom found Wren on purpose?"

"That's what it looks like. Ali, I don't know the kind of life your mom had before she met your dad, but it seems like she was way smarter and more resourceful than anyone could've known."

I dropped my head and tried to regulate the air coming in my lungs, my mom? She did all of this? She was able to orchestrate everything behind our backs, in our house and for years?!

"What else Mona?" I was angry now. Yeah I missed her, and now more than ever I wish she was here so I could ask her for answers, real ones, but what she did, that didn't make her my mother on paper.

"Ali, are you sure you don't-,"

"Stop treating me like a baby Mona, I don't need that from you or anyone else, if you have something else to say to me please say it, if not, give me those damn files and I'll figure it out myself.

I think I still instilled a bit of fear in her because she seemed to have swallowed the rest of what she was going to say timidly and nodded her head, "okay," she nodded to me...maybe I hadn't changed as much as I thought.

"Um," the short brunette fixed a piece of hair behind her ear, "so after Wren came, of course his interview went amazing, the board had no idea your mom had already checked him out prior. He was given a job there and upon your mom's doing I'm sure, he stepped in as Dr. Lor's replacement. Except the thing was although he was supposed to be administering drugs to all the patients, Wren was only assigned two patients."

Another no brainer here, yet I was compelled to say their names, this time seething with hatred and angry, "I'm going to take a wild guess here...Charles and CeCe? How the fuck could Radley allow that?"

She nodded in silence and handed me a paper, "look at those, those are the original prescriptions that the doctors at Radley issued to Charles and CeCe and these," Mona slid identical looking papers over to me, "these, are the ones Wren ordered. Radley didn't have that many patients and they thought it was wise to not have so few doctors working on cases this...extreme, most were given 1-3 patients at a time."

I looked down and let out an exasperated sigh, "what are these? They look the same." I pushed the papers back, frustrated.

Mona walked over to my side and circled four distinct spots on each paper with a pen I didn't she had been holding this whole time, "here, here, here and here."

Okay, so the names of the drugs were different. "I don't know what any of those are."

"Ali the drugs that Wren has been ordering through your mom's private account are nothing but blanks. They're like sugar and water, used in R&amp;D for control groups."

"English, Mona, what does that mean?"

"It means that your mom had starting taking Charles and CeCe off of their meds a long time ago."

"Why would she do that? They're supposed to help them, if she wanted them to get better, then..."

"It was hard to find but an article came out about your mom, it was taken down before it could reach the public but somehow Radley systems still had the record. Your mom was going to try and sue Radley for keeping Charles on meds he didn't need. She claimed that the doctors were giving false diagnoses to keep him there and take more of her money. Since she was on the board and was a big contributor financially, Radley shushed her up and took down the article."

"Shushed her up?"

Mona shrugged lightly, "My guess is that they let her in the interview when the new doctor was brought it, great coincidence that she was the reason he was coming."

I felt myself shaking my head, apparently it was something I kept doing subconsciously, my mind thrown into shock over and over that it was my default setting for hearing any news. Since everything had happened, nothing seemed to be good news anymore, and as much I should be used to it already, I was still in disbelief every time.

"Ali I can go on and on about the sick twisted things that your mom managed to pull off but I think it's time you heard some relatively good news?"

I looked up, nothing was ever good news these days.

"Okay, so when Cece got released, Charles' records somehow vanish, and according to these letters of apology and condolences, Charles faked his death at Radley and you're mom kept it hush-hush, no publicity no funeral."

"What? How?"

"Since Wren was smuggling in blank pills and swapping them with Charles' actual prescription, I think he may have also been the reason he was able to fake his own death. In the things we stole from Radley's archived files before we were almost toasted, I found that his autopsy reported a heart attack, that he died in his sleep."

"And how are you going to tell me that that was faked?"

"There's this drug, it's only produced in certain countries and mainly sold on the black market, but it's used almost like adrenaline to jump start the heart-,"

"Jump start the heart? Mona you said the reports claimed his heart stopped."

"It did Ali, what happens when you take too many of these pills is that your heart can't take it, it's overworked. Even worse, when you're injected with the serum form of this, your heart stops within 20 seconds."

"Then he would've really died, how is there any way you could've woken up?"

"It's not a permanent fix Ali, it is a form of adrenaline, so Charles would have to have injected at least a few milligrams and it would've been painful but if Wren was there and carted him off to the where they examine the bodies, I'm sure he could've woken him with the antidote or about 1400 volts from an AED and sent him on his way before anyone knew the difference."

"An AED?

"An automated external defibrillator?

Oh yeah, because that made it better, "what the fuck-,"

"The thing they use to shock your heart back and reestablish a normal heart beat?"

"Thank you doctor, and my mom?"

"Asked for a cremation, she left with a vase full of just dirt, and your brother was a free man."

What the-

"Why would she-,"

"Ali we can't ask why or how your mom did anything anymore, we just need to know where Charles is and where he's keeping everyone."

I shook my head disapprovingly, "where was the good news in this?"

"Well your mom had saved the emails on this drive but she also had a small laptop in that safe."

"Why would she have both?"

"Nothing on these emails leads back to your mom, they're only coded messages she received from Wren, and I'm assuming the little black box of a laptop I found is where all the original messages are stored."

"How does that help us?"

"That's what I'm going to get Caleb on. When he gets in, because I know he can, he might be able to get an IP address on where Wren was staying. Find Wren and we find Charles."

"And the rest of my real family." I looked up and a glint of something I couldn't quite place was in Mona's eyes, if I wasn't delusional, I could say she almost looked proud?

"Mona what if Wren sees us coming? He's obviously on Charles' side, he can just tell him or Cece and they could hurt the girls, or Em's parents, how are we supposed to sneak on someone like them?"

"We won't have to, what I think we need to ask is if Charles will be on Wren's side?"

"What? Wren has been helping Charles, why wouldn't Charles trust him?"

There was a silence that fell and Mona shifted from one foot to the other.

"Ali," she paused like she was about to step on dangerous ground, "I think Wren was the one killed your mom."

"Watch your mouth Mona, after saying someone killed someone else, it's hard to go back." She swallowed because she knew I knew all too well what I was talking about.

"Ali, Wren wanted out, and he still might."

"Then why help Charles if he killed my mom, how couldn't Charles know?"

"Exactly, and that's what we're going to use to get Wren to talk, if he's helping Charles because he's scared, he'll help us more if we say we'll tell Charles what we know."

"And if Charles sent him to kill my mom?"

"Not likely."

"But what if?"

"Ali, it's all we've got, it's now or never."

"Okay, go and give Caleb something to hack."

x-x-x-x

**No One's POV**

When the cheerfulness from breakfast died, the others went to look for Ali and Mona.

"Caleb, I have something for you."

"Goodie, Christmas came early."

Ali pulled the laptop from the cover and walked over, handing it over with disgust, "ho ho ho."

Caleb looked over the small laptop and shrugged, "I have a computer already thanks, what am I supposed to do with this?"

Mona sighed and rolled her eyes, "see if you can get an IP address from the other sender. Mrs. D was in contact with Wren up until a month before she died, I think he killed her. Run through the emails and find anything that can prove that, we'll need it for Charles to turn on Wren and for Wren to give up where he is. I don't think the puppeteer knew his doctor is why mommy dearest is no longer with us."

Ali cringed internally and flinched back when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Apparently she cringed externally too: Emily offered her a small smile, "you okay?"

Ali shrugged, "I've been better."

Emily looked down and actually laughed under her breath, "haven't we all?"

"Em, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-,"

"No, it's okay, humor is good, even dark humor." Emily removed her hand slowly and cleared her throat, "so can you find the bastard Caleb?" She was quick to divert her attention, hoping Ali wouldn't hear the catch in her throat.

Emily didn't know what exactly she could call it, but something happened, something inside her changed, or resurfaced, and she didn't know if she was ready to let it surface completely or if she should push it away further. Maybe she'd wait until it was the right time. One day, she hoped she'd know what time that was.

Caleb looked up from the screen; his fingers paused from the rapid abuse on the keyboard and he looked up, a smug look plastered on his face, "15 minutes tops. The security on this is elementary."

"Yeah?" Ali gulped, they were so close she could almost taste it.

Caleb offered a comforting smile, "Ali, we're going to get them back."

Alison sighed and before she could say anything she felt the urge to throw up, "excuse me," she held her hand to her mouth and ran out of the room and straight towards the back door leading to the Fields' backyard.

Once she was outside in the fresh air, she gasped and tried to even her ragged breaths. The weight of the news was crushing her chest; she had to get out of there. Ali took a few steps forward and stopped, hunching over to place her hands on her knees.

_Get it together Alison, _she thought harshly.

She stayed like that until she didn't feel so boxed in, it was too much pressure to know how close they were to finding them, it was too much to be so close and have the thoughts of failure cloud her mind, no matter where she turned, she would always find-

"Hey," Ali felt a familiar hand on her shoulder.

"Emily?"

"Well yeah, why do you sound surprised?"

Alison stood and took a steady step back, "Well I am, kind of, I didn't think anyone would come after me."

"Are you sure you know me as well as you say you do?"

Ali tilted her head, lost, "what do you-,"

"Apparently I've been coming after you for a long time."

Alison still had no idea what the brunette was talking about.

In Emily's head she told herself that waiting for the right time was a waste of time, no mark on the clock would suddenly appear as 'the right time.' No alarm would go off and tell her it was time to feel again.

"Come here, I'll show you."

Much to Ali's surprise, Em grabbed her hand and pulled her further into the backyard to the side of the house.

"Emily want are we doing here?"

"I have something to show you. I had Toby help me get to it earlier."

Ali shook her head watching as Emily walked a few more steps to the fence and stop just short of some river rocks brought in by landscape to decorate the house.

"Ali, come here, help me out."

Alison scrunched her brows yet found herself floating towards Emily, she felt weightless, the gravity of her heart to Emily bringing her closer and closer one step at a time.

Em smiled and crouched low, "I'm not supposed to do any lifting, but Toby said when I was better I'd be able to move it over myself."

"Move what?"

"Just this one," Em crouched beside a smaller river rock, "help me?"

Ali simply nodded; for once she didn't ask questions. "Okay, what are we looking for here? Some worms? Was breakfast that bad?"

Emily laughed lightly and Alison smiled in return, she hadn't heard Emily's laughter enough these days, she missed it; she missed being the reason anyone heard it at all.

"No breakfast was great, thank you."

Alison bent next to Em and placed her hands on the rock, waiting for instructions.

Em counted to three before, with their combined strengths, they were able to move the rock over.

Grunting with one last push, the brunette gritted through her teeth, "just...a little bit...more. There."

Ali fell to her knees in the softened dirt and wiped the back of her hand across her forehead, "did you bring a bone or something?"

"No," Emily said, somewhat distracted with her digging her hands around until she found a small box.

Ali's eyes widened and Emily used her reaction as encouragement to open the box, "I read in my journal that I kept something special out here. Toby helped me find it, and I didn't know if I was ready to open it, but he moved it anyways and left me here for 20 minutes, he said to choose and when I was done he'd put it all back. I didn't want to read it, but digging up this box felt like I was digging up a piece of myself, so I opened it," Emily opened it as she spoke and pulled out an envelope, "I found this and I wrote something in this letter."

"Something?"

"Just something that I wrote a long time ago."

"And you brought be out here why?" Alison was thrilled Emily seeked her but she was scared, afraid of letting Emily in and risk losing her again, it was better to put up walls until she could be the right version of herself for Emily. Emily had been wrong, it was Ali who wasn't who Emily needed right now, Ali would always need Emily, regardless of what version she was, memory or not.

Em chewed her lip and Ali knew she was nervous, "I'm telling you because well...today and yesterday, last night in my room, with what happened, I got this feeling, this strange yet familiar feeling in here," she placed her hand on her stomach, "sometimes in here," she moves it to point a finger at her head, "and just recently," she paused to meet Alison's eyes, "in here," her hand moving to rest finally above her heart.

Alison shifted uncomfortably in her shoes, feeling the earth's gravity taking control twice over and keeping her in place, legs too heavy to move, "wh-why are you telling me this?"

"I was wrong." Emily took a step forward and Ali swallowed harder, "wr-wrong?"

"Yeah, I was, and if what I wrote here is true then I know if I was wrong earlier."

"About what?"

Emily looked nervous, "us," she muttered barely audibly.

"Us?"

"Yes, us, I know I said we should wait, until I was ready. But the truth is, I don't know when that is, I don't know if I'll ever tell myself that I'm ready, all I know is that I can't help the way I feel around you or even when I think about you. And from catching up with myself through my journals inside and this letter to you that I never sent when we were young...I know about all heartache I had to go through to admit my feelings for you."

"Emily-," Alison's voice sounded tired, but she didn't a chance to finish.

"No, Ali, please just let me finish."

Alison just bit her lip and kept her eyes trained on anything but Emily's lips, or her eyes, god no, not her eyes.

"Not everything was a fairy tale, I knew it wouldn't be, in fact you hurt me over and over again, yet I forgave you and we both know why. I don't know if that's something I can say to you and mean it the same way again, but I like to believe that there's a chance for us."

"There is but Emily, I think-,"

"Wait, please." Both girls' tones were desperate.

"Ali, I also know we had something strong and I know how I felt about you and you've told me time and time again how you feel about me. I can't pretend not to know anymore. I know how long I've been wanting you and I think I still do, even now, when I'm- when I'm like this. I'm not the Emily you want, or the one you had and sometimes I feel like you're stuck with me and I'm sorry."

"Em, don't."

Emily ignored her and kept on, "maybe this version of myself can't make you fall in love with me like the old me did. But the old me also said it's worth it. But I need to hear it from you."

"Here what?"

"That's it's going to be worth it."

"What's worth it?" Alison's eyes were glistening, and not from the sun, she had moisture building, trying her hardest to balance them on the edge of her lower eye lid.

"This," Emily stretched her hands out wide, "all of it, everything, the good, the bad, the ugly. I know now," she shook the small journal in her hands, "I know that I deserve what I had when I was writing this, I want it back, bad, I think we can get it back but I need to know that you can do this with me, and that you'll stop looking at me like I'm one word or bad news away from breaking. I'm not a piece of glass."

"I know you're not." It was hypocritical of me actually, to say similar things to Mona yet treat Emily in the way I didn't want to be treated by everyone else.

"You have to be patient." Emily demanded, but I hadn't given her an answer, in fact she hadn't let me say anything.

"Emily, I said I'd wait for you, and I will, you don't have to rush this, last night was-,"

"Last night wasn't a mistake...I do remember this saying: a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Ali you needed to mask it with alcohol to do what you did last night, I know you did."

"Em I didn't know, I thought you were asleep."

"But I wasn't. So I need to know."

Emily walked closer and closer, stopping just before their toes touched and their breaths could mingle in the small space between their faces.

"Know what?" Ali whispered shakily, she was upset that her voice didn't carry as much strength, but it was useless anyways, she had taken one look into Emily's warm brown eyes, now glistening with tears of her own, and her resolve was shattered.

"Am I worth it to you? Are you worth it? Whatever is about to happen in these next few days, we're unsure of, but if we decide to go at it together, is doing this with you now worth whatever might be waiting for us if we do?"

Alison's lungs were burning, her heart pounding in her chest so loudly she was sure Emily was hearing it too.

"Alison," Emily said softly, leaning forward so that their noses were just hairs apart, "I need an answer."

Ali lifted her hands to the sides of Emily's face but she didn't touch her skin yet, she hovered in pent up tension, in anticipation of what might happen if she moved her head just an inch closer.

"Emily, I-, I-," Alison was seconds from giving Emily an answer, the muscles in her back wound up tightly and her hands shaking on either side of Emily's face, her head and heart fighting again.

"Ali, just kiss me again, and tell me."

Ali let a single tear slip, she had kissed Emily lightly on the lips last night while she was telling her another story of them, she couldn't resist it and when she sat back down, she sighed and watched the brunette sleep, matching breaths until the rise and fall of their chests were in tandem and she was overcome with sleep.

But Em was awake, the taste of Ali's salty tears fresh on her lips, leaving her to stare at the ceiling and try to explain the fresh current of electricity vibrating through her veins.

"I-I- I can't."

"Yes you can, I know you want to."

"I want to Em, but I can't. I'm no good for you, can't you see that I'm the reason we're all in this mess?!"

"That's not true, it's not your fault and you know it," Emily whispered while Ali stayed frozen in place fighting hard to ignore the faint smell of chocolate and mint in Emily's breath and kiss the taste on her tongue.

"It is, and you need someone who isn't a risk to your health, I-,"

"Don't Ali, don't push me away again, you did this when we were younger, you can't do it now, you can't tell me what is and isn't good for me, I lo-,"

"ALI! EM!"

Caleb came shouting from around the corner, skidding to a stop just as Emily and Ali took many quick steps away from one another, their backs awkwardly facing each other's, Ali's hands balled into fists at her sides.

"Um," Caleb looked at the floor before he picked his eyes up and cleared his throat, "I did it, I know where Wren is."

Ali looked away quickly swiping her cheeks with her hands and nodding, "great Caleb, good job, I um, I need to wash my hands." Ali walked back towards the house and into the bathroom, glad the fresh cool dirt under her nails could be her excuse to hide away.

Emily stayed motionless, turning her back to Caleb to lower herself slowly to the ground. She hid the letter from her parents when she was in high school so that they wouldn't find out about her liking girls, let alone her feelings toward Alison. She had planned to leave Alison with the letter before she left the country for summer but that never happened. Her back-up was to keep a 'fake' journal inside where her feelings mentioned towards anyone where strictly platonic.

It wasn't until she found her real diary that she realized how deep and why she loved Alison the way she said she did.

Em debated whether or not she should put it back or keep trying to dig up more of her past, besides it didn't seem like it was helping.

She threw her hands into the dirt, letting out small screams of frustration through her teeth.

"Heyheyhey, no, no it's okay," Caleb was still standing there, running over to grab Emily's wrist and keep them still.

He squatted in front of her and when she dropped her head, Caleb kneeled and brought her head to his chest, "shh, shh Emily, it's okay."

The tears spilled over to form a dark spot on Caleb's chest and he wrapped one of his arms around her back, the other to hold the back of her head in place.

They stayed that way for a minute or two, Caleb being the one to pull away when he stopped feeling the shaking in Em's body from the sobs.

"Em-,"

"I did what I thought I was ready for, I told her, but she didn't say anything. First, she wanted more, then I offer her more and she freezes..."

"It happens Em, it's okay, that doesn't mean anything."

"Yes, yes it does, does she," Em swallowed hard, "do you think she doesn't want me anymore?"

"God no, that's crazy talk, Emily, Alison loves you, she didn't say anything because she's scared."

"Scared, of what? Of me?"

"No not necessarily."

"Then what, what is it?"

"Of losing you, she can't do that again."

"How could she lose me, I'm right here."

"You can lose someone who stands two inches from you and still never get them back. You can lose someone in more ways than just physically. And Alison putting up walls is her way of protecting everyone."

"I don't understand, just last week she wanted us to jump back in the deep end to where we were and now she didn't even want to get her toes wet. What did I do wrong?"

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"Then who? Or what? I can't keep telling myself that being just her friend is what's best, I know she can't either." Emily closed her eyes trying to recall the brief second that she had felt full and warm lips on her own.

"The world is a fucked up place with fucked up people Emily, Ali was just unfortunate enough to have crossed so many in her life, hell we're finding out that she was living in her own hell with the devil's servant of mother. I think Ali is scared of what her past does to those she loves."

"I don't know what she wants from me Caleb, I'm trying here."

"Right now she wants to see everyone back home and from you, well she just wants you safe. And I know you're trying, and she knows that, more than anyone, but for a second put yourself in her shoes."

"And do what with that, I don't know what she sees...what I'm supposed to see?"

"Don't see anything," he tried, "just think about why she might not want what you're willing to give her right now. It's not because she doesn't want you, she just doesn't want to hurt you again, she doesn't want Charles to use you to get to her. Emily, Alison has been blaming herself for all of this, she's trapped in herself trying to make it all right."

"But it's not her fault."

Caleb held Emily's hand, "but that's not what she believes right now, I know she loves you and she'd do anything to get it all back, but she's just being more cautious right now, she doesn't want to do anything that'll push you away."

"But she just did."

"In a way yes, but you'll understand, she's doing what she thinks is best for you both."

Em looked up and the rock she pushed back in place and wiped at her eyes, "I guess, but how can she make decisions for us both, she can't tell me what's best for me."

"You asking her right now if she wants it all, we all know she does, I've seen the way she looks at you, and it's no different from how she looked at you before this, but while you're trying to be what she needs, she's just doing the same thing."

Sighing, Caleb stood and held out his hand, "it's messy right now Emily, everyone knows that, just wait until this is over and we get them back, it'll work out."

"And what if it doesn't?"

"If you want to know what it was like, if you really want Alison that way as much as she wants you back, then you have to believe that it will."

Em simply nodded once and grabbed Caleb's hand to help herself get up.

"Thank you."

"It's no problem."

"Caleb?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For not asking how you are." Em rubbed his shoulder and smiled.

"I'm fine." Caleb gently shrugged her hand away and smiled back, "really, I am."

"You sure?"

"Yeah." He said it and the slight crack in his voice told Emily he was lying.

"Do you miss her?"

"Of course I do, every day." He said it without question, no hesitation and so much conviction that Em had no choice but to know he loved her friend.

"We're going to get them back. They'll all be alright." Emily had repeated those words over and over but she really believed them now, there was no way Caleb would let otherwise happen.

"Hanna gave me a hard time for everything, but she's always been there, she's stronger than I am, she's going to be fine, that much I know."

Emily smiled, she wished she had spent more time with Caleb to hear about Hanna, but for now she was just happy to see Caleb talk about her.

"Do you miss them?" He turned the questioning around.

Emily looked up and her brows furrowed.

"Um, your parents, do you miss them?"

Emily frowned and shrugged sadly, "I don't remember them, I know I should miss them, I should be even more worried, but I all I know is I know nothing, nothing but what I used to feel for Alison," Em seen the way he reacted to that she nudged him in the side with her elbow "...aaaaand apparently I was a good swimmer?"

"Ow, yeah you were, and I bet you still are."

"Thanks," Em's voice was soft, she was thinking about her parents, why hadn't she been more worried?

"Emily, it's okay." A single tear fell, sliding alone down her cheek; she couldn't even remember much about her parents and she knew that was wrong, "let's just go inside, I'm tired of Charles dictating my life."

Caleb understood, more than happy to follow Emily back into the house.

x-x-x-x

"That's where he is?"

"Yeah," Caleb nodded.

"Why would he be so close?"

"Probably to keep an eye on us." Mona said disgustedly.

Toby walked back into the room and joined the others, "I called Ezra, he said he'll meet us there."

"Alright," Caleb sighed, "I really don't want to go back."

Emily came into the room last, having shut herself upstairs for a few moments while the others talked downstairs. After the near kiss with Ali and her confusing confession to blonde, she just needed to catch her breath and think.

Emily walked in with her head hanging low and she peered over shoulders to read the screen, "Ravenswood?"

Caleb met her eyes and offered a sideways smile, "yeah, it's as creepy as it sounds."

Not having any memory of the place, the tall brunette shrugged, "well then, we can add it to the list."

"Must be a long list," Caleb joked.

"Oh, it is," Em assured, "and it keeps getting longer."

"Well get a new list going; Ravenswood should have a list of his own."

Emily shook her head, "fuck a list, let's gets this asshole and find our friends."

Alison was out of the door and before anyone could ask why she called back, "I'll drive."

x-x-x-x

_**x-x-x-x**_

_**AN: well, hopefully this started to fill in more of the picture I've been trying to paint...let me know your thoughts! Be wise, love hard and laugh harder, Lina**_


	19. Today We Do

**Alison's POV**

So it was set, we were all in my car on our way to Ravenswood. And as much as I hated the damn place, the plan was to find Wren, get him to confess and make him bring us to my- to Charles' hideout to find wherever the hell he was keeping the people we loved.

One thing I've learned these past years: blood doesn't make you family.

My parents stopped existing, stop being my parents, the very moment they started to teach me to be like them. My brother...brothers were no longer my brothers: Jason hated me and so did Charles...now Jason, I can understand, but Charles, I don't even remember him, I was a baby the last time we were in contact, and the moment he started hurting my friends, he was already doomed to meet me and pay the price.

So no, I didn't have much of a biological family, but what I had was a girlfriend, and her parents who accepted me and welcomed me into their home when mine didn't, I had friends who have been at my side since I could remember, who have worked restlessly on protecting me, being there all the time.

They were my family and as much as I knew I could rely on them, I had to prove to them the reverse was just as true.

Plus, now I have the help of the people who love them as much as me. Ezra, Toby, Caleb has been especially helpful through all of this and even whatever it is with Mona that we have going on, I owe them just as much.

Thinking of the sacrifices we've all been through, I looked in the backseat, Toby and Caleb on either side of Emily, Mona riding shotgun up front with me. The drive wasn't too far, but it was long enough that Em had fallen asleep on Caleb's shoulder.

"Is she alright Caleb?" I asked, glancing in the rear-view mirror to steal a look.

Caleb smiled at me and held Emily's head closer to his chest so it wouldn't bounce around so much on this crap road, "your precious cargo is fine," he chuckled and leaned from behind me to squeeze my shoulder, reassuring me, "she's tough," and after awhile he added, "she's fine."

But the last few weeks flashed before me, the running, the lies, the hospital, the clues, more lies about my family, her health, god her health. One little thought like that and it was train barreling through and derailing any other trains of thought I had, she wasn't fine, not by a long shot.

Caleb told me to stop blaming myself, but how could I not? If we never met, she would be fine. Deep down I know I wouldn't, that even if I didn't know she existed, I would always feel like I was missing something. I cant't accept that this was fate, I can't and I won't. I was a tree and she was a moving car, I had her wrapped around me, I kept her in Rosewood, I stop her from going and moving on to better things. This wasn't her fate.

"Ali," Mona said softly, "do you want me to drive?"

"What? No, don't be crazy, it's only like another 45 minutes." I shrugged but I never met her eyes, looking in the rear-view to find Toby's head against the window, his hands nervously playing with the scrabble 'T' piece around his neck that Spencer had given him and Caleb's head was on Em's, his thumbs twiddling over his phone.

"Are you sure?" Mona was persistent, I'll give her that.

"No, why do you keep asking? Not like I'm swerving or speeding."

Mona nodded, "you're right but-,"

"But what?"

Mona knitted her brows at me when I finally looked at her questioningly, and reached over to pull my visor down, snapping open the mirror, "but that."

I looked up into the mirror, cautious that there was nothing ahead of me and looked at myself, and I actually looked, not the barely glances like when I used the restroom. But I stared and I was surprised at the wetness falling from my eyes that I hadn't even felt, a silent sob broke through my chest and I could see that I looked like shit, absolute shit.

My eyes were puffy, red, wet, the blue looked broken, even to me. My hair was a disheveled mess around my face and I looked older, tired.

And as if she was reading my mind, "Ali, have you been sleeping lately?"

I couldn't lie, at this point I was practically transparent, "hardly, just the other night...in Em's room. But I'm fine," I quickly added, "I can drive."

"Please, pull over."

"Not again, no."

"I wasn't asking Alison." Her commanding tone didn't anger me this time and I found myself blinkering over and pulling over to the shoulder of the road.

"Fine, you win."

We switched seats without saying another word and when the tires were back on pavement, Mona started to shake her head, "no I don't, we're on the same team and we all win when we bring everyone home."

"Yeah, I suppose you're right."

Mona laughed lightly, "what did I tell you about that, I usually am. Now, close your eyes, you can afford to take a nap captain, I'll watch over our soldiers."

I found myself laughing back softly but she was right, we were soldiers...and this was now a war.

**No One's POV**

Sleep found Alison soon, sleep that she had been deprived of. Stolen by fear, nightmares, taken by her own dark consuming thoughts, lifted from her by worry and anger. A combination of these things left her feeling as weak as she did which now made it easy, being this close to ending things, to fall asleep, with her face pressed into the cool glass of the window, it's touch calming her nerves inexplicably.

So sleep came finally, but that didn't stop the dreams, the dreams that lately have been twisting into nightmares, taking her best memories and stealing the happiness from them, replacing them with something dark. Some things that were memorable turned scarring, she wish she could forget.

_Eighteen Months Ago_

_Alison was late again, she promised Emily she'd be over on time before they went on out their date. It should've been something special for their anniversary but Emily insisted on carrying on with their traditions: Ali would come over with a surprise movie she picked, Emily would make a surprise dessert and they'd eat it while they watched, deciding together where to go for dinner. _

_It always worked that way, they finally found a way to have dessert, they saved money by not going to the theaters, plus there was the added bonus of privacy. All that plus dinner, maybe leftovers...why change things up?_

_Both girls were happy with it, sometimes breaking tradition with a night out walking around town or staying in all night, Netflix putting in work to keep them occupied and they could afford to do either lately now that -A was gone._

_When Ali finally arrived, a whole ten minutes late, Em was already at the kitchen counter, scooping copious amounts of ice cream onto still warm chocolate fudge brownies._

_"You're starting without me?" Ali huffed as soon as she squeezed her way through the doorway, dropping her bag and movie on the nearest couch._

_"No," Em laughed, licking vanilla bean ice cream straight off the spoon from the bucket, "I was just setting everything up, you said you wouldn't be more than 10 minutes late so, I figured when you got here, we'd start right away." She shrugged and started to put the ice cream away._

_"Well then, it was perfect timing." Ali smirked and walked toward the counter, looking at the desserts, "wow, did you put enough ice cream here?"_

_Emily emerged from the freezer and looked at the bowl Ali was holding, "I mean I think so, but I can always put more?"_

_"No geez no, this is plenty thank you."_

_Em smiled and walked right up to Ali, grabbing the blonde's hands in her own and holding them gently at their sides, whispering lowly, "hi."_

_And the bright smile that broke across Ali's face was one she couldn't believe Em was putting there. The same one she had felt on her face for a while now, the one she allowed herself to have. She had finally gotten her girl. And she couldn't be any happier._

_"Hi," Ali replied, her eyes darting between the warm brown orbs that were Em's eyes and the soft pink lips that were slightly open, breathing Em's lightly vanilla scented breath in her face._

_Alison smiled and when she started to pull away, Em tugged her hands back until Ali had no choice but to fall flush into Em's chest, her arms wrapped around her girlfriend's waste, Em catching Ali's face tenderly in her hands._

_One more intense gaze and Emily brought their lips together passionately. Ali had shared her fair share of kisses with the brunette by now, but somehow this one was different, she couldn't explain, she could just feel it._

_Emily tilted Alison's head back gently and when Em's thumb stroked Ali's cheeks and her tongue traced the outline of her lips slowly, Alison allowed her the access she was asking for. Their tongues touched and there it was again, the burning passion both girls could feel for the other, sitting in the pit of their stomachs._

_Ali let a small moan escape her mouth when she was allowed a catch to steal a breath and Emily used this to her advantage, turning their bodies so Ali's back was pushed flushed against the counter, the blonde running her hands along Em's spine, one slipping into the long brown locks, the other sliding just beneath the fabric of her shirt, nails scraping ghost-like against the tan skin._

_There was no fight for dominance, just the easy rhythm of their tongues dancing, their hands roamed free, exploring in places they hadn't before._

_The same warmth that was burning in the pit of their stomachs started to travel throughout the rest of their bodies, tightening, coiling, making it harder to breath, so hard that Ali had to finally pull away from the embrace, laughing breathlessly when Em's lips never left her skin, simply they started to trace other smooth expanses of skin like Alison's neck, along her shoulder, back up her jaw, her cheeks, stopping when she was back in front of Ali's mouth, pecking those swollen lips and then resting her forehead against Alison's._

_Both girls chests were heaving irregularly, both able to practically hear their rapid heartbeat in their ears and Em when leaned in again, Ali snaked her hand in between their bodies and placed her hand on her girlfriend's chest, "I need to breathe Em."_

_"So breathe." Em smirked and cupped Ali's face again, brown meeting blue until the silence, and consequently the eye contact was broken when Ali laughed nervously._

_"I can't."_

_Em tilted her head, "why not? I'm not even kissing you right now."_

_"You can't look at me either."_

_Brown eyes narrowed and Em looked confused._

_"And not to mention your parents could be coming home anytime soon, I don't think they'd approve of finding their daughter and girlfriend, who may I remind you they just started to really like, defiling their kitchen counter."_

_"Ali," Em said plainly, "first of all, my dad has always liked you, it was my mom who was...difficult about everything at first, and second, it's only four o'clock, my dad is out of town and my mom doesn't get home until around 11, and you know that."_

_Ali rolled her eyes playfully, "still, I don't know what's gotten into you."_

_"Nothing, I can't kiss you?"_

_"You can, it's just..." but she still didn't really have the words._

_"Just what?"_

_"I don't know, different I guess."_

_Em smiled and shrugged a little, "we're different, aren't we?"_

_"Are we?"_

_"Ali, where is this coming from?"_

_"Nothing, it's just the way you kissed me."_

_"Was it not good?" Em actually was starting to feel self-conscious until Ali grabbed her hands, "of course it was, I only stopped you because well...because...um,"_

_Emily nodded and finished for Ali, "because we've never gone that far." She wasn't asking if that was true, both already knew that that was it._

_Ali couldn't find her words, she just nodded and looked out the kitchen window to her right._

_"Okay, fair enough, let's eat, our ice cream is melting." Em said, leaning in towards Ali to grab her bowl and walk towards the stairs, pecking Ali's cheek before she did._

_This left a confused Ali in the kitchen, wondering if what she was thinking might be true...was Emily ready to..._

_"Ali, babe, what movie did you bring," the brunette asked from her room upstairs._

_Alison emerged from the sea that was becoming her thoughts and grabbed her bowl, "I brought that Safe Haven today."_

_"Alright, Mr. Sparks is here to make me cry again, nice choice."_

_"Hey, I was actually looking forward to watching this, don't ruin my one moment of actually wanted_

_to be sappy."_

_"Alright alright, we'll cry a little tonight and you know the rules, you've got to put it in, I'll be waiting comfortably on my bed." Em laughed and Alison felt like she was purposely trying to make it seem like she didn't really care about what had just happened but Ali knew she did._

_"Alright, I'm coming." Alison ascended the stairs and found Em happily digging into her dessert and waiting for Ali to come in and start one of the movies._

_Alison put the movie in and moved into the bed next to Em, not paying attention at all to the credits and previews that usually took up about 10 minutes of their time._

_"Em, this was really good, thank you." Ali leaned over her designated side of the bed and placed the empty bowl on the side table._

_"You're welcome, it was either brownies and ice cream or cookies again."_

_"Well, I would've been happy with cookies, but that brownie was sinful."_

_Em laughed and scooted closer to Ali, "well I'm glad you liked them."_

_"Liked them? I'm having the rest of that tray for dinner tonight."_

_"Alright, whatever you want." Em kissed the crown of Ali's head and wrapped an arm around her neck, using it to bring Ali's head to her chest._

_They watched the movie until it was about almost done and then Alison sat up suddenly, and broke the silence, "alright, let's do it."_

_"What? Now, we were supposed to do it after the first 10 minutes, I thought we were just gonna skip on this movie?"_

_"Em," Ali sat and laughed, "we don't break tradition, so come on, give it to me."_

_Emily groaned and rolled her eyes, "no, since you didn't say anything sooner, you have to go first."_

_Em and Ali had developed a knack for watching part of the movies they chose and then deciding which character they were most like, it was a fun way to imagine themselves as someone else, or to see themselves the way the other does. It was especially funny during comedies and action movies where both knew neither were as funny nor as heroic. -A has been gone so new hobbies were discovered, they could afford that now. There was strange comfort in finding joy in little things and ways to make them their own._

_Ali looked Em square in the eye, "no questions asked, you are Josh Dumahel's character?"_

_Emily tilted her head and could imagine where this was going._

_"Before you say anything, or object or ask me why, hear me out Em, this is something I've been wanting to tell you and I'll admit, I kind of used this movie and our little thing we do to help me get started."_

_"Ali, what is it?" Em sat up straighter now and turned as much of her body as she could towards her girlfriend._

_"I love you." Alison said flat out, earning a small innocent laugh from Em._

_"Ali, I know that, I love you too, and you also know that." Em smiled and reached a hand towards Ali's, not hesitating to interlock their fingers._

_"It's more than that Em, it's more than that though and I want you to see. It's been half a year since, you know, we've been doing this, but I wake up sometimes and I wonder if you know."_

_"Know what Ali? You don't have to apologize anymore, we've been over it, I can see you've changed, and you've been nothing but the best to me, there's nothing left to prove."_

_"Yes, yes there is. I never told you why I love you."_

_Em looked up from their hands and gently pulled away, pulling them in her lap as Alison started to play with hers in her own lap._

_"Well, is there a reason that you haven't already told me?" Emily was smiling but it wasn't returned yet._

_"You saved me Emily." Alison took a deep breath and willed herself to be strong enough to look in Em's eyes and stay trained on them, repeating almost breathlessly, "you saved me."_

_After a time, Emily opened her mouth to say something, her brain sending a numerous amount of thoughts to her mouth which never complied._

_"Don't," Ali whispered, "I can see you thinking but please don't. There's no taking back how I feel and what I know and before you, I was doomed, I was meant to go up spiteful and deceitful and full of lies just like my parents, I was meant to be mean and bitter and shut people out or marry someone equally as bad and call that love. I was meant for something and you saved me from that, all of it. Even when we were young, and I would bully you, you would accept my apologies and tell me how much you knew I didn't mean it, how much different you knew I really was._

_"It wasn't until somewhat recently that I started to believe you. You changed me Em, and I don't know who I'd be without you. I didn't even know I was running from who I was becoming until I felt like you stopped me, I don't know how, or why, all I know is that I owe you everything for preventing me from becoming a monster."_

_The whole time Ali was talking Em spent staring at Ali's features, the way her eyes conveyed every emotion, the way her lips moved when she was talking and she realized that Alison was the only person she ever wanted to be with._

_"Em, you saved me, I was hiding how much pain I was in, I was lying to you, ignoring my feelings, and you changed all of that, you still are. With you I know how to be better, I know what real love is, and I just want you to know that I'm going to be here for as long as you'll have me because god forbid that something that dramatic happens, but I will be by your side if you need to be saved too. I can do that for you, I know it, so that's it I guess, you're my own safe haven and if you need saving one day, you can count on me."_

_Emily was still staring in Ali's eyes, searching for coherent words to try to mumble back, adequate words to equal Ali's and nothing._

_"Em, say something, anything."_

_Em swallowed and exhaled shakily, "anything."_

_This eased the tension in Ali's body and she laughed nervously. "Emily, I know this isn't how the night was supposed to go, but I cheated and watched the movie without you last night and I couldn't help but feel like-,"_

_Her words were the ones to be lost now when she felt lips crashing urgently into hers. It took her by surprise of course but it wasn't long before Alison was reciprocating the kiss with her own urgency and then something clicked in them both and they knew._

_Ali was quick to push against Em and cause them both to fall back on the bed, the blonde moving to straddle each of Emily's legs while the brunette underneath kept a steady grip in Ali's hair and around her waist._

_It was like the kiss they shared in the kitchen: raw and passionate, except now this added the new elements of urgency and hunger, walking a fine line between lust and pure innocent love._

_When Ali pulled back for air, she looked down at Em and smiled, moving to roll back into her side of the bed, but was stopped when Emily reached up and held her face in her hands, "Ali, I'm ready."_

_Alison imagined her eyes widening comically and she was suddenly the one lost for words, looking at Em for more assurance._

_"Em, are...are you sure?"_

_Emily smiled and nodded, whispering lowly, "I'm sure Ali, there's no one else I'd ever want to share this with."_

_"We're not rushing anything are we?" Alison was extremely cautious, weary that this could change things._

_"Do you think we are?" Emily answered with another question._

_Ali did as Em and smiled and shook her head, "no."_

_Em shifted slightly and ran her hands up Ali's back, running them back down to the hem of Ali's shirt where she slowly traced her fingertips against Ali's skin. Alison swallowed and in the darkness of the room, lit only by the TV she knew she was blushing, watching as Emily's eyes wandered and her hands moved up, bringing her shirt with her. Soon Ali helped Emily get the shirt off and when she was topless, she bent over and started to kiss Emily with all the passion she could summon in her movements, waiting until Emily was breathless again to start unbuttoning the shirt Em was wearing, moving her kisses along Em's body as she uncovered more and more, utterly simple declarations of love each time her lips lifted from the tan skin._

_Alison had no idea that her hands were shaking until Emily grabbed her wrists and pulled her body down until she was laying on top of her girlfriend, "Ali, I want you."_

_It was another reassuring statement that Ali needed to hear in order to breathe again, "I love you Emily."_

_"I love you too."_

_So with less shaky hands, Alison removed the shirt from Em's body and moved gently to sit up, smiling but when she started to look down Em's body she gasped in horror. _

_"Ali," Em choked, coughing blood from her mouth, "you did this. It's your fault."_

_"What?!" Ali asked in complete gut wrenching fear, "no, no, I didn't Emily!"_

_"You said you'd save me!"_

_"I will, I am, Emily I-,"_

_"YOU LIED! YOU LIED!"_

_And laying beneath her was a beaten and bruised Emily, gun shots wounds and cuts and scrapes and injuries all in the same spot as-_

Ali snapped awake from her dream turned nightmare as soon as she realized what was happening. She jumped in the passenger seat, completely startled, gasping and covered in a cold sweat, hands shaking uncontrollably. She never thought she'd be dreaming of the first time she and Em...but then have it turn into a nightmare, she had hoped that that was one thing that was safely stored in her memory.

"Mona, stop the car." Ali didn't acknowledge the looks she was getting from the short brunette and she commanded again, "Mona stop the car now."

"Ali, we're 15 minutes away, I-,"

"GOD DAMMIT MONA STOP THE FUCKING CAR!" Alison screamed erratically and Mona nodded quickly and pulled over on the shoulder of the road they were on.

Toby was startled awake from a nap he fell into and Caleb tried to calm Emily who woke up, nervous about where they were, why they were stopped and where Alison was.

"Calm down, she just needed some air," Mona explained as four sets of eyes followed the blonde who walked down the road ahead of them on the edge of road and dirt lining the side of it. They watched her walk with her arms crossed tightly across her chest, stopping to turn away from the road and scream with her hands thrown down at her sides, collapsing to her knees, body hiccuping in violent sobs that erupted in her chest.

Emily moved as to get up and she lurched forward, stopped by the men who boxed her in at her sides. Caleb placed his hand protectively on her knee and leaned in to kiss her forehead, "calm down, I'll go talk to her."

Em didn't know why, but she trusted Caleb more than herself to be around Alison right now, Emily never knowing what to do or say. But she had woken from a dream of her own, one that she hoped was a memory that gave her a piece of her past...a piece of herself.

Caleb gave everyone in the car one last look before he got out and made the somewhat hesitant journey towards their broken leader.

It would be impossible to surprise her as the small gravel crunched noisily beneath his boots as he approached, but Caleb kept his eyes locked on Ali, who was still crouched down on her knees, until he was standing right next to her.

"Go away Caleb, I just need a minute."

Caleb lifted his head and looked around placing his hands on his hips and huffing loudly, "yeah, well," he started to crouch down until he was on his knees too in front of Ali and finished as he sat on his behind, "I need a minute too. So I guess we can get a minute here, right now...together."

Em, Mona and Toby watched what transpired ahead of them, each one imagining what conversation was being held between the two.

"Why are you doing this?"

"This?" Caleb looked at Ali and waited for the blue eyes to meet his pensive brown ones.

"Yes, during all of this you've been like a-," and Ali paused to find the word.

"Like a what? An actual friend, not just someone who's dating one of yours?"

Ali smiled weakly, "I was actually going to say like a brother, I have no idea what they should be like, but in a perfect world I'd imagine them being somewhat like you."

Caleb looked away from Ali and towards the car, "well let's hope I'm nothing like your brothers," but the moment it all left his mouth, he looked towards Ali to start apologizing, stopping when Ali looked at him in shock and then...she started to laugh.

He joined her in the laughter soon after, and they shouldn't have laughed but some people laugh in awkward or difficult situations, so they laughed.

But a few quieted chuckled turned into quieter sobs and Ali was crying.

"Ali?" Caleb looked at her not noticing the transition until he seen her head bow down and her body begin to tremble with the slightest of movements.

"What if I can't do it Caleb? I was supposed to protect Emily and now...what if-,"

"Hey," Caleb stopped her with one single word and two hands on her shoulders, "stop that. There's no doubting anything, we're going to get them back, and Emily is going to be okay. Don't you dare star feeling bad for yourself because in case you haven't noticed you're not doing this on your own and no one is blaming you."

Alison looked up at Caleb and wiped at her face, "Hanna is lucky to have you Caleb, she is, and I'm sorry for everything I've done in the past, if...when we make it out of here and get them back, I'll make sure to tell her not to let you go."

Caleb smiled, "can't happen anyways, when we get her back, I'm not ever going to let her go."

They shared a small exchange of silence and Ali sighed again, "I let her down Caleb, she doesn't know it, because she can't remember but I made her promises, Em has a thing about promises since we were little kids, and I let her down."

"Look at me Ali, there is a girl in the backseat of your car worried sick about you, she has no clue about her past life but she knows who she wants to be, and right now she needs you to be strong, fuck I know it's hard, but she needs you now, this is your second chance, those don't come around often so don't waste it by giving up on it. Don't give up on her."

Ali stared blankly towards the car, not being able to make out Em's face, "but I've let her down once, look what happened, I can't afford to do it again, I'm scared I will," and then she looked back down, surprised when the hands on her shoulders started to pull her closer.

"Never thought I'd do this," Caleb said softly, "but come here."

"What?" Ali tried to pull away but Caleb was stronger he yanked her one more time until their chests were flush against one another, Caleb's hands sliding to wrap around her back, "it's going to be okay."

Ali didn't know what to do, she was tired of feeling tired, she was tired of crying, so she just sighed, her body sagging and her hands wrapping around Caleb in a hug she never knew she needed. They stayed there and Alison gently started to pull away when she felt Caleb's body shake irregularly with one sharp intake of air.

She pulled away and seen the wet eyes, "I'm scared too Ali, I'm scared that I'll fail Hanna too. I've been trying not to think about it, but I'm just one guy, I hack computers, I don't track down psychopaths."

Ali slowly reached her hand towards Caleb's, "never thought I'd do this," and she placed hers delicately over his hand, "you're right, all of us, we don't do stuff like this, not even Toby, but today...together, we do. Today we do track down psychopaths and together we get Han and Spencer and Aria back, and Em's parents."

Caleb started to get up, "alright then, today we do," he held his hand out to Ali who was still on the ground and pulled her up, hearing her repeat, "today we do."

x-x-x-x

After Alison and Caleb returned to the car, they all drove the last 15 minutes in silence. When the finally did arrive and crossed into Ravenswood territory Mona pulled over on the nearest street.

"Now what?" It was the first thing Em had said since they left her house.

"Mona pulled her phone out and started typing away, "Ezra said he'd meet us here, so I'm going to text him and see how close he is, Caleb?"

From the backseat Caleb pulled his laptop out of it's case and brought the screen back to life. So I backwards triangulated the signal from the other send of the emails, the ones we found from Mrs. D's secret computer, and I was able to pinpoint a location and IP address, it was encrypted but it wasn't anything I haven't hacked before."

"Okay so where are we going to find Wren, did it give an address?" Ali looked back and waited for some directions, the longer they sat the longer their loved ones were waiting.

"Not exactly, but I can cross reference the coordinates with a map of the area and we can get a good look at what street, from there we drive and when we're close enough, I'll know, although my guess is he'll be in an apartment."

"Why," Toby questioned.

"Because he has to be ready to run if he needs to, and I know what that feels like, so it's what I'd do."

Everyone simply nodded, "alright, well while Caleb does that, Ezra said he'll be here in a five, he stopped to get 'supplies' whatever the hell that means." Mona turned to Toby with a quirk in her eyebrow, "Toby you were the last to see him, what does that mean?"

"Um, I gave him access to some of my, assets, if you will."

"Assets like what? You're a cop, the only assets you have are...oh, I see." Mona quieted and a dead silence fell between them.

"Look," Toby said, "I have a buddy at the station I trust him, so I told him to give Ezra one of the guns issued in my name, he also took some walkies and a new police issued radio, for back up, I told Ezra to tell Andy when we turned the radio on to come for back up."

"Good idea, but with guns, you really think we'll be needing back up?"

"Yes, it's Charles, and all we know is that he's insane, violent, and highly unpredictable, I'm not taking any chances with him, I want to get everyone back in one piece, if I have to shoot him, I will. And if he gets away, my guy will be close enough to stop him."

"You'd put your partner in danger?" Emily asked wearily, she didn't want anyone to get hurt.

"He knows the risks and he knows how big it is if we catch this guy, finding -A practically became a closed case but when you two went missing, he was the first to want to open it up, he's eager to get his first real bust, his intentions may not be 100% honorable, but if he's willing to help, who am I to stop him."

"Okay, so then what? What about Wren, and Cece? How are we supposed to deal with them?" Caleb asked while he was working over his laptop.

Ali spoke up, "we lie to Wren, we tell him we'll tell Charles what he did to my mom if he doesn't take us, we show him the proof we have of him breaking the law and abandoning all morals as a doctor and say we'll turn him in if he doesn't help."

"And how do we know he'll take the deal?"

"We make copies of the street camera footage when he murdered my mom in the front of our house and of the emails, and false reports from Radley and we let him have them. We lie and make sure he believes they're our only copy and we let him have them and burn them whatever."

"Ali, that's risky he can lie about where Charles is and run."

Alison sighed, "we tie him up and put him in the trunk, I don't care, we make him take us, and if he misbehaves we leave him in that trunk and let Charles deal with him."

"Ali you know if we do that Charles will-,"

"Caleb, I don't care what Charles does to that bastard, he deserves what's coming to him."

"I agree," Mona stepped in.

Toby shrugged, "Caleb, Wren drugged our girls and Em's parents and helped Charles take them away from us, he doesn't deserve to be treated any less than what we've got planned for him right now."

Caleb sighed started to nod, "okay, okay you're right. Let's do this."

Ezra arrived not a minute later than everyone expected, yielding all the things Toby said he was, it was just in time for Caleb to pinpoint where Wren was located.

"Caleb, you're the only one who's really been here before, my stay consisted of hiding with Grundwal, so is there a lot of places in this town to hide?" Ali asked before anyone else said anything, there was a nervous hesitancy about what was going to happen.

"No, there's pretty much one small of everything here, one school, one grocery store, one coffee shop-,"

"One coffee shop?"

"Yeah, it's actually not to far from here."

"Take us."

"Why? Wren drinks coffee, and tea, if there's only one shop around here, I'm sure the people who work there no his face."

Mona started to nod, "Ali is right, one of us will go in and ask around to see if he's really here, they might be able to tell us where he works."

"So we're going to ambush him at work?" Em asked.

"No, we find out where he works to see if he's home, then if he's not, we break in and we wait. He gets home, we snag him and he brings us to Charles."

Emily shrugged, laughing at nothing in particular, "sounds simple enough."

Everyone looked around then, darting eyes and deep breaths.

Ezra was the one to finally speak, "Caleb and I should split and go to Wren's Toby, go with the girls to find out if he's home or not, and call us when you do, we'll wait for you there."

Toby nodded and looked at Mona, "you know where that coffee shop is?"

"Yup, just as Caleb said, let's go."

The group split and as soon as Caleb and Ezra started to track down the apartment, Mona, Ali, Em and Toby headed to the coffee shop on Acalade St.

"Okay, who's going in?" Toby asked from the backseat.

"I think Mona and I should, she printed a picture of Wren, we'll go in and ask around, see how much intel we can gather on him."

"Alright, we'll be here, call me if you need me." Toby looked between the two young women and smiled, "this town is creepy."

"Be careful," Em added as the duo left the car.

Once inside, Mona started to scan the small place for any sign of Wren himself, just in case, "Ali I think you should go order something, looks like they have a newspaper over there, I'll see what I can find out."

"Alright, be back here in 3."

They walked separate ways and Ali was the only one in line, waiting on the barista/cashier to take her order.

"Hi, what can I get for you?"

"Hi," Ali replied nicely, "um, just two black coffees please."

"Alright, no problem," the cashier called for someone else to get them ready and he turned his attention back to the blonde, "you're not from around here are you?"

Ali was startled that the young boy was starting the mini interrogation before her.

"Uh, no, me and my friend are from out of town, we're actually here to see my cousin about an internship, he was a doctor back in our hometown, except my purse was just stolen at the airport and I have no idea where he lives."

"Cousin you say?"

"Yeah, hmm, maybe you've seen him?" Ali smiled sweetly and pulled the picture from her purse, "there he is, his name is-,"

"Oh that's muffin man James."

"Muffin man?"

"You know, because he's English, like an-,"

"English muffin," Alison finished, no time to be amused, "funny."

"Yeah, that's Dr. Kingsley, he works in the doctor's office off on Fremont."

"Kingsley?" Alison whispered to herself out loud.

"Yeah, James Kingsley, nice guy, he moved here almost a year ago, my girlfriend's grandpa seen him for something, I dunno he deals with all our looney bins 'round here."

"That's great, you said Fremont was it, is that far from here?"

"No, it's only like 5 minutes away, but if you're looking for where he stays, I think he's in an apartment on Acalaca something like that."

"I'm sure I'll find it, thank you."

"Alright, well here you go, two pipin' hot black coffees."

Alison lifted her head, paid the guy and turned around to find Mona, not but a step away, "did you get what you wanted?"

"Yeah, my _cousin,_" she emphasized, "works not too far from here, we should be finding him soon."

And before they could fully leave the shop, the cashier called to them, "hey, might want to try his work, he's there 6 in the morning to 8pm most days."

"Okay thank you."

The duo left and returned to an anxious Toby and Emily, "so what'd you guys find out?"

Alison gave Toby her coffee and Emily looked expectant.

"Sorry Em, black coffee is too strong for you, gives you a headache and I didn't see any specials," Ali answered without being asked.

"Oh, it's okay, thanks, I don't need a bigger headache," Em laughed at her injury but no one else shared her humor, instead Alison turned back around and huffed into her seat.

"I found out that Wren moved here almost a year ago, he changed his name, that's probably why Caleb wasn't able to find him sooner and the trails ended cold turkey. His new name is James Kingsley and he works at some small doctors office. I also found out that Caleb was right, he does live in an apartment."

Toby nodded, "is he home?"

"No, he should be working now until about 8pm."

"Well it's 6:15 so that gives us almost two hours to figure out how this is going to work, Mona, what about you?"

Mona turned in her seat to face Emily who had moved directly behind her and Toby, "well I picked up today's newspaper, apparently Wren took on a lot when he moved here, this town is small and I'm sure with all of Wren's credentials, real and fabricated, he was the likely candidate to come into practice as the leading doctor. I was reading the obituaries and he also works at the morgue, with some guy named Raymond Collins, that, and he came here because he specializes in the mentally ill, which is in abundance in this town as well as administering oneirogenic general anaesthetics."

"English Mona, what the fuck does that mean?"

"That, Alison, means Wren has had access to cadavers, sleeping gas and plenty of crazy people he can send to Radley whenever he wants."

Ali shook her head, "he's been here about a year, so do you think...,"

"Do I think he's been working with Charles for that long to plan this little kidnapping? I don't know, but it seems awful coincidental that he moved here and so easily got a job in these three specific areas that are also so different from one another."

"I don't believe in coincidences." Ali stated dryly and buckled her seat belt, "drive to his house, I'm done waiting."

Emily and Toby shared a look from the backseat and buckled there seatbelts too.

x-x-x-x

"It's 7:50, someone go over the plan so I don't th-thr-, so I don't vomit?" Ali looked worriedly at a pacing Emily who hadn't had a problem with her speech in a while.

"Em," Ali warned, "are you going to be okay?"

Emily stopped pacing for a moment to meet Ali's concerned eyes and she nodded, continuing her pacing afterwards.

"Em," Ali said more firmly, "say it."

Emily shook her head.

"Emily," it was Toby, "my partner can come now and you can stay with him if this is too much, he'll keep you safe."

Shaking her head faster, Emily threw her hands at her sides and "I-I don't want to b-be-be anywhere else."

"But Emily, I don't think you realize how dangerous this is, maybe we should've left you in Rosewood with some protection." Ali suggested although the moment for that option to be chosen had long passed.

"No!" Em shook her head, her hands starting a shake that began to move through the rest of her body.

Caleb stood from the couch and rushed to her side, guiding her over to the couch and sitting her down, holding her firmly in place to calm her down, "Em, Emily, look at me, right here," he pointed with his fingers in a 'v' towards his eyes, "look at me. Calm down Em, you're okay, I got you, but the only way it's going to stop is if you calm down okay?"

Emily's eyes were opened wide with a budding fear that an epileptic episode was going to break out and she was going to ruin the plan.

"Emily, I said calm down, we need you for this okay? Breathe, c'mon I'll tell you the plan, Wren comes home and we tie him up to a damn chair, we use what Charles taught us and blackmail him the only way we know how and we use it against him and make him take us to our friends, your family okay, but we need you for this."

Caleb was looking at a breathless Emily was trying her best to will away the tremors, everyone else's eyes fixated on her. Alison was sitting not too far but in the abruptness of things she was too afraid to get any closer. After all, just her words did that to Emily, she couldn't even imagine what her touch would do.

A minute passed before Em started to feel okay again but her chest felt heavy and her throat burned, "I'm fine," she croaked as soon as Caleb let go of her, "I'm fine."

Ali looked as Em got up slowly and she found herself whispering apologies to the brunette, "Em, I'm sorry, I didn't know-,"

"You didn't kn-know w-w-what exactly? That you were ri-right? Th-that I'm not strong enough to to do this? I can wait in the car if that's what you want?" She spat and no one in the room had ever heard that tone before, no one except who it was directed at anyways."

"Emily, I'm-,"

"Sorry, yeah I know."

Silence fell uncomfortably after that and the air started to become thick with tension, so thick some could swear it was palpable.

"Guys, it's go time," Toby said from his post at the window, "he's getting out of his car, get ready."

Caleb made sure the light in the back room they had already searched through was off to make sure Wren didn't suspect anything out of the ordinary as soon as he opened his door and Toby and Ezra both waited at each side of the door with duct tape and wire ties, compliments of one of Toby's many tool boxes from his carpenter days.

Caleb and Mona had a bug set up secretly and Ali was ready with blackmail while Emily stayed quiet on the sidelines, not getting a job as important as everyone else but being there for everything nonetheless and despite all her injuries.

The final seconds seemed to tick by incredibly slow, everyone's heart hammering in their chests. The key turned in the lock in the door knob and it seemed like everyone held their breath. Wren's silhouette could be seen from the light in the hall behind him and when he flipped the light on-

"What the-," he said clearly startled but it was pushed back into his mouth when a hard fist came at his face, landing square on his jaw and knocking him into the door.

Caleb reeled away from the contact, shaking his fist to rid it of the pain and clenching his jaw. After that, things started to move fast, Ezra coming with the tape over his mouth and Toby using his brawn to wrestle the man into a kitchen chair they set up in the living room.

"Mmm, mmm!" Wren tried and failed to yell for help.

"No one can hear you," Ali came from her previous position and stood right in front of Wren's chair, his eyes bugging out in confusion and shock, "and it's going to stay that way until you give us what we need."

Toby and Ezra finished using the wire ties around his ankles and both his wrists and continued to wrap him up around the torso with some rope.

"Now, here's what's going to happen," Ali squatted eye-level to Wren and placed her hands on each of his knees, "we've all agreed to let everyone who wants to, give you a piece of their minds, you just walked into Caleb's. Now when Ezra and Toby are done, because I'm sure they'd love to give you a piece of their...'minds,' I'll take the tape off and you're going to tell us what we need, if not, I put the tape back and we can...'talk' some more, after all, there's a lot to say."

Wren squinted his eyes and lifted his jaw, a clear indication that he wasn't going to break that easily.

"Alright," Ali said in a sing-song voice, "boys? Who'd like to go next? I think it's safe to say that Wren's a pretty good listener."

The guys all looked between each other, and nodded, looking at Em who was sitting tensely on the small couch behind Wren, they knew she was the most uncomfortable about this, so they waited until she nodded.

When she did and Ali watched Em take a deep breath, she looked back at Wren, blue eyes piercing into his and she sighed, "we planned on you cooperating, we're not violent like you and Charles, we don't hurt people, but you know what," Ali asked rhetorically, "today we do."

_**AN: hey all, happy early holidays, please review and leave your comments on what you thought about this chapter**_


	20. Pain's Servant

**Emily's POV**

As soon as Wren walked in through that door everyone started to do as planned to get the information that we needed from him. I would have preferred if we didn't get violent, it seemed there was enough of that to go around, but I agreed to let Caleb, Toby and Ezra have it their way in case Wren wouldn't talk.

And that's where we were now.

"Tell us what we need Wren and we'll stop," Ezra was shouting, but not loud enough that neighbors would hear, and he cocked his fist back to deliver another blow.

The man we tied to the chair cringed and mumbled something I couldn't make out, but it was the first time he had tried to say anything.

Caleb shared a look with Ali and when she nodded her head, he reached forward and ripped the grey duct tape from Wren's mouth.

"Start talking," Caleb commanded and I couldn't believe the hardness in his voice. I couldn't seem to find the comfort in his eyes which were now hard and narrowed angrily. But I know why it was like that, I didn't know why I knew...I just did. He was like that...we were all like something else, because pf the pain. Pain and loss can change people. End of that story.

We all knew how close we were to finding the ones we loved...the ones I knew I should be missing, the ones I should know, the ones I should be glad to torture this man to find.

"Now why," the man spat in his British accent, "would I do that?"

Although I was sitting behind him, I could tell he was smirking, that he thought this was a game. I didn't realize my fists were clenched into the couch until I looked down and seen an unnatural white shade across my knuckles.

I shocked everyone into silence when I stood up and walked in front of the man I didn't know and cleared my throat.

"I'll tell you why." I had no idea what I was going to say, all I knew was that I was mad and tired and I just wanted this to be over.

"Hello Emily, how are you?" He smiled crookedly and I hated the smug look on his face. Even through all the redness and swelling and blood dripping slightly from his mouth and nose, he looked like none of this was affecting him.

Ali made a noise that sounded similar to a growl and from the corner of my eye I watched as her hands lunged for Wren, specifically his neck, "you asshole, I'll kill you, I swear to god-,"

I was startled, yes, but too wrapped up in my own anger and personal frustration to make a move against the blonde, waiting instead until Mona and Caleb pulled her away and held her between their bodies, coaxing her to calm down.

I turned my gaze back to Wren blankly and tilted my head, "I've been better, or haven't you heard?"

"Emily," Toby was grabbing at my shoulder gently from behind me but I shrugged him off and waved my hand at him.

"No Toby, he wants to know why he should talk, and I want to tell him."

Wren was red in the face now, he looked angry that Ali had attacked him and now that I looked, I could see fresh red scratches across his neck.

"You know what, let me tell you a story and then we'll see about you wanting to talk okay?" But of course there was no response, "Toby, can you bring me a chair?"

I couldn't see anyone's face from behind me, but I imagined they were as confused as Wren looked.

I felt a chair touch gently at the back of my knees and I lowered myself into it and I sighed.

"Wren, do you have parents?"

He knitted his brows and I forced a smile on my face, "it's just a question, answer it please."

"Yes."

"Great, and do you remember your childhood?"

"Yes."

"Do you remember the first time you learned to ride a bike, do you remember your first kiss, your first car, if you wanted to, could you remind yourself about what your birthday was like at home, can you at will think about high school and laugh at some memories with the friends you had?"

His eyes narrowed and he looked at the people standing behind me, "I don't see how this a story at a-,"

But that wasn't what I wanted to hear so I threw him off guard and surprised myself when I reached across with an open hand and slapped him clear across the face, "just answer me!"

He lifted his head and cracked his neck, licking his lips, catching the taste of his own blood on his tongue, "yes."

"Great, well guess what? I can't. I don't know how long you've been planning this with Charles but thanks to you I have no recollection of my life before this. I know nothing but pain and anger and the heavy sadness that sits on my chest, so heavy that I feel like I can't breathe somedays. I get it, Charles wanted some sort of revenge, but it wasn't enough for him to take the people I know I love. It wasn't enough to torture me physically with the stitches and staples and bruises and cuts, all the blood I watched them wash from my body. No that wasn't enough." My voice had gotten low and I felt something dark settle inside me.

"No it wasn't. See it wasn't who I loss, that made this the most painful, it was what...that what was a piece of me, the very being of who I am. I don't even know who I am. Charles had to take away my mind, my memories, any knowledge I had about who I was as a person. He took away the ability for me to talk without getting a migraine. You must not know the feeling I get when I start to literally choke on my words, verbally drowning myself just for trying to speak. You don't know how it feels to wake up in the morning and walk by mirrors, jumping at the stranger you see in the reflection. You don't know what's it's like to close your eyes and be faced with two nightmares. One, the quiet, deathlike and blinding blankness that comes from waking up with nothing in your brain but the thought that everything hurts and two, when you do try to sleep you finally have these visions, you toss and turn because you're being tortured by these images that you can't decide are real or made up.

"You don't know. You can't know how much pain that inflicts to search through your own brain and try to decide if you're remembering parts of your life or if you're so sad and lonely that your mind is trying to make things up, so you wake up and walk around still thinking about what is real or not. That makes it hard to live. It makes waking up not seem worth it.

"That's what my life has been like for a few weeks, but I say my life, because that's all I know. These that people I should be missing, that have risked their lives for me unknowingly, I don't even know. I tell myself I love them, but I'm not sure how love is really supposed to feel anyways, I can't think of reasons to love these people.

"I'm so tired of being pain's servant, we all do things and feel things and say things when we're in pain, pain is the same as anger that way and it's fucked up, but we're in a fucked up situation anyways so I might as well say this...I know if I lost them, I would be fine, because I don't know them, I can't make the right pictures in my head and feelings in my heart to make me know who they are and that makes me want to do anything to get them back. And you know what? I just realized how angry I am…and since we have no way of finding Charles who is the real monster, I can imagine myself taking it all out on you. I'm numb Wren, numbed by everything yet I can feel all the pain, I can't imagine what I'd have to do to you to make you feel the same way."

Wren and I maintained eye contact the whole time and he hadn't moved, I don't even know if one of us blinked.

"So that's why I'm doing this, these people you helped kidnap are my only chance at feeling sane, of getting my identity back, because I swear, if not I will go crazy and I don't want that, I want to remember the day I learned how to ride my bike, the name of my first kiss, color of my first car, I want to know the name of my high school, and if you won't do it because of that then here's really why you're going to tell us."

I turned around and aside from the wide eyed expressions, there was a look I was getting, like everyone stopped seeing me as just in the way, or weak, I didn't see that they felt bad anymore. Mona shared a look with me and she let go of Ali, whose gaze I avoided, and the short brunette handed me a file.

"Here, is all the proof we need to expose you to Charles, you're afraid of him right?"

"Why would I be afraid of Charles? You don't have anything to expose about me to him."

"Actually," Mona looked at me for permission and I sat back and crossed my arms, watching her move to my side and take the folders from my lap, "Emily is right. We found out who murdered Mrs. D, Wren, it was you."

"Ridiculous, she got us where we were, why would I murder her?"

"We found the emails, you wanted out, you were done, the money wasn't worth it anymore, you couldn't live with yourself knowing what you did. You helped create a monster and you fed an innocent girl to that monster and when you realized that, when the monster you kept under your bed started to get older and smarter, you were scared, you wanted out."

I watched Wren intently, studying his facial features for any sign of stress.

"James, Wren, it doesn't matter what you call yourself because if we tell Charles that you killed his precious mother, we both know he won't stop until you pay for it. And all it takes is for us to give Charles what we found, the emails, the threats and the street security video that was somehow miraculously deleted. But you see, all of us, together, are smarter than you are alone, we found that video and if we zoom in on the right frame, why there's a man that looks an awful lot like you in that video."

Wren's face turned five shades lighter and I could make out the slightest beads of sweat forming along his hairline.

"Why'd you really want out?" I asked with the presence of a slight lilt in my voice.

"Em, what are you talking about?" Mona asked but I ignored her.

"You have no idea what you're talking about," he spat, "of course I wanted out, that freak of a son had an obsession with dolls but I wasn't going to be hers anymore."

"So why not kill her and then leave?"

"I would've looked guilty."

"But you wouldn't have, Charles had been out a long time by then, they didn't need you anymore, but you stayed and that's why you would've looked guilty if you left then. So why'd you stay in the first place?"

My eyes were fixed on him and I could hear everyone but Mona shift behind me, "yeah, Emily has a point, if the deal you wanted to make with Mrs. D was just to let you go, she would've, you vowed to stay quiet because she made sure to pay you and if you ratted her out, you put your own reputation at stake. There had to be something she wouldn't do in order for you to want to kill her. What'd you want?"

Wren was staring at the papers now in Mona's hands, "you'd really do anything for her, wouldn't you?" Wren jutted out his chin in Ali's direction, "how can you justify that she's worth protecting? How can you say what you're doing is right? Why? Because you're trying to get back who you love? This is her fault anyways."

"This isn't about Alison," Caleb defended, with an arm still hovering in front of her body, "so answer the damn question Wren."

"You had to have been told no by mommy dearest, it was more than just getting out, you had that chance a long time ago, no, you had to have something else before you disappeared," Mona was getting anxious, I could tell she was close to figuring it out, "What was it?"

Something in me clicked, everything he said was already enough to know why he stayed, why he was still doing Charles' bidding and why he didn't leave. I was going over everything in my head and trying to make sure it made any sense before I said anything but when I was sure it was it, I held my hand to Mona's shoulder from where she stood taller than me at my side.

"You said Charles liked his dolls, that disgusted you," I pointed at his chest, "and you also asked basically what we wouldn't do for those we loved. And when I slapped you, you know what I could smell on you?"

Alison pushed past Caleb and between me and Mona and stood mere inches from Wren, "lavender," she whispered, looking at me with wild eyes.

"Lavender," I confirmed, "you stayed for her, CeCe, you love her, even if she was practically a child when you started working with her but when you wanted out, you wanted to take her with you, but Mrs. D wouldn't have that. She wouldn't let another kid steal her kid's favorite doll, you didn't like that one bit did you? You threw a tantrum just like a kid and she paid the ultimate price." I took a deep shaky breath and stood from the chair, I felt nauseous, I had no idea who I had just become but the broken and somewhat terrified look on his face said it all.

I had used something special to him and used it against him, love was a double edged blade that way I guess.

I got up to head towards the bathroom and ripped my arm from Alison's attempted grasp to stop me, "Em," she tried but I kept walking, ignoring the pain in her voice when she said my name.

In that moment I knew I was right, now I knew it firsthand that pain really can change people.

**Alison's POV**

When I tried to make sure Em was okay, I recoiled immediately. She had pulled her arm away before I really had the chance to stop her. I felt incredibly useless at that point. I could hear the pain, the cracks in her voice when she was talking, she never said anything like that before, but what hurt more was knowing that I couldn't make it go away. I couldn't fix the cracks in her voice or the cracks in her spirit. Yes, she seemed stronger than before, but she also seemed more tired.

"Ali," Mona was waiting near Wren's side with an expectant look on her face.

"What?"

"Wren wants to make a deal."

I turned away from where I had just watched Emily flee and walked the few steps back towards Wren,"I'm not looking for a deal here, either you tell us where Charles is and where he's keeping everyone or we turn all this into the police and leave you here where you will spend the rest of your life rotting in a jail and trying to avoid being someone's bitch." I didn't care how venomous my voice was, Em was probably crying in his bathroom and it was his fault, "we could've done this the easy way, but you made Emily cry and now I'm pissed, so any chance you had at making a 'deal' was out the window about a few minutes ago, you missed your chance."

"My chance? No, you missed your chance, if you left Charles alone and did as he said Emily would be fine, everyone would be f-," but again, he was cutoff when Ezra leaned forward full force and landed his fist square on the jaw, using his other hand to harshly grip Wren's face and force the men to look at each other.

"Wren, you're a doctor, you've dealt with your fair share of patients having psychotic episodes, now look in my eyes and tell me what you see? Do you see a manic person who's on the verge of becoming very violent? Because that's exactly how I feel right now. Emily is not the only one feeling crazy, I promise." Ezra was practically growling through gritted teeth when he pushed Wren's head out of his hand and everyone else looked on edge, Toby turned and walked to the counter, coming back with something from his tool box.

"He's right Wren, and I've seen Ezra with a hammer, I helped him with some renovating a while back, I hate to see what he can do to those pretty little doctor hands of yours if he had one right," he swung the hammer around until Ezra held his hand up and Toby landed it in his upwards facing palm, "now."

Wren's hands made fists against the armrests of the wooden chair and I could see the tension in his back, "do it I said, I don't care what, but cover his mouth and do it."

Ezra looked at me and smiled like a madman at Wren, "you heard the lady, I'll give you 3 seconds to start talking or else I will make it very hard for you to let go of this chair when we're done."

The countdown made it to two when it shocked us all and Wren started to cry, "bingo," Mona said with a bitter satisfaction in her voice, I took a moment to breathe and after we all shared a look among ourselves Wren started to talk.

**No One's POV**

"I don't know what you want me to tell you."

"Start by telling us where they are," Toby demanded.

"I don't know."

Toby made a hard line with his lips and he raised his fist, only to put it back down when the man tied in the chair started to beg, "no not again, please, please, I'm telling you the truth, I don't know. Charles helped me get this job after you all thought you had caught -A. We laid low for a while, I fell off the grid and he left me alone, then last month he left a note in my bedroom with a note saying he needed my help, he told me to steal some sleeping gas and ether or chloroform."

"Why both," Mona questioned.

"Ether and chloroform wear off as soon as you stop inhaling the fumes, after I snatched them in the terminal I had the back of the van releasing just the right amount of sleeping gas with a smoke machine so that they'd stay asleep. I drove to some motel called The Rusty Can and that was it, I don't know anything else."

"So instead," Caleb walked closer with closed fists, "you just let Charles take them and do whatever he wants with them? You decided you could live with yourself."

"You don't understand, I had too. It keeps him off my scent about Jessica and it kept CeCe safe."

"CeCe, why wouldn't CeCe be safe," Ali asked with a furrow set in her brow.

"Because she's in love with him. She loves him for 'saving' her," he said mockingly, "for giving her a purpose, when really I did that, I loved her. Charles is just using her until he gets you. That was always the plan, it was what your mother said and it was what Charles has been doing."

"And you think you loved her why?"

"That doesn't matter, I don't care what you do, just don't hurt her, she was never a monster, Charles and your mother made her, they made her into what she is, she's sick Alison, all I wanted was for her to get better, instead she follows Charles' every command, I bet she was sent to finish the job at the hospital where you were taken wasn't she?"

Alison cringed at the thought of Emily's life being so close to ending yet again, feeling cold to the bone that even then she would've failed again at keeping her safe, "how did you know that, for all I know you helped her, you know how hospitals work after all."

"She called me before then and said she didn't know if she could do it, she told me Charles was going to make this the tip of the iceberg, she said killing Emily would surely push you right into his hands. He said that to her and she still couldn't see she was always just your substitute. She was so upset, promising that she'd lie to Charles and make him forgive her, she's that delusional that she'd apologize for not killing someone for him."

Ali felt her blood begin to boil, "and you being the great guy you are, you were going to do what, give her free treatment, a diagnosis for a chance to get in her pants, you sick bastard."

"Caleb," Wren said, ignoring Alison, "you know I wouldn't be surprised if Charles also took up a certain fondness for Hanna, seeing as she also bears a similar resemblance to Alison." Wren smirked at the chance to push Caleb's buttons and smiled a bloody smile a bit wider when no one punched him in the face for it.

"You will never find Charles, he's too deep for you to even know where to look. No one gets found when they get- when Charles doesn't want them to."

Alison watched his eye twitch and she pushed him in the chest, "what were you going to say?"

"I wasn't going to say anything."

"Yes you were, you know where they are, you know or how else would you smell like CeCe, you were probably just with her, tell us where they are and we won't say anything to Charles about how you were trying to steal his play thing and killed our mother."

"You don't get a hold of Charlie, he likes that name better," he whispered, "no one does."

"What was it we were so afraid to admit before," Mona puzzled out loud with amusement in her voice, "that -A was always watching? Well that's right, except, for weeks now, Caleb has been running a signal jammer about five-blocks wide of wherever we are, so he hasn't really been able to see what we've been up to at all, and if he gets close, he's always just a little off. All it would take is one flip of a switch and a few phone calls before we're back on the map. You see after that picture Charles sent us, we kept a loophole in the system that opened a one-way comm signal that allowed us to receive but not send anything, that included our location in case he tried to use the GPS on us, the external speakers to void him of eavesdropping and the cameras to put a little blanket over his eyes, Charles has no idea what we're doing and that's probably been freaking him out. It would make a lot of sense if he found out it was because you've been helping us."

"Why would he believe you?"

"Because we found bugs around you're house that we disabled and kept the security cameras in your vase, tv, radio, fridge and a few other places on standby before we even stepped a foot inside, we can all go back out, turn it on and walk in together to make it look you've been helping us and then guess who's ass is on the line first? Yours. So I," Mona said with a fake smile and her hand over her chest, "find it in your best interest if you start telling us everything you know because the way I see it, this can turn all 50 shades of ugly if we decide that you're not helpful, in fact, your potential is the only reason you're still breathing right now."

Mona stood and placed one fingertip on Wren's jaw, "you know Wren, I don't have to go to medical school like you did to understand the body. I know you've been hearing these threats all night but you know how smart I am, I took advanced Anatomy and Physiology and several classes on Psychology so I know what areas of the body send the most pain receptors to the brain, I also know how pain is just mental and even when your body feels like breaking, it can actually take so much more of it. I don't need a hammer or any brawn...I have theories on how much more pain 'more' really is, please don't make me test my thesis out on you, you have such nice rugs, and blood is such a hard stain to clean up."

"You're a liar, all of you are little liars."

"But we're the prettiest aren't we," she teased, "makes it hard not to do what's asked of some pretty little liars, hmm, that has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? But pretty girls can have the ugliest secrets, and let me tell you one," Mona leaned in close so that her mouth was just centimeters from his ear, "I will enjoy watching you writhe in pain and the best part is, no one will hear you, no one will care when you're found dead, and no one will try to stop me, no one will save you," Mona stood when she was done, dragging her nail over the other side of his jaw before she stood with hands on her hips, "so call my bluff Wren Kingston...I'm daring you."

Everyone watched Wren's adam's apple bob as he swallowed nervously and he darted his eyes between each of Mona's, reading her for any indication that she was in fact bluffing. The air tightened around them and finally Wren let go of the strained breath he was holding, "Okay, okay, River Road, that's all I heard him say once, it wasn't meant for me to hear but I heard him say something about River Road."

"River Road? That's it, think harder Wren or I swear I'll bash your head in."

"No, no, I'm telling the truth, that's all I know, I swear that's all I know."

Mona narrowed her eyes and then stood her full height, "Caleb, can you run a search of River Road, find the nearest location and nearby woods or forests."

"Okay, but why the woods or forests?"

"The last two places we found -A was deep in the cover of trees and the place Alison and Emily was found was running out of the woods near a highway."

"She's right, do it," Ali added and Caleb nodded his head and went to work on his laptop.

Turing back to Wren, Alison asked, "what else do you know?"

"Nothing, I know nothing."

"We all know that's a lie, you've been seeing CeCe haven't you?"

Wren shook his head, "not in the way you might think."

"Then tell me what I'm supposed to think," Ali demanded and she pulled up a chair and sat in front of him.

"We meet, once every other week, she comes here or I meet her somewhere and we have lunch and just talk."

"Just talk? Talk about what?" Alison wasn't buying that their secret rendezvous were all that innocent.

"That's personal," Wren defended.

But Ali shot back angrily with, "helping Charles take my friends was personal, this, this is just a question. So answer it, what do you two talk about?"

Swallowing hard and knowing he's been beat, he looks someone solemn when he answers, "she talks about Charles for a while, she talks like she needs to get him out of her system yet has to be at his side forever and finally when that's over then we talk about me, about my work and we like to pretend we're normal people just getting lunch. Then within a few hours, she has to leave and I don't question her, I let her go, I tell her to be safe and then we leave."

"She never mentions what Charles' plan is?"

"I'm out of the loop now, Charles basically owns me, he uses me when he wants to and if not, I stay were I'm supposed to."

"And he has no clue you've been crushing on CeCe?"

"No, and I'd like for it to stay that way, the things that I've done for your mother and for him, I've found a way to be at peace with it, but I can't live with myself if something happened to her because of me."

"Oh but you can live with yourself if something happens to the people that I love? It's justified then?"

Wren didn't answer and Ali was just a few seconds from wiping the smug look off of his face had it not been for Caleb's interruption, "guys, I got a hit, River Road, Weedville, Pennsylvania, it runs alongside the Wapiti Woods, and other surrounding state forests, it's something but it's not much, it'll be like looking for a needle in a haystack if we don't know where to start."

"I'll call my partner back at the station and ask them to call the Weedville local police and the rangers in that area, I'll have him put out pictures of the girls and Em's parents as a missing persons, if anyone's seen something, we'll find out."

"Toby but won't Charles find out we're on to him and just move?" Ezra asked.

"If this asshole is right," he said pointed a finger at Wren, "then Charles should be deep within those forests anyways, I'll make sure nothing is televised and there's no chatter on the radios, that way he won't know. We go and we ask around, I doubt he'd be able to drive them deep without being on a road or trail."

"And the only way to do that," Mona added, "was if he checked in somewhere, and that means someone had to have seen him. You can't just drag 5 people behind you, he needed access to a road, good job Toby."

"So now what?" Ezra was waiting patiently for someone to say what was going to happen next.

"I guess it's my turn," Toby smiled and went into the kitchen to call in the favor.

"Everyone's doing what they can to save your friends and Emily's poor parents, what have you done Alison, other than put everyone in this mess in the first place?" Wren was now poking at Alison, sensing that he was no longer needed and they could be doing anything they wanted with him now. After all, no one would miss him, so he might as well piss some more people off before he gets killed or left for dead or worse, turned over for Charles to deal with.

x-x-x-x

Now that Wren was being cooperative, Emily let herself breathe, she was currently in the said man's bathroom, sitting on the toilet with her hands braced on her knees, the pressure building in her head from all the pent up emotions and talking so much.

There was a mantra she had begun to repeat in her head that she kept telling herself would help her stay calm. She started saying the first things she'd wanted to remember since waking up, so sighing she closed her eyes and started, "I like the color blue, my eyes are brown, I want to go to Paris, I have a bracelet with the Eiffel Tower on it, I live in Rosewood, I like swimming, I live on Birch St., my first kiss was with someone in a library, my name is Emily Fields."

She occasionally rocked herself by rubbing the tops of her thighs with her hands, saying the same thing over slowly, until after the third time, her heart rate returned to somewhat normal. She managed not to stumble on too many words, but she had to fight it harder than the last time.

The throbbing in her head was still there, it felt like someone was knocking on her mind, demanding someone to answer, but all she could do was pretend she couldn't feel it. All she could do was wait for the pain to ebb away again into numbness.

Emily thought the knocking in her head came to life when someone knocked at the bathroom door, finally able to pull her away from the toilet seat on the third call of her name, "Emily, hey, it's Caleb, you okay?"

Em stood on the other side of the door and let him hear her laughing, "well, like I said before, I know I've been better."

Caleb allowed his laugh to be heard and he smiled even though it wouldn't be seen, "well you and me both."

"Yeah." Emily hand her hand on the knob and she took a deep breath when she heard Caleb shuffling away, "Caleb," she called from behind the closed door.

"Yes?"

"How long have I been in here," she bit her lip, knowing that the concept of time would sometimes escape her.

"Long enough Em, we want you back out here."

"How long, please." Her fingers flexed around the knob and she waited.

"43 minutes."

Em let go of the breath she was holding, "okay."

And before Caleb had time to catch what she had said, the door opened and she stood with her head down, staring at the space between there feet.

"So, what did I miss," she asked with a crooked smile and a slight shrug in her shoulders.

She was met with a broad smile and an outstretched hand, "well Wren gave us a location."

"So, what does that mean now?

"That means it's time."

"You mean-,"

"Yes, exactly Em, we're getting them back."


	21. The Decisions We Make

_**AN: So I know haven't done this in a long time - a double update, I usually cycle through the stories - but those of you who commented/reviewed (from both and wattpad) on the last chapter which I just put up Monday have left such great and encouraging responses that wanted to write this chapter and give it to you as soon as I could. **_

_**Thank you all for the continued support, it means beyond what even I can put into words, you love this story almost as much as me and way more than I expected anyone ever to, so enjoy this surprise, it was all your doing.**_

_**xo Lina**_

**Emily's POV**

I had asked Caleb what he meant and I had gotten the answer I know I wanted to hear but something about actually hearing it, actually believing and thinking about what was to come, scared me. This was the goal after all, to get everyone back home and safe and take Charles down, but I couldn't wrap my damaged head around that idea, because until it was actually done and over with, that's all it was, just an idea.

Caleb held his hand out for me to take and I realized how stuck I must look in the doorway, thinking how we were actually going to pull this off. So we found a location, but what would we do; show up and ask nicely that he give everyone back as though they really were our dolls to begin with and he developed an elaborate scheme to steal them from the sandbox when our heads were turned? No, I didn't think so.

But what did I know? Practically nothing. So I willingly grabbed Caleb's hand and let him lead me to the living room where the rest of our group was, frantically shuffling around, Mona with the laptop at her fingers, Toby and Ezra talking in the corner and Alison leaning against the wall near the couch, eyes down. One look at her I could tell she was in deep thought. I didn't know how, but I just did. It was like my subconscious remembered things I was supposed to know and feel without telling me about them first.

Sensing our presence, Alison looked up and immediately our eyes connected. She could've looked anywhere else, but somehow the magnetism I had always felt towards her seemed to have been in effect, taking a hold of my gaze in hers.

There was that look again. I could recognize it on her face now from anywhere. She was worried, she was upset, but not at me. This look, I could tell she was beating herself up. I know she has been blaming herself for this, every little thing that she deems has gone wrong since...well ever, she has been putting herself on trial - convicting her actions, her words, her feelings, everything that makes her her - guilty on all accounts.

So I did my best to smile, hoping it didn't look as forced as it felt and I watched her eyes emit a minuscule amount of light as she forced a smile back. I wanted her to know that I was okay.

I was okay; it was partly a lie, but it was also the truth. What I said to Wren back there, Wren who was now pushed, knees up against a wall, still bound and muted with strips of duct tape over his mouth, was everything I had been repressing. It was the anger, the frustration and pain that I had been trying to put off since I woke up and since I heard what this was all about.

The person I became was like I said, pain's servant. I was hurting, I am hurting, and being so close to easing the pain by getting back the people who were so closely and intimately involved in my life made me feel like I would do anything to have that. It felt like he was just another obstacle in my way - although easier to deal with than the actual obstacles I've been battling - and I just wanted him to know what it felt like for every moment that I have taken a breath after actually dying on that gurney on the side of a road.

I had hoped he'd have a change a heart after hearing what it was he had a hand in doing to me, even if it was implicit. But he didn't, I could see the good in him, but he was in his own world of pain, and who was I to say his pain was less damaging to him than mine was to me. There is no scale that we throw our hearts on, our souls, and compare the suffering.

His pain was his own, as is mine. He didn't want to talk because to do so would risk the well-being of someone he cared for. So he suffered the physical pain to avoid the pain in his heart he would have to deal with if his cooperation lead to us hurting CeCe somehow.

In that sense, I couldn't hate him for that.

"Emily?" Mona was the first to speak my name after Caleb helped pry me from the bathroom.

"Yeah?" It seemed like she had been waiting for me, like she had spent the last 40-some minutes that I was locked away rehearsing what she wanted to say to me.

She scooted over on the couch and patted the space next to her. Reluctantly, I pulled away from Caleb and made my way towards Mona on the couch. Something about Caleb had comforted me since he came to talk to me that first night in the hospital. He's been so protective and I can't ignore the fact that he feels just like a brother should. And not just to me, I see the way he's been taking care of Ali and looking after her. I can tell they had some differences in the past, though not as big and Mona and Ali, but still big on their own accord.

Not to mention the way he works with Mona...the people I'm with now are great and they're not even the people I'm closest with. I can only imagine what having them all back will feel like. Somewhere, I'm hoping that they will fill in the blanks.

"Emily," Mona started, "Wren was able to give us the name of the road he overheard Charles talking about. We've crossed referenced that with any roads in Pennsylvania. What we wound up finding was one River Road in Weedville. The main forest we assumed Charles would be in is Wapiti but the problem is that there are over 8 state parks and forests in that entire area with trails and roads snaked all through the place, so it could be any one of those."

I was confused, "okay, but Caleb said it was time, why say that when we're not that much closer to getting them back."

Mona looked at Ali and tried to avert her eyes before I caught her but she wasn't quick enough.

"You, Ali, this was your," I paused ever so slightly, "doing?" I avoided using the word 'fault' and waited for her explanation.

"We all wanted you back out here."

"Why? I'm useless, I just feel like I'm in the way, I don't have a role, not a job, I just s-sit here a-an-and I cry and," the word vomit was starting to come up, "sh-sh-shit!"

I turned around so my back was facing everyone else, my knees firm against the side of the couch.

I could tell they were behind me, exchanging with their eyes what to do, probably wondering whose turn it was to comfort me.

"I-I-I'll be f-f-fi - I'll b-be okay." I took a deep breath and repeated my mantra, "I like the color blue, my eyes are brown...," whispering to myself while I thought consciously about how to breathe - inhale, exhale, in, out, "I live in Rosewood...,"

I don't know when it happened, but I finally opened my eyes after closing them sometime earlier and when I faced everyone again, they were all sitting around me: on the couch, the love seat, the floor, in a chair, all waiting, watching me with that slight furrow in their brows and a thin pressed line for lips.

"Em," it was Ali this time and I could hear her making her way towards me, feeling the dip beside me where Mona was sitting lessen and vanish, replaced by a new weight. My eyes had dropped to the space between my feet and I didn't want to look Ali in the face.

I didn't really know what I was supposed to do in the situations Dr. Pearson said I would have with my seizures, so I made this up and it helped calm me down. I had to spend more of my energy remembering what to say that I guess my body ignored the state of panic it was about to go into.

I never told Ali that I was having these frequent episodes, in fact, I kept it all to myself, so I can imagine the way she must feel, to watch me, someone who just a few weeks prior was her girlfriend, and her best friend, go through all of this and be utterly useless. My imagination didn't work that hard to evoke what uselessness felt like, I knew that one.

However, the strong connection I feel towards her was just enough to let my imagination conjure images of myself watching Ali writhe in pain, just like the times I know she's watched me. I let my heart fake that I'm deeply in love with her and then imagine what the pain of blaming myself must feel like.

This whole time I had been upset that she has been treating me like fragile glass, stop watching what she says or does because to her it's like walking on eggshells. It was the first moment that I acknowledged the immense torment she has been going through everyday. I decided it was the worst kind of agony: self-inflicting. My pain, though I could feel it in every inch of my body was her pain...she could feel it seeping in all the cracks in her soul. Cracks and fissures made throughout her life that she had just begun to fill with love and the people she loved.

"Guys," my voice was hoarse and my hands slightly shaking, "do you think I can take a walk?"

Ali looked like she was about to get up and give me some space when I reached out and held onto her wrist, "wait," she looked at me with wide, searching eyes, "come with me," I asked but I was afraid it didn't sound like much of a question, so I added softly, "please?"

She nodded gently and looked up at the men and Mona while I heard someone clear their throat. It was Caleb.

"I'm going to walk at least 30 paces behind you. I know this town better than you all do, and while I respect your need of privacy and you want to talk, I can't take any more risks with anyone."

He didn't give the impression that what he was suggesting was up for compromise, so instead I nodded in agreement and stood up, walking towards the door.

Caleb grabbed some things and shoved them into his pockets and Ali followed behind me, silently.

Before leaving, I turned to Mona, "Hey Mona," I had time to think while I was alone and I was tired of feeling like I couldn't contribute anything, what I found myself doing was trying to stand in Charles' shoes, "I was thinking, and you said something about the woods and Ali mentioned that the last two hideouts Charles had were somewhere deep in them: the first dollhouse, his lair, where me and Ali were taken," I shivered at the thought, "so maybe you should riffle through Alison's mother's things again and look for any connections to any nearby woods, or forests, you know," I shrugged, "stuff like that, their has to be a reason for each one, like an emotional attachment, they mean something to Charles or else why would he go."

It was quiet and as an after thought I added, "I mean it could just be the isolation, no one would hear or see what he was up to, I don't know, maybe I was just over thinking-,"

"No no no," she said, suddenly standing and walking over to grab something from her bag, she had this...weird, if nothing else, smile on her face and she kept nodding.

What I said must have really surprised her, like I showed her something she turned a blind eye to, and I felt proud in myself, smiling when she blinked out of her thoughts and offered me a "you're a genius Em."

The last thing I seen before I walked out was the gears in her head turning.

x-x-x-x

Caleb told us about a nice 'scenic' path that lead through a park near the high school, but it was kind of far and it was already on the edge of being dark out so he suggested that we take a walk through town, where it was as heavily populated as Ravenswood could get and pretty well lit.

I would've reminded him that Hanna and everyone else were still taken, regardless of the fact that they were in broad daylight in an airport, but that would've helped no one. If it comforted more to do it this way then I would only agree.

I shoved my hands into my pockets as Alison and I walked in silence, her arms folded across her chest. I was the one who wanted her to walk with me yet I felt like I was waiting for her to speak first.

"Ali?"

Alison turned to look at me, her arms still crossed and she hummed a soft, "yeah Em?"

"Thank you." Great, that's not at all what I wanted to say.

"For?" She kind of laughed nervously and I felt less tense about this, this...whatever the purpose of this walk I wanted with her was.

"Coming with me on this stupid walk, I guess I just wanted some fresh air."

**Alison's POV**

Emily and I had begun walking a while ago, but in silence. I thought she would want to talk about something, although the topic of our potential conversation was unclear. Even now when she thanked me, I could tell she didn't really know what she was thanking me for either.

She jammed her hands into her pockets a little bit harder and she answered me with "coming with me on this stupid walk, I guess I just wanted some fresh air."

Emily really just thanked me for going on a simple walk with her. I laughed inwardly...we used to take walks after dinner almost every night, I would curl into her side, our arm and hand intertwined and smashed between us, or her arm would be draped across my shoulders and mine wrapped around her torso.

But she didn't know, she couldn't remember, so here she was, thanking me for walking with her, completely unaware that this is what I would do every time.

Of course, I wanted to tell her that would never want to lead her, and that I would love to follow behind her because after all, home was wherever she was, but no mater what, I would always want to be right here -right beside her.

She was thanking me for the few blocks we were walking together, not knowing that there was literally no where she could go that I wouldn't go too.

"Oh," was all I said, "you're welcome."

In reality I should be thanking her too.

I wondered if she remembered me telling her that she was the one to come after me, she followed me to the west coast and this is what happened. I wasn't leading but she followed, and we were in this mess because we didn't walk together on this one.

"Alison, I don't know why I wanted you to come with me," Em started, which caused a strange mix of relief and disappointment in me, "but I just know I wanted your company. I was expecting, as I'm sure you were that I would have something to say, and I thought I did, but now we're here, and I don't. So..."

She just trailed off and tugged at her bottom lip with her teeth and I couldn't help but smile at her for it.

"It's okay, honestly, it's just nice to walk and try not to think about...all of this." I uncrossed my arms and gestured around me at nothing in particular.

"Yeah, I guess," her voice was low and still kind of scratchy from earlier, and she took a deep heavy breath.

"Em, we're going to find out where Charles is, I'm sure the clue you just gave Mona is going to be the reason why."

She just shrugged and looked straight ahead, "what are we going to do if we find where he is?"

She looked worried and I hadn't really thought about an answer to her question before.

"I- I don't know yet," I answered truthfully, "but when we do find out where they are, we'll figure something out."

"I just don't know what to expect. Are we just going to walk in empty handed and ask to let them go? Do we threaten him? But that won't make us any better than him, and what if it's a trap, all a rouse to just get us, then what?"

"Em," I barely said above a whisper, I stopped where we were and pointed to a green bench across the street, and while she followed me I continued, "Charles wants me. That much is clear, the only reason he hurt anyone else, was to get me to come to him. I hid from him the first time and he took it out on you, and Hanna, Aria and Spencer. The second time around, I came to him, but-," we reached the bench and I didn't know if I could remind her that she came after me, saving me while this happened to her, "either way, I'm his endgame."

The seat beneath me was cold from the first chill of night settling in and I could feel it starting to creep into my bones.

"Endgame? And what does that mean? You can't think that you're going to trade yourself for everyone else do you, you can't do that, we won't let you." I could hear the concern and worry but I didn't confirm what she was saying with anything.

"Emily, we don't always do what is easy, sometimes doing the right thing is never the easy thing, but if it's still the right thing to do, someone has to make that choice."

The wind had started to pick up and the branches hanging overhead from the old tree behind us started to sway and make cracking noises. Maybe it was just me, or this town, but something spooky always seemed to live in the air here.

"But that's not a choice only you can make, this concerns all of us, no one is going to let you go through with this." She had started to get louder, more worked up and I began thinking of a way to calm her before she started to experience another seizure or go into epileptic shock, or choke on her words...one of the many things I can thank my 'brother' and myself for gifting her with.

"Toby will call for back up, they'll be nearby, I can make a deal with Charles and if he doesn't take it, police will be there, there's no way he can outrun a gun."

"No," Em agreed, "but he can outsmart them. What makes you think he won't have cameras all over the place and monitors to watch everything, the moment anyone gets close enough soon turns into the moment they start all over."

I was close to having the fabled and dreamed about happy ending with Emily but I was close to getting rid of Charles and then I woke up in hell, so I knew exactly what she meant.

"Charles won't see us coming until it's too late. He may be a genius with tech stuff, but with Caleb and now Mona, he won't stand a chance."

"I hope you're right." Emily lifted her legs and tucked her hands under her thighs to keep them warm.

I hoped I was right too. "I will be."

When the silence returned, I started to think about after. After this was over, after we got Em's parents and the girls back, after...what would I do? What would Emily do? Would there be something for us?"

I started to think about after and suddenly the necklace I wore and the bracelet in my pocket seemed very heavy with uncertainty.

I opened my mouth but the next few seconds turned from calm to chaos.

One moment Caleb was approaching us, shouting something about Mona and then a loud cracking sounds were coming from the tree above us as and the next, Emily was shaking before she got up to run down the street.

My first instinct was to chase after her, which I did, and I'm sure that Caleb was right on our heels, confused as all hell but still right behind us. There were a few people on the sidewalk who Em ran right through, who I would apologize to as I passed them.

I called to her but she was fast and she had those long legs, carrying her farther from me with each stride. My calls to her went unheard or lost to the air, she didn't even turn around, and I could hear Caleb, getting closer to me, call her name too.

I was starting to think Em was going to just keep running until she crossed the street and just narrowly missed getting hit by a car. My view was temporarily obstructed but I seen her eyes widen in horror and in a way that looked like she just woke up from sleepwalking...in her case, sleeprunning. That was the last thing I seen before she tripped over the curb and onto the sidewalk.

Running as fast as I could to get to her before anyone else did, I found myself pushing through the man who was driving, ignoring the way he began to yell about paying attention and his insurance and what not. Caleb was closer than I thought because I could hear him talking the man down, explaining a bit about what just happened.

There was a small group of people gathered around Em and I elbowed through them, "back off, give her some space, please just back away, thank you."

There were some murmurs thrown in Emily's direction, who now sat, curled against the brick wall of the building in front of me, her knees brought up to her chest with her head in between them and her arms holding them together.

It was just another thing I could add to the list of things that broke my heart, however fragile and tainted it already was.

Approaching Emily, I took a few deep breaths, assuring the few people around us that I had her, she was okay, when I was actually unsure of both of those statements.

I didn't say anything else, I just curled up beside her and when I spoke her name, "Em," it was like I was calling to the Emily that I knew was inside of her still, the one who I know was even stronger than she is now.

She started to rock back and forth, the trembling in her hands evident when she gripped her jeans harder to steady them.

And I could barely hear her, but I recognized more of the mumbling as the same thing she started to say earlier. I moved closer and strained my ear to hear her say it all, "I l-like the color bl-blue, my eyes are brow-brown, I want to-to go to P-Paris, I have a bracelet with the Eiffel Tower on it, I live in R-Rosewood, I like swi-ssswimming, I live on Birch St., my first kiss wa-was in a library, mu-mu-my name is Emily F-Fieldsss."

I could feel it, the cramping in my chest, my heart tightening, making it painful to breathe. I was afraid to touch her and when I finally put my arm on hers, she flinched, gasped in fear and rocked faster, repeating over, the same thing over, "I-I,"

"You," I said with conviction, "are Emily Fields," she paused when she heard me, but kept her head down, continuing to rock herself, trying to talk over me, stuttering harder with the added movements, "you remind me of a mermaid," I continued, "you like to sleep with one light on in a tank top and shorts, regardless of the weather, you are strong, you are loyal, you love hard, you would never hurt anyone, you are kind, your parents' names are Pam and Wayne and they love you more than I have ever seen parents love their child. You are Emily Fields and you are my best friend and you are safe. Em you're safe."

She had gotten quiet, choosing to sit and rock in silence. She began to slow down and that's when I could hear the sobs ripping through her chest as she tried to calm herself down. I could see Caleb from the corner of my eye and he was keeping people away from us.

I looked back at Em and she was clenching her already closed fists in her jeans even harder, her knuckles turning an obscene white shade which should have been impossible on her olive skin.

She took a shaking deep breath and whispered, "I remembered."

I wasn't even sure that I heard her correct, "you what?"

"It wa-was the tree," she said in a louder whisper.

"What about the tree Emily?"

"It was w-win-windy that-that night too, I could hear the br-branches in the trees that night."

"That night? Em-,"

But she cut me off, "the night we escaped," she whispered as the words got muffled into her knees.

**No One's POV**

Emily's impediment with her speech was waning and the episode she was having began to subside. All she told Ali was that she remembered...she said she remembered when they both escaped.

But that was all she said, thinking about it caused her to go into shock again, repeating the same mantra but to Alison's surprise, Emily added bits of what she said, "I am strong, I am safe, I am loved."

Even hearing it, Ali could tell Em was trying her best not to make it seem forced, she could see that Emily was trying to believe it too.

So Ali joined her.

"I am strong," Em whispered.

"You are strong."

"I am safe." Emily's voice wavered

"You're safe Emily."

"I-I," Em was no longer having trouble with her words, she was instead fighting the tears from making it hard to talk, "I-I am...I'm-," she lifted her head and looked to Ali for help, tears burning hot and red down her soaked cheeks.

Ali's lip trembled at the sight and she willed herself not to cry, not yet, "you are so loved Emily," she burst out, both women leaning towards each other in a hug that was beyond needed.

"You're loved Em, your parents love you, Caleb loves you, everyone we are going to save loves you, Em," Ali squeezed Em harder into her chest, "I love you. I love you Emily, I love you and you're safe, you are strong, but you're safe, you're safe."

Ali held fast onto Emily, her arm in the reverse position she was used to, her arm draped protectively across Em's shoulders, her other hand on top of her head that was buried into her chest, moisture seeping through Ali's clothes until her chest was wet and warm.

Emily's grip was tight, her arms circled around Ali's waist, "I remember that day. I remember that day. The gun, the chair, the glass, the dark, the trees, you left me."

Ali tensed. A chill courses through her veins.

"No, no Em," Ali's brow knitted together and she knew she had to tell Emily why.

"Em, no, I didn't leave you, I went to get help, you took those bullets for me, you, you-,"

"I saved you," Em lifted her head and suddenly moved away from Ali's body. She realized that she saved the blonde for one reason - she loved her that much - and all of that lead to how she was now: practically immobile because of one memory, choking on words, shaking uncontrollably, sleep ridden with nightmares, voices, fuzzy pictures, jumbled thoughts, lacking an identity.

She wasn't upset, or mad, or sad, she was just...she just needed some time, thinking back to Dr. Pearson's words, "time Emily, time heals everything, even if not completely, it still heals."

She moved further from a hurt and guilty feeling Alison and stood up on shaky knees, ignoring the eyes of the last of the bystanders, and walked over towards Caleb, "please take us back."

He didn't speak a word, just nodded, and looked at Ali, waiting for her to get up and follow them before stepping a single foot forward.

**Emily's POV**

I don't know why I felt the urge to get away from Ali that quickly, I just felt I had to. I had saved her that night, she told me so before...when she told me everything that night in my room I had pretended to be sleeping, but I didn't make the connection that I really did save her at the cost and risk of my own life.

I know it was because I lov - it was because of what I felt for her then. But if not a new person, I am a different Emily. At least I think I'm not the same Emily who took two bullets for Alison. I know just a few weeks ago, I might have said I would do it again, that it was worth it, but ask the me right now.

Ask me.

I don't know that I can give the same answer. The images, the memory, every little thing about that day is now etched into my mind, fresh, like it just happened. And because of my condition, to me, it did just happen.

_...the night we escaped_

_-A had us locked away in a room together. It was the first time since I tracked Ali's location and sneaked into the place that we were actually alone together. -A wasn't too surprised when I showed up. And I should've had a plan, I should've told someone else, maybe if I called the police just before I got here, then maybe we would've been out by now._

_Maybe if I was smarter I wouldn't be laying in a pool of my own blood now. Whoever was helping -A turned off the camera, brought my feet back to the ground, untied me and caught me before I slumped to the floor._

_From there, a bag was thrown over my eyes and I was mainly dragged - because I couldn't walk - into a room where I was thrown, meeting the cold and dank slab of concrete that was the floor._

_"Emily!" It was Ali's voice and then next thing I heard was the slamming of the door and then I felt the bag being ripped from my head, my eyes meeting Ali's._

_Her eyes could easily burn my heart to ashes and turn my universe upside down and inside out. Her eyes made my soul fall in love with her with no turning back. And even in my weakened state, I managed a wink and playful, "hey good lookin.'"_

_She half cry, half laughed and lunged to hug me, backing away quickly when I screamed in pain._

_"What? What is it Em, what did he do?"_

_We were still on the floor and I was trying to get up but it was too painful, "my ribs, I think they're broken."_

_I winced when I tried to move from the floor, hearing her voice tell me "stop, stay still."_

_Then I could feel her hands just barely ghosting over my face, then down my neck, moving across my battered arms and bruised legs, flexing her nimble fingers hesitantly over my sore ribs, the tears in her eyes just seconds from spilling over._

_"I'm okay," I lied, the talking causing me to cough abruptly, not too shocked to see the speckles of blood leave my lips and then trickle down the side of my mouth._

_"Don't you dare lie to me. You shouldn't have come Emily, this is my fault." Her voice was distressed and I could see her hating herself for this. But this was -A, not her._

_I shook my head at her, no way in hell was I ever going to blame her, let alone allow her to blame herself for this. i came after her, I followed her, I did. That was my choice. And I wasn't regretting it, not now, not ever._

_"No, Ali, it's not. I wasn't going to let you leave me. You know where I belong."_

_She smiled and tilted her head towards mine, her lips centimeters from my cracked ones. She brushed a thumb carefully over the broken and swollen skin and wiped away the blood as best she could. Her touch gentle and soft, eyes on mine, exuding every ounce of love and apology for the situation we were in._

_"By my side," she confirmed before leaning in to kiss me._

_It hurt like all hell when she applied that delicious pressure to my mouth, but I masked my uncomfort in a soft groan._

_"Ali," I said as I pulled away and touched our foreheads, "we're going to get out of here."_

_"Yeah," she said, without sounding like she really meant it._

_"We've been here too long. If anyone was going to find us, they would've done that by now. This isn't the dollhouse, this is different Ali."_

_"Em, we already tried, the windows are boarded, there are cameras everywhere, the doors are always locked from the outside, there's no way Em."_

_"Do you trust me," I asked truthfully._

_"Of course I do."_

_"Then trust me babe, I'm going to get us the hell out of here today."_

_She met my eyes and lifted her hands to very softly hold my face, "that's my killer," she whispered softly._

x-x-x-x

The images begin to blur after that but the next thing I can recall vividly was the final minutes we spent in that place, right before we were outside in the fresh air for the first time in the weeks since we had been taken.

A_li had managed to lock -A's accomplices in the room we were just in and I had just managed to stab -A with a shard of broken glass, stalling him so we could make a run for it._

_Every door we assumed lead to the outside world was locked and there was only one corridor Ali knew we hadn't been before. We ran together, down the dark hall to stop in front of the last door. Of course it was locked but I lifted my leg despite the sharp pain radiating throughout and kicked at the doorknob just the way my dad taught me._

_I did that once, twice, and the third time the pain should've knocked me out but the hinges creaked and the door fell open just a crack._

_Ali reached to push it open but a strangled voice called her name and we both turned._

_"Ali," -A groaned groggily, "you can't leave. I won't let you." He was clutching his bleeding side with one hand while the other was holding...a gun_.

_Ali turned away and started to ram her shoulder into opening the door the rest of the way and it started to give, I could hear it, but I could also hear the sound of -A cocking the hammer of the gun back, a bullet sitting in chamber ready to fire._

_"Last chance Ali," he ignored me the whole time I was there. But now he was about 20 feet away, stopped in his tracks, slightly towered over towards the side where I stabbed him gun still pointed on his target's back._

_Ali was working at the door while I stared into the mask which I started to assume was for the very last time._

_One more loud squeak and the door was wide open._

_"Dammit Alison, no!" -A yelled and before he squeezed the trigger, I threw my battered and weakened body in front of hers, arms spread, blocking the doorway with my body._

_Two shots were fired. I could feel my body falling, slow like through a vat of honey and there was one blood curdling scream that pierced the air, I didn't even know who it came from._

_I stumbled through the doorway, tripping until I crashed into the dirt. Hearing Ali grunting, bullets flying and getting caught into the thick door before it was slammed shut, loud banging sounding from the other side._

_"Emily!" Ali shouted and rushed to my side, hysteria in her face and voice, "no no no, Em, Em, you have to get up, we have to go."_

_The agonizing, excruciating pain, like white heat was everywhere, now it was just intensified in my abdomen. I tried to move and just ended up rolling to the side, realizing that the puddle I thought I splashed my face in on the way down was actual more blood coming from the deep gash I had on the side of my head. I must have fell on a rock._

_I couldn't move anything more than my lips, lifting my head just barely towards the door._

_"The door is broken, that'll stop him, but only for a little while, we have to go Em." My eyelids were beginning to feel heavy and I struggled to stay looking at her face._

_"You...go." My voice was weak and I coughed again, this time spitting on the warm, iron tasting liquid in my mouth._

_"No, not without you, we have to go."_

_I had my hands pressed hard into my side where I was shot and I pulled them away to show her. I was losing blood and fast, no way I would be able to stand and run away._

_"Go, go for help and come back."_

_Her eyes searched mine and I knew then she knew it was what she had to do, that I would not be able to run beside her on this one._

_"I-I-,"_

_"You can do it. Leave me here, he doesn't know how bad I am. Hide me over in those bushes."_

_"Emily," she struggled_.

_"Do it, and you run, fast and hard, don't stop, don't," I began to cough, the talking making more blood move into my mouth, "don't look back, don't let him catch you._

_"Em, I can't."_

_"You can, and you will, you have to save us now, you Ali."_

_She started to shake and the look in her eyes told me she was accepting the fact that she would have to leave me and trust herself and me that help would come for me...and in time._

_She began to nod wiping at her face like it would give her even more courage._

_"Help me get up, if I crawl, he'll see all the blood."_

_Ali was quiet for this. Or maybe I was screaming so loud I could no longer hear her._

_When I was finally where I said, I moved to sit up against a dying tree and I waved at her, "go. Go!"_

_She kissed me on the head before standing and running. I watched her go, her golden hair whipping around her as she forced her way through the thicket._

_She would find help. She would get to the road safely. It comforted me to repeat that to myself, while I lay there, the pain and loss of blood making my vision around the edges begin to blur and my head feel lighter than the air around me._

_"She'll be safe. She'll find help. She'll come for me. She'll find help...she'll...be...safe." That was all that mattered._

_It was the decision I was determined to make, to let her leave me, it was beyond hard, but it was the one I had to make to save her. I loved her and I would make the same decision each time._

I remembered even those last moments hidden in those bushes pressed up against a dying tree. I remember the strange peace wash over me, at least I wasn't dying alone. I closed my eyes and focused on what I could hear. Ali's steps gone, just the trees. The leaves rustling. The branches whining in the wind. Like they were crying with me.

I remember the life falling away slowly, each breath pulling it further and further away from me.

I remember. It all came back to me then; not thinking before jumping in front of Ali. I remember the way my insides felt. Not the vast pain in particular, just something stronger possessed me in those last moments: love.

**Alison's POV**

Em was disconnected from my body and standing up before I could blink, I was stuck in whatever feeling it was I had now. Something in the way she said it, I couldn't help but think she wished she hadn't.

"I saved you," she said in a deadpan voice.

She was gone before I could repeat to her this time, "you saved me."

But what was I supposed to say after that? Thank you? No.

Should I have told her why? Should I have told her she shouldn't have? I didn't know.

I just sat there, on the concrete, only remembering to move when Caleb looked at me with worried eyes, waiting for me to follow them back.

And when I shook the heavy feeling in my chest just enough to get up, I walked a few steps behind them, occasionally staring at the back of Emily's head, imagining that I could read her thoughts.

I wanted to know the things she faced. I wanted to see what she did when she got the glimpses of her life before this. I wanted to feel what she was feeling so I could tell her it was okay. Even with all of us around, I know she feels alone.

I like to think I know her better than I know myself...I know what each face she makes mean, I know most of the time what the look in her eyes is saying when her words can't.

But that didn't matter when she realized she really did save me. She saved me from the dreaded nightmare that she was now living in. I know that I would take it back if I could. And deep down, I think she was thinking the same thing.

But we both would either way right? If I had been the one who -A shot, Emily would be wishing she had protected me. That's who we are. She just didn't remember.

So with me contemplating what I would say to her the next time I had the chance, the walk back seemed to take shorter than the first time. Before I knew it, we were making our way up the stairs towards Wren's apartment.

Mona was the one to open the door, even before anyone knocked and before anyone said anything, she carefully grabbed Em's shoulders and led her inside, "I made some tea, come on, you can lay down over here."

I bit my lip because that should be me, taking care of Emily.

"Ali?" It was Caleb.

"Hm?" I sounded as tired as I felt.

"You okay?"

And I had been asked that so much these last few weeks, I was just over it.

"Are we ever okay? There's always something wrong, someone we know is always hurting, and we say okay so we don't have to talk about it," I looked at him and I could tell he was tired, "I'm not okay, none of here are. And we're not going to talk about it."

He seemed to have let the words sink in before closing the door behind us. He looked up and around and then back down at his shoes, "we'll be better when we get everyone back home."

"Yeah, then we'll just be a better version of okay."

Caleb shrugged and looked into the living room, "and you know what, I'll be fine with that."

"Fine is an okay word," I narrowed my eyes towards Em's direction who now lay silently on the couch, facing the back.

Tracing my line of sight with his, he sighed behind me and guided me to the kitchen, which was in the small apartment, a few steps to the right.

"C'mon," he coaxed, "one day Emily is going to wake up feeling better than okay, and you'll have to be there for her, stop blaming yourself.

I just nodded and followed his lead, sitting at the table that Toby and Ezra were cramped around. They looked at me sympathetically, knowing from Caleb what had happened.

"Where's Wren?" I asked, noting that the man was no where in sight.

"We put him in his room, don't worry, he's in his closet, we made sure there was no way he was going to get out."

"Why'd you move him," I asked.

"Um," Toby said in a low voice, "we just figured...that with Em, you know, maybe she wouldn't want to see or hear him, not after..." he trailed and I nodded.

"Thank you."

He shrugged at me with a small smile and when I looked up from the table, Mona was joining us with her laptop in hand and a few papers in the other.

**No One's POV**

Mona did as Emily suggested and she was able to pinpoint Charles' location within 30 minutes of them being gone.

She sat down between Caleb and Ali with a huff, "Toby and Ezra heard most of this already guys, so this is mainly for the two of you," she pointed at the both with her thumbs and continued, "I don't know why I didn't think of it before, but Emily was right. The places Charles' goes for his hideouts aren't random. We already established he likes being in the woods or whatever and know we know why.

"Okay so the first thing I did was pull up any information I could on the places where he had his lair, the dollhouse, where you were found near the Wash-Oregon border and then the area near River Road."

"Okay," Ali asked, "then what?"

"Well I looked back through you mom's things, her emails, her paperwork, and when I found nothing, I went back a security level through the Carassimi Group's financial records. Some where encrypted pretty heavily and some where damaged beyond hacking, but I was able to bypass the firewall and pull up the expenditures that your mom made specifically."

"Wait, how do you know Mrs. D. made those? Didn't Charles have access to those as well, unlimited might I add?" Caleb was staring at the screen for an answer and Mona smiled.

"Easy, if we're right and only Mrs. D and Charles had access to this account, then it would have had to just been one of them. The expenditures I cracked into were for big down payments, and they were all made years before Charles or even CeCe were 'let out' of Radley."

"So it had to be my mom." Ali said as a realization more than an actual question.

"Exactly, Wren admitted to never have been able to touch that money. He was getting paid through it, to a secret account of his own, but never allowed access. He also admitted that that was how your mom paid off the oh-so-fine cops of Rosewood PD. Nothing would trace back to them. What Caleb's new software did, that he just wrote, found a way to rebuild that connection. I don't know how your mom or Charles did it but that group of hers only made a one was transaction, and the trail was erased after the money was transferred, like the code just fizzled away."

"Ah," Caleb amused, "but like we all know, nothing on the internet is ever really gone. May I?" He asked Mona, with his hands perched inches above the keyboard.

"Be my guest."

Caleb pounded away at the keys for a few moments, "when this is all said and done, we have enough evidence to take down, anyone who ever helped Charles and Mrs. D."

"We're not just taking down the puppeteer," Ezra mused, "we're taking down all his dolls too."

"And cutting the strings," Toby added.

"No more," Ali demanded, "Em's parents, the girls...that was the last time he had anyone to manipulate. We're not his dolls to play with, and neither are they."

"Alison," it was Toby, looking her hard in the eyes, "we're going to end this, once and for all."

Ali lifted her chin, "then you had better make sure your gun shoots straight."

"Even if it doesn't...I do."

Everyone shared a look, "Ali," Mona added, "we're not walking in empty handed," she looked behind her towards a black duffel bag and Ali understood.

"Good, now what else did you find?"

Mona cleared her throat, "your mom made four purchases around the same time that Wren said she was thinking about taking Charles out of Radley. She made one just on the outskirts of Rosewood, in Michigan, another in Oregon, and the last one, Weedville, Pennsylvania. What they all had in common? They were all down payments on some run down cabins for sale."

"You think she was buying his lairs?"

"Yes, exactly, and the reason he loved the woods so much...it was the only time he got to see his family. We were able to beat it out of Wren that when Mrs. D would have her secret meetings with him, it was always somewhere nearby in the nearby woods around Radley.

"Wren said after the first few visits with your mom...ones where you and Jason went with her, Charles became obsessed with going up to the roof and looking out over the treetops, waiting for your mom to show up."

"Okay, but why so many different places? It doesn't make sense."

Mona sighed, "this is where I'm not too sure."

"Did Wren know anything," Ali questioned anxiously.

"All he said was something about CeCe saying it was for vacations."

"Psychopaths take vacations?"

"Charles does. I don't know why Ali but that was what I found."

"Tell her about Wapiti." Toby suggested.

"What did you find," Caleb was looking into the screen, bringing up the bookmarked map of the entire Weedville area.

"Okay, so when I was able to recover the paper trail of money leading to a purchase here, I ran that through the sort of real estate they have out there and it was like finding a needle in a haystack, but I was able to trace some of the money to a lodge on River Road, they have cabins for sale and rent for vacations. I asked about a Jessica and a Charles, but they couldn't give out any information, you know, didn't want to violate visitor's privacy."

Ali scoffed, "we have you two geniuses, just hack into their computer system, should be a cinch compared to tracking self vanishing money trails from a nonexistent company."

Mona laughed lightly and shared a look with Caleb, "we can't, even if we wanted to Ali, they book keep. There's no way to hack that, I even tried to look at their cameras, but they're so outdated that the screenshots I try to blow up turn into a blurry mess of nonsensical pixels, and that was at the lowest resolution and .5 times zoom."

Caleb laughed, "yup, they keep it all old school."

"So then..." Ali trailed.

"If we want to find them," Toby started.

"We're going to have to rent a real cabin in the woods," Ezra finished for him.

"This will be my first paper hack, I don't know how I'll decipher all the code."

"Oh no Caleb," Mona teased, "you mean all those complicated letters."

He chuckled and sighed, "my point exactly, you know I didn't finish school."

It was fine that they were keeping the mood light but the one person at the table who couldn't bring it upon herself to laugh was Alison.

She turned in her seat and look at the now sleeping brunette. Curled onto the couch and Ali wondered what battles she was fighting in her mind tonight.

"Okay, so I say we get some food and rest and tomorrow morning we head out. I would like to go now, but I don't think we can storm the castle like this."

"Yeah, Caleb's right, we need to recuperate and get our heads straight, tomorrow is going to happen fast," Mona concluded.

"It's just the beginning of the end of Charles' reign." Ali stood, "I hate to make that moment and the girls wait, maybe we should-,"

"Ali," Caleb was shaking his head, "look at Em, she needs to rest, we'll go first thing in the morning."

Alison did look at Emily and that made it clear what she would have to do: choose to leave like she had before, or finally let Em walk next to her on this one...if she even wanted to by the time she woke up.

Decisions, Ali thought, why do some of them have to be so hard?

_**AN: So what do you think? You know what to do, leave those comments...What should Ali do? Does Em remember more than just that night? Answers coming soon! xoxo Lina**_


	22. What If

_**AN: you guys are amazing, the reviews I received for the last chapter was the biggest response I've gotten from any one of my stories in over a year...I think since one of my cliffhangers in ISIKYW? Anyways, I really appreciate it. Some of you complimenting me and my writing, that seriously makes my day, you have no idea how happy that makes me. And for those of you leaving reviews about what you think and what you want to happen in the story, some of you sound so passionate and genuinely waiting for the next update, thank you. You are all the best, and trust that if I could meet you in person, you'd get a big ass hug and one of my signature goofy grins.**_

_**xo Lina**_

**Emily's POV**

Caleb took us back to Wren's place in silence. I was fully aware of what had happened and I had known mostly why; the sounds of the branches overhead triggered another...flashback; well that's what Dr. Pearson said I should call them, so I guess that's what they were now. But the thing about these flashbacks of my life before the...accident, because that's what we're calling that too, is that my nightmares always feel just as vivid...so how was I supposed to know what was real or not? Made up or memory?

The only reason I knew this one wasn't a twisted way of my mind filling in the blanks was because Alison told me about it before I even remembered. She beat my brain to what felt like was the literal punch.

She tole me on more than one occasion that I saved her, that she left to get help and it was one of the hardest things she had to do. But if it was so hard, why did she keep leaving? She left that night in the barn right, that's when she said it all started. She left the first time before I tracked her down to -A's lair and again when I was dying.

Those weren't nightmares yet just as terrifying as if they were.

When I wake up each day, from a nightmare or not, I tell myself that today will be better, that each day that passes, is time that passes, and that I'm healing. I'm not expecting some miracle where suddenly I wake up and realize that things are back to normal...whatever that was.

No, I just want to wake up and know what I'm doing, what I want, I want to have a purpose. I want to know who I am.

So in the minutes we spend walking back to Wren's place, I stay silent. Absorbed in my head again...my mind, mostly empty, yet managing to find a way to always keep me awake at night.

I wondered if it was the same for anyone else? Did Mona and Ali remember the place we were all kept? Do Caleb, Toby and Ezra torture themselves with all the what-ifs about the girls? I don't know, and maybe I never will.

I've only ever heard my own screams.

Ali was close behind us, maybe 5 steps away, and I could occasionally feel her staring at me. I may have put her through more than I anticipated I would. I feel guilty for backing away from her, guilty even for blurting that I remembered.

In the span of a few seconds, I watched the hope in her eyes flare up and distinguish. I know why. She was hoping that when I said that, that what I remembered was everything.

She thought that maybe I was her Emily again.

And I wish I did have everything come flooding back to me...but it didn't.

She was wrong.

One memory and I had to calm myself with the rocking and chanting and clutching my jeans; that was hard enough. I couldn't imagine the strength I would need if it all came to me at once.

But for Alison, for me, I wish it would've. Remembering the day we escaped, that gave me back part of her Emily. The Emily that doesn't question the feelings she has for Alison, the Emily that loves her irrevocably. I got a piece of her back and I couldn't be mad that that Emily put us here.

Us: the me now and the me everyone is waiting for. We are one in the same, so I don't why I was fighting so hard to think of us, of me, in two different versions. But that's how it was right? Before and after the accident, I was different than I was.

I felt this pang of guilt in my chest that Ali feels at fault for this, that she feels responsible for what happened to me when I remember the not thinking before throwing myself in front of her. I loved her...deep down, I'm sure that's still there...but I loved her so much that I would save her at the cost of-

The only justification was that I was under the control of my own feelings. I wasn't upset for it, I just did. And the piece of Emily I got back told me, I would do it every time: I would take the flying bullets.

But me right now, who trembles in her sleep, who blinks and wishes that when she opens her eyes, it's not into some false reality or heightened dream-like state of mind, doesn't know.

This Emily, the Emily some monster made me, well, she wishes that she could talk and not feel like she was running out of breath, she'd like to sleep and wake up feeling safe from herself. I'd like to know if I had a good childhood, if I did okay in high school, I'd love to know all the words to the songs I would sing in the shower.

I was telling myself who to be now, how this new memory changed me, when I realized we were at the apartment's door.

Before anything else happened, I was pulled in by Mona and within 10 minutes I was in a change of clothes, laying down a couch with some tea on the table beside me and a migraine pressing behind my eyes.

I let her guide me and coax me and treat me like I was so fragile. After all, it was exactly how I felt.

I didn't want to be removed from the action but I couldn't deny the fact that my body felt weak, drained, so I welcomed the idea of getting some sleep, letting the lull of everyone's voices in the kitchen calm my nerves down in the slightest of degrees.

I don't even know how long I was laying there, mostly doing what I had been very good at doing: pretending to sleep.

But I did hear most of what they were saying, and from that I got that we were driving to the cabin rental/lodge place that Wren helped us find, in the was it, I guess, the day really had come. The day that everything since the...accident, was centered around.

One by one I heard everyone talk about sleeping arrangements, no one bothering this time to set up sleep schedules and watch shifts. I heard Toby and Ezra search for extra blankets, laying them on the floor in the hallway and laying at each end.

It seemed everyone wanted their space and I was surprised that not everyone tried to sleep on the furniture in the quaint living room around me.

Mona's voice sounded in the kitchen with Caleb's nearby, both mumbling something I couldn't quite make out and I figured they made their arrangements to sleep there as soon as I heard the unmistakable clicking of a keyboard.

That left one of us unaccounted for: Alison.

I shifted lightly and kept my eyes closed and my breathing as even as possible, listening intently for any movement.

Why? Why was I waiting for her? Why was I suddenly hoping that she would want to lay somewhere near me?

Because I just wanted her near me.

It was comforting to know that no matter what had happened to me, she would be around for me. At first, I thought she was treating me like I was a house of cards, like the littlest of shakes would destroy me, but it wasn't that.

I was hurt, I had been broken, not completely, just pieces of me, and she wanted to be there with me to fix the others and tell me how to use the pieces that were still in tact.

She just needed to be that close and protective...she just...always wanted to be right by my side.

She loved me.

And I didn't need the memory to come to me today to realize that. I guess I was just too afraid to admit it. Remembering that day...it was the final push I needed.

She loved me.

And I...

I needed time.

**No One's POV**

Emily lay there for minutes, maybe it was an hour until she finally noticed that Mona and Caleb had been silent for a long time, and she was still stuck in between sleep and staying up waiting for Ali. Waiting because somehow she knew Ali would come.

She would come right, she asked herself, fighting off the doubt with all the energy she had left. Emily started to worry that maybe when she backed away from Ali like that, that maybe the blonde felt like Em was regretting her choice to save her. Like if she could, she would take it back.

Em sat up abruptly then, intent on finding Alison and explaining that it wasn't like that, not really.

But when she flipped over on the couch and sat up, she was surprised to find Alison at the door, her hand on the doorknob and her head rested against it, a black bag slung over her shoulders.

It was dark in the place but the shine in Ali's golden hair from whatever source the light was coming from made her unmistakable.

Em sat up and stared at the back of Alison's head, watching and waiting to see if she was going to leave.

But where would she go? Why was she leaving? And would she really leave without saying good bye? All were questions that left a heavy feeling in Em's chest when she thought about them.

It felt like she was holding her breath, watching Alison. But she wasn't moving, nothing except for the barely noticeable way her back moved in accordance to the breaths she was taking.

Truth was, Ali was getting more information from Wren and then when she felt everyone was really sleeping, she gathered some things and had been standing at that door like that for almost an hour.

She couldn't decide, she couldn't make herself choose between staying with Emily or going ahead and saving everyone herself. She didn't need to risk everyone else's life if she was all Charles wanted. She could make the trade, get the girls and Emily's parents safe and that would be that.

Em would be safe, she'd have her family, Alison reasoned, everyone here and everyone Charles has taken is her family. She'll be fine. Alison almost laughed when she thought that, recalling her conversation with Caleb...the one about being fine.

Alison stayed at the door, weighing her options. The way Emily reacted earlier, it was enough to make her run out the door yet the persistent tug in her chest make her stay stuck at the door.

There was no denying she wanted what was best for Emily, she just-

Heard someone clear their throat, "were you at least going to say goodbye first?"

Ali froze, eyes wide, and lifted her head, a heat flushing her cheeks, "Emily?"

Alison turned around and swallowed, "what are you doing up?"

Em half thought about telling Ali the truth, but instead she sat up straighter, and turned her head away from the blonde, "I couldn't sleep."

"Are you in pain?" Ali asked, still unable to hide her concern, not that she was trying to anymore.

"No, it's not that," Em lifted her soft brown eyes, heavily lidded with exhaustion, "I was just thinking."

"Oh, I see," Ali stalled, "well-,"

"Were you going to leave?" Em asked bluntly, cutting the other woman off.

Alison knew she would be asked that, she had been caught, so she expected nothing less, but she didn't anticipate what she would give as the answer.

"I-I was um, I-."

"Please, just tell me the truth." Emily locked her eyes on the blue orbs that caught just shreds of light, enough to make them look as though they were glowing in the dark.

"I don't know what I was going to do," Alison answered truthfully.

"But you were thinking about it?" Emily's voice was getting louder so that her words could reach Ali's ears, and when Caleb started to stir in the kitchen chair he was sleeping in, Ali took a few steps closer.

"Yes," she answered again, "I was."

"Then why didn't you go, I've been watching you," Emily admitted, "your hand has been on the door knob, yet you kept standing there, and you didn't move."

Alison opened her mouth to say something, anything really, but she didn't know what she wanted to say, she didn't know what Emily wanted to hear.

And Emily only narrowed her eyes, "well?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Don't think about what I want you to say, just tell me the truth."

Alison knew this wasn't negotiable, Emily might think she is far different than 'her Em' but Emily will never really change, who she is won't go away, even if she can't remember.

"I wanted to leave, there, that is the truth okay? I wanted to leave, I just- I couldn't," Ali finally revealed.

"Why?" Emily pretended that hearing that Ali wanted to leave didn't hurt and asked again, "why?"

"Why what?" Alison said tiredly, sighing heavily.

"Why did you want to leave?" Emily crossed her arms and even from the distance that was between them, Alison could feel the tension building.

"I'm tired of the people I love getting hurt because of me," Alison spoke slowly pausing between her words and putting emphasis on the part where she blatantly blamed herself, "I'm tired of watching people get hurt because of me, of doing things they normally wouldn't because of me...I just, I know if I wanted to, I could stop it all myself."

Emily nodded, "so you'd leave alone and handle this on your own?"

Alison didn't know what to do with the new angry undertone in Emily's voice, so she dropped the bag that was over her shoulder onto the floor and took wary steps closer to the brunette.

"I would...if I opened the door."

"Then you were considering staying?"

"It's not that simple Em, I-,"

"Yes it is," Emily argued, scoffing, "yes or no?"

Alison stared in disbelief at this Emily in front of her now and somehow she ended up walking closer to the brunette, ignoring the look of protest before she sat down beside her on the couch.

"Yes," she said with a huff as she sat down, "yes, I was thinking of staying."

"Why?"

"We had a plan, it's a good plan, mine is simple, and flawed, so I was thinking about staying because it's logical thing to do."

"Alison, that was the reason your head gave you and I think you just made it up right now."

"And?"

"And I think you're lying, you were thinking about staying for another reason."

"Yeah, you know what, you seem to think you can read minds, so why don't you tell me Emily - if I was lying before - what the real reason is." Ali talked with her hands and ended with a sharp glare in her eyes.

Emily gulped and made a hard line with her lips, "you haven't been thinking with your head as much as you think you have been. Your so-called 'logic' isn't coming from thought out choices. You don't think before you act, you're impulsive."

"Yeah, that's what you think, is it?" Alison finally faced her body towards Emily and tried not to stare at her lips: the ones she had to try harder and harder everyday to remember the way they felt when pressed firmly against hers.

"No," Emily sighed, glancing down at Alison's mouth, a tingle of a memory ebbing at her, making her feel something foreign yet familiar twist in her stomach.

"Then...," Ali waited, "what?"

"It's what I know. I've been dealing with...this since I woke up right? And I didn't know any of you, I still - I still feel like I don't, not really. So all this time I've just been re-meeting you all. I've been watching you, learning...Mona, Toby, Ezra, and Caleb and you especially. I know there's so much of who I am in you. So I've watched you, and them, and I know the difference between thinking with our heads versus our hearts."

"You know all this from just watching us for these past few weeks?"

Emily nodded then sort of shrugged, "that and I know the difference in myself. Earlier tonight...when I remembered that day," Em took a deep breath, "I didn't just remember the scenery of it all, not just flashes like a sped up slide show. I remembered the way the walls smelled of wet and molded water, cold air that stuck to my lungs, I could see the place I was - that I was being hurt, and I could feel it all again. That was the biggest part. Getting hit by all those feelings...all at once. It's terrifying to feel so intensely and not know what any of it really means."

Both girls edged closer to each other and Emily could see the furrow in Alison's eyes match the one she felt on her own face, "I heard the way the branches above us moaned in the wind and it was like a switch was flipped or like this file cabinet of memories from that day exploded, but not just in my head; it was everywhere."

"Em," Ali tread cautiously, "what are you getting at?" She was nervous, not wanting to hope for...anything really. The let down would be too hard if she hoped.

"I'm saying - I guess I'm saying that I remember the way I felt for you too. In that moment, when -A was there, with that gun, it wasn't really a choice, it was like a reaction, like an instinct. My brain wasn't involved in the process, I was driven like you have been, by what I feel," she raised her arm and placed her hand over her heart, "in here."

Alison's breath hitched in her throat, muttering an, "oh," before letting the shaky breath back out.

"Oh, that's all?"

"No, Emily, I just, it's just that-,"

"You want to know what that means don't you? For me? For you?"

"For us," Ali dared to meet Emily's gaze and the brunette bit her lip nervously, "if there is an us."

"Ali, I saved you out of pure love. We're not just pain's servant, we act out of love too, not just pain and anger and passion. Love is the strongest we obey without question. That day, I know I didn't have to think because there was no other option than to save you. And..and I know I'm speaking for the Emily you had, not for me now, but I want you to know because I can't ignore the way I feel when I see you anymore. I'm going to try not to fight the feeling, but I can't just blink one day and accept it all at once."

Alison again, sucked in a disappointed breath, 'the Emily you had,' like she lost Emily now. Did she? She didn't right? Emily was right in front of her, there was still a chance that they could get back what they had right? Right?

"And what do you feel," Ali breathed, "when you see me?" This was the most courage she had since she left to find -A the first time.

"Alison...Ali, I know that there's a part of me that still feels, that still wants...I can't ignore the pull I feel in myself when I see you. And I get these thoughts, like urges, to touch you, to hold your hand, to be as close as I can to you, I can't even seem to let you out of my sight, and I know what that means, I just don't know that I can succumb to it all." Emily had looked away mid confession and Ali was staring at her hands in her lap, not saying anything.

"Ali? Say something...please?" Emily was growing more anxious by the second, leg bobbing and teeth gently scraping her teeth.

"Emily, what do you want?"

"What?"

"It's simple," Ali almost mocked, "tell me what you want." She returned to her previous position facing the brunette and waited, "tell me the truth now. Because you try to ignore those feelings, the urges you called them right?"

"Yeah, but-,"

"So let me tell you, I get them too. But they're not urges I can just ignore. They're needs to me. I feel like I have to touch you again, I have to hold you, I have to be close to you, or else I can't breathe or even think straight and damn it, there is no way my body could function without knowing you are safe. Emily, you are my drug, and I'm addicted to everything that is you. But you're also my supplier.

"When I look at you, I have to fight so hard to keep my distance, to watch what I say, to monitor the way I'm looking at you. I know, I know somewhere deep inside you know you love me, and it'll take time to accept that or for you to fall in love with me again, or for all the right memories to come back to convince you, but I can't know if I even have a chance if you won't just tell me what you want."

Alison finished, breathing harder than before and her body tense and on edge, "tell me," she demanded desperately, "because if that's what you want, I will try to make you fall in love with me again, I will make new memories with you, but Emily, please, just give me something."

"I want," the brunette paused, "I want you t-t-to make me...," Emily whispered, "remember."

Alison could barely hear what she said, "what?"

"I said...make me remember." Emily was staring blankly ahead while Ali's eyes bore into the side of her head.

"Emily how can I possi-,"

But she was cut off abruptly, when Em turned to her and gasped, "kiss me."

"What?" Ali was...speechless, a million and one thoughts raced through her mind at once and when Emily quickly turned her body to face hers, her mouth went dry.

"I remember things on my own, but lately I've regained things when I have some sort of trigger, I want you, Alison, to kiss me. Pull the trigger."

"Emily, I- I don't know if, I don't think, I'm not-," she stumbled.

"You asked me what I wanted. You want the truth? I want to stop fighting the urges, and I know you do too. So this, this is what I want, I want you to kiss me."

Ali just sat with her mouth slightly agape, and when she looked at the burning in the caramel eyes in front of hers and the perfect curve of those lips, she started to lean in towards Emily's face.

Both could feel that well of anticipation and tension, Emily wanting badly to run her tongue across her lips and Ali wanting to not go about this so slow and gentle. She was going to roughly connect their lips in a scorching kiss and force Emily to feel something for her, anything.

And they were just a mere inches apart when someone in the kitchen started groaning and coughing and Em and Ali shot back to the ends of the couch, looking up with wide eyes towards who it was.

"Hey, you girls alright," it was Caleb, voice hoarse with sleep, hair standing up on one side and feet crossed atop the table, looking at them through squinted eyes.

"Fine, yeah great, fine." They answered together.

Caleb nodded and clutched his side in one hand and pointed in their direction with the other, "who's sleeping in that chair?"

Ali whipped her head to the chair in question and shook her head, "no one, I um, I'll sleep in that one," she pointed to the one across the small living room, "you can take this one."

Caleb grunted as he got up and moved to the chair, pulling his feet up to rest atop the coffee table and within seconds he was out like a light.

Ali sighed loudly and then remembered what Caleb interrupted. She couldn't think about trying to kiss Emily again. So instead she shifted in her seat - which became really awkward - and then she started to stand, "um I'll just-,"

"Yeah," Emily added, both making no real sense. The brunette laid back down and faced the back of the couch again, biting her lip and concentrating on her breaths.

She could hear Ali walking over to settle in the chair furthest from the couch and Emily struggled to open her mouth, "Ali, wait," she whispered with her head turned over her shoulder, "so what are you going to do?" After all, there was still the chance that Ali would wait again for sleep to take everyone before she left.

Emily's voice was somewhat shaky, but it was like that because she was afraid that she had just ruined things between them by suggesting they kiss and now Ali would want to leave and do things on her own .

Ali had her back to Emily and she look between her recently chosen 'bed' and the black bag near the door in the kitchen. She looked between them before dropping her head, "I'm going to choose what I should've the first time."

Emily wondered if she should ask what choice that was, but was answered by a softly sighed, "I'm going to do this...by your side."

Emily smiled lightly even though no one could see, and ignoring the newly added awkwardness she had just brought between them, she found comfort beyond words in hearing that.

Alison sucked in a deep breath and settled into the chair, stole a blanket from the back of Caleb's chair and curled as much of her body into the chair, facing Emily and occasionally glancing up at the brunette whose back was to her.

20 minutes passed and when Alison couldn't find any difference in Emily's breathing pattern, she relaxed just a little bit, deciding that she would not leave in the middle of the night, she wouldn't make the same mistake again. When she did finally settle her nerves and mentally ditch her plan, she gripped at her temples with her hand and closed her eyes 'what the hell was that' she asked herself.

**Alison's POV**

Emily had really wanted to kiss me, that wasn't some trick was it? It all happened so fast I couldn't really remember, but we started the would-be kiss so slowly that all I could do was relive the seconds that I was that close to Emily over and over in my head.

But the more I thought, the more I was thankful for Caleb's interruption. What if we did kiss? Then what? Was it just going to be a peck? I don't think I would've been able to stop myself from kissing her hungrily. But then what? What if she decided that she didn't like it now, what if she hated it and nothing happened, no memories, no flashbacks, hell maybe even no butterflies, what then?

A kiss wasn't going to fix this, I knew that for sure, this wasn't a damn Disney movie. My kisses weren't magical. Em was under no spell.

But how could I abandon that daydream? How could I deny myself of that fantasy where I get an answer to 'what if we did kiss?' What if somehow, it didn't fix anything, just make some of it better? Then I should've just kissed her then, right? Take that chance?

I know torturing myself with these two little insignificant words of 'what' and 'if' was near pointless but I did anyways and I fell asleep imagining what I wished would happen if we did get that chance to kiss:

_Emily was just inches from my face and even in the dark, being this close, I could still see the flecks of caramel shining in with the rich chocolate color. I could feel her warm breath on mine, coming in shortened almost-pants from the build up, and the tips of my fingers itched with the desire to caress her smooth skin, to feel her soft skin under my wanting touch again._

_I licked my lips once and watched her eyes dart down to them, looking up slowly._

_I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't resist her so the next time I looked in her eyes, I lunged forward and finally._

_We both sighed in pleasure, I in half relief, and I moved closer, wrapping my hand in her hair and pushing her that much closer to me, breathing her in._

_Emily sighed again and her lips moved more languidly against mine, she kissed me back and it was like it was before, she was kissing me the way she always had, with love and passion and it fueled a fire in the pit of my stomach._

_When I was getting lightheaded, I pulled away from her reluctantly and met her eyes, washed over with a dreamy gaze, and a smile played at the edges of both our lips._

_"Again," she whispered breathlessly._

_And the gravity of her lips was inescapable, so who was I to deny the inevitable? I would kiss her again because I wanted to and now so did she._

_And I did, I kissed Emily with all the fervor I could muster, telling her in ways my words couldn't that I loved her, moving in a way to call her back to me. The best part was that she reciprocated the urgency with her own mouth. It was also the worst part, I just wanted to know what she was thinking._

_I just wanted to know if I was everywhere in her mind like she was in mine. Evasive even, the way images of her flooded my vision. My eyes were closed, yet it was like I was watching a movie of our life together, of pieces of us._

_I was the one having flashbacks now._

_Emily shuddered, sucked in a harsh breath and pulled away, panting lightly against my shoulder, with her eyes squeezed shut._

_I could tell she was concentrating on her breathing by the way her fingers periodically dug into my skin around my shoulder and neck._

_She tilted her head away from me and when I leaned in again, hungry for more, starved of the taste of her, all she let me do was nuzzle the space under her jaw, sliding my face up hers until our cheeks were touching._

_Em was still breathing a little heavier than normal and she didn't ask me to stop so I peppered her face with kisses, along her jaw, her cheek, a small one for her nose, lightly over each closed eye and then on the forehead. When I was done, I rested our heads together, sighing, "Em, where did you go?"_

_She tensed lightly and I felt her body sob, opening my eyes to watch tears push their way through her closed eyes and down her cheeks._

_"I'm right here. I'm still in here Ali. I can see...I feel...," but she couldn't finish, she just kept trying to start sentences._

_"Just, just say it Em, it's okay."_

_But she didn't really hear me, "real or not? You brought up Paris when we stayed late in French to do homework?"_

_"Wha- Emily do you re-"_

_"Real or not?" She almost shouted, but held back to not wake up everyone else._

_I had no choice but to answer her, "real."_

_She let go of a breath and I didn't know if that was good or not._

_But I could see her smiling now, "again, real or not? We had our first kiss in the library?"_

_"Real," I found myself smiling back._

_Emily closed her eyes and then frowned, "you pushed me away in the locker room?"_

_I swallowed hard and wished she would look at me but when she didn't, I said back in a small voice, "real."_

_"Yeah, I thought so."_

_It was like she sharpened a double ended knife and hit us both where it hurt the most._

_"Real or not, you left because you thought you were protecting everyone."_

_"Real. Emily, when we were still in high school, I know I was awful most of the time, but leaving was the best thing I could do for all of you."_

_Em just nodded, and opened her eyes, "it was hard to leave me then." She said it just like a statement but asked like a question._

_"No." I answered with hardly any emotion in my voice._

_She looked up then, a dangerous mixture of hurt and anger on her face, and before she opened her mouth I explained._

_"No, it wasn't hard," I admitted, and before Emily could feel hurt more than she already looked, I continued, "It was more than that, Emily. I could handle hard, that would've been easy: I've dealt with hard before. But that first step away from you...well, I thought it was impossible. It was beyond hard. It felt like I was being pulled in two different directions and I didn't know why back then. At least I pretended like I didn't. It was like every step I took was getting harder and harder, like a part of me was being stretched further like how you would stretch a rubberband, and trust me I wanted to come back, so it would stop hurting so much, but one day, I took one more step and then...I snapped."_

_"And then what?" Emily gulped not knowing in the slightest what the repercussions could've been._

_"Then? Then that rubberband broke and suddenly it wasn't hard to keep putting more time and space between us. That thing in me snapped and it hurt like hell but it hurt a lot less to keep going."_

_"Because you thought it would keep me safe."_

_"Yes, and because I started to see that you all could live your life and be completely fine without me."_

_"Even me?" Emily's voice broke just barely and I tried not to wince at the sound._

_"Even you Emily, that's what makes this even more difficult for me."_

_"What makes what difficult."_

_"Being here, with you, I know I want to stay and be here with you, but I know that if I leave, things could be normal for you again, I've seen it, I've seen you move on and I know it hurt you when I left, but if it was for the sake of finding your happy for a more permanent period of time because I was gone, I'm sorry, but I'd hurt us both for it."_

_"And who says you get to make that choice?" She was in pain, she was angry._

_I couldn't blame her._

_"No one, but I do. I would choose that and you could hate me all you want for saying that and if I did that, you could hate me then, but it wouldn't be nearly as much as I'd hate myself if I was the reason you couldn't be happy."_

_"Ali," my nickname escaping her lips was enough to light me up inside, I fought the urge to even look at her, "I don't think I could ever find it in me to hate you. There are parts of me, locked away from myself, but when the day comes and those parts are released, I know none of them holds a feeling of hate towards you. It wouldn't be possible."_

_"Yeah," I speculated, "how do you know that?"_

_"I don't. I just know something that defeats that."_

_"Yeah, and what's that?" I finally met her chocolate orbs and searched them, what if I kissed her?_

_"I know that I love you, and that I have loved you, and it was intense and sometimes hard but it was all I ever wanted and more."_

_"You don't know that. I know you don't remember that."_

_"Then make me."_

_"What?" What she was saying was absolutely ridiculous, "what are you talking about?"_

_"I'm asking you Ali. I'm asking you to make me remember. Remind what it was like to love someone...to love you. Because that's what I want. I want to love you. I want to remember how I loved you and why. So remind me."_

_"Emily, those things will come to you in time. Dr. Pearson said you'll periodically remember things, I can't just force them out of you."_

_"But you could try can't you? You would try right?"_

_"No, I wouldn't."_

_"Why," she burst angrily, " why are you the only one who gets to make decisions, I get a say in this too."_

_"I know you do Em, I'm just-,"_

_"Just what? She cut me off? Scared? Why-,"_

_"YES!" I yelled, not caring if someone woke up. But I looked around and remembered that if someone did wake up this would end, and I didn't want that._

_"What?" Her voice was quieter and she sat back a little further._

_"I kissed you just now and you remembered some things, I think that's great but," and I had hard time getting this out, "it doesn't mean nearly as much as we both want it too."_

_"What? Alison how could you-,"_

_"Emily did you ever stop to think about what kissing you means to me? That you ask me to kiss as a test? Kiss you and see if you remember something? And what if it didn't? What if one day, I kiss you and nothing happens? Or I kiss you and suddenly you realize you don't need to remember anything anymore? That you've had enough._

_"I don't want to kiss you just because we're seeing if it triggers something in you. That's not enough. You don't think it hurts to kiss you and feel like I'm supposed to kiss you and it should be magic? Like I'm supposed to fix it all with a kiss? I wish it was like that, but I know it's not, so I want to kiss you like I used to."_

_My eyes darted between hers, I wanted her to understand me._

_"Alison, I'm sorry. I didn't know. I should've, but when I realized that these triggers brought back those memories, I was just-,"_

_"I know Emily, I know. And I want them back, I want you to remember, but I can't just kiss you when I know it doesn't mean to you what it used to mean to the both of us. I don't want to remember these kisses like that."_

_"I- I- I'm sorry," she choked, "I won't ask again." She turned away and dropped her head and the sight stabbed me in the chest._

_"Emily, that's not what I want okay? If I thought kissing you would fix everything and bring things back, I would sit here and kiss it all back: everything. But we both know that's not going to happen."_

_"I don't know what to believe anymore Alison, I just thought it would be like when I looked at pictures, or heard the trees, so I just thought it would be the same."_

_"I know," I grabbed her hand and with my other hand I made her look at me._

_"Look at me, if you're going to remember how you felt with me, I will try my best to remind you," her eyes sparked and I smiled, "but I'm going to do this right. Just like I did the first time. Not backwards okay? I will not kiss you until you have a real reason to kiss me back. And I won't kiss you until I know it's for real, an original kiss, a new memory."_

_"Like it was before?"_

_"Like it was before. Exactly," I smiled again and started to stroke her cheek, "memories or not Emily, I want you. And I will spend the rest of our lives giving you new memories if that's what you want, but we can't just jump back to where we left off."_

_"We should start brand new?"_

_"Yeah, start over, but maybe we're past the stranger's stage now."_

_"Yeah, we're really good friends."_

_"Yes, exactly."_

_"And we won't kiss until we have a reason to."_

_"Yes," but I could think of a million reasons to seal our lips right now._

_"Then real or not? You used to kiss me to shut me up?"_

_I laughed and felt a happy tear in my eye, "real."_

_She dropped her head and laughed, and for a moment, I felt her nuzzle the side of her cheek into my hand._

_"Answer me this one then."_

_"Anything."_

_"About what you said, leaving me again. you wouldn't do that again would you?"_

_"I don't know."_

_"Why not?"_

_"Because Emily, sometimes you do better without me." _

_"You're talking about me from before aren't you?"_

_"Yes, I suppose I am."_

_"Then you can't be sure that leaving me now would be best, could you?"_

_"I guess not."_

_"So would you leave me? Would you leave me again?"_

_She wanted me to say no, she wanted me to say no. But did I want to lie?_

_"No."_

_She smiled and I cursed myself again, I was fucked up. Why would I leave her? Why would anyone leave her?_

_"What are you thinking about now?" Her soft voice interrupted my thoughts, and I realized I had dropped my hand back into my lap, playing with the outside hem of my pants._

_"To be honest?"_

_"Yes, of course."_

_"I'm thinking that I hate my brother."_

_She was silent and I'm positive that it was because she didn't know what to say in return._

_"I'm thinking," I started over, "that I should've just left and handled this on my own. I'm thinking that I should get our family back without dragging everyone else into the mess. I'm thinking-,"_

_"That you could do this on your own? That you should left everyone here, including me to keep us safe and you should've just did this alone?"_

_"Yeah." There was really no point in lying about anything else to her anymore._

_"Well then," she sucked in a big breath, "let's do it," she exhaled._

_"What? What? No, what are you talking about, don't be crazy, no."_

_"I'm serious Ali. We did it before right? You found him before and I found you, so I found him too, let's go. Right now."_

_"No," I couldn't believe what I was hearing, "you're not serious, no."_

_"Look at me," and from the demand in her voice, I did look._

_"I don't want to be any further from you than I am right now, and if you think you can do this on your own, then you can do it faster if I go too."_

_"No, Emily, the last time we did this alone, the last time we thought...no, I won't let it happen again." I shook my head and opened my mouth to ramble again, "no, there's no way, I won't go alone okay? But you're definitely not coming with me, you will go to sleep and I'll wait for morning and all of us will go, but no you're not-,"_

_But no words came out after, my lips closed by another's. Someone soft and then it was gone._

_"Real or not," Emily breathed, "I would kiss you to shut you up too."_

_"Hardly." And I laughed when she did._

_"Well, here's to something new. I'm sorry, I know you said we would start over, but since I didn't usually do that, I thought it was okay if I just...if it was just a little-,"_

_"Too much talking."_

_"Wha-,"_

_I went against what I just said and kissed her again, and again; heart fluttering when she kissed me back. It was clumsy and I could tell she was nervous._

_So what if this ruined everything? She wanted this, she kissed me first, I don't care anymore. If this ended in flames the least I could do was kiss her and have something to hold on to before either one of us got __burned._

_She pulled away finally and I nodded, "okay."_

_"Okay?"_

_"Okay, let's do it."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yeah, if you say you can do it, I know you can. And this time, no one is going to get hurt, I'm not going to let anything happen to you again."_

_"Okay, what do we do first?"_

_I looked around at Caleb, and Mona and down the hall at the other and sighed, "we sneak out with all the stuff and carry on as planned."_

_She looked around, and she couldn't hide the saddened expression she had on her face, "hey," I stopped her, "we're not betraying them okay, I know they wanted to be a part of this, they deserve to, but they also deserve to be safe. They'll be upset, but they'll understand."_

_After that we worked in tandem to sneak away, working in swift silence until we were outside and in my car._

_It was still silent when we got in, the key was in the ignition but I hadn't started the car yet. It must have been a few minutes before Emily put her hand on mine and beckoned me with her eyes. In few seconds we found ourselves leaning in again, but this time there was no hesitation to kiss at each other hungrily, the weight of what we were about to do adding a strange feeling of excitement in me._

_"Real or not?" I asked her between harsh nips and pulls at her mouth, "you feel something? You feel how I do right now."_

_She stopped then and the look was soft and hard at the same time. Her voice was different too, it sounded like hers, but somehow it just wasn't "none of this is real."_

_I__ pulled away and my eyes immediately started to water, __"what?"_

_"Not real, I said none of this is real. When are you going to wake up Alison, you don't deserve a happy ending, look at what you did to me, to us, to everyone! Wake up. Wake up!"_

And that's just what I did. I forced myself to wake up, not yet willing to admit that I knew all of that was too good to be true. I woke up from that dream turned nightmare with a shaking in my bones and hot tears in my eye. Suddenly, I felt extremely vulnerable...to myself.

Why would I torture myself with fantasizing about what could've been? Is that what I really deserved? Did I deserve the mental torment while Emily suffered the physical? Was that the universe's way of making this even?

One kiss that I enjoyed and this is the price I pay. She was worth it, I know she was, but would it always be like this? Would I always wish for more, even when I was with her? That wouldn't be fair, to either one of us.

But life isn't fair, that's what they say right? Life is not fucking fair.

I turned around on the sofa and looked across at Emily. Would things really have happened that way if I had just kissed her again? If I tell myself yes, it would only just hurt me more. If I say no, it would hurt, just hurt less.

My eyes scanned the room and they fell on the bag of our things. The thought to leave popped up in my head again and this time the voice telling me to go was a lot louder. When I closed my eyes, I tried to bring back Emily's voice telling me to stay.

I tried to think of how much damage I'd be doing if I left her again.

"If you were going to leave, you would've done it by now."

"Caleb? What the hell are you doing up?" I looked at him in confusion, "you always just happen to be around when I'm like this don't you?"

"Yeah," he said, his voice groggy with sleep, "I guess you're right. Must be Hanna still telling me what to do. You know she'd kill me if she found out I wasn't here for you...or Emily."

"Yeah," I smiled, "I'm sure she would. And to think you were like this on your own accord," I scoffed.

"I am," Caleb yawned long and hard, "I don't know, I mean look, we had our differences but we were all in this together from the beginning, nothing is going to take that away. It makes me feel this need to make sure you know, and that Emily knows, that you're not alone. I feel like maybe you two felt like this was something only the two of you had to handle, but that's not true. All of us, we're better together," he yawned again and pointed to me.

"What?"

"You need to get some sleep, we both know you're not going to leave, that bag is right next to her, and as long as it's there, that's your reason to stay, so stop trying to think about it and just do this as a team this time."

"What are you a sleeping motivational speaker now?"

"No," he stretched and curled back into the chair, "I'm just a guy who's trying to get his girlfriend and her friends back home safely tomorrow," he yawned for the third time and shut his eyes, "you're my only family I've ever known."

There was nothing left to say and that was besides the fact that Caleb had quickly fallen asleep...or so I thought.

"You kept moving around in your sleep."

"What?"

"Like Hanna, when she has bad dreams, she doesn't stay still. I could hear you and it reminded me of her."

He was telling me why and how he woke up and I couldn't help but smile. I was extremely happy that Hanna had Caleb and vice versa, it made me all the more anxious to see them reunited tomorrow.

"Thanks Caleb, goodnight."

A soft snore was heard and I laughed as quietly as I could, I bet he wouldn't remember any of this in the morning.

And he was right, I would have left already, but looking at Emily laying there, when I know she was expected to see me tomorrow when we woke up, I wouldn't leave her like that. I wouldn't leave her again like that.

Sleep came easier the second time around and I thanked my brain for voided me of any more nightmares or dreams.

The only dream I needed was a life with the person that was just 8 feet and years worth of memories away. That's the dream I needed.

And the only 'what if' I would let myself fantasize about was 'what if that dream came true and I finally got her back?'

What if?

_**AN: you know what to do loves...review and let me know what you thought in that pretty little mind of yours? Love, Lina**_


	23. Wake Up

**No One's POV**

The night was over sooner than it had started and other than - who Mona revealed was very inebriated - Caleb, no one forgot what happened. Especially not Alison.

Today was a heavy day. There was nothing light about going to track down a psychotic brother that you had no idea about who's hiding in the middle of the woods and who has has lived to make your life and your friends' lives a living hell, not to mention almost get you and your girlfriend killed.

Yeah, the mood Alison was in wasn't what one would say was a good one.

She woke up last, Mona and Caleb scrambling to re-organize their bags while Toby and Ezra were discussing what to do with Wren.

"Hey," Ali called to no one in particular, her voice scratchy, "where's Emily?"

Caleb was the first to hear Alison among all the hurried rustling around, "hey, she's in the bathroom. She just wanted to freshen up. You okay?"

"Yeah, are you? I think you were a little loopy last night."

"Loopy," Mona scoffed, "no. Try sneaking out to the liquor store to guzzle down a bottle of whisky on the walk back."

"Wow, and you didn't share Caleb? I'm surprised you're not hungover."

"Hey, I know what I can handle," Caleb defended, "I wouldn't go into this drunk, we all need to be on top of our game today."

"Right," Ali nodded, "of course." She smiled and took a deep breath, finally standing up and stretching her muscles, "let's end this so I can sleep on an actual bed."

"Yeah, yeah, humor is good Ali." Mona nodded and swallowed hard.

Truth was everyone was on edge, neurons firing every known chemical signal that indicated nervousness, fear, anxiety, all of what anyone in their position could possibly imagine feeling.

"So we're doing this, it's happening finally." Alison said more to herself, forgetting that everyone was so close.

"Hey, you gonna be okay?" Caleb put his things down and approached Ali carefully.

"Yeah," but Ali's voice rose an octave and Caleb quirked a brow.

"Ali," he said knowingly, "this isn't going to be like the last time."

"What? I wasn't even thinking abo-,"

"Yes. Yes you were. You think loud. And believe it or not, but under that hard exterior you shed so long ago is the real you and I can read her face just as well as anyone else now."

Alison turned her head away but Caleb gently grabbed her shoulders and made her face him, "it's not a bad thing, it's good. It means you can't hide how you're really feeling from us anymore."

"Hide? That's what you think I was doing?"

"Yeah, Hanna used to tell me that she knew you were suffering but were good at hiding it. I don't know, I never believed her until now."

"Well," Alison took a deep breath, "make sure to tell Hanna I said thank you."

"No, you can tell her yourself later."

Alison swallowed and just nodded her head, "yeah, sure."

"Alison," Caleb said sternly, "you will."

"Okay, you're right, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Hey, listen, Toby and Ezra were talking to Wren, we don't know what to do with him."

"What do you mean, we turn him in."

"He wants to come."

"So what? Why should we let him get what he wants?"

"Because he makes some good points," Ezra appeared, handing Caleb a wire of some sort.

"Like what," Alison argued.

"Ali," Toby started, "he worked for Charles, he knows what to do to contact him."

"Yeah and so did we. We turn on our devices and back track the signal to pinpoint him. C'mon Caleb, that's what you said, right? You said it would work, tell them."

He looked uncomfortable as he took a few steps back, "actually, Wren was the one who pointed out the flaw in that."

"Which is what? You're the best at what you do Caleb, how is there any flaw?"

"Well, our plan was to turn on a signal when we were close. But if we do that Charles is essentially tracking us and if he sees that we're that close to zeroing in on him, he might run."

"Or worse," Mona added darkly, "right now, nothing we know about Charles is going to help us, if he feels threatened, we have no clue how he'll react."

"So how does Wren help us?"

"He can find a way to contact CeCe and get her to tell him that he wants to talk to Charles. If what he says is true and CeCe delivers a burner phone, we can still link onto the call and trace it."

"That's not how the terms were set. Wren said so himself that he's kept in the dark until Charles needs him. How do we know that Charles won't know that something is up?" Alison crossed her arms and looked to the bathroom, "what does Emily think about bringing him?"

"We haven't told her yet. She woke up, said hi to everyone and asked if she could have the restroom. No one has bugged her since," Toby replied to Ali, "I'm sure she's fine, but this is a big deal for all of us."

"Yeah, you don't think I know that? Of all people, I know that." Alison wished to add that this could be the day Emily gets her life back, but she kept that to herself.

"Well we'll take a vote, but I'm telling you now Alison, Wren might be our only chance, we still don't really know where in those woods Charles is hiding."

"So what, even if I say no, we're still going to bring him?"

"We'll use him as bait, hopefully Charles will agree to meet with him and we can follow there."

"That's too risky, he could make a run for it and blow our cover." Ali didn't like the idea of changing their plans at the last second.

"He won't."

"Yeah, and how you know that Caleb?"

"Alison," Mona cut in, "Charles makes CeCe deliver a burner phone and a manila folder with whatever assignment he wants carried out in person."

"So what?"

"So," Caleb looked around at everyone else nervously, "we kidnap CeCe and use her as motivation for Wren to do as we say."

"We're not going to hurt her so how does that make him our puppet? I don't like it and we all know Emily won't either. How will that make us any better than him? Huh? How does doing that make us better than the monster we learned it from? It doesn't so no. We can use Wren if it'll work to track down Charles, but we are not kidnapping someone and holding them against their will to get someone who loves them to do what we want."

Everyone else in the room sighed and looked away from one another, no one meeting eyes, too ashamed for not realizing how repulsive their plan was.

"Find another way, and find it fast," Alison declared, "that's final."

Ezra wanted to yell that Alison wasn't the boss, that no one has to listen to her, but even the darkest parts of him knew she was right.

"Fuck," Caleb threw his hands down at his sides and then lifted them back up to tug at his hair in pure frustration.

"Alison is right," Toby said, "if want to do this, we have to do it right."

"Maybe we don't need to use CeCe as collateral to get Wren to help us. It was his idea to go but not how he's going to help us. If he really believes that CeCe is good, then we can make him a deal."

"What sort of deal?" Ezra wasn't as eager to let Wren off the hook for what he's done.

"I know we all hate that son of a bitch and I know I want to see him pay for what he's done but we want to find Charles and get the girls and Em's parents back more than we want to see Wren go down so-,"

"So...what are you suggesting," Ali prompted.

"That we let him go. We promise him that if he helps us find Charles that he can take CeCe and go, we won't try to stop him."

"What," Caleb shouted, "no, then we're helping him get what he wants! Do you not remember he's the one who drugged and stuffed them into the back of a van and delivered them to Charles to do as he pleased with them? Are you kidding me? No."

"Caleb-,"

"No, don't Caleb me, I'm not letting Charles, CeCe or Wren get away with anything."

"Well we're running out of time, we need to do something, the longer we wait...we can't keep them waiting for us."

Caleb stalked off and scratched the back of his neck, "well since I don't have another idea, I guess this is the only choice we have isn't it?"

"If there was another way," Ali started, then paused, "we all know what needs to be done, even if it's not what we want or how we want it."

"Caleb," Toby approached his friend, "you know she's right, and we've waited to long, we have to go now."

Sighing, Caleb started to nod his head, "okay," he said lowly, "okay, let's do it, bring the son of a bitch, but I'm not sitting in the same car as him."

"Okay," Alison sighed in relief, "are we ready to go then?"

"I'm going to program our cars to the location, and I already called a lodge, not the one where Charles most likely checked into though. He might have tapped their cameras or whatever else they have, so we'll 'rent' a cabin down a ways and take a trip to the cabin and see what we can get from them."

"What about when we actually find the place Charles has been hiding?"

Ezra cleared his throat, "he's not getting away, I registered a gun in my name after you girls and Aria graduated."

"And I have my badge and gun with me, I'm going in as a Police Officer."

"But you won't have jurisdiction there," Mona noted.

"Then I'll fill out the paperwork and pay the price for it after, I don't care. I already called my old partner Andrew, he's going to come for back up if I tell him, he already cleared his schedule."

"You think getting someone else involved is wise?"

"Ali, this is different, we've never all came after Charles this way before and I'm not taking any chances, if he escapes somehow, Drew will be there with his gun ready. He's the straightest shot we have in the force."

"Okay, so what are we waiting for then? Let's go now, how long is the ride?"

"Almost 4 hours. I already mapped out the fastest way to get there, and with our cars, we won't need to need to stop for gas until we're halfway home."

Mona picked up a black duffel and looked around, "Caleb and I will be in one car, Ali, you and Em can sit in the back with us, Toby and Ezra agreed to take Ezra's car and bring Wren with them."

"Okay, so you're packing the car?"

"Yeah, Ezra and Toby are going to get Wren, Caleb and I are going to set up the computers and get everything ready."

"And me?" Alison was starting to feel inadequate again, wondering what it was that she had to offer the group, coming up short every time she thought about it.

"Um," Caleb looked at her with a soft expression in his eyes, "Em's been in the bathroom for a while, I think you should see if you can get her to come out, she needs to be on board with all of this too."

"Right," Ali swallowed heavily, something she couldn't describe getting caught in the back of her throat, "okay, yeah, I'll go and get her, you guys can wait for us in the car."

So everyone started moving, Caleb and Mona hoisting the two black bags over their shoulders and heading towards the door while Ezra and Toby walked back towards Wren's room.

A few minutes later, Ali was alone in the house, Emily sitting quietly in the bathroom still.

Last night was intense, it was a walk in uncharted territory, a nose dive into tumultuous water and Alison was worried about what it did to Emily. She had watched desperately as Emily fell apart in front of her and then sort through the broken pieces of herself and try to put them back together.

Alison took a deep breath and gathered herself before she approached the bathroom door. She felt stupid standing there, clenching and unclenching her hand, heart pounding like a drum in her chest her brain telling her to just knock, but her blood in her arm flowing like lead, keeping her arm stiff at her side.

Just do it she breathed out to herself. Her friends were waiting, just knock on the fucking door.

**Emily's POV**

I don't even know how long I was in the bathroom before I heard a knock. It was soft, just three little raps against the wood and that little sound echoed off the walls.

I woke up and I knew I couldn't walk outside alone, so I just sat up and practically ran in here. I rolled over on the couch and when I opened my eyes, the first thing I seen was...her face.

"Come in," I said, my voice low, I knew who it was. I had heard enough shuffling and not too quiet talking going on outside to get the gist of what was going on.

"Hey," Ali just barely popped her head in, "it's me."

"I know," I laughed, was she nervous? "Come in. Sorry, I just needed some privacy, I didn't know how long I was going to be in here."

"It's okay," she said finally slipping in all the way, leaning lightly against the open door, "are you okay?"

If I had a penny for every time someone asked me that...lots of pennies.

"I'm...I'm okay, I guess." I chewed on my lip and she finally looked in my eyes, and she looked in them like she was reading me, she knew I was hiding something, that there was something I wasn't saying.

And she was right. There was something that happened when I woke up and even if I stayed silent and kept my lips sealed, I couldn't forget that our eyes spoke too. And we were fluent in reading that in each other by now.

"You guess?" She pointed out what I had said and looked at me like she was...scared.

"Yeah, I don't know what to do with what happened." I was sitting on the edge of the tub with my feet pointed in at each other and my hands gripping the edge, not that hard thought, not yet.

"Are you talking about," and she trailed off but I didn't know what she was-

I made the realization out loud, "last night?"

She shifted her weight on her feet and nodded, looking over her shoulder to the mirror. I mocked her until - for a moment - our eyes met before both of us quickly turned away.

"Yeah," and there was a rough quality to her voice, like what she was trying to tell me kept getting caught in her throat.

"Well," I started, careful to look anywhere but her lips, or her eyes...not even her hands, "yes and no."

"And no? What happened?"

"Well," I started again lamely, "I do want to apologize about last night. I didn't realize it until I fell asleep, but it was unfair of me to ask you something like that and not think about what that did to you."

"Emily, it's okay."

"No, it's not. This isn't simple - what happened to us - and I don't make it any better or easier for us to get through it when I try to throw something like that at you. For that, I am sorry."

I was stupid last night, brain damage or not, that wasn't right. I shouldn't have. What was I thinking? What I thinking to ask Alison to do that when I knew that she missed me, and there was nothing more that she wanted to do than have me back to kiss me the way she would if I had been myself.

"It's okay Em, I know what you wanted and I wanted to give that to you, I did, but-,"

"Let's just stop apologizing to each other for a second, can we?" I cut her off somewhat in a rude manner, but I knew that Caleb and Mona, Toby and Ezra were waiting for us. Everyone was waiting for us.

"Okay," she nodded in agreement, but there was that look again, nerves and confusion.

"There's something I want to tell you."

"Okay, you can tell me anything, Em." She stayed by the door and suddenly I felt like we were miles apart. The separation going farther than the physical distance.

I wanted her to sit next to me, but I couldn't ask her that, I just hoped she would do that on her own. But when she didn't, I just played with my hands, digging my nails into my own palm before talking.

"I had a dream last night, but, I don't know if it was really a dream or not."

I watched, in a span of a few seconds, as at least three different expressions crossed her face.

"Okay," she said slowly, "and you want to tell me about it?"

"Yes," why was I feeling cowardly right now? Did she even want to hear it? Would it be too much again like last night?

"Well, um, only if you want to hear about it." I was talking too fast and I felt my heart skip a beat, my head telling me to calm down before it freaked out and sent me into another episode of shock.

"Anything Em, you can tell me anything."

"Okay," I breathe out, relieved, Alison has been telling me time and time again that I can trust her, tell her anything, ask anything, so why was it so difficult to just spit it out now, what I wanted to say?

"This dream," I confessed, "it felt like more than a dream."

"Oh." That was all she said and when I looked at her she realized that it was the only thing to come out her mouth, "sorry, I didn't mean it like that," she started to explain, "but remember what the doctor said: that you'd have visions and dreams and images and they'd feel real, and that some of them would be real - memories - and some of them were your brain's way of filling in the blanks."

"I know, but this was different..."

"Different? Different how?" She looked at me like she was caught, like she was...guilty?

"I didn't want to wake up."

**Alison's POV**

Emily had a dream she didn't want to wake up from? And so did I? What did that mean, did it mean anything?

A flash flood of what I had dreamt filled my mind before she cleared her throat.

"Alison, it was about us."

My mouth went dry and I wondered if she had the same dream as I did? No, that was crazy talk, of course she didn't.

"I-it was? Oh."

"You just gonna keep saying oh?" She laughed but there was nothing really funny about it.

"Why did you want to tell me you had a dream about us?"

"So you can tell me...if it was real...or not?"

"Oh," there it was again. Was that all I was capable of saying? Oh.

"There it is again, you know what we don't have to talk about it, we should be on the road now anyways."

"No, they can wait." I said firmly, and I stood still by the door, "you wouldn't have brought it up if you didn't want to talk about it, so we're not leaving until we talk about it."

"You sure?" Her eyes darted over my shoulder and through the crack I left in the door. I moved to block her line of sight so she would look at me instead.

"I'm positive."

At that she closed her eyes and I pictured her conjuring the images again before she spoke, recalling what she had seen in her dreams. My own imagination taking off, trying to come up with a dream she could've had that made her wake up and retreat to being locked in this small bathroom.

"I don't know when but this dream...it feels recent, when I woke up, I felt like it just barely happened."

There was a quiet in her voice - a vulnerability I dare not betray and I nodded, I wouldn't say anything unless she asked.

"In the dream - or memory, I guess - I was sleeping in bed, I don't think it was mine. But I woke up and I don't know how I knew this but it smelled like you," she trailed off and with her eyes now closed, she sucked in a deep breath, "it was like a faint hint of lavender, and vanilla and something I could only say smelled like your shampoo."

I smiled because Emily had always loved the way my hair smelled after I showered and oddly enough I remember the way my shampoo that I haven't bought since the day I left smelled too. I made sure to shower my hair before she came over, even if I didn't need to. I loved when she ran her hands through it or hugged me from behind with her nose buried in my neck.

"I like the way it smells, I pushed my head into the pillow harder, is that weird?"

"No," I told her, "you always like the way my shampoo smelled, but you never used it on yourself.

A look crossed her face and I hoped that I didn't cross a line with that.

"It's still kind of hazy but after I realized that I was awake, I smelled something else. I was alone in the bed, but I thought I heard someone with pots? Pans? I thought to myself someone was in the kitchen, so I got up and I was in these clothes. They were so big, I laughed at the way I looked."

"You always wore your Rosewood warm-ups to bed," when I wasn't, I wished to add but held back from saying it to her now.

"So this sounds familiar?" She was nervous and so was I, but half of our mornings started that way, the other half in the reverse.

"It does, but...we had a lot of mornings like that."

"Right, and all I said was I woke up in my sweats, that's not even specific yet."

"It's okay, Em. Take your time."

She nodded but this time when she looked at me, I saw in her eyes, what I had been feeling in my heart the moment she woke up from her coma: longing. She looked at me the way she accused me of looking at her, like she was waiting for me to come back to her.

"I went downstairs and you were in the kitchen."

"So we were in my house?"

"I don't know, were we?" She didn't say it to be smart with me, just a genuine question and I felt like an idiot.

"Yeah, most likely, you won't let me cook you anything in yours, so the same policy applies to my house."

Emily smiled and nodded, "good policy."

"It was your idea." And I don't know if that was a good thing to tell her, I don't reckon she remembered because her face fell and this heartbreaking frown crossed her face.

"I don't remember that." Her voice conveyed it all and my heart broke for her. Why couldn't I just take the pain away? I was tired of watching her crumble in front of me and beg the universe to let me trade places with her.

"It's okay though Ali, it'll come back to me. Other things will come to me."

"Of course they will, and I'm going to be here when they do."

"I think what happened next wasn't like half of our mornings spent together," she poked her finger through the rip in her jeans around her knee. Running her finger along the length of her thigh before dipping it into the shreds and doing it again, "you were making chocolate chip pancakes. I remembered that they're my favorite?"

"It was what you tell everyone who asked what your diet was." I laughed genuinely at that. Emily had brought me to the gym with her once - just once - and there was at least 4 different women who asked what she ate to stay so toned.

"I eat four chocolate chip pancakes and as much bacon as my girl- as my friend will cook." Emily answered for my wandering memories and I tried to ignore the clench of my heart strings when she corrected girlfriend to friend. I know why she did it, to spare my feelings, but I think it hurt more to hear that she was even altering memories to say to me without making things 'hard.'

"You remember the pancakes, and the one time you took me to the gym with you."

"That was probably a mistake wasn't it?"

"You laughed at me the whole ride home that I couldn't bench the bar."

"Sorry," she cringed and tried not to laugh.

"What for? It was...it's true, I went to support you, instead I was like a pet noodle you had to watch all the time."

"Noodle?"

"My arms, not strong."

"I see...Alison, what else happened that morning, if I'm wrong and it's not a memory, I don't know what that'll mean."

"What do you mean?" Her brows were knit, lip between perfectly white teeth and she was leaning forward with her hands on her knees.

"That morning, in my dream, or memory or whatever, I came in quietly to sneak in on you. You were facing the window above the sink and you were mixing the batter, singing this song...I don't know what it was."

It was Rascal Flatts' Bless the Broken Road. But I stayed quiet and by now she wasn't afraid to just tell me what the dream - no, the memory was...one of our memories.

"You had on this long t-shirt, it went down to your thighs and it draped off one shoulder. I think it was a band t-shirt. It's fuzzy so I don't know what the letters were."

It was a t-shirt from the first Beyonce concert she had ever gone to, she dragged me along and at the end of the night when I teased and said it was alright, she bought the last shirt they had in a stand in the parking lot...it was a 3x. She made me wear it to dinner afterwards and laughed at all the looks I got. But again, I said nothing and she wasn't looking at me to tell that it was all true.

"I snuck up behind you and let you finish singing that song. I think you had a beautiful voice, so I didn't want to interrupt. But I had my eyes closed to hear you and I didn't see you until you spun around and the batter in the bowl got all over me."

I bumped into her and almost dropped the bowl but it fell forward and by the time she caught it, it was already dripping down her shirt, barely half of it in the bowl and the look on her face-

"I wasn't even mad, I just started to-,"

Laugh. She bent over and started to laugh while I stood there with the whisk in my hand, heart still up in the air from being frightened. I remember the sound of her laugh, it was what I wanted to hear every morning.

"And you didn't even get mad at me Ali, you just snatched the bowl from my hands and-"

And I stuck my hand in the bowl and scooped up a glob of the mix and-

"I couldn't believe you threw it right at me. Most of it-"

Landed in her messy morning hair. She didn't even move until I did it again, finally realizing she was in trouble so she-

"And I ran through your kitchen I couldn't even throw anything back at you expect for what batter I had on me."

"And I cornered you in the bathroom." I finally spoke.

I didn't need to look at her to know that her eyes were wide and her mouth was pressed in a line, her eyebrows were furrowed together and the muscle along her jawline was clenched.

"You mean-,"

But I cut her off again, "you ran in and closed the door, but-"

"I didn't lock it."

"You wanted me to come in and get you. I opened the door and you still screamed like it was a surprise that I came in. You ripped open the curtain - I think you broke a few rings - but you jumped in anyways."

"I pressed my back to the wall with my hands outstretched-" Emily added, and both of our voices weren't present anymore. We were living the memory over again. I didn't even notice her stand up from the edge of the tub.

"I walked towards you slowly."

And that's exactly what Emily started to do, "you had this devilish smirk on your face."

"You knew that I was going to get you for ruining breakfast-"

She walked closer still, invading my personal space.

"And you," Em whispered now, "stepped inside the shower with me."

"We were both covered in batter and it was already starting to dry into our hair," I swallowed and finally looked at Emily in the eyes. We both knew what happened after that in the memory. I was afraid that right now she could hear my heart beating.

"And when you were this close," Emily came within inches and I could feel the heat of her body so close to mine. It was electrifying, I couldn't keep still, I felt like I was all over the place like my heart rate.

"When I was this close...," I swallowed, was she tempting me? She knew what happened after that, if she had the full memory of that day, she wouldn't torture me, right? She wouldn't do that to us...we weren't ready for anything close to that right now.

"When you were that close..." I backed up until I hit the door and it slammed shut. She was leaning in closer and it killed me, that look of pure innocence in her eyes, it was genuine.

"What happened then Ali?"

"Y-you-you pulled on the knob and started the shower."

I skipped the part where we kissed first, tasting the raw batter on each other's lips.

I couldn't breathe with her this close to me.

"That wasn't a dream was it?"

I shook my head, too afraid to speak at all.

"Everything that happened was real?"

"Yes," my voice even quivered with that one little word.

"So what does that make this? Right now, it feels the same right?"

"Yes." Why did she have this much power over me and where did it come from all of a sudden?

"So are we dreaming again Ali? Or are we going to make a new memory?"

Every nerve ending in my body was on fire and I know one touch from her, just one right now would make them explode. I felt like I was vibrating with anticipation and she could sense how badly I just wanted to give in, but it wasn't the right time.

I argued with myself that there was no such thing as the right time, that time was linear and continuous, there was no difference between the right time and right now, it was all the same, it coexisted at the same instance, always.

"If this is another dream," I husked, "then-then..."

"I don't want to wake up either," she finished my thought.

That was it. We looked at each other's eyes and then down at our lips and when our eyes met again, we knew...

She leaned in a centimeter, I leaned in just a fraction of that, holding my breath in my lungs until they started to burn.

Was kissing her now going to be for the right reason?

I couldn't finish contemplating because the glorious silkiness of her skin was upon my lips and my mind surrendered to cataloging every single detail about this kiss.

We sighed into each other's mouths and after that first few seconds of just contact I wanted to deepen the kiss, tell her in a way that my words never can just how much I loved her.

However as fast as it all happened, it ended even faster, leaving both of us craving more, my brain crying for more, my skin tingling with the need to feel her near me.

"Alison, Emily!" We pulled away like there was something that pulled us apart and I turned around to open the door to a very flustered and red faced Caleb.

"Caleb? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, better than alright, we got something. We should go, like now."

I turned around and looked timidly at Emily who was standing there blushing, her hands shoved hard into her pockets, "okay, lets's go."

"We might have gotten a hit on Charles' lair, I'll tell you more in the car, but Toby and Ezra just left, we should go now."

"Okay," I said with my mind still trying to swim back to the surface of reality when I all I wanted was to drown in the feel of one person.

"Emily," Caleb addressed, "you ready?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, let's go." We walked off, Emily walking just a step behind me and I couldn't establish if it was my brain playing tricks on my or not but I could've sworn I heard Emily mumble, "I should've locked the door that time."

x-x-x-x

**No One's POV**

"Okay, so what happened?" Alison was asking while she got into her car, fumbling to put on her seat belt.

"I'm driving so I can't work on it anymore," Mona said, although it was obvious by where she was sitting, "but while we were waiting for you, Wren said something about Charles being extremely insecure. He said no matter what, he needed cameras everywhere so he could watch everyone."

"So?" Alison finished clicking in and when she did, Mona pulled out of the parking lot and headed straight for the highway.

"Wait, no matter what?" Em repeated.

"Yes," Caleb answered, "I don't know why I didn't realize it before but if that was true and he used an open circuit system - like most security systems - then I could tap into his video cameras."

"What how?" Ali was confused, computers were never her strong suit, she just didn't see how she could do anything on them besides send an email, so whatever Caleb and Mona did, always amazed her.

"Of course," everyone was surprised that it was Emily who spoke up, "and if you could do that, when we get close enough, it wouldn't be hard to find where that signal is originating from."

Alison turned to face Emily, "and how do you know that?"

"Well if they're in the woods, the signal for cell phones and what not is already going to be weak, probably to weak for Charles to run a thing like that right?" Emily was getting excited and Mona and Caleb shared a look of shock and impression.

"Yeah," Caleb answered slowly, clearly impressed too much to steal the moment from Emily, "but that's not it." A closed circuit would be near impossible to hack into unless we were close and we're too damn far to do that right now. But Wren told us that he was the one to buy the cameras in the first place, it was months ago, but he remembered the type."

"So," Mona started to add her parts, "we searched up the kind of camera it was and we found out that it needs some sort of internet connection-,"

"Or a phone line," Caleb added, matter of factly.

"Yeah, so since it needed that kind of signal boost to run the kind of cameras he has surveilling his lair, that could only mean one thing."

Caleb nodded and tapped away at the laptop in his lap, "Charles isn't as in the middle of the woods as we think."

"Well then where is he?" Alison was liking that Caleb and Mona were getting excited about what they found but none of it meant a damn thing to Alison unless she understood what it all meant.

"We ran a master search through an encrypted database of business and city activity in the area to find a place where there were cabins to rent and were near telephone towers."

"Yeah," Caleb agreed, neck still craned towards his screen, "and there were only two places like that in the whole area."

"Woodloch Inn and Bendigo Cabins both offer rooms to rent in a hotel like atmosphere and a chance to rent a cabin where you have 5 square acres to yourself."

"Okay, that just sounds like we narrowed it down, but we still have two places to look through right?" Ali wished they'd just get on with it, she got it already, they were smart, but as much as they were smart, she was just as equally getting impatient.

"Kind of. We found these two but we called the two resorts and asked about how many available cabins were for rent. Only Woodloch said that they had two rentals go out this month. One from two days ago and another that got rented out since the day after you left to find Charles the first time."

"They just gave that information away," Emily asked incredulously.

"Not exactly, we asked around but Woodloch keeps there files on computers, not a log in book like we thought we'd have to deal with, so I bypassed their firewall and looked at the names of the customers who rented the cabins."

"And what did you find? We don't need a name, we already know it would be the place rented the day after I left ."

"You're right," Mona addressed, "we're looking for cabin 5 that was registered to a Vivian Darkbloom."

A familiar chill ran down Alison's spine, "I never thought I'd be hearing that name any time soon again."

"It's the name Charles gave CeCe to give to you, I don't know why he'd abandon it that easily. We know he has deeper rooted attachments to the things he thinks he possesses," Mona reasoned dryly.

Alison shuddered and noticing it this time, Emily hesitantly placed her hand over Ali's knee and squeezed it supportively as if to say everything was going to be okay.

"Yeah, he's a freak, I get it, thanks for the update Mona."

"I wasn't trying to-,"

"it's okay, I'm sorry, I snapped, you guys are amazing, I shouldn't be so impatient."

Alison took a few deep breaths and sat back into the seat, looking down at Emily's hand where it was holding her and at the same time Caleb turned around and seen the interaction swallowing what he was going to say and instead turning his attention back to his laptop.

"Ali," Emily whispered so only the blonde could hear, "about what just happened-,"

"What about it," Ali finished a little too quickly.

Emily withdrew her hand, pretending the sensation she felt in her chest wasn't one that felt like scalding daggers being sunk in her chest, "I don't know now, w-was it a - d-did I," Em stumbled before forcing the words out solid, "- was it a mistake?"

"Mistake?" Alison suddenly realized why Emily might ask that and it dawned on her that saying yes and believing it was a real possibility.

No longer keeping it quiet, their conversation floated to the ears of Caleb and Mona and although Mona seemed like the logical person to come into play and interrupt what some might call the girl drama, it was actually Caleb who came to the rescue. Again.

"Eh hem, I think I found a way to get Charles without using our guns."

"Great, that's good."

Alison looked at Caleb through the rear-view mirror and thanked him. She didn't know how many times he'd come to her aid when she least expected it. He had been a true friend and...she would miss him when this was over.

Emily tried not to be angry with Caleb or hurt that Alison didn't just answer her. The fact that Ali hesitated told Em that she wasn't convinced fully that the kiss wasn't a mistake. The fact that Ali hesitated told Em that there was a part of the blonde that thought that the kiss shouldn't have happened.

But if it wasn't meant to be, Caleb would've come in sooner. If it wasn't in the universe's will, then Emily would've never had that memory come to her that night and either one of them wouldn't rejected the temptation then. But that's not what happened.

What happened was real...right? It was a kiss that they wanted for no other reason beside the fact that there was history between them, an undeniable love and an unquenched need that has been burning slowly for days now, waiting for some kind of accelerant to bring the flames to an untamed roar.

Emily had been waiting, just as Ali had, to be burned by this fire. To let it devour her and swallow her up. Ali had been waiting since that night in the hospital to let their love burn a hole in her lungs, she awaited the moment that Emily made it hard for her to breath.

Emily waited to be claimed. She waited for her memories to drown her so she could emerge from its waters her old self and reclaim the life that had beaten from her body.

This game they played, of cat and mouse, it was getting old. Kiss me, don't kiss me, they were sick of it. Scared and fearless were one in the same now, being reckless and rational held no real separation yet they were still stuck at an impasse.

They were tired of fighting. Emily with her mind and thoughts and all the conjured images and Alison with her feelings and what she was really thinking but not saying.

She was tired of wearing her necklace and Emily's bracelet at the same time. Together, they felt heavier than her heart - which always seemed to sit alone in the pit of her stomach.

"So did you want to hear what it was?"

"Dammit Caleb," Emily cried, "just give us a second will you?"

"Emily calm down," Alison tried to coax her down but Em simply shook her head.

"Ali, I can't. Think about why I can't just calm down. Please, please just answer me."

"Should we pull over," Mona suggested even though she didn't want to.

"No," both Ali and Emily answered but after looking at each other and coming to terms with talking about their...relationship...in front of Caleb and Mona.

So they both groaned and Ali tapped Mona's seat, "wait, yeah, actually could you just give us a few minutes?"

Mona pulled over and in silence, she patted Caleb's shoulder and they both got out of the car and shut their doors, walking a few steps away from the car.

"You think they'll be alright?"

"I'm sure they will be, I just don't know how they'll get there," Caleb stole a glance at the two in the back seat and shrugged.

"I've never seen them so strained."

"That's because they're both fighting it, if they would just both let go, you know, stop thinking and just do what they do best."

"And what's that?"

"They just need to be. Simple as that."

"Just be...what? Themselves around each other?"

"No, just be...and just be together."

x-x-x-x

"You didn't answer me," Emily said as soon as the two front doors shut, forlorn clear in her voice.

"Yeah...I know." Ali purposefully didn't look anywhere in Emily's direction.

It was too much, everything in her eyes would destroy her resolve, however little she had left of it anyway.

"So...what then? That's it? You won't give me an answer? Is it that bad?"

"Bad? No, Emily...you don't understand."

"What is there to understand?! We love each other, I understand that, it's you who seems to have a hard time muscling that. So what is it then? Tell me so I understand! Tell me, what is it?"

"I can't - I don't know how I'm supposed to-,"

"Try, just," Emily was starting to shake with anger and her head was beginning to throb, "just fucking try then!"

Ali kept her head down, not knowing that by now, tears were flooding her vision until her own feet became a blurry fuzz.

"Alison, you don't get to shut down now. What is it that I don't understand," and in her rage, a horrible thought poisoned her mind, trickling like venom to her heart so that her next words became low and broken, her voice struggling to remain firm, "what have you been thinking? That this is your second chance? That maybe I won't fall back in love with you and you won't have to deal with me anymore. What is it? Because I don't have all my memories and you don't want this broken version of the Emily you loved? Is that it, because if it is, then-,"

"How can you say that! How can you think that I think that?"

"Why are you the one yelling at me now, you won't even talk to me for God's sakes. Go ahead, stay quiet and let me think the worst, is that what you want? For me to torture myself with guesses? Because that's exactly what I'll do if you don't tell me anything."

Emily's heart was pounding a mile a minute in her chest and she wanted to punch the seat in front of her...so she did.

"This is ridiculous, why are we fighting? We're the back of your car fighting over what? What! Just answer my question...please. Answer me and I won't ask again. Clearly this is too much of a struggle for you, so just tell me if kissing you was a mistake and if it was and you're not ready for some reason, then if we manage to pull this off, then I'll have my parents back, and you," Em's voice cracked and she didn't care that the taste of salt from her tears filled her mouth, "won't have to deal with me. You can go, no strings attached, you can just-,"

"Shutup."

"What? Did you just-,"

"Don't you ever," Ali's voice was dark and it shot a chill down Emily's spine, "don't you ever," she repeated, finally lifting her icy blue eyes to piece brown ones, " suggest. Think. Or say that I should leave you. Don't you dare."

"Me? Don't dare? Alison you don't make any of this easy to-,"

"But that's who we are Emily! We've fought and you've hated me and I pretended for so long that I didn't care. Nothing about us has ever been easy. Nothing, not from the moment I meant you, not from the moment I first kissed you, not every moment between us since has been easy, and you don't get to blame that on me. So don't you dare say that I should leave you. I won't.

"We've through too much shit for you to just say that I could leave you and be okay. Don't suggest that I could ever walk away from you in one piece and still be able to function."

"Alison-,"

"Because I can't. I've tried it before. I will never do that again."

Emily was scared and paralyzed into silence, watching with wide eyes as Alison went on, her blue eyes wild with anger, pain and something that Emily couldn't find the word for.

"Listen to me now, Emily. Here's your answer. I will never regret touching you, never will I wish I hadn't kissed you, held you or been any further from you than I am now. I don't regret you kissing me. What I regret is putting us here in the first place. Every time I look at you, I'm reminded of what I've done and I can't love myself enough to show you how much I love you, not until Charles is gone for good and your family and our friends are safe.

"By denying you, I'm denying myself the chance to be happy right now. It doesn't feel right that among this nightmare - one that I feel responsible for - I can still dream with my eyes open when I look at you. It's not fair. And I'm sorry because I realize that's it's also not fair to you. But it doesn't feel right to be with you like where things left off, I want the next time I kiss you to be after a date, where you've seen how good I can be to you.

"It's not fair for you to love me when you don't have all the memories of why and I do. You should know how much I love you, know how much I'm willing to do and go through - other than this - to show you how good I can be for you, because there isn't a day that'll go by where I won't be trying to prove that I deserve you.

"One memory once in a blue moon or one miraculous day all at once, that won't stop me from trying to make you fall for me again, in every movie night, date out, lunch before work, rainy day indoors, and every morning when I you wake up.

"So now, I didn't regret kissing you back. I just regret that I didn't tell you how much that means to me. And how much more it will mean when we do this right."

Emily had tear streaked cheeks and the smile she felt eating her face wasn't enough to show how much her heart had swelled in her chest. She was falling again, she could feel it, right now, just in Ali's words, she was falling, head over heels, heels over head and all the unimaginable ways in between, she was feeling it over again, it was familiar and brand new at the same time.

"Then," Emily's voice was gravelly, "how do we do it right?"

Alison smiled back and laughed lightly while she wiped at her eyes with the backs of her hands, "we," she emphasized by grabbing Emily's hands, "will start - not from the beginning and not as just friends - from the point we are at now, minus how badly I want to kiss you. We do this right, by getting our friends back and going home. Where I will go to your house and ask your parents if it is okay that I take you out...with the realization that I need you back home before 11."

"How long until you accept that I love you and I have to kiss you?" Emily smiled and her voice was giddy with excitement, she squeezed Alison's hands harder than she intended, but Ali didn't mind.

"At least after the fifth date?"

"Five of them, that's how long I have to wait?"

Alison felt like a kid in love watching Emily's eye twinkle while they talked about the future - no, their future - together.

"Yes, five, we've known each other for so long Emily. I've played this back and forth thing with you before but when I was finally serious and you gave us a chance, well...that's how long it took for us to say we loved each other and mean it in every sense of the words. I gave myself to you that night and when you did the same, that's how I knew."

Emily's cheeks warmed and got tinted red and she chewed her bottom lip nervously, "knew what?"

Ali sighed, "in due time, you will know."

"How long for that one now?"

"As long as it takes until I prove to myself I deserve you and I'm worthy of your love."

"Oh, so not that long right?"

"I hope so."

Moments passed and a comfortable silence fell between them and Emily sighed loudly, "Ali?"

The blonde shifted and turned more of her body towards Emily, "yeah Em?"

"Can you promise me something?"

Ali's muscles and relaxed before she nodded, "sure. What is it?"

"Can you promise me that one day you'll wake up and realize that this isn't a dream? Promise me that you'll realize that you can live a life so full, even if you still think you don't deserve it, and be happy?"

"I- I- I'm not, I don't-,"

"Promise me you'll wake up and remember that I'm still going to be next to you in this. It's not going to be a dream anymore. You won't have to be afraid of 'waking up' and it being over. Promise me."

They shared a look that couldn't scream love anymore than their lungs could.

"I promise to wake up one day and realize how lucky I am that my reality is better than any dream I've ever had."

And if Alison could love Emily anymore than that moment, her heart would surely burst at all the seems and old patched up scars.

She would gladly let that happen and let that love intoxicate her, possess her, control her, swallow her whole, drown her in it.

In fact...she'd let it be the very death of her.

_**AN: I know some of you have been in pieces about the literal 22 chapters of angst so I hope this soothed that a little? I didn't know I was going to take this chapter in this direction, but then again, my brain does what it will and my hands are merely it's slave to the keyboard.**_

_**So I sound like a song on repeat but you all know by now I love hearing from you all, so if you feel compelled to, please leave your comments, reviews and...answer to these questions:**_

_**What did you think about the chapter?**_

_**Should I upload [to Wattpad only] my Camren (Lauren and Camila from 5H) fics? Even if I only have like a chapter done, or will that piss you off bc it'll take long for me to update? lol**_

_**And finally, the one I've been getting bugged about so much lately...*drumroll please* should I start writing Clexa fics?**_

_**Decisions, decisions, I can't wait to hear from you...well that's all for now loves, you know what to do, xo Lina**_


	24. Woodloch

_**AN: So I know it's been a few weeks, sorry to those of you who are my regulars lol, I had exams...I didn't too shabby but anyways, I hope you all are well, enjoy!**_

_"She would gladly let that happen and let [her love for Emily] intoxicate her...drown her in it._

_In fact...[Alison] would let it be the very death of her..."_

**No One's POV**

Caleb looked back at the car and once he seen Ali grabbed Emily's hands and Em didn't pull away, he knew things were going to be okay.

"You think they're going to be alright?" Mona stole a glance at the car and seen the same thing.

Caleb shrugged, "they're Emily and Alison, they're going to be...Emily and Alison," he laughed, "They'll be what they always were."

"Yeah," Mona pondered, "and what's that?"

"Well," Caleb swayed until his shoulder bumped Mona's, "other than the usual passionate, complicated and crazy? Together. And I think they're going to figure things out and it'll be okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

"You think they want to settle for okay?" Mona didn't even know why she was so into asking about them, it was none of her business, but being in this nightmare together she saw glimpses of light in the way the two of them were always there for each other, she could only imagine their relationship before Emily's memory was taken. So it was just...she wanted to see them happy. Regardless of what Alison used to be, she deserved to be happy.

Caleb on the other hand felt like the two women were his responsibility somehow, they were together but that didn't mean that they didn't need someone else to be on their side still. They both always had the girls and now, they were gone. He knew too well what abandonment felt like. He grew fond of them in a matter of weeks and now they were stuck with him.

"I don't think they'd be settling for anything, they're all each other wants," he smiled and cringed a little at the way he sounded. Never in a million years would he have imagined him saying those words, about anyone. "And...what are you getting at anyways?"

"Nothing, I just, I dunno, it's weird seeing them this way I guess. I mean I'm not even close to them and only god knows how much shit Ali and I put each other through but that doesn't mean it's not hard for me to watch them like this."

"Like what Mona," Caleb started to defend suddenly, "we can't expect them to go through something like this and ignore it and hope it goes away until everything is fine again. Alison is doing the best she can and Emily is still being Emily - trying to make everyone happy."

Mona sighed, "is Charles that fucked up in the head that he'd take away everyone else's happiness for some perverse version of his?"

"I don't know, but when I see him, he won't have the chance to answer."

Mona looked over her shoulder, "Caleb, Ali is waving at us."

Turning around, Caleb sighed, "well, looks like they're okay."

"Yeah."

"Mona?"

"What is it?"

"Don't bring that up with anyone okay?"

"Bring what up?"

"The fact that it's not the same between them. They know that more than anyone, even if they're not going to want to show anyone, everyone will know, and that's hard enough."

"I wouldn't put them through any more suffering Caleb, I just - I really just want to see everyone happy and back where they belong."

"We all do."

"C'mon," Mona grinned, "we have some psycho to catch."

"Yeah, and let's bring the girls home."

They had barely taken a few steps towards the car when Mona lightly grabbed Caleb's wrist, "Caleb?"

"Yeah?" He turned around and looked confused.

"You're a good man, Caleb."

He was stunned a bit, not sure what to say next, "uh..."

"I just had to tell you. You know, there's no saying what'll happen after today, I just wanted tell you, you're a good person...Hanna is so lucky to have you."

And although Caleb was smiling, he was also shaking his head, "no, I'm the lucky one. I'm lucky to have Hanna," and his smile broadened until he couldn't contain it anymore, "Mona, I don't know why I'm telling you this, but when this is all over, and I get her back, I'm going to ask her to marry me."

Mona's jaw dropped and she looked at the car and back at Caleb, "are you serious," she practically jumped.

"Yeah, but not right away, the last time...the last time, this happened, she was...Hanna was different. I wouldn't want to force this on her, so you have to be quiet."

"Wait, why are you telling me this?"

Shrugging again, Caleb started walking towards the car again, "who knows, you could be the one to help us plan everything we the day comes."

"Are you serious?"

"Why do you keep asking me that?"

"Okay, shutting up, you don't have to tell me twice, let's just go. I'm tired of Charles being the reason everyone's happiness is on hold."

x-x-x-x

When Caleb and Mona got back to the car, Emily was leaning against the window, the space in the middle of her and Ali closed by their intertwined fingers. Alison was starting at their hands, then Emily and back towards the road. No one said anything, Alison trying to figure out what Caleb and Mona had just been talking about, but not willing to be too nosy and ask.

He seemed happy about something and she seemed happy for him. Whatever it was, Ali wasn't going to dampen it with her own questions. After all, today did have the potential to be a day of celebration.

Still, it was weird sitting in the car in silence for the first hour. And by the word weird, all four of them would actually replace it with, tense, awkward, uncomfortable and lastly...well weird, again.

No one said anything. The anticipation was growing.

Mona kept her eyes trained on the road and occasionally the GPS and Caleb tapped away occasionally at the laptop, checking on the scrambler and IP address tracker that the coordinates they were headed to were getting closer to the one he traced the signal back to. It was too hard to tell now, but when they were close, the numbers would start to look similar.

Alison didn't even know what Caleb did for work, they were all around the same age, 20, and she never even paid attention to what he did. They were all so young and she and Emily had taken these two years since high school off to just figure out what they wanted, taking barely any general ed classes at Hollis. Meanwhile, Caleb was already a skilled genius on his own.

He should be with Hanna somewhere in a city where he works as some tech support or adviser for an expensive company. Alison was angry that one person as smart as Caleb was using what he had for this. Glad that he was able to track the bastard down, but upset that he couldn't be using it for something less...well less traumatic.

All of her friends had lives and jobs and were in school, and they put it on pause to go see her and Emily and this is how they got repaid. It wasn't right.

"Shhh." It was Emily.

Alison turned to look at Em, but it seemed like she was sleeping. She looked at Caleb and Mona and quirked a brow, they didn't even seem to have heard anything.

She shook her head, telling herself she was imagining things.

"Shhh."

"Em?" Alison looked again and this time Emily was smiling, sleepily, her favorite.

"I said shhh, I can hear you thinking."

Then, Alison became aware of the pressure on her hand again when Emily squeezed it, and she tried to tell herself to relax, "I'm trying to nap Ali," Emily continued, "so stop."

"Em-,"

"Whatever it is," she yawned, "don't blame yourself," she whispered.

"I'm not bla-,"

"You are though, I can feel it, you're starting to think about all of this again...and I said stop."

Alison stared at Emily and was glad that she wasn't looking back at her, "Em," she whispered back, "how could you possibly know what I'm thinking?"

"The same way you know when I don't feel like doing anything but eating ice cream in bed, so you stop by Scoops before you come home and get me a bucket of my favorite."

Alison didn't realize at first that Emily had remembered something 'new.' Instead her mind immediately drew up the memories of nights when she could just tell from the time Emily woke up that she was just grumpy. Emily did her best to hide it, and no one else would be able to tell, but she always did.

They worked at different places, and most of the time didn't get home at the same time, this let Alison usually surprise Emily with her favorite ice cream, from her favorite - not so originally named - ice cream parlor.

They wouldn't do anything after that, Emily would kiss Alison thank you and they'd lay in bed, Alison sitting up with Emily curled into her side, spoon working its way to the bottom of the tub while they watched tv or Netflix, or just sat there.

Ali never asked why Emily got that way sometimes, she just accepted it as something Em dealt with and if it was worth talking about, they'd have that talk. But until then, she would surprise Emily with Mint Chip or Vanilla or whatever she knew would make Em happy again.

It was just ice cream, some people would tell her, but it was more than that. It was the simple gesture that they both enjoyed. Alison knew somehow, on a deeper level, Emily was replacing it with something else.

"Wait-," Alison remembered where in time and space she was again, and let go of Emily's hand, turning to face her more fully, "you remember that?"

Emily nodded against the window and reached for Ali's hand again, "I used to drink in high school, and then when I went overseas and heavily when my dad used to leave on deployment. I remember that."

Alison swallowed, she remembered when Hanna told her about how badly Emily used to let herself go when it came to alcohol. Hanna said it started when she disappeared and after it got worse after Maya died...even Ali didn't see just how much those things hurt Em and what she really did to deal with it.

"I'm glad you told me, Em."

Emily looked up from the window and down at her hand that was in Ali's and she smiled weakly, "I remember that you never asked me why I got down sometimes, and I know you always wanted to ask. I used to drink to make the pain go away...I remember that, I just...," she struggled to explain away why some days she would wake up and just feel like...like shit.

"Em," Ali started softly, "it's okay, don't worry about it." Ali returned the gesture from earlier and squeezed her hand tighter around Em's, "it's okay," she repeated, "I'm not sure you even knew why back then, but one of these days we will."

"If I don't?"

"No, no, you don't get to do that, Em. We've been through this, I am going to want you no matter what."

Emily sighed a long and chest shuddering sigh, "you're right, I'm not being fair, I'm sorry."

Alison hated this. She was still fighting an uphill battle, racing against the odds and she felt like the more she got up that hill, the further away the finish line was getting.

"I don't think I can sleep anymore, I think my brain was just working over time right now."

"Well, tell it to calm down," Ali rubbed the pad of her thumb over the back of Em's hand soothingly and smiled.

"Just think about tomorrow, things will be different when you wake up."

"Yeah, it'll be better."

"Yeah."

"Caleb, how long until we get there?"

"We've actually made great time, we should be there in about 45 minutes."

"Okay," Alison said, "so what's the plan? Are the guys there already?"

"No, they're about 20 minutes out," Mona answered.

"Yeah, they're going to 'check-in' and get a room at the resort. One of the better ones with the nice TV and computer."

"Why not say we want a cabin," Ali asked, "then we'll be closer to Charles."

"Because I," Caleb cut in, "need some sort of internet connection to ground my computers to for the hack into Charles' system. I doubt he has anything but the best and I'm going to need the mainframe connection here to have a strong and fast enough signal."

"Won't he know?"

"Well not exactly, he could have a firewall that sends him a warning, but I'm going to send a spam virus into the system here and not only will he see everyone's activity from the hotel side of things, but all the guests' activity will be broadcast to him, he won't be able to see that I'm worming my way into his version of security."

"Okay and then once you're in?"

"Wren has been singing like a canary over there with Toby and Ezra, he's telling them everything."

"He's scared," Emily said for Wren, "you can see it in his eyes that he cares for CeCe, he's scared, of course he's going to say whatever he needs to if it means he can protect her. And we all know that because we've all been there."

"Emily's right, so we need to make sure what he's saying is true too."

"It will be, think of it from his perspective: if he lies and we don't find them but Charles finds out he was helping us, Wren will never see her again. He's telling the truth."

"Okay," Alison accepted the logic, "so what's he saying?"

"He told Toby that Charles has been sending CeCe on trips to pick up a lot of stuff, she couldn't say the specifics but Wren thinks it was for another dollhouse."

"Another one? In a rented Cabin? How and why would he do that, it's heavily populated around here and I'm sure the resort wouldn't let him do that."

"They would if that cabin hasn't been rented out in years and it was on the verge of being torn down."

"What? Why?"

Mona cleared her throat, "I told Caleb to run a master search with anything having to do with that cabin and turns out that there used to be a myth about what happened there and then throughout the years, people started to believe it and get spooked about it. It was in the area's local newspaper and everything, they called the cabin the Freaky 5."

"Why?" Emily sat up closer and shot a questioningly look at Ali, "Mona, what was the myth?"

Mona and Caleb exchanged looks and Caleb nodded as if to say 'I got this one.' Mona looked thankful and turned back towards the road, bobbing and weaving efficiently through traffic.

"Caleb? What is it?" Emily was just as impatient as Ali, but there was a certain fear settling in the blonde's stomach

"This was so twisted and we thought it was a mistake, but we barely found out when you were sleeping Em."

"Spit it out."

"There was a family on vacation that rented out the cabin. A mom, dad, two sons, and their daughter."

"And? What happened?"

"This is the part we were afraid to tell you, they didn't publish this in the paper, we found it online and in the police's official reports. They were old and barely accessible, but it was clear what happened. The family went on vacation there, had the cabin in there name for a week. But when the time came and gone for them to check out, they never did.

"The resort sent 2 rangers and security detail from to cabin 5 to check on them and when they eventually broke the door down, all that was left was one of the little boys. He was sitting on one of the beds playing with his sisters toys. One of the forest rangers asked the boy where his family was and he laughed.

"The ranger who made the report went to see a therapist for years after this but the reports weren't falsified...he said the little boy just laughed and told him they were right there, why didn't he see them?"

"Well where were the parents," Emily asked while Alison was silent the whole time.

"They weren't there, they weren't anywhere. The family's car was still parked outside and there was no sign of them in the woods, they sent search parties for weeks. But nothing."

"Caleb, then why did the little boy say his family was still there?"

This is where Caleb had the hardest time. He swallowed hard, noting the way it burned his throat.

"He was referring to his sisters' dolls," he admitted, going on hesitantly, "he had a doll for each of them...the brother doll was in the bathroom with the mom doll, the boy said his mom was getting ready to take them both a bath, the dad doll was sitting at the chair and he had the sister doll in his hand, brushing her hair."

Alison tensed beside Emily and shook her head, "what was the boy's name?"

"Ali, are you okay?" Caleb looked at her and was worried, this wasn't a coincidence, she didn't believe in those, this was on purpose. Charles knew about this somehow.

"What happened to the boy, Caleb, what was his name?" Ali pressed on and Emily started to get nervous about why Ali getting this freaked out.

"His name was Adam Parsons Jr., but he kept telling everyone to call him -A, that's what his dad called him."

Ali couldn't fathom that the story about the cabin would be so creepy let alone so influential in her life. "That's where he got it from. The dolls, the name, it wasn't for anonymous, it was for Adam...Charles knew about this, how?"

Caleb just looked out the window and shook his head, "Ali, you should calm down."

"Why! How am I supposed to? You're telling me my own brother started to plan his life around this stupid story? That's not supposed to freak me out? Well it does, and I want to know how Charles knew about this. How could he have found out when you and Mona together had to run a search on your laptops?"

Emily let her hand slip from Alison and she started her breathing routines, counting in her head and focusing on one thing in the car so her brain didn't slip her into a blackout.

"Mona," Alison said angrily, tell me how my brother knew about this. He had to have known."

It was one of the only times anyone heard Alison call Charles her brother and sound like she meant it.

"You can't be feeling sorry for him, can you," Mona answered with her own question, "he's not your brother Alison, he hasn't been since he was sent to Radley."

"Radley. That's it." Ali said in a flat voice.

"What," Emily was trembling slightly, she was thinking about what Mona said to Alison. Was Ali really feeling bad for Charles? After everything that happened? Even though Emily couldn't remember what he did years ago...as a matter of fact it was because she couldn't remember her life years ago, she hated him.

She didn't even know she was capable of carrying such heavy hatred or any hatred at all. She felt at heart she was kind, but this man, this person who was Alison's brother didn't deserve empathy from her. She shouldn't be projecting her personality into him and thinking what it must've been like for him. There was nothing to understand other than he was a monster.

"It was Radley wasn't it? Mona answer me."

"Alison-,"

"You don't have the right to keep it from me, so tell me the damn truth."

"Adam was taken to multiple facilities to try to figure out what happened to his family. Child psychologists worked with him for months, but he still believed his family was with him. He had the dolls, he couldn't function without them, doctors said the piece of sanity whatever was left of it was grounded in his possession of those dolls and to take them away would be extremely detrimental to his mental health."

"So then what? Why didn't you see that he went to Radley?"

"There were no official records of him having been there. There was a file under his name for a transfer from The General Sanitarium in PA that his doctor filled out but Radley never showed any record of his arrival."

"He couldn't have just disappeared."

"He didn't, he died Alison," Mona said bluntly. He did get to Radley but he was only there for a few days, on his third night, he killed himself and Radley and the CPS officer in charge of him decided not to file a full report."

"So what? They didn't even acknowledge that he died? How could they have done that?"

"Caleb looked up the CPS officer assigned to Adam's case and traced back a paper trail coming from Radley."

"Radley paid for it to stay quiet? Why would they do that?"

Mona shook her head, "Ali I think that's all you need to know."

"Bullshit, you don't get to decide that. Tell me why it was covered up."

"It was your mom!" Caleb almost yelled, "your mom paid for it to stay quiet, and don't even ask about why she would do that. Think about it, we already know she would do anything to keep Charles safe."

"You think Charles killed him?"

There was silence and then nothing.

"Just tell me what you know," Alison said in a more calm tone.

"Ali," Mona said slowly, "your brother's fixation with dolls and his manic behavior was found even before any proof of the Adam boy being sent to Radley, and when he was supposed to be there, Charles was already 14 and CeCe was already there. If this story got to Charles even the day after the press released it, it would only make what he believed stronger. It made his delusional more real to him."

"You...you didn't answer my question. Was Charles involved or not?"

"The statement that Radley put in with the police and coroner that was never released only noted that two other patients were seen with him last. There weren't any names."

"But since my mom helped cover it up...," she trailed off, knowing that no one in the car needed her to finish.

"Ali, I'm sorry but maybe this story was just coincidence."

"I don't think so. Charles found someone who was just like him and he took on that persona, because that's what he does right? He was abandoned and left to be treated like he didn't belong with his own family so he makes them. He turned into the Adam boy, into -A and told him he could still have his family in his dolls."

"Ali, Charles is smarter than anyone could've imagined, he made this up himself."

"I don't believe that. If it were true then why did my mom think he was getting better? Why did she believe he was well enough to come out? It wasn't his fault, he didn't have anyone else, he could've heard the story and-,"

"And what?! Do you hear yourself right now?" Mona was gripping the steering wheel hard enough to see the little indents in the bone of her knuckles.

"I do hear myself! And I'm saying that he had to have known about this? There would be no other way that my brother would've ever turned into this, he just wanted a family again, it was the only way he thought he could have that."

"Your brother?" Emily asked, almost completely forgotten to Alison.

"What?"

"Your brother," she almost spat, "that's what you said. You called him your brother," she said incredulously.

Alison quickly realized what that meant to Em, and while she was still formulating what to say in defense, Emily went on.

"You told me both of our family's were with Charles, you told me you didn't have anyone else. How can you say that you have no other family beside the people who are kidnapped right now and call the person who did it your brother? And now you want to find excuses for why he turned into what he turned into? Blame it on some myth story about a c-ca-cabin in th-the woods?"

Shit, Ali thought, things could not get any worse, "Em," she tried-

"S-s-save it, do you fe-feel bad for him?"

Mona and Caleb sat tense in the front seat, wishing they would've waited to tell Alison and Emily until they were at the Resort in Woodloch.

"Emily-,"

"Do you? Do you feel bad for him," Emily was angry now, the intense emotions surpassed her brains inability to stumble over her words, "do you?! Look and me and remember what happened. You know what he's done, and you're sitting here thinking about defending him."

"Emily, I - I can't count it out that he was influenced by things we don't know about."

"So what happened to me isn't enough? The fact that my parents and our friends are with him isn't enough? Huh? Why not!?"

"Because," Ali burst, on the verge of tears, she didn't even know what she was saying, "I wasn't always this person, I was different, I was manipulated by my own family before I became this person...what if-,"

"What? What if he can change," Emily mocked, "is that what you want to do? Alison, what do you want to do? Save him?"

"No, I just-," Alison felt the distance growing between them. They were 3 feet away but it felt like miles were stretching between them.

"You do! We almost died in the middle of the road! I don't have my memories of my life before this hell, and you do want to save him. You think he deserves that." Emily shook her head and couldn't even look at Alison anymore.

The woman she knew she has loved, the same woman she was learning to love again was seriously considering the idea that the person behind all their pain was not the one to blame.

It pissed her off. It broke her heart. She was in pain almost every minute since she had woken up and hid it so well and now that pain she has been feeling...Alison thinks the person who inflicted it didn't mean to? That it wasn't his fault because he heard about another little boy with the same doll obsession as him?

She'll admit the universe was cruel in that, but she's never agree that Charles grew up the way he did because he didn't have a 'family.' He had his chance to get out and get better and instead he wanted to take anger and jealousy out on his actual sister and her friends and their families.

There was no sympathy in her heart for him.

And she didn't know if she could go on loving someone who felt that he deserved any sympathy.

"Emily," Caleb tried, reminding the girls that they weren't alone.

"What?!"

"I think you should calm down."

"Why? Are you my doctor?"

"No, but look at your hands."

Emily looked down and sure enough, her little tremble had turned into a violent one: hands balled into fists and shaking uncontrollably.

She sat back and tilted her head back against the head rest, "f-fuck," she cursed, breathing in through her nose and out her mouth and when a hand gently touched her hands to calm her, she knew exactly who it was and she snatched it away, "don't touch me."

Alison felt the words leave Emily's mouth like knifes sailing through the air and sinking into the blood-filled tissues that made up her heart and she drew her hand into her own lap like it was swatted away, trying not to let anymore of the pain in her chest seep through to the rest her body.

But it did.

The wounds stabbed in her heart were leaking liquid pain throughout her veins, and it was heavy and cold and it was slowing filling her lungs and weighing them down, drowning her.

It was in this moment she imagined that the impact was the same when she had said what she said about Charles and not taken Emily's side. She must feel betrayed and all Alison did was sit there and dig herself into a hole.

All she could do was blame herself again and stare angrily ahead as tears spilled down her cheeks.

She was back at square one, all that progress with Emily and she threw it all away.

Emily was right, Charles didn't deserve a second chance...what was she thinking?

They were all right, right? She would be crazy to think that he doesn't have to be the one at fault for everything. He was probably just like her. Who knows, it could've been her in there instead of him, it could've-

"Alison," Mona cut off her train of thought.

"Don't. Mona, don't okay? Just drive." There was no emotion in left her voice, just a hollowness.

A deafening silence fell yet again, and it that, they drove the last 45 minutes to Woodloch Resort.

x-x-x-x-x

"Alison." Mona was gently shaking Alison from her slumber. It had been less than an hour to finally get to Woodloch resort and in that time, Ali morphed her self-hatred into sleep.

"What Mona, go away."

"But we're here. The room is ready, we have to go now, Caleb thinks Charles may have eyes on us using the resort's security cameras."

"Just leave me here," Ali groaned.

Mona rolled her eyes and hit the inside of the open door, "dammit Alison, get your ass up, now is not the time to be feeling sorry for yourself. You're not this kind of person who lays down and gives up."

Scoffing, Alison turned her body away from the door and tucked her hand under her chin, "what do you know?"

"What do I know? What do I know! Alison, I've been here since you came back. Do you not remember coming to me and asking me to help you with this? I said yes! I said yes for Hanna and for Caleb, but also because I believe in you.

"What I know is that you are not the person you thought you were, you never were that person, because no matter how hard people tried to make you something you weren't, in the end you didn't let them. And look where that got you! You have friends who love you and would do anything for you and you have Emily."

Alison was biting her lip and despite the fact that her back was turned towards Mona, she could still feel the glare in Mona's eyes, boring into her.

"Not anymore I don't. She hates me."

"Are you freaking kidding me?"

"What?" Ali turned around and faced Mona, surprised at how close she was.

"You are such a fucking idiot sometimes. Emily does not hate you, but she's mad, and the fact that you can't separate the two makes you an idiot."

"I know why she's upset and I wish I could take it back, but I can't. And it's not like she can choose what to forget or not. I don't even think she can forgive me."

"All this back and forth, aren't you tired of it? Be smarter, think before you open your mouth, she's not used to everything yet, but she will be."

"And if she's not? What if this is her second chance, she can start over without me and maybe she'll find something better."

"Emily loves you, and you think that her finding someone else is better?"

"Maybe, I guess we'll see after tonight."

x-x-x-x-x

"Emily, we should really get back now, the room is ready and Mona can set everything up by herself."

"Just a few more minutes Caleb, then we can turn around."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Because you're breathing really heavy and I can see you wincing when you lift you right leg up."

When Mona parked the car, Emily bolted and started towards the lining of trees, not even giving an explanation before Caleb realized he should be following after her.

She had just started to walk when she found a lightly used trail leading a ways up the side of the sloping hills. She didn't wait a second more before she started her ascent into the thicker brush of trees.

"I'm fine," she waved, "you should go help them, I can find my way back."

"We're not that far from the resort but I don't want you here alone."

"I'm fine, I can take care of myself okay?! Go, help them."

But as she was yelling, she missteped and slipped forward, catching her hand against the rough bark of the nearest tree, cutting herself.

And seeing the blood, being in the trees, yelling about getting help, she was brought back to that place.

Her eyes widened and she didn't see Caleb anymore, all she saw was a masked figure and black hoodie and gloves, she saw the blood on her hands and she didn't know if it was hers or-

"Ali! ALI!"

Caleb looked around and realized that Em's wide glazed over eyes weren't looking at him or even Alison. She was having another attack.

"ALI," she screamed.

Caleb tried to walk towards her but when she took an unsteady step back he cursed under his breath, "shit! FUCK!"

Emily flinched at the sudden shout and she seemed too afraid of him to move.

"Em, Emily, listen to my voice, it's me, it's Caleb okay. Can you hear me? It's not real. Whatever you're seeing, it's not real."

But it was real for her, she was breathing it all in...again.

She was starting to shake and Caleb was afraid that she would black out and hurt herself on the way down.

"Ali, help me!"

Caleb turned around and quickly dialed Mona's number on his phone. She answered after the second ring, "bring Ali here now, it's Em, she's having a panic attack or something, it's not like the ones before."

He hung up the phone and when he turned back to Emily, he found her sitting on the ground, back against the tree she had cut herself on, holding her arm to her chest, rocking back and forth, saying something her couldn't even really make out.

60 seconds of painfully watching his friend relive whatever nightmare she lived through before this and Caleb finally heard the sound of rushed feet breaking twigs and crunching the Earth beneath them.

"No, no, stay away." Emily heard the noise and ducked her head between her knees, her arms outstretched shaking bloodily in defense.

"Em?" Ali nearly dropped to her knees in defeat at the sight. Caleb looked worried at Ali and took a few steps back, finally hearing Mona catching up to them. "She slipped and cut her arm and I lost her. She started freaking out."

Alison swallowed and waved them away, "I'll get her to the room, go on without us."

"Alison, it's already 5, the sun sets soon, I'm not-,"

"I wasn't asking you," she said so only Caleb could hear, "go. Take Mona to the guys and you guys do what you said you were. This shit ends tonight. He's not going to touch anyone I love anymore. If I have to, I will put a bullet between Charles' eyes when I see him."

Caleb swallowed and turned around, asking with his eyes if Ali was going to be okay.

"Go, because I swear to God, if Emily gets hurt again...just go."

Caleb didn't stand around any longer before he grabbed Mona's wrist and started to head back down the trail to the resort.

"Emily?"

"Stay away! Please, stop it. I don't want to do it anymore!"

Alison felt her gut wrench and she started to boil with rage, she really thought that Charles deserved to be heard? She was probably just as crazy as him.

She was going to end him and his reign of terrorizing her real family once and for all. Nothing he had to say was worth watching Emily be paralyzed by fear.

"Emily, Em, it's me love, listen to my voice."

"Stop it!" Emily still had her head down and now she covered her ears with her hands, "leave me alone."

"Emily," Alison said louder, "listen to me babe, it's Ali, I'm here. Can you hear me?"

Silence. But Ali took that as a good sign. Emily was listening.

"Em, you know my voice, you know that I'm safe. Come back to me. I'm not going anywhere."

Emily dropped her hands down and shook her head, "it's not real, it's not real."

"I'm real baby, listen to me, I'm real okay. You're not there anymore, you're safe. You can open your eyes, you're safe with me."

Ali was slowly making her way towards Emily stopping when she was a foot away from where she was huddled and the blonde sunk to her knees, eyebrows knitted tight with worry, "Em," she whipsered, "I want you to count to three with me and then I want you to open your eyes okay?"

"No, I can't."

"Emily, it's going to be okay, when you open your eyes, I promise it'll be gone okay? It's just me, you know me right?"

"Ali," Emily's voice cracked, "I'm scared."

Alison lifted her hand but quickly put it back down, she didn't want to startle Em, she had to do this on her own.

"It's okay to be scared, but I'm here, I won't let anything happen to you." Alison forced as much truth in the statement as she could but it seems all she's ever done ended up hurting Emily regardless.

"Open your eyes."

Emily took a visibly shaky breath and lifted her head, slowly opening her eyes to see that Alison was just a foot away, broken down into a scared girl just like her.

"Ali," her voice cracked again.

Ali nodded, "it's me," and this was real she wanted to add.

Emily started to cry and when the first tear spilled over, Ali threw caution to the wind and lunged forward, grabbing Em's shoulders and pulling her forward until her head was pressed against her chest.

"Shhh, I got you. I got you now, you're okay."

"I'm sorry Ali, I'm sorry."

"No," Ali hugged Emily harder, "none of this is your fault, don't say sorry. You're safe right now, I'm here, I have you."

"I keep p-pushing you away," Emily sobbed, "I don't w-want to, bu-but I-I'm scared," she admitted.

"Then stop pushing. It's not your fault though okay," Ali put Emily at arm's length and waited until the tear filled eyes met hers, "I was pushing you too."

"What for," Em wiped her eyes and looked down at her knees.

"I'm scared to."

"Of what, I see you, you seem fearless."

"That's the problem, that's what I was taught to look like. But I'm scared, I look at you and I remember what everyone around me has suffered at that terrifies me. I don't want that to happen again. I'm scared of losing you."

"I'm scared of l-losing you too," Em's voice cracked, "the way I feel about you hurts and makes me feel better at the same time, it scares me. I don't know what else could be worse."

Alison reached forward and grabbed Emily's hand, "not being together."

"What?"

"That would be worse. I can handle that."

Emily stared hard at Alison's face, soaking in everything. She must look like a mess in comparison, "Ali what if, I don't get better, what if-,"

"Shhh. Don't say that. You'll be fine. Memories or not, no one will love you less, especially me."

"You think so?"

Ali nodded, "I know it."

"I'll make new memories anyways right," Em asked optimistically.

"Exactly," Alison breathed, "listen Em, about earlier in the car and Charles, I don't know what came over me, I would never side with him and I'm so sorry about making you feel or think that I would, I just want you to know that-,"

"It's okay."

"What?"

"I said it's okay."

"No, no it's not. I love you and I know you were angry, so I have to make it right, I don't ever want you to think that you are not enough reason for me...I would move a mountain for you Emily."

Emily smiled faintly at this, "how," she asked playfully.

"One pebble at a time if I have to."

"Won't that take too long," Emily was smiling and pieces of Alison were slowly being stitched back together by it.

"Let me put it this way. In all the time I spent with you there were little bits and pieces of forever in them. Time is linear, so the past, present and future are all happening simultaneously. And when I was - when I'm with you - it feels like I'm living in forever, suspended in it, so moving a mountain would seem to take all but the blink of an eye after spending as much time with you as I have."

"Are you always like this," there was a twinkle that glinted in Emily's eyes and Alison knew it all too well.

"Like what?"

"Like this, do you just talk and make me feel like nothing I ever say will measure up or sound as nice?"

"No, sadly, I'm not. I cuss a lot and you scold me. And you usually do things that make me feel like nothing I do for you will ever measure up or mean as much."

"Hmph," Em shook her head, "well then we can't be apart then."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Amuse me."

"Well, if we are, then we won't have the best of both worlds."

Ali smiled, "I knew you were greedy all along."

"You have no idea," Emily smirked and Alison's heart skipped a beat.

"Em-,"

"Enough talking, it's my turn."

"Em-," Ali tried again, but failed.

"Come here," Emily reached out and placed one hand behind Ali's head, slowly and gently pulling the blonde closer, dropping her knees from her chest so her legs were stretched out in front of her, spread wide enough for Alison's body to fit when she fell closer.

"Let me do things out of order for once," Emily just barely breathed when their lips were inches apart. She used her other hand to hold Ali's waist and pull their bodies closer, Alison's jeans rubbing in the damp dirt so they stained her knees.

Ali couldn't fight, she was defenseless. Every nerve ending was firing and she deeply craved to be touched again in the way only Emily could touch her. It made her body ache with desire.

"Emily," it came out a ghostly whisper, Emily could've imagined it, "kiss me."

Emily lifted her eyes and there was no hesitation now, the look in Alison's told her this was okay, this was right.

Emily wanted this to be soft, she knew she was capable of doing that, but not now, passion won over.

That hand in Alison's hair twisted, tightening its grip until Ali's breath hitched and her mouth fell open, it was then that Emily crashed their mouths together, quickly closing the distance between their lips.

Soft pants escaped both their lips as they fought for dominance, breaking the kiss only to try harder. Emily almost growled when Alison pushed up on her knees and forced Emily's back forcibly into the tree behind her.

Emily's mouth opened in a hiss of pain and pleasure and Alison took the opportunity to attach her hungry lips to the newly exposed flesh of her lover's neck. She groaned at the familiar taste and ran her tongue along its length. Emily would always feel the same, taste the same, that wouldn't change.

The harder she sucked and Emily felt like her limbs would go slack, until Ali gave her a love bite and she realized how much stronger she was, yanking on the golden hair in her hand until Ali was forced to look at her.

Their gazes looked for a moment before Emily moved her hands to hold Ali's face, cupping her cheeks then moving one hand to hold the base of Ali's jaw, where she tilted it up until she could return the favor and kiss and suck and nibble along her neck, scraping her teeth down her throat.

Ali's head felt weightless, she was losing oxygen to her brain by not breathing. All she could focus on was the trail of fire Emily's touch left in its wake. Em's hands were everywhere and she didn't want it to stop.

When Emily got more bold and slipped her hand beneath the front hem of Ali's shirt, Ali fell against Em, pushing her back flush into the bark, "shit," Em hissed.

Ali moaned, she hadn't hear Emily cuss like this since-

Smooth, tanned hands traced up and down her the pale skin of her stomach and back and Alison didn't know when she did it, but she suddenly realized that she was straddled over Emily's thighs now, tempted to keep pushing this.

The snap on the back of her bra was released and it was like it snapped Ali back into the real world where time and space were actually real.

"Emily," she panted, she was truly breathless, still pushing harder into Emily despite her efforts to pull away.

Emily just groaned and held Ali tighter, biting down on her bottom lip.

"Em, babe, we have to stop."

It occurred to Emily that Ali was calling her that. That she started to call her that the moment she found her a crying heap on the ground.

"Say that again," she panted, just as breathless.

Ali kissed Emily back, hard, daring to dart her tongue out where it was met with another, dancing to a rhythm that they both knew so well.

"No," Ali put her hands on Em's well defined shoulders and pushed away. Emily leaned forward only to be - almost shoved - back into the tree.

Their eyes were wild, hair a tangled mess, shirts had ridden up slightly, showing just enough skin to make them both want to see it all.

"Why not," Emily was trying just as hard to catch her breath, her head spinning. She smiled and placed her hands on Ali's hips that were above her own, using them to lean up and place a kiss over Ali's chest, "I love you though."

"Don't do that, don't use that as a weapon against me, Emily."

"I'm not, weapons are for fighting, I don't think we were fighting do you?"

"We can't. Not here, not now...not yet," she added, swinging her knee over so she could sit in front of Emily...scooting until there was some space to breath. If Emily got any closer, she wouldn't be strong enough to stop again.

"We can't? Or you won't?"

"Stop doing that, don't make it that way. Y-you know I want to, but also you know we can't."

"Why not? We're alone, and I'm with you, that's all I need."

"No, it's not. And if you really think it is, fine, but that's not all you deserve. I told you, we made promises that we'd do this the right way, and I'm going to keep those promises. When the setting is right, when I've shown you who we are, and when the time is right."

"There's nothing left for you to prove though," Emily made a move forward again but Ali was quick to stop her.

"Emily, stop, what's the matter with you? What's gotten into you?"

Emily had a look of pain flash across her face, and then anger and pain again.

"Talk to me, Em."

Emily just shook her head.

"What's going on," she repeated, "you know you can tell me, what is it?"

And like she couldn't get the words out faster, she burst, "what if there is no right time? What if all we have left is now? What if we don't have the luxury of time, who knows what the hell is going to happen next, Alison."

"No, woah, calm down Em. Why are you thinking like that. We're going to get everyone back safe, nothing bad is going to happen."

"How can you be so certain, can you promise that?"

Ali was taken aback, lowering her head, "no, I can't. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't have hope," it didn't come out as smooth as she had hoped, "and I had my doubts about hope and I would never thought I would admit this, but I was hopeful that you would come out of those woods alive, hopeful that you weren't dead - that your heart was as strong as I know it is - I had hope that you would wake up from your coma, hope that you would get to make a recovery and come home, and so far, that's all happened.

"I won't credit it all to hope, but I know things could've been worse if I had just given up all hope and lost myself in a dark downward spiral, don't go down there. I used to live there and I don't want to see you there."

"So I should just hope that when tomorrow comes, I'll be 'home' with my friends and family and you? Hoping is going to help me?"

"Yeah, hope and me...and Caleb and Mona and Toby and Caleb. They all their own hopes about the way things happen next and what tomorrow will look like."

"What if I can't do it?"

Alison didn't answer Emily at first, she just stood, dusted herself off and held a hand out to Em, "you can, and I know you will, because that's the person you are. You were the one to help me stop spiraling down into despair. You can do it, because you deserve it and because I will be right here."

Emily looked away for a moment, at war with herself until she looked at Ali's hand and lifted her own into it.

Alison helped her up and when they stood, Emily stepped a little closer, "I can't wait to fall even more in love with you Alison."

"Ditto, Em."

Em laughed and scrunched her nose, "so much for that eloquence and romance in your words."

"I'm saving some for our first date, wait till you see where I take you."

"You already have an itinerary?"

"Maybe I do."

"I hope so."

Alison nudged Em, "see, you're already doing it."

Emily dropped her head and had a shy smile on her face, pushing the hair back behind ear when it fell to cover part of her face.

"Look at me," Ali softly brushed her thumb against Em's chin, the rest of her hand under it, using it to push Emily's head back up, "it gets dark when the sun sets, but do you know what that means?"

"What?"

"It just means we have another chance to catch the sun rising on a new day. We're going to watch the sun rise out of all of this tomorrow okay?"

Emily took a deep breath, "you did it again."

Ali laughed and grabbed Emily's hand, leading her back down the hillside, but before she could take another step, Emily pulled on her hand, forcing her back clumsily until they were face to face again.

"I wasn't done with you," Emily smirked again and Ali had a thought to protest until Emily again cut her off with her lips.

This kiss was gentle, it was soft, it was like the first kiss after Emily first said she loved Alison.

It was the kiss Ali wanted without knowing it. And it was over just as soon as it started.

Emily sighed and bowed her head until it bumped against Ali's.

"To tomorrow."

"To tomorrow," Ali repeated and then smirked as she added, "babe."

Emily smiled smugly before it turned into a totally red-face smitten, toothy smile, "tell me I don't get tired of the way that sounds."

"You don't...and you won't," Ali winked.

_**AN: where have I been? I don't even know lol**_

_**So I know some of you were...what's the right word here?...angry? upset? impatient? with me before that there was so much angst and it took the girls so long to have their first kiss...Well, that's because I didn't want to center this book on romance, and it's not...but don't worry, that time will come *tries to wink***_

_**Bear with me on this because the angst will only (partly) be in a few more chapters and then there will be some (i hope, awesome) fluff to make up for it, I promise. I don't want to let you down, but I'm not a miracle worker, I can't and I know for certain that I won't please everyone.**_

_**Anyhooo, let me know what you thought about this junk I call my writing. **_

_**P.S. The Parsons' family story was just a way for me to show you guys that Ali is really having a hard time being the one to make decisions about what kind of people people really are, I drew the parallels to Charles's story for the sake of giving his character something to have in his arsenal (you'll find out what I mean when I post the next chapter, but no spoilers) so I hope you didn't hate it.**_

_**And to those badasses out there still reading, THANK YOU, love you.**_

_**xo Lina**_


	25. I Know You

_**AN: So a lot has happened to me and my life and the people in it since the last update, I did get my computer back from Geek Squad but the stress and family problems and health...well i think it warranted a break. I wanted to take a longer one, but this is my escape so I came back. The only reason I apologize so much is for my regulars...and myself.**_

_Anyways, I hope you enjoy. I just had my last final exam for college...two years down, two to go...so I should be here more often and buckle up please for when I release my new stories..._

_**Love, Lina**_

_**x-x-x-x-x-x-x**_

**No One's POV**

"Hey, you and Mona only? Where are the girls," Ezra asked as soon as he opened the door.

Toby was pacing back and forth with his arms folded across his chest and only looked up when he heard that Emily and Alison weren't there.

"You left them? Where are they," he asked worriedly.

"Calm down," Caleb tried, "they're fine."

"Okay, can you say more? Why didn't they come with you?"

Caleb pulled off his boots and ran his hands through his hair before taking a deep breath, "they're outside, about half a mile up the hillside. Emily had some sort of breakdown, she was really freaked out and all she wanted was Ali."

"Yeah, and she was with me, they had a sort of fight in the car, and so soon as we got here, Em took off and Caleb followed. When Emily started to panic, Caleb called, I told Ali and Ali ran to Em."

"So that's where you left them? Alone? In the woods?" Toby walked closer to them and projected his voice a little louder.

"Calm down Toby," Caleb said, "they're fine. Emily had some sort of nightmare come back, or memory. Alison was calming her down. Plus, it took 20 minutes for us to walk back and find the room, so I'm sure they're on their way now."

"I still don't think it was smart to leave them." Ezra looked hard at Caleb, like he did something wrong.

"Hey, don't get on him," Mona defended, "we're all doing our best and those two just needed to be alone. Think about it, when was the last time that that happened for them? We need to just give them space right now. Look, if they're not back in...15 minutes, we'll go and get them."

"Yeah," Caleb continued on his own, "we've been skirting around them and telling them how to feel, how the other must feel. I don't think they've had a chance to figure it out without all of us being around. Alison surely couldn't have done it in the hospital, Em's health wasn't even that stable really."

Ezra pursed his lips and Toby dropped his head, they knew Caleb was right.

"10 minutes," Toby said finally, "and not a second later."

"Deal."

x-x-x-x-x

Like Caleb said, he was sure the girls would come back soon. And to the second on Toby's watch, they came back in 8 minutes and 53 seconds.

"Oh, thank God," Caleb sighed relieved, "Officer Toby over here was going to unleash the hounds and track you down."

Alison smiled and pulled on Emily's hand so they were standing side by side in the doorway.

Everyone's eyes dropped to their hands, clasping each other's, interlocked fingers and they all smiled knowingly.

"We're fine," Ali confirmed.

"I'll say," Caleb teased.

Emily blushed and tried to slip her hand from Ali's but the blonde held strong, shaking her head gently at Em, "don't you dare," she whispered.

"Okay, well when you two stop making googly eyes at each other, we still have a lot to do," Mona was only mean to mock them when in reality, she was really happy to see them like this. There was a glow about the both of them that she hadn't seen before. It was comforting to see that a relationship like theirs could weather such a fierce and intense storm for so long and still come out strong.

"Don't mind her," Caleb got up and whispered between the two, "she's just happy to see you both."

Emily was still blushing, "hey, I'm sorry for putting you through that back there."

"No," Caleb shook his head vigorously, "you don't have to apologize for that, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Thank you."

"And by the looks of it...," he trailed, shooting a quick mischievous look down between them at their hands.

"I'm fine," Emily shied away, turning out her shoulder.

Caleb took the hint from her body language and the warning look from Ali and stepped away, "come on, we ordered food from room service, figured we haven't really eaten much this trip. It just got here before you."

Emily took a step forward to follow Caleb and the others when Alison tugged on her hand and pulled her closer. The suite was pretty big: there was a kitchen-like area with a fridge, small stove, microwave and such with a small dining set-up. Then there was the space that resembled a living room, with a TV, chairs and couches, and through the door, a room with the bathroom and two queen size beds.

Alison only needed one look at the place to know where she could go for some privacy.

"Ali, where are you-,"

"Just hold on," Ali whispered, "hey guys," she said louder, "Emily and I are going to freshen up in the bathroom really quick, okay?"

Toby waved his hand at them both, "take all the time you need, there will still be food here when you're done."

"Speak for yourself," Caleb attempted to provoke playfully.

"Just go," Toby repeated, "bathroom is all yours."

Ali said a quick thank you and pulled Emily into the bathroom, quietly shutting the door before facing Emily and finally letting go of her hand.

"Alison what are you-,"

"Shhh," Ali gently placed her finger over Emily's lips, reveling in their delicacy and fine shade of pink.

Emily swallowed nervously and bumped gently into the door when Ali leaned in and dropped her finger, that hand slowly finding its way back to Emily's.

The blonde continued her movements on either side and when their hands were locked, she slowly, sensually lifted her arms with Emily's to pin the brunette's hands above her head. Alison could practically see the way Em's pulse point jumped in her throat. She could definitely hear the slight hitch in her breath.

"Ali," Em started again, this time more weak.

Alison smirked and pushed even closer, their chests touching now, feeling the rise and fall of each other's breathing.

"I'm not going to kiss you Em, not yet."

Emily sucked in a breath when she looked down the difference of a few inches in their heights and seen Alison's eyes, smoldering with a look that told her otherwise.

"Y-you-you're not?" Emily stammered, wondering instead why she didn't ask Alison why not?

"No," Ali smiled and sucked in a breath, taking in Emily's distinctive scent. "I just want you to know that this is how I feel about you. I can't think straight, I can't breathe, I can barely even fight the urge to kiss you."

"Then," Emily found the courage to ask, "w-why are you?"

"Because," Ali slid her hands down Emily's arms, then her sides, resting at her waist, "I know that I still have to make you fall for me again. I want you to. I want this to happen again after one of those dates we promised we'd go on. I want you to know that I love you enough to deny myself this pleasure if it means giving you back a fraction of what you've given me."

"S'not fair," Emily turned her head sideways and closed her eyes, focusing on the way Ali was slowly pulling away, putting distance between them again.

"I'm telling you because today is going to change things. As much as I'd like you to myself, when we get your parents and our friends back, I am going to have to share my time with you again."

Ali stepped away and smirked at what she had reduced Emily to: the slightly trembling mess before her, flushed cheeks and heaving chest. Just like the good ole days.

"I'm giving you something to look forward to Em."

Emily gulped and nodded, "you're very cruel."

Alison smiled triumphantly, "maybe, but I know how much you love it when I get romantic and do goofy things for you, so this," Ali gestured between them and what she did, "is going to take a back seat until you get to relive everything else."

"Will I like everything else," Emily taunted.

"Of course, I had to romance my way into your heart first and then came the goofy and then the sexy-time." Emily didn't believe that Ali was being so forward, but she wasn't going to complain.

"In that order."

"Yes, so you have to stick around long enough to get what you want, if that's what you want," Ali proposed.

"Oh, I think I could see myself wanting something along those lines."

"Good," Ali smiled like it was nothing.

"Just promise me when goofy time comes around," Em turned around and opened the door, "you don't drop the heart shaped pizza in the driveway on Valentine's Day again." Emily winked and closed the door on Alison, turning the tables on leaving the other speechless.

Alison stood there with her jaw on the ground before her face broke into a face-eating grin, spreading practically ear to ear.

"She remembered that?"

x-x-x-x-x

"Okay, so who ordered two of everything from the menu?"

"It was me," Caleb raised his hand and then promptly burped, "why?"

Emily sat up and thumped her stomach, "I want to thank you from the bottom of this swelling gut of mine, I think I tried one of everything and I have regretted it yet."

Ali laughed at the two of them, thinking it reminded her of Emily and her dad, they'd occasionally have ice cream eating contests until Pam shut them down because of all the crying when they'd get a brain freeze...which was every time.

In the midst of this mess, here she was again, content while she knew others were suffering. She couldn't even let herself enjoy this moment as much as everyone else. And as history would have it, she had to be the one to interrupt everyone else's happiness.

"Guys," she spoke as if she was ashamed to have done so.

The group looked at her and waited for her to ask or say whatever she was going to say, everyone's eyes unable to see the way her palms started to sweat.

"What is it Ali?"

"Hello! Have we completely forgotten why we're here! Am I the only one who's actually thinking about that? Because I feel like I am!"

The sound of a grain of rice falling against the waxed wood floors could be heard from the silence that soon took over the room.

A look of guilt washed over everyone's faces and it was hard for any one of them to explain why they seemed to temporarily make themselves unconcerned with the task at hand.

Intensity was high and stress was no doubt a front-runner for the dominant emotion in everyone's mind and body.

"Ali.."

"No Em! Don't 'Ali' me. We're in this mess because of me, and the sooner we can end this and get

everyone back home safe, then the sooner I can start to live with myself. But right now, when you all seem to be okay with this, I'm not. Because you're all smiling and don't seem sad at all, but if- if something happens...and this is the last time I've seen you all smile and it wasn't beside the person you love...because of me..."

"Ali-,"

"No Em," Ali said quieter, "I said don't."

"Alison-," Caleb tried.

"Listen to me, don't be happy right now, don't smile at me or try to make me feel better until I send you home with Hanna, and Ezra with Aria and Toby with Spencer and Emily home to her parents. Don't make me think of this as the last time you-"

"Alison," Emily tried again, ignoring the fact that Ali shut her down the first two times, "nothing bad is going to happen."

"You don't know that Emily, you don't know that."

"That may be true, but I have to believe that nothing bad will happen or else I won't be able to live with myself, you're not the only one who gets to make decisions for everyone just so you can feel better, do you hear me? We're all in this together, we all have to believe that the next time we go to sleep and then wake up, the people we love will be nearby."

"Always the optimist Emily, that still hasn't changed."

Emily dropped her head and turned around, walking away further away from Ali, "Caleb, why don't you and Mona start...I want to go home soon."

No one else dared speak up, they all just stopped what they were doing and nodded in silence...that is until Emily turned around and sighed loudly, dropping her shoulders in frustration, "you know what Alison, you want to know why I think we all weren't 'focused' on what we're supposed to be doing?"

Ali just barely looked up, didn't offer any kind of answer.

"No? Well, I'll tell you, we're scared and we're just trying to cope with all everything. I may not remember everything, but I know that the way you cope with things is like this, you get angry, you yell, and when the people you care about are around you, sometimes you hurt them. I know you feel terrible after, and even more terribly when everyone forgives you, I know that about you, so you don't get to tell us how we can and can not cope while you keep doing it your way."

Ali just stared, she shook her head for a while and looked down.

"I don't know what you want me to say Emily."

"Why does it always have to be like that? Why do you think that there's something special that you have to say, like you have to find the perfect words or else if you don't it'll break me?"

No one could see it but Alison was shaking lightly, trembling so minimally that no one could tell except her. It was her emotions, bubbling inside of her, everything at once hitting her like a freight truck.

"It's because I'm scared too! Dammit, Emily, I think about everything all the time, every second, every waking breathing moment of my life, I'm thinking about how we all ended up here and I'm scared that

I won't be able to fix it this time and I can't wait any longer to find out whether I can start to live with myself or if I have to start hating myself again for all of this. I can't wait any longer, so if you all could just please do what we planned...," Ali stopped and sat herself down, "bring them home," she cried out desperately, "bring them home, bring them home," she chanted, "bring them home!"

Emily squinted her eyebrows in a known worry and in a rush came at Alison, wrapping her arms around the blonde's curved waist and pulled her away. There was no particular 'away,' but it was like Emily was trying to pull her away from the now, from the pain that she kept on bringing up.

Em managed to pull Ali into the bathroom that ran off the side of the room with the two queen beds and slammed the door, pushing Alison further into the room until her lower back hit and stopped against the counter.

"Emily, what are you doing? I don't have time to do this-"

"Do what?"

"I can't sit around and talk about my feelings! Every time we're together, it's this overwhelming urge to cry and apologize and make excuses and I forget that I'm the reason we're in this mess. I keep going back and forth with forgiving myself and moving on-"

"Then don't-"

"You make me!"

Emily's took a reactionary step back and her eyes narrowed at Alison.

"Emily, you make me forgive myself, I look at you and I know you want me to be okay, but I'm not. I can't keep saying I'm fine and listening to you, or Caleb, or even Mona and then turn into...in to...this! I can't not hate myself right now and you make it harder. I can't-"

"What else Alison?!" Emily couldn't either, she couldn't do it either: the back and forth. The ups and downs and round and arounds. It was like a seesaw or a perverted nightmare of a merry-go-round that she couldn't get off of. "What else can't you do? Go on, tell me. Because I don't think I can do it either, I can't do it. The back and forth with you, with myself. I may not have known you when I woke up, but I thought I did. I thought you were strong and fearless and...and...and if I was wrong, then..t-th-then you tell me right now! If you can't do this, tell me you're a quitter and I'll stop expecting things from you."

Alison simply stared at Emily, angry and upset and frustrated, scared beyond anything she could fathom and just confused, she didn't know what to do anymore.

Emily, on the other hand, was nervous, and afraid. She was afraid that Alison would say that she was a quitter, and it would be the end of whatever fairy tale she was trying to relive with the woman she was trying to re-love.

"I'm not going to stand here and wait around Alison, if you can't do this," Emily motioned between them and as much as that hurt, she kept going, "then I'm going to try to make it work." She took a deep breath, "so tell me you're quitting right now, I don't care, but you can not quit on everyone else...or yourself, don't be anything for me anymore if it's too much. Just be someone for yourself, I won't ask anything else, but for you not to quit on getting everyone home tonight."

"I don't know what-"

"You don't know what you're supposed to say?" Em finished for her, "Well the fact that you didn't say anything about making us work is all I needed." Emily set her jaw, lifted her chin a bit higher and walked towards the door, "I never thought you were a quitter...I guess I really did meet a stranger when I woke up in the hospital, and I still don't know you."

That was it.

Emily turned sharply on her heels and semi-slammed the door and pretended that there wasn't and incessant throbbing in her chest.

On the other side of that door, Alison clutched at her chest and tried not to let the burning pain in it suffocate her. She remembers the day she told Emily that her chest would hurt when Em was gone at work or school for too long and Emily would laugh.

It wasn't until Emily finished biology last spring in her first semester in college that she had an answer.

_"I want to be a teacher I think, biology probably...or I was thinking maybe a nurse or doctor, but that's even more school. I can't handle more school. Or if not a teacher maybe a coach, like for the swim team, I miss it."_

_Alison smiled at her girlfriend: she was splayed all across her bed, papers, notes, notebooks, flashcards and her laptop surrounded Em, leaving Ali to sit comfortably on some blankets on the floor._

_"Yeah, well I wouldn't mind my own personal doctor, or my professional mermaid, but I think you'd make a great teacher, plus you can't go to more school."_

_"Oh? I can't?"_

_"Nope."_

_"And why's that?" Emily looked up from her laptop and waited._

_"Oh, I don't know," Ali sighed dramatically, "I think it's because I go to work and think of you and come home alone and when I remember you don't get here for a few more hours, well my chest hurts and I want you here with me."_

_Emily laughed a laugh of pure adoration and disbelief, "okay, where's Ali and what have you done with her, I want my girlfriend back."_

_"Hey, asshole, don't be rude."_

_"Oh, I found her!"_

_"Em! I'm serious, I miss you so much it physically hurts me."_

_"You know I finally have an explanation for that."_

_"Really?" Ali stood up and moved towards Emily's bed, she scooped up the whole lot of Emily's loose papers and slapped them to the ground. Then, she gently snapped the laptop shut, closed the books and the flashcards, those she just flung out of the way. Her last act was to plop down on the bed beside Emily and wait to hear her talk._

_"You're like a child sometimes you know that, babe?"_

_Alison nodded and scoot closer to Emily - who was on her stomach, lifted up to rest on her elbows while Ali was rolled on to her back, so close to Emily that their sides were touching._

_Brown eyes hovered and looked down into these wide, bright blue ones, "I'm going to sound like a total nerd right now - like high school Spencer during SATs nerd level - and you better not laugh because I know you asked me this before and I wanted to get you an answer, I real one. So you better not laugh because I asked my professor until he was blue in the face because I wanted get it right."_

_"Em," Ali said lightly, "you didn't have to-"_

_"I know, but I wanted to. You know, just because we're together now, doesn't mean I'm going to quit on you. And it most definitely means I won't quit trying to impress you."_

_Alison could do nothing but feel lucky to have someone so...so...just someone like Emily love her and be with her and, and...she was just lucky._

_So "okay," was all Ali said._

_Emily smiled, she looked nervous in the way she did it though, she didn't show her teeth, she didn't make eye contact and she tilted her head into her shoulder just a little, before taking a breath to start._

_"Okay, so what I learned for you - and for myself - was that our brain uses the same neural system to process physical and emotional pain, which I thought was stupid because the brain is supposed to be this super cool complex thing you know and when I first-"_

_"Ehem," the blonde interrupted politely and tried to suppress her laugh. Looking up and Emily's face from this angle she could see how rapidly the blush in her cheeks spread._

_"Sorry, sorry about that."_

_"It's okay babe, it was cute, and I'd let you keep going, but I actually do want to know what you learned about us."_

_Emily felt a sense of pride wash over her, re-awakening her urge to spew the science behind what most people call the pain of a broken heart: where your chest or heart hurts when you're sad._

_"Because the same chemical - morphine - is capable of relieving emotional and physical pain, we know that both sensations use the same neural infrastructure...again, which I thought was kind of disappointing considering what our brains are capable of. But anyways, back to your question, our bodies make their own version of morphine called opioids. Just like the morphine, opioids are addictive. So reunions with loved one increase the level of opiods in both and what we - you know, science - have found out is that the opposite is equally as true: breakups can feel like withdrawal."_

_Alison sat and soaked it in, the morphine, the brain, the neuro-something or other, the opiwhatchamacallits and she just knew that she had been answered. In some strange sense - a sense she never would've fathomed - she understood what Em was saying._

_The brain connected the physical and emotional parts like a piggyback system and when the emotional pain set in, it tricked the body into believing it was physical too. The only thing left unanswered was why it hurt in the chest where we think the pain is coming from in the first place._

_"So the pain is physical but it's coming from our heads and if you ever break my heart, I will go through a withdrawal so bad that I will die."_

_"Really? That's what you got - no, all you got - from all of that? Ali! Ali, I spent hours learning that and_

_understanding it for you and wait...wait a sec, what makes you think that I'm going to be the one that will break your heart."_

_"I don't. But I've seen the capacity of your love, I know that's not all of it but...you took me back - that's all I need to know that I have to catch up to you. I'm not done loving you. So that means I can't afford to break your heart, because, simply put, I'm not done loving you."_

_"You're not a quitter."_

_"Really, Em?" Ali said, mocking the tone Emily just used, "that's what you got - no, all you got," Alison repeated, "from all of that?"_

_"Not funny."_

_"See," Ali jested._

_Emily rolled her eyes before lifting her arm that was closest to Ali to rest it over her girlfriend's stomach"No, but seriously Ali, that's all I," she emphasized, "need to hear because that means that you're not a quitter and you won't quit on me."_

_"You think I'd quit on you?"_

_"You said you aren't done loving me, so you can't quit, you have no choice. Also, I've never quit on you and we both want this to work, so-"_

_"So."_

_"Yeah."_

_Emily smiled widely and leaned down, now half hovering over Ali, she had the advantage: some of her body weight was pressed into the blonde._

_Ali never found it intimidating when Emily hovered over her like this but some times it was nice to know that she didn't have to be in charge all the time. She liked to lean back and just let Em take over, be the boss._

_"I love you Alison Lauren DiLaurentis, I will not break your heart."_

_"And I love you Emily Catherine Fields and I will not quit on you."_

**Alison's POV**

Except I did. And the only thing that could've made it worse was if Emily remembered...or if she had made me pinky promise it to her back then. That would've made it even more worse than the numbing pain that was always there.

It was exhausting, trying to keep up with all of the promises I was working on keeping. It wasn't exhausting trying to love Emily. That was easy. It was harder to let her love me back, but it was exhausting for me to keep at this, of making sure I don't disappoint her, and I fail anyways.

I fail her over and over again, and I can't take it. I can't keep doing this. I want to, but this, everything, all of it is making me realize that - and I can't even think it, let alone say it - that Emily deserves better. And maybe...maybe I'm not it anymore.

I was planning on mulling over the thought, letting it sink in and maybe it would hurt so bad I would die. Maybe it would stab right through what I was hiding from and just take over, so I can get this done and do right by Emily.

I could do right by her. This time, I don't have to push her. I could even do the opposite, I could just completely cut out the bad in her life. The bad, the pain...me.

I was planning on mulling over the thought, but there was a knock on the door. There was always a knock on the damn door.

"What!" It was harsh but what else was I supposed to do? That's who I am. Emily knew that and Emily was the only person who knew that I wasn't always that way. It could be that I was incapable of truly changing. Em just made me strong enough to be better and give her better.

I could do it better this time. She was already disappointed in me. She already thinks I quit her.

"Ali?"

"Well who else do you think is in here?" I spat bitterly at the faceless knocker.

"Who else do you think wants to deal with your crap?"

I sighed again, "Caleb, what the hell do you want?"

He didn't even wait for me to respond, he just opened the door - no, slammed it - so hard that the door knob swung and dented the wall behind it.

My shoulders bounced in surprise and I was expecting angry Caleb but I just got a vacant stare.

"I hope you're not coming in here to tell me-"

"I'm not in here to tell you anything anymore Alison."

"Caleb, I don't-"

"No, don't cut me off okay?! I'm not here to tell you that you're making a big mistake. I'm not here to yell at you that you're fucking up again, that you probably exhausted your last chance with the only person you've ever known that was willing to put up with you and call it love. I'm not here for that Alison. I'm not because I know you already know that. I know you got to see a glimpse of the way she broke when you just quit on her."

I looked up at him, in disbelief, did Emily tell him-

"She didn't have to tell me," he answered my unasked question, "we could all tell, she stormed out and you didn't follow. She followed you through hell and back, almost lost her life and still believed in you. You quit on her."

"I didn't."

"You did. Just like that," he nodded firmly, "but," he took a pause to breathe and change directions, "I didn't come here to tell you that. I came here," he finally looked up at me, "to tell you that we're ready to go. Mona and I have the signal jammers and trackers set, we're locked into the server and we're ready to go. Toby called for the local police to team up with Rosewood for backup but he lied about when to buy us some time. Ezra found the path to take to get to the cabin Charles is staying in and is-"

But his voice faded away and I started to look at the way his eyes wrinkled in the outer corners, like

her had aged all of a sudden, all to quickly. He looked tired and although we all said we'd sleep, I wondered if he stayed up most of the time like I did.

And the way Caleb looked at me right now, it was more than I deserved, but it was all I had ever wanted. He looked disappointed in me and as strange as it is, I always wanted my parents to look at me that way when I was younger.

I wanted them to be disappointed when I did something just as they said. Why? Because what they were teaching me was wrong, and deep down, as hard as I tried to hide it, I knew that. I wanted them to be disappointed so I could see that they believed I could be better...do better.

But they looked like it was expected, they knew exactly what I'd do each time and they hadn't even fought me on it.

Being disappointed in me would've meant that they cared, that they thought I was worth more.

Caleb looks at me like that now.

Caleb, who I never approved of, who I thought so lowly of, who I didn't think was good enough to be with Hanna...only because Hanna was my friend, and I thought he would never be good enough for me.

I was wrong, I'm the one who's not good enough to be _his_ friend.

But just as soon as Caleb's voice faded away, it started to come back again, clear and strong, pulling me up - yet again - to the surface.

"So are you in or what? We only have one shot at this, and surprise is on our side, he won't be expecting us."

I found myself nodding before thinking about what it was I was nodding for.

But his voice faded away and I started to look at the way his eyes wrinkled in the outer corners, like

her had aged all of a sudden, all to quickly. He looked tired and although we all said we'd sleep, I wondered if he stayed up most of the time like I did.

And the way Caleb looked at me right now, it was more than I deserved, but it was all I had ever wanted. He looked disappointed in me and as strange as it is, I always wanted my parents to look at me that way when I was younger.

I wanted them to be disappointed when I did something just as they said. Why? Because what they were teaching me was wrong, and deep down, as hard as I tried to hide it, I knew that. I wanted them to be disappointed so I could see that they believed I could be better...do better.

But they looked like it was expected, they knew exactly what I'd do each time and they hadn't even fought me on it.

Being disappointed in me would've meant that they cared, that they thought I was worth more.

Caleb looks at me like that now.

Caleb, who I never approved of, who I thought so lowly of, who I didn't think was good enough to be with Hanna...only because Hanna was my friend, and I thought he would never be good enough for me.

I was wrong, I'm the one who's not good enough.

But just as soon as Caleb's voice faded away, it started to come back again, clear and strong, pulling me up - yet again - to the surface.

"So are you in or what? We only have one shot at this, and surprise is on our side, he won't be expecting us."

I found myself nodding before thinking about what it was I was nodding for.

Blurting in a hazed state, "Emily?"

I could tell then that he figured out that I was anything but listening to him when he was talking.

"She's...going to be fine. You know, the sooner this is over, the better."

"Okay then, tell me what I have to do."

"Ali-,"

"No, Caleb, don't, I'm not in charge here, I know how I am, it probably seemed that way to everyone, even to me, but you know as well as, or even more than I do, that I wasn't made to lead, you've got to do this."

"Alison."

"Do this, Caleb, for me, for you...for Hanna, you're in charge here, tell me what I have to do."

He wanted to fight me on this. His tanned skin wrinkled in the same way that Emily's did when she was worried, and I did what I did to Em, reassure.

"Caleb, you can do this, you're smarter than anyone pegs you for, yourself included. You figured out how to track him down, you did that. You can do this, you can bring them home."

"Home." He repeated, no life in his voice. i couldn't even tell if he meant to say that out loud, but he did.

"Yes, home, let Hanna sleep in her bed tonight. Hold her so she knows she can sleep safely."

"Hold her?" He was breaking.

"Yeah, I know you miss her."

In a way, I was talking Caleb into this as much as he was talking me into it. Our roles were reversed, leveled out...either way, we said to one another, just what we needed to hear.

And it worked.

"Ali-,"

"What do I do?"

"First? Get your ass up."

And I did.

x-x-x-x-x

I don't even know what time it was when we finally left our room, but outside, the sun had just set, leaving the sky on fire as waves of red, pink, purple and orange hues fused together effortlessly like a bowl of melted ice cream.

My eyes wandered, from one beauty to the next and found themselves settled on Emily. She hadn't spoken to me since I left the bathroom, but the way she would pretend not to stare at me even though I could feel her eyes let me know that she wanted to say something.

But if and when she did, what would I say to her? What could I possibly say?

"Ali, you know the drill right?"

"Yeah, I'm the bait. I lure Charles out, whatever that means and you will all be on standby, ready to go."

"Caleb, you sure this is a good idea?" It was the first time I had heard Ezra really voice his opinion about this whole thing.

Caleb answered truthfully, "no, but Ali is okay with this, it was the plan we all agreed to and we're not wasting anymore time thinking, now is the time to act."

"But if you're not sure-,"

"Ezra," I tried, "nothing in life is sure. Keep that in mind okay, there's never really any guarantee about the way things will happen. We never know until it's already happened and then it's too late. If you predicted it, then good but if not - and it knocks you off your feet and flat onto your ass - then you get the hell up and keep moving!"

I didn't mean for that to come out...any of it. I recognized it all as projection. I'm not enrolled in college like Emily was, but I did take 12 units worth of college coursework online. One of those was a class in intro psychology.

He looked at me and I think he knew I was speaking at him and not to him and I reeled it all back in: my feelings shouldn't keep coming out like this.

"Are you done?" Mona was bitter when I needed her to be and I wasn't mad, she's kept me in check through all of this, where Caleb kept me together, Mona kept in me in check, and she did it well.

"Yeah," I just sighed and walked a little ways away from everyone, noting how the sky was losing all its warm colors and instead turning cold. Just like me, the further I distanced myself from Emily, the colder I felt myself becoming. She was the sun, and if I broke this, then I would fall out of her orbit and forever be cold.

I couldn't warm up again, the person I worked so hard to become was fading away. I don't know if I had it in me to fight for that version of myself anymore when it would be so easy to let Emily off the hook after tonight and let her live the rest of her life.

I probably deserved it.

"Alison, we're waiting for you."

"Okay," my response was quick and I didn't emote anything, I could only remain stoic as I repeated the plan, "I walk halfway there, Caleb and Mona will turn off the signal jammers long enough for me to actually send a text to Charles this time. The moment he gets it, I should be within his camera range and he'll pick it up to see that I'm alone."

"Ali," Caleb walked towards me, "I know you know the plan, you don't have to say it again."

"Yes...I do, and I'm not saying it for you, so shut up."

He swallowed and I could see - from my peripherals - as Emily flinched at the tone in my voice.

I don't think she's heard me like that before. We were becoming new people to each other.

But I couldn't acknowledge her now, I couldn't fall to my knees and grovel and beg her to accept my apology and try to convince her that I would make this work that I was not and I would never dream of giving up on her.

But I didn't and I can't tell myself a good enough reason why I didn't.

I just continued talking, "when I'm in range, he'll see that I'm alone, he'll direct me to his lair and as this is happening, Toby will be tracking my every step with some FBI grade chip that he put in my locket, where it should be safe from Charles' screening which we're all sure he'll have.

"Once I'm in, I will press the button on one of the signal jammers which also acts as a wireless downloader (Caleb had the right words but I didn't pay too much attention to that) and switch it back on so that Caleb can link the two and access everything Charles has: his files, offline and on, live video feeds, everything of or related to the net, he'll hack and take away from that bastard.

"Then I wait about 5-10 minutes for you to come. First Toby and Ezra who will be accompanied by the baboon that is Wren, who will also not try to pull any stunts or will face a bullet to the head," I smiled in his direction, he was all but forgotten until I mentioned his name and he looked up like he forgot he was there too, "then Caleb and Mona and..."

I stopped, Emily shouldn't even be involved in the plan, I didn't want her to be, I needed to know that she was safe.

"And me," she spoke up.

"Yeah...actually what if you-"

"You don't get to be a quitter yet have all the energy required to tell me what to do."

I could tell she was forcing it, the bitterness wasn't natural at all, and she didn't look angry so much as frustrated. I could tell she knew it felt wrong, but she did it anyway...because I hurt her.

She wasn't acting like herself because of me.

So I quit again, I didn't have it in me to argue with her.

"Once, we're in, you are supposed to find the girls, hopefully Charles has me alone, so you can get to them, get them out and let the police, who Toby will be with and have on the way in perfect timing, arrest the son of a bitch...Sound good?"

In theory, if everything ran that smoothly, it would be a perfect plan. Perfect still if the timing was impeccable, there were no missteps and no surprises other than the one we had for Charles.

I wish all theories were true, I wish I wasn't such a coward.

"Okay, then," I said,obvious in my falsely chipper tone, "looks I'll be on my way, don't you assholes back out on me now," I tried to joke. But I didn't joke, everyone knew Alison DiLaurentis wasn't a joker.

So no one laughed, as expected, no one even said anything else. I was waiting for Caleb to say ,"Not funny" or "not likely" but we all knew no one was stopping now.

It was I could hear their feet shuffle in the dirt and gravel just at the edge of the trail, I was going to walk alone. I could've taken a car, but when second car followed, I'm sure Charles would notice that a look sooner than 5 other people.

I expected someone to say bye, but no one did, and I couldn't look at Emily, so I swallowed, nodded my head, and turned on my heels and took the first step to making this right.

I don't think I got that far before a knot tied itself in my stomach and my heart turned to solid ice, dropping into my bottom of my chest cavity, making me shiver all over.

What was I doing? What were we all doing? We should just turn over what we have and let Toby and his guys handle things.

What if we did that and someone else got hurt? When did I become so doubtful about anything I did?

I could tell myself some shit answer to make me feel better, but deep down I knew why...

It was because of Emily. Everything I did and have done to her. The fact that I can't confidently call her mine right now. She is...was the surest thing in my life and I messed it up, I messed her up. If I didn't have her love and her support even if it's because I pushed her away, then why was I doing anything anymore?

It's still all for her.

And I think she knew that too.

I don't know how far I got before that knot in my stomach snapped and the ice block of a heart I had cracked from being warmed again.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, her hand. I didn't think I could do it, I couldn't turn around.

She knew that too because I felt her hand, strong, grip my other shoulder and with them both, she turned me around to face her. Just over one of her shoulders, I could see the shock and then everyone's back faced us. I didn't even hear her come towards me, the silence in my head too loud.

I could feel my eyes, wide and open, blank. My mouth, dry and slightly hung open.

"You do not get to leave and not tell me goodbye." Emily looked at me square in the eye, it wasn't a question, it wasn't a warning nor was it a chance to say it then...it was a matter of fact, "Ali, I don't care that you think this is all your fault, I don't care that you hate yourself for what happened to me and everyone else, I don't care if you want to hate me for pushing you and wanting something back from you what I don't even know we had, I don't care.

"What I do care about though, is if I ever see you again. I care about the last words you said to me before you go and start this crazy 'plan' we just through together, I care about whether you come back or not," her grip on my shoulders loosened and her hands slid down my arms, barely touching me, stopping at my wrists. I imagine she was waiting to see if I pulled away, and when I did, she slipped her slender hands into and around mine and squeezed them gently, "I still care about you Ali, come hell or high water, I know that that's not going to change."

Her voice dropped, I didn't even realize that she was practically yelling before until now.

"So maybe this thing that happened changed me, so it changed you and our situation, and so maybe it changed what we are. But change doesn't have to be permanent. And...and...and I'll be damned if I have to stand behind you and watch you leave, remembering that the last thing that happened between us was me calling you a quitter.

"Because if that's the case, and you don't tell me that you care, and I have to wait and think that you are a quitter, then I might also think that you're going to give up and let Charles win. So this," she stepped away and released me, "is your chance to change my mind. You can change again, change what happens next, this is your chance."

I just looked at her, quiet.

"Emily, this is your chance," my voice cracked, "this is your chance to let me go."

The look in her eyes broke me. It's a look I've caused before, something I wish I wasn't so damn familiar with.

"No, Alison, you don't want that."

"You don't know what I want, I don't even know...you don't even know what you want. You still don't even know me."

That look in her eyes changed now, more change, and she was right, it wasn't permanent. That broken expression turned angry and she charged at me - closed the gap between us in a matter of milliseconds and replaced the soft hold that she had on my shoulders before with a stern shove. And then another, and another until I was talking twice as many steps back as she was forward.

"I know you dammit! God dammit you stubborn..st-stub-stubborn...BITCH! I know you," she shouted and I kept walking backwards from her explosion. Did she just call me a -

"Alison Lauren DiLaurentis, I know you! I may have lost my memory and I don't have all the pieces to complete the picture, but I know you," she repeated, her eyes becoming glossy, "I know that you think everything bad ever is your fault because your parents taught you how to cause so much pain and grief. I know your birthday and your favorite color. It's yellow, you thought you hated yellow because of all the happy images associated with it, but you love it because you love the sun and it reminds you of summer and being free.

"Alison Lauren DiLaurentis, I know that when you used to come over to my house you slept on the side of the bed you don't even like just because it was closer to the window and you like the window to be open so the moonlight can still come in. Why? Because it still reminds you of the sun, reminds you that even when it looks like the light is gone from the world, it finds a way to still guide you at your darkest times."

She stopped pushing me and the throbbing in my arms thanked her, but she had slowed down to catch her breath, her chest heaving slightly, her mouth hung open.

I, not having a clue what to say, watched her and she stopped making me stop feet in front of her, as she put her hands on her knees, eyes never leaving me.

"I know you dammit, you can't say that I don't. I know when we go to the movies you pick at the yellowest pieces of popcorn because they have the most butter, I know you hate when I slurp through the straw when there's no more soda in the cup, I know you buy skittles and have one of every color in your palm before eating them in order by which one you like the least so you can literally save the best for last," she took a deep breath in, it was shaky, and she continued, "I know you like dogs more than cats because dogs are loyal and if you leave the door open dogs will come back home.

"I know you Ali, I know when you're having a bad dream when you sleep, I know when you want to say something but you're holding it in. You don't get to tell me I don't know you. And you can't tell me that I don't know what I want either, because I do know," she took another deep breath, filling her chest, inflating the balloons we call lungs so she could stand up straight, "I want you," she declared and she took another step towards me, only to stumble and fall right before I could catch her, to her hands and knees, her faced almost completely drained of color.

"Tell me you want me too." Her breathing was shallow and she was burning up.

My eyes were filled with tears because she was right, and with my jean clad knees pressed into the dirt and my hands around her waist, in the middle of a place I never even heard of with the woman I can't even function, I realized how right she was and how wrong I was.

I was a fucking idiot.

"Ali, tell me you-,"

I cut her off with my mouth, letting our tears be tasted on each other's tongues who battled in an all too familiar dance for dominance. And I fought with her now, she needed to know.

"I want you. I always have and I always will."

"Don't quit on me," she pleaded and even though her hands were slack around my waist, I could still feel her, burning me with her touch.

The flames of her skin licked across the planes of mine and I cried with her. Her mouth relentless, mine unyielding and I kept saying I was sorry between breaths, "I'm so sorry," I'd kiss her hard, "I want

you," and I'd pull her lip with my teeth.

She was gasping when I felt my lips becoming bruised and I pulled away, grabbed the back of her head and pushed our foreheads together, "I'm not going to quit on you."

It sounded like she was having an asthma attack and finally worry swept over me, "good," she took a deep breath, her eyes lidded from love or exhaustion, I couldn't tell, "now," she sighed, "help me up," she coughed, "and get the hell out of here."

I don't know what was happening, or why she was suddenly was out of energy, but it was like I sucked the energy straight out her, like she poured it out into the open and the universe and I vacuumed every last bit of it.

"Emily-," I warned when she stood and took a wobbly step.

"You know what they say...love is dizzying?"

"No one says that," I had my arm around her waist until she used her hand to push it away, "I'm fine."

But she didn't look fine.

"Em, I don't think-"

"Tell me you love me."

"Wh-what?"

"Well, don't you?"

"What," I repeated.

She faced me, and looked at her wrist as if she wore a watch, "we are all running out of time, so tell. Unless it's not true."

"What? No of course it is."

"Well-,"

"Emily, I do love you, I love you but-"

"Nope, no buts, you can't take it back. I know all the terrible things you used to do, who you used to be, and you would never say you loved anyone, you know that right?"

"Yeah, but what does that have to do with-,"

"Do you want to hear me tell you that I love you? Because I do."

"Of course I want to hear you say it, but when the time is-"

"The time is right now. But I will tell you I love you when you lead us the beginning of the end of this."

"Why would you-"

"To give you motivation to come back to me. If it's not the last thing you hear...if I were you, I'd fight like hell to hear it from you."

She was insane.

We were bipolar and broken and stubborn yet somehow it was perfect.

I don't know why I trusted her enough to leave her now, because I still don't think she looked well, but I loved her, god dammit and I deserved that and I deserved to let her love me if she wanted to, so I found myself smiling.

"So I can take a rein check on that then?"

She copied my smile and nodded her head, "I'll keep it on hold."

"No one else is going to cut me in line and steal it right?"

"Not if you hurry."

"Then I'll run."

And like that, we were playful. Broken, angry, upset to playful and promising I love you's.

It didn't make sense, and it shouldn't have worked...but it did. It worked for us. Broken things for broken people worked perfectly.

I pecked her on the lips, "I know you too Emily Catherine Fields, whose favorite color is blue, whose birthday is my favorite day, who likes to pick and eat the chocolate chips from the muffins we buy at the bakery, who eats peanut butter and sriracha on almost everything and who lets me sleep on whatever side of the bed I want so I can look out the window whenever I'm not looking at you.

"I know you, and I love you."

She just smiled and shook her head, "this doesn't look like running to me."

I just smirked and for the first time in my life, I didn't walk to where I was going, I ran.

And I didn't look back because there was too much I had to do.

I didn't look back, so I didn't see what happened as soon as I took off.

x-x-x-x-x

I ran until I thought my lungs were catching fire and my legs would give. Coincidentally that was also where the car trail ended and the you-can-barely-make-it-out-if-you-squint-your-eyes foot trail began.

The woman working at the counter in the front instructed us that upon checking in, a ranger in his truck would go with a hotel bellhop and bring your belongings along with food up to you cabin so that you and your family or friends could enjoy what they called "a splendid walk with nature."

I was just having a splendid thorn in my ass and sweat under my boobs marathon.

Now that I was here, I knew it was just the beginning of the many phases to our ingenious plan.

x-x-x-x-x

Phase One: Send the text

**No One's POV**

Ali ran for as long as she could. Coincidentally, that was right until she felt like my lungs were on fire and her legs were about to buckle, it also just so happened to be when the beat up path that the trucks take ended and where she had to find the road less traveled: the actual hiking trail.

Like the woman in the front had explained, most guests who chose not to stay in the hotel just checked in, left their belongings in the front where a ranger and bell hop would take their bags to the cabin while they chose the hiking trail (beginners, intermediate and expert) to your cabin. Lucky enough Toby had 'mapped' out a trail for Ali to follow that ran just along the drive road.

Her blue-eyed, blonde head peered through the trees to her right and decided that she didn't have my map upside down and that going right was the way to go.

If she went too far, she would start to see red ribbons tied around the trees. She stomped her way through the brush and low hanging branches until a beat up path could be made out. Just worn a little more than the surrounded ground - a shallow divet where feet had walked repeatedly to the same destination.

However, the farther she walked, the more haunting the trees and everything else around her started to become. It brought Alison back to the last time that she had tried to find Charles on her own. That very first time weeks ago. It was difficult for her to think about how long that was because it seemed like forever ago yet again, it seemed like it was just yesterday.

Alison was just so tied of being scared, tired of pushing Em and letting the thought that she didn't deserve her seep into every corner of her brain. She wanted to take Charles out of the picture and start living her life again...her life with Emily.

_A: It's my turn to stalk you now, "big brother"_

Ali sent the text the moment she reached the foot trail and her heart pounded faster for it, in anticipation, waiting. How the tables have turned she thought. All the years she and the others had spent, wishing and hoping that they would never get a text or note or subliminal message from -A...and here she was, waiting in nothing but the sound of dead leaves cracking under her shoe, for Charles to text her back.

And she didn't have to wait long. Just a minute or so after, the all too familiar sound of an unknown number's text message cut through the silence.

_C: Ah, sister, I see your posse isn't as dumb as I thought, although I expected you sooner_

Ali has no idea what this man sounds like, what her brother, her tormentor sounds like, if his voice is low and flat or silky or anything...but she could hear sarcasm and the smirk in his words now and she wanted to scream at him, having no idea that he was amusing himself, watching her hike her way towards him.

_C: No worries, you're almost here. Then we can finally have some real fun_

Her mind was racing and she just wanted to see the damn bastard just so she could wipe whatever look he had on his face right off. She looked around and had no clue where his cameras were hidden, so she walked with her head on a constant swivel, not even bothering to text back a snarky comment of her own.

_C: it's a good thing you came alone, just like I knew you would_

She was almost there, she could taste it in the air around her, feel it in the thumping in her chest. That knowledge, knowing she was so close, made her throw caution to the wind, even if it meant satisfying Charles by responding back with

_A: you know nothing_

_C: think what you want, but I know you...and I know how this ends..._

_**x-x-x-x-x-x**_

_**AN: (RANDOM SHIT) let me know you think, was it worth the wait? probably not, lol, excuse any mistakes, I was too lazy to proof read. **_

_**I'm just excited...there's only 5 maybe 7 more chapters, then I'll ask you all if I should do a sequel...i'm still debating...**_

_**Tell me how your life has been, anything you want to share? I'll share...i just bought like 20 books from Amazon, and now I'm broke broke bc I was already broke before, but oh whale, it's my money...LOL and I have Amazon Prime so suck it bank account**_

_**love, Lina**_


	26. The New Dollhouse

Ch. 26 - The New Dollhouse

_**AN: I know I know, some of you are angry, some are beyond impatient, some of you are like ooooh yeeeeah I forgot about that story and others are like thank god, it's about time. Don't worry, I'm feeling each of those.**_

_**The reason I wasn't updating anything was because not too long ago, my parents found out that I have been hiding my self-harm and depression and attempts at suicide. I know, you probably were not expecting that were you? Well it's true.**_

_**My family is extremely "close" or so they thought and it just broke my parents heart for them to find and read old and recent messages about how I was feeling about them and even my own life. I needed a break from everything, literally. And they were angry and sad and for days I didn't eat, I didn't look them in the eye, I didn't even leave my room.**_

_**It took me one week to eat again, and a few more days before I started to talk. It may not seem like I big deal to all of you but I never intended on hurting them, I never wanted them to find out, especially not the way that they did.**_

_**I'm not just writing this to answer you guys why I didn't update in forever, I'm writing it to put it out there that whatever hell you are experiencing, if you're going through something...just keep going, roll with the punches and keep your head above the water, it won't be soon, it won't come easy, but something will change and I like to believe the path to getting better will present itself.**_

_**Me? I'm on the brink, one foot in that water ready to drown, another on land, ready to take the road less traveled back to feeling okay. So if any of you, I don't care what color of the rainbow your skin is, who you love or how many amazing years the universe has kept you on this planet, I want you to know that I will be the ear to listen to you and the voice to help you through whatever hell or nightmare you think you can't escape.**_

_**I know I'll be even better at giving advice now, bc I finally admitted that I had a problem...I still have a problem, it lingers but I'm working on it. I know I won't be alone anymore. And if you feel like you are, you aren't anymore, you ALL have a friend in me, no matter how cheesy that sounds.**_

_**; continue, keep going **_

_**So to be totally bipolar and hit you with a change-up: without further ado, please enjoy this chapter. I love you all.**_

x-x-x-x-x-x

**Alison's POV**

You ever get that weird tingling feeling right before something bad is about to happen? Do you ever feel the moment right before your nightmare goes from bad to worse and you try to tell yourself 'okay, wake up, wake up now!' but your brain is like "no," so then it throws some popcorn in its nonexistent mouth and spits at you, "this is just starting to get good," so you're stuck in the nightmare until you're suddenly not?

I know that feeling all too well. I got the feeling the moment after I read the last text Charles sent me.

And I was right.

This nightmare just went from bad to worse.

x-x-x-x

**No One's POV**

Alison barely walked a few more feet before a small white hand towel was placed over her mouth with a strong hand and muffled 'shhh' was hushed into her ear. She threw what panic she had in fighting it off but soon she felt like she was falling asleep. The cloth was most likely doused in...

'What's that thing called?' She thought to no one in particular.

A million and one thoughts rushed through her mind as she tried to compartmentalize what was happening and what she needed to do.

But it all happened so fast, she didn't even know if she had time to press the button hidden in her jacket to let Caleb and the others know where she was.

She was pushed along clumsily and when she thought she would be lights out, she realized that she was in fact still awake and not blacked out, slung over someone's shoulder being taken someplace.

She was in a haze the whole time. Seeing but unaware of what, walking but not being able to feel the ground beneath her and thinking about what was happening, but not being able to make any logical sense of those thoughts.

After a while, Ali thought that maybe the person holding her up was a friend, so she looked over but only seen a black hoodie - of course - and blonde hair, "Hanna?" she tried to say, but all she could manage was a drunken like slur of similar sounds.

It was like her brain sent the words to her mouth, but her lips wouldn't open right and her tongue mixed up all the letters before she gurgled them out.

And it could've been a chuckle, it could've been a yes or no, but she just started to laugh hysterically, "don't worry Hannanana," she hiccupped, "we're comin' to save youuuu," she sang and after a deep burp, she gasped, "geez, what did you give me, it was strong."

Coherent thoughts of where she was slipped away and soon she just thought she was out getting drinks with the girls but as soon as a blurry lighted cabin came into her hazy field of view she tried to stop walking...or floating...she couldn't tell which was which at this point. In her head she thought she was fighting hard, but on the outside, she was flailing like a fish out of water, throwing her arms around so they flopped like boneless masses of muscle and skin.

"No," she gasped, "no no no, not again." She woke herself up long enough to alert her senses and really take in her surroundings. She tried to walk away but her legs felt like cement, growing cement that was taking deeper and deeper roots into the ground as every millisecond passed.

She was somehow uprooted by the woman holding her up, because she was lucid enough to know it was a woman, a woman who smelled like a hint of-

Like a hint of...lavender.

Shit, she thought. And once she passed the threshold into the cabin she pressed the last button on the small device she had concealed and hoped that Caleb was in. It was the last thing she was supposed to do: let Caleb into Charles' system. Then maybe he could see her and come faster, or hold off altogether.

x-x-x-x-x

About a mile away, Caleb received the first signal.

"Guys, we got the first one," Mona relaxed slightly, almost tripping over exposed gnarled roots.

"Okay good, we're only a mile out, so that's good, that means she's close, we should have her wait a few minutes to get closer, once she's in, we don't know what kind of equipment he might have set up, so the closer we get, the better our chances at getting past his firewalls," explained Caleb.

"What do you mean," Emily asked, gripping his arm, "you said this would work."

"And it will Em, but we have no idea what other shit Charles has up his sleeve-"

"So we sent Ali ahead of us, blind!? We just strapped her up with some of your toys and let her walk in there blind, when we don't even know what we are up against, are you kidding me, why did we send her alone, one of us should have been there, we should be closer...I should be with her!"

"Em," Toby coaxed, "relax, you can't panic now, Ali knows what she was doing when she came up with the idea to go alone. Charles had a chance to hurt her and if that's what he really wanted, he would've done it already. Alison is-"

"Oh, and that's supposed to make me feel better? He had a gun pointed at us both, I jumped in front of her, he was going to kill her! But oh, I shouldn't panic because you're an expert on Charles now, is that it?"

They all stopped walking for a minute and when Emily realized this, she shook her head and found a tree to lean on, "this is crazy," she whispered slowly, "this is absolutely crazy, I can't do this, we can't do this, we're in over our heads." Her voice gradually rose until she was standing up straight again.

"Can we really do this?" Not everyone was looking at her: Ezra's hand was gripped around the bark of a tree, Toby's hands were on his hips and his head was down - Emily thought he looked like a kicked dog - and Mona was standing awkwardly with her back to everyone, probably thinking about how to outsmart Charles and the only exception to not facing her was Caleb.

He was always there, since the first day that Ali called him and since they got to leave that damn place.

He was the unsung hero here, he held everyone together, no matter how messy they all were. And they've all been messy. And he never complained.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Emily snapped.

"Because I feel the same way."

"And what way is that? I never said anything about how I feel."

"You don't have to, none of us have to, I know you're scared, and so am I. So are all of us. But we're here, there's no going back, there's nothing to go back to Emily, but you can't start to doubt this now, I won't let you. We've been through too much shit to start thinking that we're incapable do you hear me?" It was like he was scolding a child, in a loving but still very stern way.

"Yeah," she answered very quietly, "I do, but Caleb-"

"But nothing Emily, this will work, it has to work."

"I still don't like it, I have a bad feeling-,"

"Hey," Mona cut in, "no one liked this Emily, no one likes it at all, I know you've been through a hell that we won't understand, but right now you're not the victim, and you're not the only one whose feelings about this whole damn thing matter. You want to make sure Ali gets back to you alright and that our friends and your parents come home, then you need to stop acting like the victim right now."

It came as a shock to everyone to hear Mona speak that way to Emily, "everyone is hurting Em, everyone is worried and scared and I'm sure we all have some sort of doubts brooding inside because of it, so don't act like this is any easier for us than it is for you, we all know what's on the line here."

Emily seemed to soak in the weight of those words and she stood thinking about what was happening, what had happened to her and what she wished would happen in the near future. They were all right, she couldn't possibly be the only one feeling the way that she was, and she couldn't - none of them could - afford to believe anything other than this was going to work.

"We left Wren in the hotel, don't you think we might need him? He knows more than any of us what Charles has been up to."

"Emily, we went over this, he's been left in the dark for months, bringing him would only be a liability, he might say anything he can to protect himself and CeCe, so we lock him up and when all of this is over, Toby's men will go to the hotel to pick him up and put him in jail, there's no need for him now. Everyone we need is right here."

"Okay," Emily sighed heavily, "let's do this."

Everyone's shoulders dropped in relief. They needed Emily to get through this. She was the one to resolve conflict between any of them and they needed her spirit to all make it through.

"Can we just move fast enough that my thoughts can't catch up?"

Toby smiled and started to jog ahead, turning his head to throw at her, "I thought you'd never ask."

x-x-x-x-x

**Emily's POV**

No sooner was it after I agreed to 'do this' did we receive the second signal from Alison.

We stopped our jogging and all caught our breath.

"Caleb," I asked, "what is it, are we close?"

There was a brief moment where I swore there was something on his face that told me things weren't okay.

"Oh it's nothing, nothing, it just seems like Ali got closer than we thought she would, and sooner too."

"Okay, well what does that mean then," I asked again, trying to keep the worry in my voice masked from detection. I don't know how well I was doing until Caleb decided not to address my worry.

"It just means she found Charles' hideout faster than we expected and that she waited until she was in to activate the last transmitter, instead of right outside."

"Okay, so why do you look like-,"

"That wasn't really part of the plan, Em. I thought she would press the last one when she was within 50 to 100 feet and then wait for us. She activated it when she was inside, which means-,"

"Which means," Mona interjected, cutting Caleb off and sending him a look, "that Charles could've detected the message sent to us and our element of surprise may be gone."

I shook my head, "Caleb what were you going to say, I seen the look Mona just gave you."

"Emily-,"

"Cut the crap!"

"It just might also mean that Ali only pressed the transmitter at the last second because-,"

"Because she had no choice." I finished for him.

He didn't say anything or nod, he didn't have to. The silence spoke volumes.

In a whirlwind of panic, fear, anger and a sinking feeling in my stomach, I grabbed the device in his hand, snatched it really, and took off in the direction we were going. At the pace we held earlier, I know there was no more than a quarter mile left.

I don't how fast I was running, but their shouts and yells of my name faded, trees were no longer trees, just brown blurs in my way, the ground stopped crunching beneath me until I felt like I was floating. It was getting harder and harder to breathe, the pounding in my heart so loud, I was deaf from everything. I checked the blinking light on the monitor, I was getting closer.

Flashes of green and brown and suddenly Ali's voice was there, "I swear I will never leave you Emily, I love you."

It hurt too much to think I could only see Alison in my dreams if this didn't go as planned. To see her there in my mind, tortured by not knowing if any of it was real or mere figments of my imagination.

I kept going, not sure if the others were even following me. More flashes of Ali shooting through my vision, "don't leave me Em, I'm sorry!" she shouted, "I love when you hold me like this" she whispered, "pancakes are ready" she called from somewhere in the distance, "you were supposed to pick up the movies" she complained.

And I had to stop because I was no longer standing up right. I was on the ground again, shaking in a heap of my own sweat and tears and weakened limbs.

There was nothing else I could do but scream. I threw my hands down to my side, clenching the dirt until the cold soil was saturated under my nails, my legs bent, feet firmly slammed into the earth beneath me, my lungs piercing a fire through my chest and my heart cramping with pain.

"AAAAAAHHHH," I screamed and cried, hitting the ground with my hands until I had flung dirt all over me.

I had to get up, I had to find her, save her, save them all. I couldn't lay here feeling sorry for myself.

My body heaved with sobs, trying to catch my breath again enough to think and enough to move.

I had more motivation to get up when I heard beeping emanating from the thing I'd snatched from Caleb. It beeped and when I rolled over and crawled to it, the screen was showing static for a moment and then split into four separate screens and I knew that Caleb and Mona's plan had worked, we were in Charles's security system. My eyes darted from each corner, rapidly scanning and hoping to see Alison somewhere inside, safe.

After a few seconds, a new set of live feeds came on and there she was, and there they were. All of them.

My heart stopped. I swear it did. She was dead. That's what my brain told me, it's what my eyes discerned. But how could I truly believe it? She was just with us. She couldn't be.

But there she was, slumped at the feet of my parents and friends. Their wrists were bound with rope, that same rope tied up to a low hanging pipe, their arms in the air, mouths stuffed with a gag. They were against a wall in a dimly lit room.

Although the scene was a horror show all together, the closer I looked, the more I noticed. My parents and everyone else, they seemed unharmed. In fact, they looked different somehow. Groomed even. And their clothes...somehow were off.

It looked as though they were life-sized...

Dolls.

The 4-way scene went through its rotations and by the time it went back to them, the others were hovering over me. They were seeing what I was seeing.

"Oh my god, is that-,"

"Is she..."

They flitted around the words.

I had to believe she was alive, if not, I would go in there and not know how much regard I would have for my life.

"I don't know yet, but if Charles wants to live, she better not be." So I stood, my face was hard, I'm tired of this.

"Caleb, get us in. Now. I need to have a word with this sick son of a bitch."

"Okay, just give Mona and I a second. It looks like he managed to automate the two main doors, and even if we override the system, I doubt he won't know when one is opened. He has 16 different video feeds, 4 of which are placed on a swivel outside."

"So how are you planning on getting us in?"

Mona proposed two options, "I pinpointed each of the video feeds from this monitor to a specific location in the cabin. They're being held in the furthest back corner. The cabin isn't that big but with Alison inside now, we have no idea what he knows. He could be expecting us to show up any moment now."

"Mona is right, and that is why," Caleb said, making sure no one stood up or walked any closer, "we are staying low in this tree line until...," and he trailed off.

"Until what?" Emily was getting confused.

"Okay, so other than the camera in the room with the others, I tapped into the wireless video system, recorded enough of what they were seeing and cut off the live feed and replaced it with what I recorded on a loop. It'll buy us enough time to sneak up to the cabin and get inside without being seen."

"Okay, but we have no idea who - or what - else is inside. Especially where Charles is, he could be on the other side of that door with a gun held at all of us."

"Emily relax, we didn't see him anywhere on the cameras, but he has high end equipment, and using the infrared capabilities, well we can see that everyone is in the same room right now. We counted. There's two extra bodies in there."

"Two?" Ezra questioned and I answered for him.

"It has to be CeCe."

"Okay, I'm in, the door will open when we get there, all I have to do is punch in his password, which is now," he pressed a few more keys, "my password. I have complete control now people."

"Are we ready?" Toby was standing, shoulders tense, gun drawn. It wasn't his police issued pistol, that much I could tell. What happened now, was off the books. It wasn't about rules or the law.

"Go."

I don't know who said it, but we moved immediately, like an elite team in the military, crouched low, eyes scanning, our bodies in a tight formation, silent but moving with purpose. The sun was just setting; it would be dark out within an hour.

We reached the door and like a shield, Toby and Ezra took the front. Toby held the gun up at the door, finger hovered over the trigger. Ezra had his drawn at the hip, pointed down.

Mona and Caleb followed suit, small walkie-talkie sized devices in their hand. And then here I was, behind them all, shaking with eagerness and nerves.

_Ali wasn't dead. She is not dead. Ali is alive._

I told myself over and over until I heard the hiss of pressure leaving the locks on the door and then the distinct click of it being opened.

It was eerily quiet when we stepped inside, I had no idea what to expect, but what I seen was nothing out of the ordinary.

I think everyone else noticed this too. We all stood at full height and just looked around. It didn't look like a torture chamber inside of a creepy cabin. It looked-

"What the hell is this?" Toby walked ahead down the hall we were in and grabbed a framed picture from the table. He held it up for us to see and it was picture of Toby and Spencer. At their house. I don't know how I knew that, but I did. And somehow I remembered that day. It was the day Toby surprised Spencer. He had bought property out on private land and had told her it was a job he was hired to oversee. She had never seen it until that day.

He texted us all? Aria picked me up. We went inside, guilty that we got to see it before her and then

we waited for her to show up.

We caught her reaction on video, taking the picture of the two of them on their porch and Toby's hand-made rocker, Spencer smiling widely on his lap.

I was drawn back to the present when everyone else stood behind Toby, similar reactions leaving them.

Caleb became angry when he held a picture of him and Hanna camping in their backyard on their anniversary.

Ezra found a picture of Aria leaning over their table at the library to give him a kiss.

There was a photo of Mona and Mike - that was Aria's younger brother - walking together at the mall.

Private photos of all of us. Intimate and voyeuristic in nature, it was disgusting.

A rush of emotions hit me when I walked behind Mona and looked for myself, in the center of the table in a slightly bigger frame was a picture of Alison. It was folded over on one side and she was looking in that direction.

I would never be able to explain, but the feeling in my stomach made me sure that I was on that folded side. I didn't know where the picture was from, it seemed to pull at the back of my head, taunting me to come up with its origin.

"What are these? How the hell did he get these?"

"He's been watching us all this time, when we thought it was over, he was still there."

"Why does he have these?"

It seemed like being in this situation - the stress, the emotions - was causing the neurons in my head to fire rapidly. Filling in the blanks where I couldn't. Then I remembered Alison telling me something before she left earlier, "I think he justifies what he did with what happened to him. He was taken away from us, and who knows who he would've been if he just grew up with his family."

I hadn't told her anything after, she just told me that this was something she had to do. But I recalled what she said, _family._

Charles was keeping pictures of us, everyone but me because he thinks -

"He was collecting us, all of you," I corrected, "for his family."

So this was his justification? He missed his family and tried to make one out of everyone in Ali's life. This was twisted and there was no way in hell I would agree with his sick form of logic. I remember seeing a hint of compassion in Alison's eyes when she brought him up, but this didn't deserve any of that.

Something bubbled up inside of me and I had to brace myself up against the wall to stop the room from spinning. It felt like I was in a vacuum, the walls around me were being pulled, stretched, and warped in a way my mind couldn't make sense up and then suddenly I was somewhere else.

I tried to take a breath and when I opened my eyes, I was in a room. A hospital room. I had to struggle to focus, everything was so fuzzy. I squinted through the fog and realized that there was a woman

laying the hospital bed. She was blonde.

I tried to step closer to her through the haze but I couldn't move, I was stuck. I looked harder and "Hanna?"

I turned my head to watch as Aria, Spencer, and…it was me, walk into the room and crowd behind her. Memories started to hit and I was filled with more information than I wanted. This was right after Hanna was almost ran over with a car.

Another feeling of being sucked through a thin vacuum tube and I was again in a new room. This one was dark, it looked like a hospital room, but with no medical equipment. The bed was low, single mattress, one white pillow. It reminded me of something else. Somehow of my dad.

Again, I was frozen in place, forced to look from the outside in. It was like I was up on my toes, peering through a frosted glass window into a house of my own memories. I wish I could've just walked in through the front door and claimed them all, the back and forth killing me.

The splashes of memories teasing me and making me angry. I was losing my grip on this alternate state of mind, succumbing to the way the present was forcing its way into my conscious.

My name was being whispered harshly in my ear, strong fingers wrapped around my arms.

My head was pounding and I wanted more than anything for the pain to stop.

"Emily!" I couldn't even register who was quietly urging me to wake up.

"Em," another shake and I slowly started to feel the ground beneath me again. I was slumped into someone's chest, braced half way up against the wall.

"Emily, wake up, please, we have to move."

Another intense rush of throbbing and I felt like I would rather die than go on and open my eyes.

"_Emily, remember when I said we_'_d go to Paris?_" That voice.

I knew that voice. Alison.

"_If we play things right, we can go this year. What to do you think?_"

Not only was I not even able to respond, but I also couldn't _see _where the image was from. I didn't even know if it was real, I had to believe it was though. I wanted to, more than anything, claim my memories back, my identity, my life back.

"_Em, I need you. Wake up. Wake up Em. Wake up!_"

I cried out against my will when I came back to my body. My legs were weak, faced streaked with tears. Those hands, Caleb's. Everyone else looks of worry on their faces.

"I don't know if it's such a good idea to bring her any farther than this," Mona shared her opinion of me as if I couldn't hear her.

"Emily," Caleb stood me up and looked me straight in the eyes, "what's going on?"

I shook my head, ashamed that I wished I had stayed there. Wishing somehow that this was the dream, rather the nightmare, and my life was somewhere hidden in the recesses of my brain, filled

with only the happy memories from my life with the people I loved.

But I could move my feet here. People could see me here. I could be hurt again here.

"I can't tell what's real anymore Caleb. I want to go back there." There was no use in hiding it anymore, a violent sob seeming to crack open my chest. "I don't know if I can do this."

"Hey, yes you can, you can beat this, you are stronger than this Em. You're in control."

"Guys," Mona interrupted again, "I hate to break it to you, but Charles has back-ups beyond his back-ups, his antivirus software is eating away at ours, we have a few minutes before all hell breaks loose and he'll know we're here."

I swallowed hard, and looked between Mona and Caleb, Toby and Ezra. Finding our family was bigger than solving my issues, I don't know why I kept losing sight of that.

"I'm okay," I knew it was a lie but I forced it through gritted teeth, "I'm fine."

"I don't want to make this a habit," apologized Mona, "but we have a minute until Charles' alarms set off."

With one final nod, Caleb let go of me and rushed to Mona's side. "Reverse the code in the security cameras and reroute imaging to my tablet showing the infrared view for all rooms. Then I want you to triangulate the signal and show me where it's coming from."

"Why? There aren't many doors inside this cabin Caleb."

"I know that but if I can do this, and deactivate the air lock pressure systems he has in each of the doors, I can open the door to the room he's in and we can sneak in unseen."

"Okay," Ezra leaned over their shoulders, "and how is that going to work?"

"Won't he hear and see us coming?"

Caleb smiled and checked his watch, "not if Mona does as I say. I can shut of the lights and disarm the door the same way I did the first one and using infrared imaging from the cameras he has inside that room, we can walk into it pitch black and be the only ones able to see. We already know that the girls and Em's parents are bound and up against a wall, the other two red blips are Charles and CeCe."

"What are we going to do then?"

"Anything necessary," Toby said, fingers flexing over the handle of the gun. I swallowed hard, I knew that this was what had to be done. It was us or them. I had been shot by Charles', I couldn't say it bothered me if he received the same – or worse – in return.

"Whatever it is, I say we do it now, we're running out of time."

I took a deep breath, the lights would be off but what would happen when they came back on after Charles's antivirus ate its way through the computer tech stuff Caleb and Mona were talking about?

I didn't have time to think because everyone started to move in a V-formation. Toby yielding his gun at the apex, Caleb and Mona and his sides and Ezra was with me, somewhat keeping me protectively just behind is left shoulder.

"Caleb, 45 seconds."

"Give me a sec, it's around the corner."

"I'm giving you 45 seconds."

"Mona," he growled and directed Toby to lead us further into the cabin.

"30 seconds."

"Almost done."

My heart was racing; I could feel the sweat pooling at the back of my neck but I was freezing. Knots were twisting inside my stomach and I tried to focus on walking in a straight line.

"Fifteen."

I could hear him taping furiously against the screen, the muscles in his shoulder taut and straining in front of me.

I don't remember holding my breath, but I could feel my lungs burning, forcibly releasing a breath I was holding in so tightly.

"Caleb," Mona's voice warned.

"Shutup, give me a second. Toby are you ready?"

We stopped in front of a door and Caleb stopped typing.

"5 seconds Caleb."

"It'll open right now."

"Three. Two."

The hissing from the door in front of me coincided with the sudden darkness, until we were faced with the pitch black hole in the wall, the only light was dim and red tinted, coming from Caleb's tablet.

Ezra held my arm just below my elbow, keeping me shielding from whatever would be waiting for us on the other side. I tried to make it stop but my eyelids fluttered and remembered that Ezra was once my teacher. He helped me pass, he helped me with what was it? An exam? A resume? An application? I was falling into that void and I had to shove it aside.

"_Emily, wake up, I need you._" She willed me to be stronger.

We crossed the threshold and in the dim light I could hear Caleb guiding Toby, something was wrong. There should've been a gunshot already, something should've happened by now, anything.

And then it did. The lights came on and an evil, blood curdling laugh sounded from every corner of the room.

The very empty room.

"Well hello everyone, welcome home, to the new dollhouse. We've been expecting you."

The metal door behind us creaked, slammed shut and the air locks engaged.

x-x-x-x-x

AN: comments, thoughts? I know I've been M.I.A. for a while now, I'm sorry, but I really miss hearing from you all.

I know this update is shorter than usual, but that's because this "chapter" is divided into two parts. I hope to update pt.2 soon, no dates on that yet. Anyways, be nice to each other and also Happy Halloween! :)

(also please let me know if there were formatting issues while reading this from mobile bc i had to upload this differently than my normal method)

-Lina


	27. The New Dolls

_The New Dollhouse Part 2 - The New Dolls_

**Emily's POV**

The air rushed out of my lungs the way it would escape from a punctured balloon; so fast and all at once until what little air was left barely sighed out of the open wound, leaving what remained behind all limp and deflated.

"This doesn't make sense," Mona spat.

Caleb agreed, "we did everything right, there was no way Charles could've transmitted directly from here and no be here, it was _live _video. Even if he did try to trick us, Mona and I tore down every firewall there was and we got to the root."

"We couldn't have made a mistake."

Ezra got in Mona's face, "well, it looks like you did, you _both _did!"

"What are we going to do now? I can't shoot our way out, and you two certainly can't hack us out huh, now what?"

I was starting to feel that lightheaded feeling again. Like maybe my balloon was filled with helium and not just the air I wish would find my lungs again. I felt my mouth opening and closing, silently screaming and gasping for air to only be met with that insanely sharp stabbing sensation in my chest.

I wondered if I should try to get used to this so that it might hurt a little less each time it happened.

We had been fooled. They weren't in this room and it was possible that they weren't even in this cabin. I really thought that we could end this right here and right now. I had just begun to imagine what going home would be like, what it would feel like to hug my parents, how my pillowcase would smell, what we'd eat for our first dinner together as a family again, what it would be like to have that "fresh start" with Ali...

But Charles' words sank in and everyone else became a blur as the room started to spin on multiple axis. I had worked myself up to get this far, to let Ali go through with this. And now we had nothing.

The faint sounds my brain was drowning out broke the surface and I heard it all: Caleb and Mona cursing and trying to figure out how they'd been fooled, Toby and Ezra trying to use brute force against the metal door. The thumping sounded painful, like they'd rather shatter their own bones than be confined another second.

For once, I wasn't the center of everyone's attention. I was the only one keeping it together for the first time since waking up as this broken version of myself except I didn't feel broken right now. I felt like I had some sort of insider knowledge on him, like I could somehow think like him, and as sickening as it was, to _understand_ him.

Charles wanted us here for a reason. I know I'm no genius, my skills are non-existent, and I am nothing special, but I knew that that was why we were here. Charles thrived on games, in particular, playing them so he could win.

We missed something. We were missing something and that's what we needed to figure out. Everyone else was so consumed with rage that they weren't thinking. We had to think like Charles. There was nothing we could do, no way we could catch up to him if we didn't crawl into his head. I spun around, trying to regain my voice and yell at them. That's when I noticed it.

"Guys," I tried to yell, but I wasn't heard over the clamor of their own voices.

The room was dimly lit, but the far wall, it was different than the others. It didn't interact with the light the way the others did. This wall, it...it _reflected _the light, like it wasn't made of wood or even the metal that the doors were. I stumbled closer to it, hoping I wasn't having another hallucination caused by my traumatic brain injury, or TBI as the doctors put it.

"Caleb," I shouted, "Caleb," I tried again, "CALEB!" I shouted with everything I had and the room finally stilled, eyes on my back, sobbed choked away from heavy breathing.

"Emily, what is it? What do you want now?!"

I spun on my heels and faced him in disbelief. He continued to shout back at me, walking closer as he did.

"What is it now? Do you want to back out again? Do you want to tell me not to do this? What is it now Emily, you want to tell me I told you so? Do you want to hear that you were right, huh, is that it? Well look around," he held his arms out wide and gestured. He was consumed with anger, but not at me. I could see it in his eyes that something had been broken. He wasn't mad at me, he was mad at himself.

Our faces were inches apart so I could see them better, the tears he was harboring on the brim of his bottom eyelids. The crease in his forehead prominent, the red in his eyes starting to show, and the quiver in his lip barely visible.

"Caleb, that's not what I want."

"Then please, tell me what it is that you do want, since this 'mission' of ours was more about comforting you than it was about saving our-,"

Either he managed to squeeze the rest out or I stopped him before he could, but the next thing I knew, Caleb's head was turned to my left and my right hand was pulsating with a red sting to match the mark on his cheek.

"Stop that! What happened when I was spinning out of control these past few days, and these past few hours? You've had my back and you let me speak, so if you can find it in you to do that one more time and just listen to me, you'd realize that I'm trying to tell you something!"

Caleb slowly stood to his full height and as intimidating as he looked, I knew he would never hurt me.

I was right. Instead, Caleb tilted his head and sighed, jaw set so tight in an attempt to hold back the emotions, and he whispered, "thank you." He smiled very faintly and rubbed his jaw line, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I sighed hard and looked at everyone else, "but you should take a look at this wall, I think it's not really...a wall."

It sounded crazy but no one seemed to judge me for it, instead blue and hazel and brown eyes peered over my shoulder to the 'wall' in question.

"What do you mean Emily?"

I turned around and took a few steps back, pointing from the light to the wall, "I noticed it when I was standing here. If you look at it from the right angle, you'll see the way the light bounces off the surface, it's shinier than the other walls."

Mona looked impressed and everyone else seemed to look to me for more answers. I don't know much about my past, but I knew this was something that I wasn't used to. I didn't feel equip to handle a team but here I was - pieced together and broken, not sure of who I am, but I was sure of who Charles was. That much wasn't lost to the parts of my brain that were like damaged goods to me.

"So then what? It's made of what? Shinier paint? Can someone please explain to me what the hell we're doing standing around when NO ONE is in her but us!" Toby was right, what were we doing.

I walked to the wall, and just before I put my hand to it, we heard Charles again.

"Well done Emily, you've figured this part of the puzzle, but if you value your hand, I'd advise you against touching that wall."

I swallowed hard, almost impossibly, and flexed my long fingers that hovered just an inch above the surface, "why should I trust you?" I whispered but somehow I knew that he could hear me.

"Emily, Emily, you're smarter than you allow yourself to believe, I think we both know that you'll never trust me, but you will believe me when I tell you that if you touch that wall, enough electricity will course through your body to kill you. Do you know how much that is?"

I grunted and my hand fisted, "where is Alison? Where are they!"

But he ignored me, "you know, we overestimate how much it takes to kills us. Seven milliamps. For three seconds. That's all it takes. What I've learned is that electricity kills you by interrupting your heart rhythm. If 7 milliamps reaches your heart continuously for three seconds, well, your heart goes arrhythmic," he explained as if he was teaching us a lesson in a classroom, "then everything else starts shutting down."

I knew what it felt like to feel the lights dim slowly from the inside and there was nothing in me that picked up on Charles lying.

"What do you want Charles?"

"Ah," he sighed, relieved, "there. The question you've all been running around, like chickens with their heads cut off, trying to answer. Where. are. your. beloved?" He said each word as if asking himself genuinely.

Alison said he was her brother's twin, and she showed me a picture of Jason, but that man I seen wasn't the one I imagined. I seen his face again, standing with a gun pointed at me and Ali. The light in his eyes gone, the blue was steel-like, icy, and cold. There was no compassion, no mercy, only the need to fulfill his own twisted dream.

"Why did you bring us here?" I questioned further, surprised that no one else did so. They fell behind me and Caleb. All I could hear was there breathing.

"I believe you got that part confused. I brought your family here, but all of you, well, you brought yourselves. You've outsmarted me."

"That's a lie. This was a game to you like everything else is. You left us these breadcrumbs, you wanted us here. Why else go through all the trouble of tricking us into believing they were here? Why!"

"See Emily, you are exactly as I said, smarter than you or anyone else thinks you are, you may not remember everything about your life before, but I like to think I did you a favor."

At this point, I too was trembling with anger.

"A favor? You are as crazy as your papers say, but if you want to play, let's play. Please enlighten me Charles," I said with a hiss, "how is any of this a favor?"

"Well, you were never the strong one Emily, you were always weak, you always had a soft spot for doing what was right, and protecting everyone, like you could save the world. And it is that mentality that has always gotten you hurt. I took that from you. Now you know that you can't save everyone, in fact, you can't save anyone." he spat bitterly.

"You're enjoying this you sick bastard." Ezra growled toward the ceiling.

"Well of course I am. I always have fun with my dolls." he laughed evilly.

"We're not your play things to mess with Charles, we are not your toys, now tell me where they are you sick son of a bitch or I swear to God I will-,"

"Ah ah ah, watch your tone. You're not in charge here remember? I have something you all want, and if you want them back, you'll play by my rules."

"This is crazy Em," Caleb growled in my ear.

But I went along with it, "what are the rules?"

"Ah, I see we have a player, anyone else care to join?"

"Why should we listen to you and play into your little game," Caleb asked seriously.

There was a moment of silence and something cold washed over me, I swear I could almost hear him laughing. That silence was met with a simple, deadly, "because of them."

My heart turned to lead and sank to the pit of my stomach. The "wall" in front of us shimmered, it looked like a tv playing static for just a split second and then it faded, the mirage that had us fool, faded and suddenly the wall was just a barrier, a clear barrier - like a window. And on the other side...

They were all there, strewn up exactly how we had seen. We weren't wrong, we did find them, they were right here in front of us the whole time, hidden in plain sight.

Everyone started to shout but my mouth was shut.

"It won't do you any good, no only can they not hear you, but they can't see you either."

I took a step forward.

"You sick son of a bitch-,"

Another half step forward...

"Alison?"

I walked up to the wall, my shoes almost touching it and my hands were centimeters from the glass.

She was right there, tied up and I had to get to her.

"Emily, NO!"

But it was too late, the violent jolts coursed through my veins before I could stop it. It shot from the tips of my hands through every nerve until every hair on my body was standing. I was microscopically shaking, vibrating with the electricity and I started to count.

In the midst of doing so, I saw a young girl with long brown hair and brown skin on the sidewalk, I man standing a few feet behind her, "let go daddy, I can do it!"

"I did let go kiddo, you're doing it Emmy, you're riding a bike!"

One...another gunshot fired and I was diving headfirst through the water, roars and cheers erupting when I finally came up for air.

Two...I was sitting in my room, my mom and dad just left and the girls were coming over -

Thr-I hit the floor, stunned, still, and it came to me. Washed over me and drowned me in it so fast and all at once that I couldn't breathe. The last thing I seen with my eyes open, was Alison, and Hanna, Spencer and my parents through that glass wall, everything else I seen when eyes closes and my mind opened.

"Emily! Emily!"

I tried to open my eyes, to move my body, but I was held captive. Like my body was a shell, and I was stuck trying to crack it open.

The memories of the past, _my _memories came at me and I writhed on the floor. I knew that because I could feel it seeping through my clothes, clammy and cold and damp. They started from the beginning, my childhood, growing up with my parents in Rosewood, meeting the girls, becoming best of friends, Alison's death-

I was stopped when I came to my feet, not by will, but by pairs of hands holding me up and I screamed.

"No, stop, you should have left me!"

"What the hell are you talking about? Emily you were going to die! You heard what Charles said, three seconds and your heart would have stopped." Caleb still had his arm under mine, but he was trying to hold me at a distance, to get a better look at me.

My head dropped and I closed my eyes trying to summon back the rush of memories, I almost had them all, I was so close.

"They came back to me, Caleb," I met him with watery eyes, and looked through the wall, "my memories, they came back."

"Oh how endearing," Charles mocked, "now, I'd suggest you stay away or else the only that'll come back to you is the pain."

Mona stepped beside me and started not through the wall, but at it. "This isn't supposed to hit the market for years, how did you gain access to this technology?"

"Mona," Toby asked, "you know what this is?"

"Ah, yes, I forgot that you are very resourceful Miss Vanderwaal. You see, when you have money and you know people who like it, then you have certain, how would I put this? Influence, I guess you'd say, on certain people. It's amazing what people are willing to see on the black market."

"Mona," Caleb tried his best to stay unheard by Charles, "what are we dealing with."

"If you look carefully, the wall isn't 100% transparent; if you look closer, there are silver microbes throughout the entire wall. This wall is a prototype for a military grade polymer that resembles glass. It's closer to Plexiglas, but it's tensile strength is 25 times more than Plexiglas, virtually impenetrable and has the ability to transmit images which is useful for camouflage, as we can see."

"Right again my dear, perhaps you've been on the wrong side this whole time? You should consider working for me, I would have great use of your skills."

"The only thing I'll be using my skills for is to take you down Charles."

"Wait, can you do that?"

"Yes," Charles added on to Caleb's question, "how do you plan on doing that?"

I stood motionless, able to rest my entire weight on my own feet again, staring at Alison, at my parents facing each other as much as they could with the restraints, and finally at my friends. It was darker on their half of the room but I could still see them breathing, but only slightly.

"I'll wager with you Mona, if you can as you say use your skills to get past this wall, then I won't kill you."

"If you fail, then you all die."

That didn't make any sense, "why would you kill your dolls Charles?"

Everyone looked at me sternly and I gave them a small nod, we had to play like Charles in order to get to the other side. So I asked again.

"C'mon Charles, you have us all in the same place now, why ruin what you worked so hard to have just to kill us?"

There was silence and then movement from the other side. Someone was standing in the dark of the corner, none of us noticed. But there he was, he had some sort of Bluetooth in and a small remote in his hand.

"You made a valid point Emily but you see, dolls don't fight back, they don't lie and," he turned to face Alison, and he shouted darkly, "and they certainly don't hurt me!"

He pull on her chains until she was standing up straighter and with his other hand he grabbed her jaw.

"No, Charles, stop, don't you dare!"

"Or what?" He growled.

"You have no leverage, look at your situation, you hold nothing over my head! You have no idea what it was like to grow up alone, with your whole family with their back to you, your own mother wanting nothing to do with you as if you were a pest, a stain she so badly wanted to wash away."

"And what do you get by doing any of this? What can you possibly gain by having us here like this?"

"Simple, Emily, I'm surprised that you haven't figured it out, but then again, with your condition," he motioned to his head, trying to look through the glass at me,"I assume that must prove to be rather difficult."

"Charles your family turned their back on you for what you did, and what you continued to do. You could've turned that around at any time, but you chose this, you could've had a family but you-,"

"But I what!" He spat at the wall, clenching the remote in his hand and stretching the muscles in his neck. "That was stolen from me," he emphasized, "by your beloved, my very own little sister," he mocked with clear disgust heavy in his voice.

"I got out of Radley thinking that I could have the chance to come home and instead our mother paid me handsomely to start over somewhere else. She paid me to disappear and I could see why. Everything my family cared about is sitting right there Emily.

"There world revolved around Alison and at first I was mad. But then it hit me, I could try to be Alison's friend, but when I failed, when CeCe wasn't able to bring her to me, I had to take things into my own hands.

"I went from adoring Alison - my own baby sister - to wanting to take away everything she had. Everything that I wanted, that I _deserved. _And it starts with the people she loves. I won't hurt your precious Ali, but that doesn't mean I won't hurt who she loves, including her girlfriend's parents."

"What is your endgame Charles, you can't win."

"Maybe I can't, maybe I won't but she will pay. I will make you both watch. And maybe when this is all over, everyone on your side of this beautiful wall will soon blame you both and you won't have anyone left. Just like me. She will know what it feels like to have the people she cares for taken away."

"You're a sick bastard, go to hell."

"Hahaha, we're already here. Mona has 10 minutes to try to beat this barrier between us, if you can't do it, you will choose which one of my dolls," and he motioned to Ali and the others, "to be," he held his remote up for all of us to see, "played with, after all, you're all my new dolls now."

I backed away because I realized that he had pressed just one of the buttons on his remote and when he did...they looked up.

They didn't look at the wall. They looked through it. They could see us. Ali could see me.

"Alison? Ali!"

I tried but she looked groggy, weak.

"Save your breath, you can see each other, but they still can't hear you. But I gave you the pleasure," he pulled the earplug out, "to hear them. You will hear them as they writhe in pain and you will stay right there, useless."

"You are going to pay for this," Ezra said through gritted teeth.

"We shall see. But I'd tell Mona to hurry up if I were you. Time is of the utmost importance."

I watched my parents waking up to the new view in front of them, watching as they struggled to accept that they were seeing a reality. My mother cried out and my heart broke. I felt like I still barely even knew her, I had memories, but I couldn't remember the way she sounded until she yelled for me just now.

My father looked as if his world shattered, their was a glimpse of hope in his eye and I read his lips, it was same nickname from before, "Emmy." I wanted badly to run to them, to tell them that I was okay, I could hear them calling for me, and as badly as I wanted to shout back, I didn't.

Alison must have been heavily sedated, she barely stirred, but the others woke. Spencer tried to run forward, being yanked back harshly by the bonds around her wrists, Hanna shouting for Caleb, and Aria looking confused as she called Ezra's name.

Charles did that thing with his neck again, where he rotated it and flexed his muscles, like he was trying to tame something inside of him back.

Unfortunately, I was proven right as he whipped around and yelled for them to all be quiet.

Hanna spat in his direction and he threw his head back in a laugh, "you stupid bitch," and just like that, he pressed another button and all of their bodies jolted, muscles taut and straining, the faint humming barely audible.

"Stop, stop that!"

He turned to look me in the eye, "change of plans, Mona has 5 minutes. If not, then you all need to choose who gets the next dose."

I turned around, "Mona? Caleb? What do we do?"

"I- I," she stammered and I turned to face my friends, my family, and Ali, hoping that my face didn't betray me. We had to figure something out.

x-x-x-x-x

**AN: Omg okay so I had like opposite to a writer's block...I had like a shit-ton of ideas flood my head and the result was this shorter (but I hope not shitty) chapter as the second half of the one before. I (kind of) hate to leave you all hanging on this cliff again, but trust me when I say I will (hopefully) make it up to you in the next coming chapters which will be here probably after finals week...I'm talking second week of December people, sorry.**

**Anyways there are a few of you I would like to thank, I've been holding out on it, but you will be addressed in the next update. If you got a little tingly in your tummy, you probably know who you are! :)**

**Anyways, I had to truncate this chapter big time a few hours ago, and here I am, midnight, uploading this, hoping it'll hold you off until the "finale"**

**I had like a million and one plots unfold and I had to decide what to do with that stroke of genius. I apologize for the ramble, but you should know me by now. **

**Anyways, I love you all, never stop being you and wish me luck on my final exams, my life depends on it lol (also if I fail, I will probably be too depressed to tell you how Em and Ali's story end and what the fuck they do at the end of this chapter.)**

**Love, Lina!**


	28. Running Out of Time

**Emily's POV**

My heart started thumping in my chest and I knew that Charles was not bluffing. I knew instinctually that his threats were real and there was no doubt that he was serious. Either we found a way to disarm this James Bond-like wall or else Charles would hurt someone on the other side. And the worst part? He was going to make us choose who that was.

There was no hearing anything unless Charles allowed us to. Regardless of the fact, I don't think I needed to hear anyone to understand how scared we all were. I was holding on to hope but it was fading fast. I tried to get a grip but every time I thought I got a good hold of it, it started slipping away and I would think about what would happen if Mona and Caleb couldn't do this.

I looked up and forced myself to look at my parents. My mom was crying, leaning as close as she could to my father who I could tell was trying his hardest to keep it together, to stay strong, and to be okay so my mom didn't have to be. He met my eyes and made a small nod, like he was trying to convince me that we were going to be okay.

I sucked in an unsteady breath and my mind drew me in again, pulling me into the recesses of my memory, uncovering another lost document of my past that was filed away and labeled unreachable...and it was all Charles' fault.

From what everyone has said, I was the one to get the least mad or upset about things, the one among the five of us that tried to reason and solve the issues in the most peaceful way possible. Charles had told me I was weak because of it, and that he did me a favor by putting me through all of this all these the years; he credited himself for making me strong.

I _used_ to be peaceful. But there was no peace in my mind, I didn't even feel it in my heart. And even when we started the hunt for Charles, I _was_ willing to consider finding a way to restore his humanity: turning him in, reinstating him to a mental institution and do the "right thing." But that's not what I was feeling right now. Right now, I was feeling red, hot, boiling anger. Underneath the minute feeling of empathy for a man that had lost his way, was a stronger, less subtle hatred for the sick coward that was behind all of this.

"We're going to figure this out Em," Caleb tried to coax.

I tried to say something to him nothing came. There was really nothing to say, either we pulled it off, or not.

"How much time do we have?" I finally managed to speak, my eyes glued onto everyone on the other side.

"About seven minutes," Caleb answered.

"And are we getting anywhere?"

Mona cleared her throat and made a small move towards me. I recognized it as a cue to come over and so I did, reluctantly pulling my aching eyes away.

I knelt onto the cold floor, "what is it?"

Mona looked up through the wall at Charles and swallowed hard, "he's good, but he's not the best. Charles bought that on the black market, and there's no records on it but it belonged to the government during testing and somehow was 'lost' during transport to an unnamed facility but, with Caleb's help," she lead off, "I," Caleb jumped in, "actually hacked into the NSA, which I'm sure I'll be getting arrested for as soon as the realize there was breach in their system."

"Okay, but what does this all mean."

"I seen the trade happen and we were able to verify the manufacturers of Charles' stupid wall. I used the vin number to trace where it's been and found out that it was made by some company LCorp. Where I hacked that too."

There was a growing energy about them and Caleb continued to whisper excitedly, hopefully out of Charles' earshot.

"We found it Em, we found a way through it."

"Okay, great, how, what are you waiting for?"

"Well these were originally for interrogating high-risk prisoners and getting in their heads so I don't think there's a way to actually get through it but we have an idea."

"Which is?"

Mona checked over my shoulder and craned her neck lower, bringing her voice with her, "each individual has over a million pixels on it, thousands of copper wiring and at least one microcomputer, which means we can hack it."

"And what is hacking it going to do? Can you program it to open up like 'open sesame'?"

"No but if we can hack into it, we can access the processing system that acts as the camera to display the desired image. And once we get into that, we can override it and write a virus to overload it with millions of images all at the same time. The microcomputers won't be able to handle the command or sort through it and the integrated wiring should overheat the entire thing, frying it from the inside."

"At which point," Caleb nodded at Toby, "the wall's tensile strength should be weak enough for a bullet to shatter the entire thing like regular glass."

It sounded great. It sounded like a plan, but they didn't seem that excited anymore.

"Okay," so I shook my head, "then why do I feel like there's a but involved?"

Mona and Caleb both looked at each other, "there's not enough time."

**Alison's POV**

I watched Emily and the others work frantically from the other side of the wall. When Charles gave them 5 minutes instead of 10, she crawled as close as possible and sat there, cross-legged and broken, looking at all of us with that crinkle above her brows, her fingers nervously playing with the others.

At this point my heart was already in the pit of my chest, but now, seeing the love of my life hurting, my heart just beat painfully, reminding me that every breath I was taking was counted and could be taken away in the blink of an eye. That my entire world, all 5 feet and 7 inches of beautiful mind, body, and soul that sat 15 feet away trying everything she could to save her family, to save me, could be taken away. Charles could rip every dream away from me in an instant because all I ever wanted was a life with Emily and now he was acting as if she was his, as if she was something to be had.

I struggled to orient the room each time I moved but I kept my eyes trained on her.

"_C'mon Ali, stop being such a chicken."_

"_I am many things Emily, but a chicken is not one of them!"_

"_Sure, I'll believe that when you jump. Just jump already!"_

_My feet felt glued to the plank beneath me, toes slightly curled tight and my knees were locked._

"_Em, you know I'm not the best swimmer," I groaned._

"_Well of course not, because I am, but just jump already, I'll be right here if you need me."_

"_Promise?"_

"_Always."_

When I opened my eyes, Emily's back was turned to me, all their heads huddled together over a laptop.

"Ali," Hanna's hoarse voice pulled my head in her direction.

I looked around and met her gaze, "Hanna? Are you okay?"

"We could ask you the same thing, how'd you get here?"

I winced as the binding dug deeper into my sensitive skin and turned as much of my body towards my friends and Em's parents as possible, "um, we tracked Charles down. After we left the hospital in Oregon, we came home. I went to Mona and we found Charles' record from Radley and we found Wren and god, my head is pounding-,"

"Okay, relax Ali," Spencer hushed me, "it's okay, they're going to figure this out."

I nodded and looked at all of them, all five of them were in this because of me.

"I'm sorry, all of you, I'm so sorry."

"What, Alison, stop. We don't blame you sweetie," Pam tried to console me. Em's dad was the first of the Fields to know and he accepted Emily's choice more graciously than Pam, and in midst of things it meant a lot to me to hear this from Em's mom. But just because they were willing to look past it, doesn't mean I was.

"But I blame myself. Charles is my brother, I decided to go after him alone the first time, and I knew how much Em loved me, I should've known she'd try to follow and all of you were just trying to come and get us, because of me, I can't let any of you get hurt, I'd never forgive myself, I knew Emily would come for me, she loved me-"

"Loves," Wayne corrected. His left eye was almost swollen shut and the corner of his mouth was covered in dried blood, and small smile playing at his mouth.

"What?" It could be real or it could've been all in my head, so I had to hear it again.

Mr. Fields coughed and I watched his stomach contract from the pain, "you said she _loved _you, and I'm correcting you, she _loves _you Alison. She just touched that godforsaken wall just to try and be closer to you, knowing that it would hurt, but you should have seen the look in her eye. She wouldn't have gotten so lost like that if she didn't care for you deeply."

So I did hear him right, but why?

"I could see it in her eyes before even she could, and I still it. The way she looked at you when you were together, and the way she was looking at you now is no different than the way she'd look after you when she thought no one else was paying attention."

"Mr. Fields, Emily's heart is the biggest I've ever known and seen, her love is the purest there could be, but I can't allow her to get hurt because of me."

"I'm afraid that's a choice that you alone can't make for the two of you, that girl on the other side of the room there is my daughter, I know her. Whatever she loves she'll fight for, and I'm telling you she loves you. And your friends are smart, they'll figure this out."

"Oh how touching, it's amazing what lies desperation produces in dire times. Oh Ali, c'mon sis, you can't seriously be buying that garbage, don't they know the truth? That dear little Emily doesn't have her memory? She can't possibly know that she loves you, especially not enough to endure more pain."

"You keep my daughter's name out of your mouth," Wayne shouted, an anger snarl on his face. "Why don't you untie my hands and fight me like a man?"

"A man? You mean a savage? There are more ways to beat a man than with a fist. And in a few minutes you're going to see exactly what I mean."

"Don't you dare."

"Or what," he spat, venomously. "Don't forget who's in charge here, I have all the control. I decide what happens next, and I think it'd be in everyone's interest if you kept that in mind."

Charles walked over, closer to us and I was disgusted at how much he looked like Jason, how much he resembled _my _family, and even more disgusted with the fact that he had my family all here with him now, pulling the strings, like we were his puppets.

Just then, he snickered and crouched down, leveling his eyes with mine, "ah sweet baby sister-"

"Don't you dare call me that," I spat in his face, watching with hard eyes as he wiped it and forced a closed-lipped smile.

"I could be good to you Ali. You and I can still be a family you know."

He was trying to get in my head, I know this was just the beginning.

"Over. My. Dead. Body." I managed to keep my voice low and controlled, and my teeth clenched; masking the terror that kept and bubbled inside of me.

"Careful sis, that might be sooner than you think," he almost sang as he dug around in his pocket for a small device with 7 switches on it.

I kept from asking what it was, but he caught my eyes on it, teasing it in front of my face.

"You see this? This is one of my favorite new toys and do you want to know why?"

He stood up and walked back, looking at all of us.

"It's like the panel of switches and buttons you all used in our first dollhouse. You know, where I had all your pretty faces on it, and you were strapped to an electric chair – you all were. You should all remember this game right? You had till the time ran down to choose who got a little shock, if you didn't choose, then you would get it."

He paced in front of us, back and forth, "you have to remember that right Hanna? Aria? Spencer, surely you and all your smarts has not forgotten. Or," he waved the switchbox in his hand, "should I remind you all what that burst of energy felt like?"

Beside me, Hanna and the others squirmed, he made us all play, and each day since we were rescued, it haunted all of us, wondering if the others knew what we did…and we had been given our answer.

"Although to be completely transparent, when I pulled you in to decide, I never really had any of the other girls there, I just wanted to watch how easy it was for all of you to betray and hurt someone you claimed to love so easily."

"You motherf-,"

But it was too late for Hanna, Charles had pressed a button and her body went ramrod straight and in the corner of my eye, I could Caleb across the room screaming but drowned out completely. I could tell he wanted to hit the wall, but from what Charles said, it could kill them.

"Stop, Charles please, don't hurt them."

But he wasn't listening, everyone was screaming and Hanna's eyes started to roll back, "HURT ME!"

That got his attention. He turned only his neck to me and held the switchbox in his hand up, releasing one of the buttons. Hanna's body slumped as far as it could down the wall and he chest heaved in pain, barely moving at all. But she was okay for now.

A red, tear streaked face that belonged to Caleb shook and called to her. And I bet he would've stood there yelling her name until she woke up if not for the two pairs of hands that grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back.

"Charles," I said somewhat breathlessly, "you don't have to do this."

"I'm sorry but I think you've missed the point. I _do _have to do this, and I _will._"

"No," I said quickly, trying my best to keep my voice low. The other side could still hear us even if we couldn't hear them. I had to think on my feet.

"No?"

"No," I confirmed, "you don't. What if there was another way? A way to, get back at me and still have everything you ever wanted. That's what you really want, right? To hurt me? To get revenge…but I know – I know you. I know you still want to be a family. That's why it's hard for you to do this right?"

I had to keep going, I could see the hard edges soften ever so slightly, intrigued, and thinking about what I was saying.

"Alison," Aria warned me, "what are you doing? You can't – "

"Yes," I looked at her, hoping to see in my eyes that she had to be quiet, that they all did. I was trying to buy the others as much extra time as I could. And the only way to do that was to believe what I was saying to convince Charles.

But to convince myself, I had to drown their protests out.

"_Ali, can I tell you something?" Emily whispered to me and I turned to face her, watching as she started nervously around the tent at everything but me._

"_Em, of course, just tell me."_

"_I just want you to know something."_

"_Okay, what is it?" She finally looked at me and scooted closer to me. The tent we were staying in for this camping trip was big enough for 6 people, but everyone had brought their own. One for every couple._

_She unzipped her sleeping bag and sat up, I followed her lead and did the same._

"_Em, don't scare me, is everything okay?"_

"_Yes, of course, sorry, I'm not trying to scare you, don't be scared," she laughed nervously and I followed suit again._

"_Well then, spit it out."_

"_Okay okay," she sighed, "I just want you to know that I'd do anything for you, you know that right?"_

_I had no idea where this was coming from, so I asked her._

"_Nowhere in particular, I was just thinking you know…I have loved you for a very long time, and I don't know, being with you finally has made me happier than I've ever been and I think you should know that I would do anything I could for you."_

_My heart swelled and I closed the distance between us, my lips melded perfectly against hers, both warm and soft and smooth. Gentle against mine, but violently taking the breath from my lungs. My hands rested on either sides of her neck, making their way down her back to pull her closer to me._

_Emily pushed me back gently until I fell against my pillow and she straddled me, breaking the kiss to toss her hair over one shoulder and kiss me back._

"_Emily."_

"_Hmm?" She hummed against my neck._

"_I'd do anything for you too."_

"_Good, now shutup and kiss me."_

"I'd do anything…you wanted." I grimaced as little as I could, the words tasting like bile in my mouth.

"You're lying!" He started to walk away, so I tried harder.

"NO! I'm not, I promise. Look at me, Charles look at me. You know what I love the most." What I didn't say was who.

I focused any leftover energy on not looking at the chocolate brown eyes that were searching for mine. She could hear me now. They all could hear everything.

"I'd do it Charles. I've disappeared before, I can do it again. _We _can do it together. Yeah," I kept going, thinking about ways to tell him everything he wanted to hear.

"I'm listening." He stopped where he was and turned on his heels to face me.

In my peripheral vision, I could see Emily shaking her head, looking confused and hurt and trying to get me to look at her. But I couldn't.

"You want to hurt me, but if you hurt them, then nothing you could do would matter to me, and you'd hate that. You want to see me suffer every day and you can do that, there's another way. By letting them live…without me! Let them go and you and I can leave, you can watch me wanting to be with them and you can go away knowing that they'd never find me, not again, you're too smart Charles. Today was a…mistake! Yeah, it was all a mistake, they think they outsmarted you but you _let _them find you, you wouldn't let them do it again though right?"

"I make the rules." He said to himself so much to anyone else.

"You make the rules Charles, you make the games that only you can beat. You can take me with you and I'd be your family, I'd have no choice, because my family is all gone now, they're all here and you could hurt me by leaving them here without me. C'mon think about it. You would be a better brother than Jason."

At that, something inside him snapped. He started pacing and his hands clenched into fists at his side, "brother, she called me brother," he whispered barely loud enough for me to hear. "Run away, let them live, no let them die, make them suffer…make her suffer, leave them here, without her, with me…family, brother," he murmured a string of nonsense and started butting the heel of his hand to the side of his head, "think," he growled.

"She's lying, no she's not. She's playing with my head, my head, MY HEAD!" He stopped pacing and put the control box in his jacket. Shoving his hands in his hair and squeezing, pulling his hair at the roots, leaning his head back and rotating his neck, his fingers deftly scratching his scalp.

"You're lying to me," he said angrily.

"No, I'm not Charles, I pro-,"

"You _promise? _Ha, well Mommy promised too. She said she'd come back and get me out. Daddy promised that he wouldn't be mad when he found me, but he told Mommy. Jason promised me we'd be brothers forever and then they brainwashed him! He forgot about me. They all forgot about me."

"But I won't Charles."

"LIARS! All of you. Liars, you all lie, liars must die, you all lie, liars, liars, LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR!" He started to scream and shake and he turned into something else, someone else.

"Come here Charles, time to take you medicine. Mommy can't love you if you don't take your medicine. I promise you can come home soon. Charles be a good boy, I know you didn't do anything wrong, Mommy believes youuu." He mocked in a different voice, trying his best to make it sound like our mother.

"Mommy was a liar. Liars lie and liars must die."

"No Charles, you don't have to-"

His voice got incredibly deep and echoed along the walls, "LIARS MUST DIE!" A rage filled his eyes, his pupils blown out and left eye slightly twitched.

"Mommy lied, so Mommy died. Charles made Mommy die. I made CeCe kill her for me. She was a liar."

_CeCe?_

"CeCe did it?"

"You know she did, no more games." And like a switch, Charles was under control again…for now.

And as if to indicate as much, he cleared his throat and fixed his suit jacket, standing straighter, chin up, back straight, eyes no longer distant, but still just as cold as before.

"Speaking of games, I do believe it is time to see if you so-called friends are ready to play…after all, it is their turn."

I grit my teeth and struggled against the binds again, "if you so much as touch a hair on her head I swear to God-,"

"God," he scoffed, "oh, Ali, there is no God for people like you and I; your threats fall on deaf ears."

My hands clenched and I would give anything to have them free so I could strangle the last bit of breath out of him.

I threw my head back, intentionally hitting it against the wall in frustration. The pain distracted me briefly, until I brought my head down and made the mistake of looking up.

And my eyes went where they always have, straight to her.

**Emily's POV**

I assumed that everything Alison said was a ruse – that her plan, was just that, a plan to trick Charles. But she sounded so convincing.

"She has to be," Ezra tried to comfort me, no doubt that what I was thinking might has well been written on my face, and he continued, "to get him to trust her and to buy us time."

Just like her first plan in the first place, to find Charles alone. She had been convincing then too. She broke my heart then.

"Where are we now?" I tore my eyes away and tried my best to drown out their voices too – her voice was dragging me with her.

Caleb looked up, droplets of sweat forming on his face, "I don't know if we'll make it in time, it's going to be close."

"How close is CLOSE?!"

Mona stood up and bit her lip, just to release and say, "we'd go a lot faster if you weren't hounding us every 30 seconds, honestly Emily we're doing the best we can, so just-," she looked around for the words before bursting out, "lay off!"

I swallowed hard and nodded, "okay, I'm sorry."

I took a deep breath and sat down, cross-legged.

_My name is Emily Fields. My dad's name is Wayne. My mom's name is Pam. I went to Rosewood High. I used to be a swimmer. My girlfriend's name is Alison. This is not a nightmare, this is real. I was in an accident. I lost most of my memory. I get flashes. Some of them I'm getting back. I will be whole again. I will be whole again._

_I will be whole again._

_I will._

_One day._

**No One's POV**

Charles checked the time on his watch and smirked to himself. He was winning, and rightfully so.

_I will always win, I make the rules, I make the games, I will always win._ He thought to himself, watching as Caleb and Mona scrambled to come up with a way to beat him. And behind him, his sister sat among her friends and her girlfriend's parents, helpless.

Still, the sound of her voice making an offer – _that _offer, rung loud and clear in his head. To him, Alison sounded like their mother, too calm to show any real emotion, words too planned to own any conviction. But her eyes – Alison's eyes – were nothing like their mother's. Not anymore.

Charles dropped his head and stared at Alison through the corner of his eye. _She's made you weak sis, they all have. You've gone soft on me. You'll be of no use to me now._

He looked up, wondering what the others seemed to be going on about, thinking to turn the sound on but remembering that he was going to deprive Alison of hearing her sweet Emily's voice…not until she was crying in pain.

"Oh would you look at that, you know what they say now, time really does fly by fast when you're having fun."

Charles watched as Toby looked up, eyes narrowed, fingers flexing into fists.

"Oh Mr. Cavanaugh, why the long face, aren't you having fun?"

Toby merely set his jaw and took a few steps closer, half a foot away from the wall.

"Charles if this wasn't between us, your ass would be paying for this."

But nothing fazed Charles, "and you all call _me _the monster? I've just been trying to have a little fun with you all, and all you've done is insult me and make threats. Now I don't think that's very nice, what about you?"

"What's nice is that when we get the wall down, there will be nothing to protect you from me."

Toby stood straighter and leaned even closer. Charles, amused, leaned in further too, asking in a condescending tone, "well if you're not having fun, maybe I should ask Spencer?"

At this, Toby went ramrod straight. Everyone else had heard it too.

"Don't you dare."

Charles bared his teeth, white and perfect, and nodded childishly, "but look at her, she looks so bored, and if you're not having fun, maybe she can have enough fun for the both of you?" He held the switch box up in the air and placed his hand under his chin, "hmm, now if I can just remember which button was for Spencer…hmm."

"You hurt her and I won't be sending you to jail. I'll be sending you to the morgue, and no one will care that you're dead," Toby spat coldly.

But again, Charles was unfazed, until it appeared as if a lightbulb went off above his head. Snickering and holding a pointer finger straight up, he exclaimed, "that's right, it was this one!"

And just like with Hanna, Spencer's body jolted violently, and went stiff as she gritted her teeth through the pain, until she released a blood curdling scream. Breath coming ragged and deep as his finger released the button.

Her forehead was adorned in beads of sweat and Toby was standing motionless, waiting for Spencer to look at him.

"Spencer, no, I'm sorry."

And even though Spencer could hear a word he was saying, she could tell just by the sad expression in his eyes that he blamed himself. She also knew that she could be heard, even if Toby couldn't be.

"It's okay," she breathed out loud, "it only tickled," she laughed with a sharp stabbing sensation in her side, "a little."

Toby reached his hand up to place against the wall but was stopped just in time by Emily.

"Trust me, it's not that fun."

But he was so wrapped up in the fact that he was so close yet still so helpless. It was the worst feeling he could ever imagine. All he wanted was to rub the roughened pads of his thumbs across Spencer's cheeks, and hold her in his arms, and never let go.

"We need to get them out," he said as he backed away slowly, "we need to get them out NOW!"

"I'm trying everything," Caleb shot out, "this isn't like hacking into some old computer for Geek Squad! There are firewalls after firewalls, encryptions written that I've never seen before. If there was a way to do this faster, I would've done it already. It's not like all of these are connected. I can't just take one down and boom," he gestured with his hands, "the freaking domino effect happens."

Mona sat up straight at that, "wait, that's it."

"What?" Everyone asked.

"Caleb you're a genius! You got it."

"Mona, are you having a psychotic break? I got what?"

She set her tablet down and scooted closer to him, huddling us all together, "you said that it's not like all of the firewalls are connected and you're right but what did I say that every single panel had in it?"

"Well what we're mainly focused on is the microcomputers."

"Exactly. Look around, do you see any ports or wires that has our barrier 'plugged in'?"

"No," Caleb was starting to catch on, "it's wireless."

"This is amazing and all," Ezra spoke up, "but for the rest of us, do you care to fill us in on why stating the obvious is helpful to us right now?"

"It's so simple it's stupid. This – this 'wall'," he air quoted, "displays images using an internet connection. Now for it's intended users, they'd have their own server room and own internet access just for that. The shit I'm dealing with now would be a piece of cake. However, Charles didn't know that, therefore this wall is connected to whatever network Charles has been using."

"The cameras," Emily stated, "so they _are _all connected after all."

"Sort of," Caleb's mind was reeling, his hands poised over his laptop, a slight shake in his wrists, "the only thing is that hacking this wall through wi-fi is basically like opening up a doggie door for an elephant to crawl through. Once I get in, dozens of firewalls and pop ups are going to open and it could potentially shut down."

"That's a good thing, then."

"No Em, it's not. If that wall turns off, then there's a snowball's chance in hell that we'll be able to break through to the other side."

"I don't care, just do it already. An elephant doesn't need a doggie door to get to the other side of the wall, it just needs to charge at the wall and break through it."

Sighing deeply and sitting up straighter, "you're right Em-,"

"Well, I knew you'd start having fun now Cavanaugh," Charles said with so much charm, it was no wonder he kept getting what he needed from people – he was believable, "because look at the time!"

Charles faced Toby's side of the wall and then deadpanned, "95 seconds left."

There it was again, that split second where Charles assumed another one of his identities, dropping the one before for later.

**Emily's POV**

We're going to do this, I thought. But it was hard to think straight – it felt like every time I blinked, I got a flash of my life playing behind my eyelids. They were mixed up: glimpses of my childhood, dad leaving to be stationed overseas, mom forcing me to make empanadas with her even though mine always came out wrong, moving to Rosewood, meeting each of the girls, trying out for swim, getting my first job. They flashed and shimmered in front of me yet I didn't feel like I owned them. They didn't feel like mine.

It was like I watched movies where I was the star. I searched and could recall these images but I couldn't feel them. It was like walking up to a mirror expecting to be able to touch my face just by touching the glass.

I don't know the kinds of things I would think about before all of this happen but I'm sure I never imagined what it would feel like to be a stranger in my own body.

I would've kept thinking about this but Mona excitedly jumped from where she was kneeling, and yanked at the collar of Caleb's shirt, whisper-yelling something about whatever they were doing.

I ran over immediately, "what? What is it?"

But I was ignored as they tapped furiously at their tablets. I searched Toby and Ezra's eyes for answers but Ezra merely wrapped his arms around my shoulder and pushed me gently behind him and Toby.

"Stay behind us Emily."

"Mona, we're running out of time."

"I know, I'm almost through. I just need-,"

"Regardless of what you need, you have 30 seconds. And I'm not daring to test Charles on his word right now."

"I know," she hissed, beads of sweat I didn't notice before starting to slide down the side of her face with a few beads poised above her brow.

"I know," she repeated, to Caleb, "I know," she repeated to herself.

Caleb opened his laptop, "if I did this right, as soon as you get in, I should be able to control the electrical circuiting to the entire wall."

"Well there can be no ifs."

I peered over Toby's shoulder just as he cocked the hammer to the gun back and readied it in his right hand down at his side.

"What are you planning on doing with that?"

He barely even flinched a muscle when I spoke to him, his eyes trained hard and steady at the barrier in front of us.

"When the time is right, I'm going to blast that wall to pieces and then do the same to Charles."

This was it, I was counting down in my head, just reaching 5 seconds, watching from a distance as Charles flexed his fingers over the control in his hand.

"Looks like time is up," he smirked.

"Now," Mona yelled just in time for me to watch Caleb bring his hand down harshly over some keys.

I had just enough time to see the shock and…fear? in Charles' face before the wall seemed to hum and then silence. Charles said something but we couldn't hear him and our faces said as much.

"What just happened?" I asked trying to get around the men in front of me. Ezra held me again, "it's for your own good, we can't afford to have you get hurt again."

Something of a growl escaped my lips before Mona came to join me, "we did it Em, he can't hear us. We got in."

I looked up and could see the anger start to boil under the surface of his skin, it made mine go cold.

"What next, we have to get inside, we have to get through!"

"Caleb is in control, all he has to do is plant a virus in the system, the sensors that deliver the electric shock with over heat, the computer chips will begin to get extremely hot and assuming the entire thing is made up of some sort of polycarbonate, the heat will make it more permeable."

"English, what the hell does that-,"

"It'll get so hot that we can shoot our way through."

Just then Charles started to bang at the wall, a snarl settled perfectly at his mouth.

"Caleb," Mona asked nervously, "how much longer."

"It's taking right now, the virus is working, at the rate of infection and the amount of hardwiring in this…go Toby, go now!"

Mona turned around and covered her ears, Caleb and Ezra both raised their arms as a shield, but I stayed frozen. This. This was it.

Toby raised his arm, right at Charles and the familiar sound of a gunshot went off.

Followed by the sound of cracking glass under pressure.

Charles moved in what looked like slow motion.

Another gunshot.

The sound of glass shards falling like rain.

Then I heard them. I heard them all.

But not before Charles got to one of them first.

x-x-x-x-x

_**AN: wow it's literally been almost half a year since my last update I think and I won't ramble on for too long, but this break was really about me finding myself again and finding a way to reinvest myself in this. It took me extra long because I had to get back into the headspace I was in when writing this, I almost had to relearn what I wanted to happen in this story. Not to mention the fact that – idk – I really had a hard time remembering what it felt like to do something that I love…for myself…I want to talk more about it, because I love you all and I think starting conversations about issues in our society is how things get solved.**_

_**Anyways I hope you aren't too mad about this cliffhanger as well, I swear I have a blank document up and ready and I'm writing the next chapter as you are reading this. I'm so excited to be on summer break and have some free time to get back to this and my other stories. I appreciate all the loyal and patient supporters I've had over the years, you know who you are. I started this story when I was in a very dark headspace – emotionally, mentally, even physically – and I'm ending it soon on what I feel like is a touch of happiness that I've finally found in myself. I hope this resonates with the last few chapters and gives (for those of you who like them) a happy ending to my favorite (published) story.**_

_**BRB, Lina**_

P.S. let me know who you think Charles got to first! *gasp*


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